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Asking for money has always been an issue with me - a big reason why I gave up self-employment. I've been hassled a lot at work in the last 2 years to assist my European counterparts, which means more travel away from my wife and kids. The sub-boss of Europe has asked to meet with me tomorrow. I know he'll be pushing for me to increase my travel range outside the UK and expects it to be inside my current job setup. My equivalents based in Europe take-home salary is roughly double mine, but I hate confrontation and know I'll ask followed by a diatribe of useless information including some important points put across in a factual manner that will come across as demanding and arrogant. How do I do this successfully? Any and all advice would be appreciated note: they do not know I have ASD.
Warning this is a LONG POST In the past I have posted posts and started treads where I have spoken all about my views on people with various forms of Autism who 'show' their condition more than myself or some of my friends. This may have made me seem a little judgmental and unfair, but the truth is that I am far from those kind of things indeed. For example, I have a VERY close friend (we aren't together in case you were wondering, long story) who is not only a member of the transgender community but is also OS (Objectum Sexual, or at least I think that what it stands for) as he (for he was once a 'she' and a VERY macho one at that) is into robots, such as the Transformers and RoboCop and so will often use his toys (which he will often play with like a big kid) for sex for he has told me that OS people believe that objects have soul (an interesting concept in any case) and so thus he feels that when have he uses his toy of say Megatron, he is having sex with him. Otherwise my friend is perfectly verbal, can go out on his own, is streetwise, is VERY clean and tidy (more so than me), can fix computers and do repair work on robots (he once worked behind the scenes on 'Robot Wars' as a volunteer for his uncle worked on the house robots for the show) knows a number of kinds of marshal arts, among other things... I am not judgmental towards him one bit as I feel that he has 'proven' himself to be a good friend. Granted I (and my friend) find it difficult to cope with those who have much lower functioning ability than I have or those who engage in far more 'challenging behaviors' than myself (I used to hit people, but I have stopped now, I only bellow when I have a meltdown now) as I tend to 'judge' people by their actions or behaviors and thus I expect people to act 'good' all of the time, even when they don't feel like it. However my friend also knows his limits and so has long ago given up the idea of going to work or leaving the care company he is in, for he has a short fuse, is very strong, has no qualms about beating someone to a pulp, see's himself as something of a superhero and would most likely find himself in prison if he went to work and go involved in office politics. Anyway I digress so now onto the point of my discussion. My friend, although having a number of robot partners also has a boyfriend called Luke. Luke is in his 30s, has a number of degrees and works full time. However he still lives with his mum and dad, who have kept him at home as he has a lot of 'immature' or 'Autistic' behaviors, suchs as drinking out of coke bottles like a baby would, sticking his fingers in his ears when talking and also closing his eyes. On top of that he doesn't change his underwear and hangs around with a man called Tim, who he likes to go bus and train trips together. This would be fine save for the fact that when the bus is late Tim kicks off and calls the bus drivers (as in all of them not just the one driving the bus at the time) 'pedos' and runs away yelling 'bus drivers are pedos!' and sticking his fingers at them. Luke is in the habit of following Tim when he does this, in some of the roughest parts of Liverpool.... For a while me and my friend thought that it would be a good idea that Luke be allowed to leave home and live on his own. But when we last met him we also discovered that as well as being unwilling to change his ways he also is totally unable to defend himself as he does not know what to do if someone tried to attack him. Granted I'm not the greatest fighter in the world (I come from a middle class background) but even I know how to push a thug to the floor and then run away! Like on the other hand just let my friend take his phone when we tested him. Now we feel that he should not be allowed to go out on his own or go to work, as he is THAT vulnerable. This reminds me of a girl I once knew who was VERY naive, would over spend on her credit card and get herself into all kinds of situations where she'd have problems with her co-workers. If I had my way I'd have had her kept on the premises of the group home she was living in and only allowed out with staff, banned from contact with certain members of her family (she did not get on with them) and forbidden to go to work. This is not me being sexist or saying that people with ASDs should be forbidden from following their dreams, but rather in cases where the person is vulnerable enough more measures (than those which exist already) should be put in place to keep them safe.
I have high functioning autism and presently work in a well-paid engineering/construction job where I am really struggling with office politics. My whole team disrespects me because of my poor social skills and I’m feeling incredibly depressed because of this and feel I have no choice but to resign. I am also seriously considering giving up my career because I know I could take up a similar job but will sure enough experience the same abuse and again be forced to resign. I wonder if there are others on the spectrum here who decided to give up their career and how they feel about things now? I know whatever I do it’s not going to pay as much as my current job, where I earn about £60k/yr. I’m thinking about jobs that don’t rely so much on social skills, such as a cab/train/lorry driver or even home based online work, which would be ideal. I'm even considering online trading. I realise it might seem like a big step backwards but the money doesn’t compensate for the depression. I have been suffering depression for a long time and it has progressively gotten worse the last 4 years I’ve been with the company. My depression was bad even before at my previous jobs and when at University and school where I was bullied. I was also treated horribly by my family who I now live apart from. I have no friends. I am feeling depressed about what the future holds, but it must be better than how I feel right now. If things don’t work out job wise, plan B is to move to another country where living costs aren’t so high and spend my savings of which I have close to £80k. I could probably survive on that for 7 years and live OK. I don’t spend much and I have no plans to get married and have children. The other thing I’m factoring into my decision making process is that I’m not sure I’m going to live long. My family has a history of heart problems and I’m experiencing problems now and I’m not even 30. On top of that I also have ADHD-PI and severe psoriasis (on my face and all my body).