Am I being unreasonable? no lunchtimes now

[stressedmumto2]

This is gonna be abit long so apologies before hand.

 

My son has recently just started at another mainstream. To beging with before the summer hols he went every other afternoon for 2 hours. After the holidays he started back for 2 hours to begin with the school then wanted him to come in for 1 hour in the morning then for me totake him home and take him back for his two hour afternoon session. We tried it and it didn't work very well, it was too much change so I asked schooltoconsider him staying for lunchand adding time that way sothat he would just start earli8er rather than me taking him home,picking him up etc.

 

The school agreed to it and he was allowed to start from 11.30am till 3pm, which was fantastic, he was settling well but had a few rocky days. The first one was he refused to go in for the first time earlier but he did go into school at 1.00pm so I think it was just change to routine etc.

 

The 2nd incident was he kicked the ball hard at lunch and it went into another school's playground, because my son thought he would get into trouble so he run off, he stayed within the schoolgrounds and eventually come down from where he was.

 

The 3rd incident happened on friday. The head teacher told me there was no trigger but the the SENCO told me she felt it was because he was frustrated in the lesson. Where he's missed so much education and the other children had been learning shapes for a week when he is not there (morning lesson) he went to answer a question and got it wrong The TA told him nice try and went on to explain that it's not a problem as he's not been learning the stuff and told him not to worry, she asked him if he wanted to leave the room as she could see he wasn't able to handle it and go in the chill out room but he just said he wanted to go home, eventually he run out of the room, he told me he run to the chill out room but there were other children going in there so he went in a few other rooms and then out intothe playground and up into their nature trail area, he would not come down and was using a threatining manner. Eventually he picked up a big log and threatened to hit the 1-1 with it, she told him she would call the police if he never put it down, so he ran through all the playgrounds again to where I was waiting for him, he was still holding the log. Eventually he gave it to me.

 

The school acted fairly I would say and vey good about it, I was contacted immediatly and I cannot fault them(well apart from the police bit). But they still don't have an understanding of him. They said they have lots of autistic children in their school so do not need any advice on how to handle him when he runs off. They wont listen tome when I say that he has learnt that using threatining behaviour is a way to make people back off, instead they think it's so everyone can watch him, he is completly oblivious to people around when he is going into one apart from those who walk in his path or try to talk to him.

 

So the out come is now he's excluded from school for 3 days for running off and threatining behaviour at a memebr of staff the schoolhave also said that when he comes backit will just be for afternoons again. I think this is unfair because he doesn't learn the same way as other children and I don't think he should be taking steps backwards, what do you think. Am i being unreasonable? I am thinking of writing to the governors as he's meant to have 2-1 support anyway, he is going to find it hard for a while and with him he can explode at any time due to being frustrated in any way, if he misses much more school it is only going to make matters harder for him. I think the school are notthat bothered as they know I will be going to tribunal soon to try and get him into residential and the LA want him to goto a local school.

 

Please help any suggestions welcome.

[bid]

Sorry Stressedmum, I realise it's very hard, but I think it was perfectly reasonable for the school to exclude him if he threatened a TA like that

 

I work in a residential special school, and that kind of aggressive behaviour would not be tolerated in a special school either.

 

Just like all children, our children need to learn about the consequences of their behaviour, and what is acceptable and what isn't.

 

Bid

Edited October 15, 2006 by bid

[smiley]

Hiya,

 

I can see both sides of this one...

 

I can understand how a school cannot (and shouldn't) tolerate any kind of threatening behaviour.. BUT... I would be asking why your sons chill out room wasn't available to him and i would be asking them not to frighten him (ie the police). I don't know your son, but i know if my son was feeling overwhelmed and could not go to his 'safe' area he would become very anxious and would probably try to run. If he then felt threatened (ie police) he would become violent.

 

It's a tricky one <'> with no easy answer. The school having experience of autism if fantastic , but must not be confused with having an understanding of your son and his particular needs.

 

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[stressedmumto2]

Thanks guys, I totally aggree in some ways with the exclusion. I wish in some ways there was another method but he was frightened and when he feels threatened he willuse threatining behaviour to get people to back off. I know he's no angel. I'm just annoyed by the lunctime and now having to go back to just a 2hr afternoon sessions. I feel he should either be excluded for 3 days or just excluded from lunch not both, surely after the exclusion is over why should he suffer more.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I agree that threatening behaviour cannot be tolerated, but surely threatening calling the police is likely to scare, resulting in possibility of situation escalating. Wouldn't it be better to explain consequences ie "if you hit me with that you will hurt me - that's won't change ...", then offer a solution. Just a thought.

 

C.

[stressedmumto2]

Thanks cmuir, I did try to tell the school this would further escalate his behaviour, but because they have autistic children in their school they think the one rule applies to all. I think, tbh they have prob not had a child like him, even though he's asd adhd he just comes across very badly behaved. I know he shouldn't be in that enviroment but what other choices are there and he has been getting or really well and trying very hard.

 

If they've read his notes and taken it in and listened to me then they would know he needs help to get him out of the situation rather than expecting him to remove himself, also he's a child that does not want to appear different, he wont even go out of the room now to do his reward time, so he's not really being awarded when he is behaving well, even though this is his choice.

 

I am not having a dig at the school, really I am not i'm just peed that the cycle is starting again and I think it is unreasonable that we go back to 2 hrs in the afternoon as I think he will prob just want to give up on going to school, part of his progress is wanting to mix with other children and be sociable.

[phasmid]

Sorry Stressedmum, I realise it's very hard, but I think it was perfectly reasonable for the school to exclude him if he threatened a TA like that

 

I work in a residential special school, and that kind of aggressive behaviour would not be tolerated in a special school either.

 

Just like all children, our children need to learn about the consequences of their behaviour, and what is acceptable and what isn't.

 

Bid

 

 

Yes there should be consequences for his behaviour but, they're punishing him twice and THAT is not on. He is being punished by being excluded. That has been accepted by smt2 and rightly so. What should not be happening is the double whammy of removing the morning session as well! That is not fair on him at all.

 

They have given him the consequence of his behaviour - fixed term exclusion. If the removal of the morning session is because they cannot handle his difficulties then they are on very dodgy ground. Even criminal law doesn't punish twice for the same offence!

[darky]

hi love, personaly i think you are right. with a school thats not named on his statement having to deal with him and a pending tribunal that may put him elsewhere, i think the school are just doing what they can to hold on until everything goes through. i think they know they are not going to ultimately going to be responsable for him so are going to do the bear minimum, which in my view isnt very fair, but i wouldnt mind betting the schools hands are partly tied by the LA.

 

you know how hard it is fighting for a school that is dealing with the kids full time and expected to do for the duration, so where you have one school that isnt likely to deal with your son for much longer, who has only had him for a short time, then i think you get the picture of what im saying. the system sucks big time. all the fighting all the time. the kids missing out and getting damaged in between.