anger and frustration

[lynyona]

Hi i was wondering if anyone as any ideas.I need some advice about my son k who is 20 ASD.i have posted about k before he stays in 24/7 playing on his xbox 360.The thing is he doesnt grasp the winning and losing concept and if he loses he gets really angry and starts shouting and hitting things.While he calms down again once he starts winning it is getting more and more frequent his outbursts and he will start aguments with his brother and neither back down so it could go on forever.i was wondering if anyone can tell me of anything that calms their child.I realy think we are going to have to go down the medication road for his own good as well as th rest of the household.The thing is he hasnt got a consultant or specialist and no longer comes under cahms now due to his age, and i have read on previous posts that it usually only consultants that will medicate.Do i go to my GP and see if he will prescribe something(but he s not seen him for years)or is there some particular person that the Dr could refer k to.your experiences would be gratefull.

 

 

lynn

[JsMum]

I would look at a gp appoinment to discuss his behaviour and treatment options, but I want to post as I know that there is other organisations that may be able to support you as well and wondered if you know of them the first one is MENCAP they have a variety of services and support and can offer you further referrals and support services.

 

J is only 9 but we have to limit Js computer times, 1 hour and we have a timer that bleeps five mins before the time is up and then it goes off again after 5 mins so he can save the game.

 

J also has a punchbag and also incorperate some relaxation in his evening, a bath, supper and a story and some cds and relaxing music.

 

I understand your son is 20 years old but something similair could be incorperated.

 

Some support looking at anger may be effective too, feeling angry can be scary and that fuels anger too.

 

So some books that explain anger and some anger management at home.

 

A chart on the wall of what to do when we are angry and how we can control it, this is good as a visual aid and very effective when anger is in the moment as its very difficult to think when we are angry.

 

 

Websites that help children deal with anger are great way of both looking into anger as well, J and I had lots of fun doing this and J enjoyed doing this with me.

 

Limit his games and maybe some sports and activities may help him cope with his aggression.

 

JsMum

[lollypocket]

Hi,

 

I have no advice I am afraid as my Son who is 4.5 is the same and gets really angry. He throws things and will run up and bash the TV if he is angry. How it has survived this long I don't know.

 

Js Mum I am curious about these websites that deal with anger - can you tell me any of the addys for them?

 

KW

[board]

hello my dd6 is like this she is just sarting social and emotional awareness class its a 10 week course for children with asd and adhd each session is divided up into various activities an example of which is news round -discussing good and not so good news from the previous week warm up game craft activity break drinks and biscuits and opportunity for play or socialising role play endings they allso take them out to cafes or bowling where possible we try to give an experience of such things as using public transport mybe they have got same things in your area all the best jill

[jb1964]

Hi Lynyona,

 

Can't really offer any advice - my 13yr old daughter is much the same - whether it be Xbox, PC or DS. She gets extremely frustrated and aggressive - and it's pretty scary (we have a little one - 3yrs) - can't imagine what it would be like having a 20yr old boy.

 

We do however, implement time restrictions on all her games/pc etc - she's has to have regular breaks each hour for at least 5 mins and is only allowed on them up until 8.30pm on a weekday (9.30pm on weekends - and only after getting dressed etc in the mornings).

 

It is so difficult if they are on a game that has time limits etc - or specific saving stages (in fact I would probably say these are the worst kind of game for frustration) - and find that sometimes I have to bend the rules for 5 mins for this. I also have to keep saying X it's 8 oclock - only half an hour left and then count down every 5/10 mins etc.

 

As for meds, our consultant wouldn't prescribe them as my daughter is under 16 - although I don't think it specifically has to be a consultant especially as your son is over 16, I'd make that appointment with your gp.

 

Take care,

Hope you get somewhere soon.

Jb

[oracle]

David 19 can still get very angry with games but not nearly so bad as he used to. Matthew is also getting that way to David sort of grew out of it so maybe it's a maturity thing - which I hope does not sound awful. But maybe your son is just going through a stage now that David did a couple of years ago. ASD is after all a developmental delay. David is 19 going on 12.

 

When David was at his worst I just stopped him from playing - you can imagine how that went down But it got to the point that I had to. I also depends on how much they can understand and take on board. David understood that I would not let him play while he continued to trash his room or use something as a punch bag. We had to find something that took the place of the aggression - he found heavy metal music worked - oh joy - for him mind you not us. But I did run with it because it was me saying find something to do that is acceptable. With David it came down to Zero tolerance which sounds really harsh but he was ruling the house and we were all terified of upseting him. So I bit the bullet. It had to be me as he took no notice at all of anyone else. It was hard - very much so but eventually we turned the corner.

 

Carole

Edited September 19, 2006 by oracle

[lynyona]

That sounds exactly the same as kieran. Even the 19 going on 12 id not thought about that.He is a lot younger than his age.I am going on a much needed holiday on saturday for two weeks with my mum, but when i come back i think i should really try and implement some sort of groundrules because also as you have said his gaming takes over the whole house including the tv which he plays on ours because it is bigger than his but that in turn stops us watching what we want to watch.My eldest ds has always said ive let things go to much just to keep the peace and stop in getting in to major meltdown tantram mode.Which is easier than spending all day trying to calm in down. wrong maybe but it usually works.

 

 

lynn