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About reppac

  • Rank
    Salisbury Hill

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  • Gender
  • Location
    North West UK
  • Interests
    science, the brain, music, child education, snooker
  1. Hmmm. Good question. It went well, but for the wrong reasons. Turns out he wanted help with some sales stuff as current sales person has just quit. After which he asked my opinion of sales in my dept. He then asked me to take over the sales roll. Bit of a left-field proposal. He thinks I have the skills. Personally I disagree (if you are unsure lookup "worst jobs for Aspies") and considering the current situation of my department, the sales roll needs a big hitter right now. He looked disappointed and tried to change my mind Following day we had another meeting where I suggested I could fill in until they find a big hitter (good experience, always nice to try and challenge a stereotype). His eyes lit up. He said great. I said there are caveats. He said he had a plane to catch and lets talk this week. So we'll see how it pans out from there. Cheers
  2. it does help - thanks
  3. Asking for money has always been an issue with me - a big reason why I gave up self-employment. I've been hassled a lot at work in the last 2 years to assist my European counterparts, which means more travel away from my wife and kids. The sub-boss of Europe has asked to meet with me tomorrow. I know he'll be pushing for me to increase my travel range outside the UK and expects it to be inside my current job setup. My equivalents based in Europe take-home salary is roughly double mine, but I hate confrontation and know I'll ask followed by a diatribe of useless information including some important points put across in a factual manner that will come across as demanding and arrogant. How do I do this successfully? Any and all advice would be appreciated note: they do not know I have ASD.
  4. Done a good job? You've done a great job! My heart goes out to you. I am low on the spectrum and high functioning and I know what I put my parents through, so you must be shattered. Do you get any down time? Is there anyone else to care for him, groups, etc??
  5. Hi Troy, welcome to the forum. The pressures of social acceptability are far greater for your age group than they were for ours, and being told to hang on and not rush is not the answer you were hoping for. I think most of the people on the site have experienced similar circumstances as yourself and many have got there in the end, although maybe a little slower that their hormonal teenage self had envisaged. I am to be included in that but its necessarily a discussion for public viewing. Keep an eye out for a PM.
  6. georgiapiano - that's a great definition. Oman5 - welcome
  7. welcome to the forum. Yes there are quite a few of us out there (in here). I am able to get by, especially in set piece circumstances where all people I meet have a recognised function within my world bubble. As soon as I step outside the bubble, such as being introduced to random person with no perceived function inside my bubble I am lost in a world of what ifs and what nows, slowly retreating either physically or mentally. Yes there is a uniqueness, I do things others don't (3-piece suits are great by the way - Double Breasted 2-pieces are even better) and yet cannot do simple things others do (like hold a conversation with a stranger for more than 2 sentences without wandering off on a soliloquy or standing in awkward silence). But there is also a yearning to be part of the crowd. Hope you find what you are looking for here
  8. Welcome to the forum - hope you can find a place of refuge and companionship here. I appear to have got diagnosis a little quicker than most. I came to the point through anger management. I am not violent, but was concerned I may become so, and I have kids. When explaining this alarms went off everywhere. Suddenly mental health, social services and everyone got involved. I managed to calm them all down before they encroached upon family life and freaked everyone out, but they were all to willing to help. During one of the early sessions ASD came up and it was quickly decided that ASD anger required specialist help and diagnosis became the priority. From what you say, I wonder if this route may help you. However, it may have just been lucky to have worked out for me, and I have to say when child welfare and social services started calling I did start panicking, although they said they could not intervene unless I requested it or if I was perceived as a dangerous threat to my kids. As all they had to go on was what I told them, they had to leave me alone. Good luck, and don't give up.
  9. Trekstery: thank you! The nas site I have already struggled to find something suitable in the area and wrote to them for advice a couple of weeks ago - no reply as yet. Using google as you recommend has been fruitful so thank you. When I was told there was nothing suitable for me, and NAS agreed with it, I gave up. So thank you for pushing me on.
  10. Thanks for the reply Confused Traveller. You are not alone in your thoughts. My GP initially refused to refer me for diagnosis as he believed it was not possible to have ASD and be married. Its not been an easy ride. Married at 38. I can now see many relationships broke down because of my ASD traits. The biggest help for me is what you alluded to in travelling. I was self aware enough to know something was amiss, seeing how others conversed with ease, whilst I was the easiest person to bully as I had no idea how to deal with it. I went to university, which meant starting life again with no baggage. This allowed me to reconstruct myself. It was a help but only slightly. I then had the fortune to go on a student exchange for a year to America. This enabled me to do it again - with much greater success. Additionally the English accent has a natural attraction for American women, and Americans are much less reserved than the British so I learnt a lot about communicating there. Which meant when I returned to the UK to start again, I was really ready for it. Being a professional DJ also helped - people appear to be drawn to perceived success, an entertainment focal point such as a pop star or actor are prime examples. The ultimate key was that I met my wife online. We chatted for years before meeting and only then did romance occur. In the first few years of being together, when we struggled talking going back online helped. Even if we were in the same room. I guess this is a useful route for Aspies - and one I would recommend to try. Using emoticons are great - you can look them up online, something that's hard to do with real facial expressions. However, relationships are hard work. My wife simply doesn't understand and tells me to pull myself together, get over it, etc. Naturally she wants a strong man to support her, which I try hard to be, but in certain situations I totally crumble such as noted above - someone else joining us on a shopping trip. Non-aspies look at such a meltdown as totally weird and can't get there head around it. My ability to explain is not very good, and also is appears naturally biased toward me as a victim. For example she noted I have become more angry since the possibility of diagnosis first arose, believing I was using Aspergers as an excuse for being angry. Actually it was the increasing anger that lead me to that point. The help I search for is not just for me but for my family as a whole. To help them understand me, so we can function more harmoniously together.. A second level of help is at work. As noted above, I almost got fired by heavily offending a colleague due to something I said. I was worried it was about to happen again a few months ago but fortunately has been brushed aside. However, having a diagnosis and having the correct tools to explain it to my work place, I am hoping will help avoid such situations in the future. A third is probably in the form of conversation, a back and forth communication helping me understand myself better, kind of like a brainstorming session. I hope this forum will be a big help in that department.
  11. A few weeks ago, aged 43, I received my Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis. Unfortunately immediately after delivering the diagnosis I was informed there is no help for diagnosed adults in the UK's North West, where I live. So I am almost back to square one. I have been given links and things to read, but I really need to talk to someone. Get an idea of where to go from here. I feel that 43 years of my life have been wasted trying to fix things when I could have been revelling in the talents that I have, but am only just now beginning to understand. Hopefully this forum will be a start. After years of trying to fix my personality and character traits, I have suddenly discovered I was going about it all wrong all along. As each day goes by and with each new article or post I read, I discover more about myself that links in. Here's my list - how does it compare with yours? (apologies for the length, I know long posts are frowned upon on most forums, but hey - skip it if you prefer. Hope it is an enjoyable read.) Control Freak - an absolute need to control and plan not just my life but everyone else's (and everyone else just loves it when I butt in). Change Meltdown - my eyes gloss over and my mind hits overdrive whilst I try to come to terms with a change in the plan. I am going shopping with my wife - but now someone else is coming too. That wasn't in the plan! Aaaaaaaaarrggghhhh!!!! Poor working memory - writing lists seems like a great idea to get past this, but turns out to be a nightmare, as I forget each point just as I start to write it. Prospective Memory - inability to remember to do anything. I have alarms on my phone to remind me to eat lunch and dinner. Drives my wife crazy. I can easy drive 50 miles past a turning without realising I was supposed to turn. SatNavs have saved me! I am not just late for meetings, I simply don't turn up and realise hours or even days later (or not at all). Social conversations - do I really need to go into this? I just feel like I am not there. I can be the centre of attention making everyone laugh and be having a great time. Then within minutes find myself lost, with no idea of what to say or to whom. I really hate this. Social Situations - a completely overriding fear of everything and yet nothing in a potential social situation. This totally controls my life and is the main area I have tried to change, with hypnotherapy, NLP, counselling, drugs. I was a professional club DJ for over ten years, but can I get on a dance floor with my wife? No chance! No no no no no. And I hate myself for it. Its not fare on her. I really despise it. Loner - I have friends but none I can call "best friend." Over the years I have scared people off or drifted apart without knowing what to say, or even that I should say something. For the most part people must think I am weird, eccentric is the nice term, and those that deal with it do so, but I guess most eventually leave me alone. My closest friends live in other cities - I think distance/lack of daily contact, may be key to me keeping friends. No Flirt - "my friend isn't interested, will you please stop flirting with her." "Errr, I am not flirting." Retreat into corner. Lots of Flirt - on a few occasions in my youth I discovered girls had been flirting with me for up to 6 months without me having a clue. One quicker example was in a club when my friends left without me, figuring I was preoccupied with a girl. To this day I have no idea who they were talking about. Arrogance - I suspect many people think I am arrogant. I think I pass on information in a manner unsuited to the situation and puts me in a bad light. Bit confused on this one. Me, Myself and I - stunning ability to go on about myself, or things that have happened to me, or will happen to me, or my clothes, or my hair, or my friends, or something I saw etc. See below (and above). Collecting - seems to be a general ASD trait, but lots of people collect and I am not one of them. Ok, so I have over 50 pairs of shoes, but just 50, not 500. The difference appears to lie in the manner of the collection, or how the collection is treated. I have lots of music (was once a professional club and radio DJ). I do not consider this collecting. However I have designed my own rhythm notation and order my tracks according to their main beats as described by my notation. Apparently this is unusual. Detail Spotting - if something small is dropped, it will always be me that spots it first. I can pick out tiny details in seconds. This has pros and cons. Total focus - on one hand I can have phenomenal focus at the cost of everything else. I become totally unaware that anything else is happening except what I am focusing on. I can go for a day without eating, or stopping. Easily Distracted - on the other hand, if the environment is not perfect (no music, nothing moving like birds flying past the window, no interruptions etc) and I am thus unable to get into The Zone, I am distracted by anything from a cloud to a thought. I will then go off on a mission to follow the cloud or thought and then another tangent and another and, have I told you about my first pet fish? Sounds - I note many Aspies have issues with noises. I do also, but not in a negative way, its in a totally consuming way. Having music on whilst doing something else like writing this is a total no-no. I'll just get lost in the high hats, or the bass line. Making out as a teen with romantic music lead to several misconstrued situations of apparent disinterest. Photosensitivity - I wear Reactolite glasses and my prescription sunglasses are the darkest available tint, despite the optician trying to persuade me otherwise. Extremes - I am in or out, very little in between. I failed an exam at uni, told the Professor immediately and he laughed saying all students think that. I got 26%. He took pity and I resat gaining 100% - his first student to ever score so high. He offered me a job. Dr Spock - my childhood hero. He was the only person in my world that I got. I could relate to everything he said. After reading inside this forum, I suspect a number of Aspies will relate to this. Whilst others were wondering if Jim Morrison was reincarnated into their body, I was considering how Dr Spock could pull it off. Anger - the frustration of not dealing with situations explodes inside my head. I have two very young kids and this is becoming a serious issue in my own head. I can feel it inside and am so scared one day it will boil over and I'll do something stupid. When looking for help in this area a councillor suggested Asperger's, and so the diagnosis process began. Incorrect Phrasing - just saying stuff wrong. How many times have people looked at me like I am crazy? I almost got fired after writing an email explaining a situation. Friends read the email and jaws dropped, "you wrote this without getting fired?" I had no idea what was wrong with the email. It was just facts. Simple. A friend wrote a guide on how to write emails in future. Still have my job, so guess it worked. "Cheer up" - so many people have said to me so many times I look miserable when I am really happy. Dead Pan - a good friend said to me the other day she has no idea when I am being serious. A quick ask around and apparently everyone thinks this of me. I guess facial expressions are not my forte, yet I think I wear my heart on my sleeve. Confusing. Repetition/Perfection - any idea how many times I have read this post before actually posting it? 18 at time of posting. I'll re-read it a few times after posting also. Ecstasy and Empathy - took ecstasy (MDMA) in my twenties. Totally changed my life. I remember very clearly sitting in a club and connecting with the feelings of the person I was talking to. This totally blew my mind. I sat there thinking I was telepathic or something. I told a friend later that night and she explained it was empathy. I am still not very good at it, but at least I know it exists now. Did you know it was two ecstasy researchers that independently invented the world "empathogen" (Ralph Metzner and David E. Nichols)? I note that some autistic researchers are planning the first study using MDMA treatment. thanks for getting this far
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