does anyone else find this?

[claire33]

My son has never been much of a one to mix well especially with other kids, and if he did they where younger, if you looked it might seem like he was playing with them but its more a case of playing alongside them and not paying much attention to them at all.

However i know that when k is in school he is alone in the playground everyday, and although it breaks my heart to think that he is all alone he doesnt seem to mind, i think its due to him acting differently the other kids are frightened of him and tend to stay away or hit him, cos they cant understand him(he constantly runs around reinacting his films, computer games and making strange noises)

However when i collect k from school he always tells me he has played with this one boy, I think that maybe he honestly does believe that he is playing with him when he actually isnt.

 

Does anyone else find this?

 

Sorry i am new to this k has adhd and is awaiting assesment for as

Edited November 11, 2006 by claire33

[sara8478]

Are you sure he is not actually playing with him?

My daughter doesnt mix well at school , but had one friend who she would play with everyday , this girl understood her personality and kind of gelled with her, although unfortunatly she left last term so she is alone again.

[claire33]

Are you sure he is not actually playing with him?

My daughter doesnt mix well at school , but had one friend who she would play with everyday , this girl understood her personality and kind of gelled with her, although unfortunatly she left last term so she is alone again.

[/quot

No definately not infact the boy in question along with some others is quite mean to k now

[sara8478]

It is heart breaking , my daughter came home crying because she really want to get involved but due to her inabilty to understand proper social rules and childrens perseption of her nobody would allow her into thier groups to play.

[Bagpuss]

Claire,

 

Our youngest dd would always give us a name or names of children she had played with a playtimes. We were so concerned about her coping at playtimes when she began school that we went and observed her, without her knowledge, to put our minds at rest. She seemed to cope ok, sometimes joining in on the edges and other times happily alone doing her own thing. As I said, each day when she got home from school we'd ask what she did, who she sat next to at lunch, who'd she'd played with etc etc...trying to keep it casual.

 

It wasn't until we did the Early Bird Plus course that we were having a group discussion about playtimes etc and how difficult children with ASD find these times, lack of structure, etc. Our dd's TA piped up that our daughter was abit of a loner at playtimes, that she'd attempted to join in, but had difficulty keeping up (she has MD aswell, so cannot run well). The TA also said that when the rules of the game changed our dd couldn't understand it............no surprise there then

 

TBH, I felt heartbroken, and struggled to keep the tears in. When I got home I had a good cry. I hated thinking of her struggling to try and join in or keep up with people. If she chooses to be alone, then great, we had no problem with that, but we felt so sad about the times she wanted to join in and struggled to do so.

 

I think children with ASD will struggle in situations like this. If your son is happy to be alone, then try not to worry too much. In his mind he may feel he has a connection with the other child, and that they are friends. Maybe the friend feels that way too.

 

Take care <'>

[claire33]

Claire,

 

Our youngest dd would always give us a name or names of children she had played with a playtimes. We were so concerned about her coping at playtimes when she began school that we went and observed her, without her knowledge, to put our minds at rest. She seemed to cope ok, sometimes joining in on the edges and other times happily alone doing her own thing. As I said, each day when she got home from school we'd ask what she did, who she sat next to at lunch, who'd she'd played with etc etc...trying to keep it casual.

 

It wasn't until we did the Early Bird Plus course that we were having a group discussion about playtimes etc and how difficult children with ASD find these times, lack of structure, etc. Our dd's TA piped up that our daughter was abit of a loner at playtimes, that she'd attempted to join in, but had difficulty keeping up (she has MD aswell, so cannot run well). The TA also said that when the rules of the game changed our dd couldn't understand it............no surprise there then

 

TBH, I felt heartbroken, and struggled to keep the tears in. When I got home I had a good cry. I hated thinking of her struggling to try and join in or keep up with people. If she chooses to be alone, then great, we had no problem with that, but we felt so sad about the times she wanted to join in and struggled to do so.

 

I think children with ASD will struggle in situations like this. If your son is happy to be alone, then try not to worry too much. In his mind he may feel he has a connection with the other child, and that they are friends. Maybe the friend feels that way too.

 

Take care <'>

I feel the same i just wish i could be sure myself that he is okay when he is alone.

I wish he would tell me how he feels!!!!

[claire33]

It is heart breaking , my daughter came home crying because she really want to get involved but due to her inabilty to understand proper social rules and childrens perseption of her nobody would allow her into thier groups to play.

My k is an outsider looking in all the time, but i dont hink he minds, ithink i get more upset with it than he does

[loupin]

My son is 6 and has asd. He used to sit in the playground or reenact his play station games by himself. His school at the time just watched and did nothing to encourage any socialisation. If anything they just looked at him as if he was too wierd to bother with! We moved him to another school who see play time as very important and they spent weeks going out with him and encouraging class games. Eventually the class started to play out together and almost physically take him and mind him. Now he is comfortable being himself with his peers and they are comfortable with who he is. He knows that he can join in if he wants to and that the others help him. The school is very autistic friendly! Your sons school really should be watching him and playing alongside him and the other children.

I have read through a lot of your posts and you really are having a tough time! I have found this forum fantastic for help and support. I have just pushed and pushed for everything that I think that i need for my boy. If people dont do things that i feel my boy needs then i make a nusiance of myself until they get bored of listening to me!!

Take care <'>

[oxgirl]

My son has never been much of a one to mix well especially with other kids, and if he did they where younger, if you looked it might seem like he was playing with them but its more a case of playing alongside them and not paying much attention to them at all.

However i know that when k is in school he is alone in the playground everyday, and although it breaks my heart to think that he is all alone he doesnt seem to mind, i think its due to him acting differently the other kids are frightened of him and tend to stay away or hit him, cos they cant understand him(he constantly runs around reinacting his films, computer games and making strange noises)

However when i collect k from school he always tells me he has played with this one boy, I think that maybe he honestly does believe that he is playing with him when he actually isnt.

 

Does anyone else find this?

 

Sorry i am new to this k has adhd and is awaiting assesment for as

 

 

At primary school my son used to walk around the playground with one of his boy bugs, following the lines on the ground and was totally in his own world. If anyone came over to him he'd usually tell them to go away! As soon as the bell went it was a little girl's job to run and get J and take him in to help him with his shoes before the rush. J used to say this little girl was his 'friend', but she wasn't really. She was kind to him and helped him with his shoes, but she wasn't his friend, he never had any friends.

 

~ Mel ~

[LizK]

It's hard isn't it? <'>

 

My son is a bit like this. His school has a buddy system so he has a special friend each day which works well but he still is sometimes on his own at playtimes. However I think he often needs time on his own at playtime to be on his own, to assimilate what has gone on in the morning and to be allowed to be autistic and forcing him to interact with others if he doesn't want to I think could be counterproductive. It's hard sometimes not to push our own values of what we see as friendship on them. He finds the playground too busy at lunchtime so after 10 minutes he goes into the classroom with his lunchtime friend (the kids queue up to do this!) and sometimes they'll play together, sometimes Adam will want to be on his own.

 

Then there are other times when he does want to play and I find it heartbreaking the fact he does want to be sociable but doesn't know how to. If we go to playground I see him looking longingly at other children but not having a clue how to join in. I think that's actually harder than having a child who doesn't want to interact. Like your son Adam's concept of what a friend is is different too. Someone giving him attention for 2 minutes or playing chase with him for 30 seconds is enough for him to think they are playing with him

 

Liz x

[claire33]

It's hard isn't it? <'>

 

My son is a bit like this. His school has a buddy system so he has a special friend each day which works well but he still is sometimes on his own at playtimes. However I think he often needs time on his own at playtime to be on his own, to assimilate what has gone on in the morning and to be allowed to be autistic and forcing him to interact with others if he doesn't want to I think could be counterproductive. It's hard sometimes not to push our own values of what we see as friendship on them. He finds the playground too busy at lunchtime so after 10 minutes he goes into the classroom with his lunchtime friend (the kids queue up to do this!) and sometimes they'll play together, sometimes Adam will want to be on his own.

 

Then there are other times when he does want to play and I find it heartbreaking the fact he does want to be sociable but doesn't know how to. If we go to playground I see him looking longingly at other children but not having a clue how to join in. I think that's actually harder than having a child who doesn't want to interact. Like your son Adam's concept of what a friend is is different too. Someone giving him attention for 2 minutes or playing chase with him for 30 seconds is enough for him to think they are playing with him

 

Liz x

K is abit like that when he comes home the first thing he wants to do is go straight to his room often forgeting to come down for food, i think he needs this time alone when he comes in sort of his chillout time after being in all the hussle and bussle all day.

[butterfingersbimbo]

yeah i think this is a common problem with our children.....its not so bad now with el, her adhd is better under control and she has a great sense of humour and this helps, however she is now into footie and its sad watching her play outside....on her own while the others play next to her.......sometimes its obvious she minds, other times she doesnt seem to care......it upsets me more i think.....

[Canopus]

This "old chestnut" of the school playground is a recurring theme. The fact is, it is the school at fault and not your kid.

[loupin]

This "old chestnut" of the school playground is a recurring theme. The fact is, it is the school at fault and not your kid.

 

I found out by moving my son how important the schools attitude towards asd or any other difficulty is. If you go and look at other schools not necesarily with the intention of moving him and just ask what they would be able to do and what they would do differently especially at play times i think you would be suprised. Schools have to be proactive in meeting the needs of our kids and that is not just in the class room. My boys first school only had dinner ladies outside at play times and they did nothing but mind the kids, maybe hold the hand of the sweet little girl! His new school have a teacher or a TA aswell,outside organising games if the children need input. They also have lots of equiptment avaliable for the kids to use. This is great for my boy as he can play happily by himself on a bike with out appearing different. We have never had reports at his new school of him Degnoming the playground!!( harry potter!)

[Tally]

My son has never been much of a one to mix well especially with other kids, and if he did they where younger, if you looked it might seem like he was playing with them but its more a case of playing alongside them and not paying much attention to them at all.

 

I am an adult with Asperger's.

I did this at school, and still do as an adult. I have also observed this in 2 children who I felt were different from other people, and a lot like me - before I'd heard of AS.

I do like being with other people, but without interacting with them, which other people find rather awkward.

It's not sad unless it makes your son feel sad. It's OK to not mix with others if you are happy not mixing.

[claire33]

Hi tally

 

Thanks for that, i just dont know how it does make him feel, he doesnt talk about it i just know it upsets me, he doesnt seem bothered by it i dont think, all he does mention sometimes is that the boys hit him, but ive been to the school already about this, its difficult trying to help him when he doesnt tell me whats going on its like going in blind folded.

Last time i went they said they would keep an eye on him and then she turned to k and said we dont know if you dont tell us now do we!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now come on

[claire33]

My son is 6 and has asd. He used to sit in the playground or reenact his play station games by himself. His school at the time just watched and did nothing to encourage any socialisation. If anything they just looked at him as if he was too wierd to bother with! We moved him to another school who see play time as very important and they spent weeks going out with him and encouraging class games. Eventually the class started to play out together and almost physically take him and mind him. Now he is comfortable being himself with his peers and they are comfortable with who he is. He knows that he can join in if he wants to and that the others help him. The school is very autistic friendly! Your sons school really should be watching him and playing alongside him and the other children.

I have read through a lot of your posts and you really are having a tough time! I have found this forum fantastic for help and support. I have just pushed and pushed for everything that I think that i need for my boy. If people dont do things that i feel my boy needs then i make a nusiance of myself until they get bored of listening to me!!

Take care <'>

Thanks i think i will start taking a leaf out of your book