oxgirl Report post Posted November 22, 2006 Does anyone elses child get really depressed on or around their birthdays??!! Jay is thirteen tomorrow and today he happens to be off school because I have a lousy cold and wasn't fit enough to drive him in. He's moping about weeping silent tears because he's not looking forward to his birthday!! He can't really put his finger on the problem, but I think it has to do with his over-the-top expectations of what a birthday SHOULD be and that somehow just getting some presents and having a cake isn't ENOUGH, plus he doesn't want to be 13 or get older. He doesn't want to be at school on his birthday (unfortunately, it's a full day for him tomorrow) and instead of it being a happy occasion he somehow manages to ruin the whole thing and turn it into a terrible ordeal! I can hardly talk today because of my throat, it's so painful and a struggle to have a conversation with him and I should be in bed anyway, and I just don't know what to do with him and end up getting exasperated. He's going to mope about all day feeling miserable because it's his birthday!! For crying out loud! (I would if I could). ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted November 22, 2006 Oh Mel <'> <'> Has he got anything planned for his birthday? I can't offer any real advice, as our 3 all really look forward to their birthdays, and I really feel for you and your ds, must be so hard. Take care <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pingu Report post Posted November 22, 2006 Hi Oxgirl <'> I thought it was only us that had this problem Now to complicate matters further. Kieran (AS/ADHD) Loves the thought of a birthday, although he looks forward to his sisters birthday more than his own, as hers is in june and we always get a bouncy castle and have a garden party. BUT My eldest (14 now) sulks like hell when his birthday comes around, and its the same with christmas and the new year. We never could understand why this was as its a time of celebration. but to him its the worst time of all. This year i took him out of school for his 14th birthday ( ) and took him to the York Dungeons. And we had a really good day, but its the first time in years he has enjoyed it, Mostly he mopes about and sulks all day. Christmas is fast looming and all he keeps saying is that he doeant want anything. New year is a nightmare and he cant handle the thought of the year changing. He always causes bad feeling around this time of year as he is intent on letting everyone know that he doesnt agree with time moving on. There have been many a pyschologist seen him over the years (mainly for the voices in his head) and all of them have come up with a blank as to explain his behaviour. Hes not autistc, (apparently) because he has good theory of mind, and good eye contact. but his problems in some areas mirror those of kieran who has AS. Intrestingly enough (and slightly off subject) i have been trawling through the jargon buster finding info on statmenting, and came across something called ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder ) witch actually fits him like a glove i cant believe i have never heard of this. But to get back on track Yes we have the same problem - only in a child that is """apparently""" completly normal. shaz Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat Report post Posted November 22, 2006 I tend to get depressed around certain birthday. Usually what I consider to be landmark birthdays - like the 13th. I was also blue on his 16th then his 18th and it will probably hit me again when he hits 21. The other thing that really upset me was the school prom because my son was not going But then I had to remember that he was not there because he did not want to be there - but it's still hard. I have so far not had these feelings with my youngest however he is 10 next year and for some reason that is starting to make me feel down to. Maybe because before that age they are still only tiddlers? Many children with ASD do not look forward to or enjoy birthdays and I tend to think that it's down to change. You may not look any older but your age has changed and they find that very upsetting. My youngest wanted to stop his birthdays when he was 6 and it took me a year to make him understand that birthday or no birthday on 'that' day he would be 7. Maybe being a teenage is a big internal issue for you son even though he may not realise this himself. Maybe a day off to tomorrow would help him and you - you never know he may wake up with a runny nose <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BusyLizzie100 Report post Posted November 22, 2006 (edited) We're having a birthday tomorrow too! DS2 is seven and is totally excited and totally upset about the whole thing. I'm really not sure what to do, whether to celebrate or just let it pass quietly by! He seems to be excited by the presents etc, and we've learnt to give him what he expects or else he just keeps on about it afterwards (fortunately his tastes aren't too expensive!) but he hates hates hates people singing happy birthday to him, or even making a fuss and saying happy birthday. I think it's because he can't cope with the intensity of it all. I guess we'll just have to 'feel' our way... Also, he wants to change his birthday, doesn't want it in November any more. Gets very cross when we explain we can't, then wants to know WHY he was born in November. Funnily enough, he was actually due in December... Happy birthday to Jay, and hope you feel better soon Mel. Lizzie x Edited November 22, 2006 by BusyLizzie100 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted November 23, 2006 Oh Mel <'> <'> Has he got anything planned for his birthday? I can't offer any real advice, as our 3 all really look forward to their birthdays, and I really feel for you and your ds, must be so hard. Take care <'> Thanks Bagpuss. Thankfully I was able to cheer him up in the end, but he flatly refused to take any cookies or cakes in to school to share, which all the others do! Expect they'll think I'm really mean!! <'> Nope, he hasn't got anything planned for the 'big day', he just wants his prezzies really. <'> Take care. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted November 23, 2006 Hi Oxgirl <'> I thought it was only us that had this problem Now to complicate matters further. Kieran (AS/ADHD) Loves the thought of a birthday, although he looks forward to his sisters birthday more than his own, as hers is in june and we always get a bouncy castle and have a garden party. BUT My eldest (14 now) sulks like hell when his birthday comes around, and its the same with christmas and the new year. We never could understand why this was as its a time of celebration. but to him its the worst time of all. This year i took him out of school for his 14th birthday ( ) and took him to the York Dungeons. And we had a really good day, but its the first time in years he has enjoyed it, Mostly he mopes about and sulks all day. Christmas is fast looming and all he keeps saying is that he doeant want anything. New year is a nightmare and he cant handle the thought of the year changing. He always causes bad feeling around this time of year as he is intent on letting everyone know that he doesnt agree with time moving on. There have been many a pyschologist seen him over the years (mainly for the voices in his head) and all of them have come up with a blank as to explain his behaviour. Hes not autistc, (apparently) because he has good theory of mind, and good eye contact. but his problems in some areas mirror those of kieran who has AS. Intrestingly enough (and slightly off subject) i have been trawling through the jargon buster finding info on statmenting, and came across something called ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder ) witch actually fits him like a glove i cant believe i have never heard of this. But to get back on track Yes we have the same problem - only in a child that is """apparently""" completly normal. shaz Hi Shaz, isn't it funny the things they get into their heads. What a shame your lad doesn't enjoy these special days. Take care. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted November 23, 2006 I tend to get depressed around certain birthday. Usually what I consider to be landmark birthdays - like the 13th. I was also blue on his 16th then his 18th and it will probably hit me again when he hits 21. The other thing that really upset me was the school prom because my son was not going But then I had to remember that he was not there because he did not want to be there - but it's still hard. I have so far not had these feelings with my youngest however he is 10 next year and for some reason that is starting to make me feel down to. Maybe because before that age they are still only tiddlers? Many children with ASD do not look forward to or enjoy birthdays and I tend to think that it's down to change. You may not look any older but your age has changed and they find that very upsetting. My youngest wanted to stop his birthdays when he was 6 and it took me a year to make him understand that birthday or no birthday on 'that' day he would be 7. Maybe being a teenage is a big internal issue for you son even though he may not realise this himself. Maybe a day off to tomorrow would help him and you - you never know he may wake up with a runny nose <'> I must admit, actually, that I remember being miserable on my thirteenth birthday. Didn't want to be a teenager. Then I was miserable on my twentieth, because I wasn't a teenager anymore!! Funnily enough, I was quite hoping he would be a bit poorly (just a bit mind you), then he could have the day off! ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted November 23, 2006 We're having a birthday tomorrow too! DS2 is seven and is totally excited and totally upset about the whole thing. I'm really not sure what to do, whether to celebrate or just let it pass quietly by! He seems to be excited by the presents etc, and we've learnt to give him what he expects or else he just keeps on about it afterwards (fortunately his tastes aren't too expensive!) but he hates hates hates people singing happy birthday to him, or even making a fuss and saying happy birthday. I think it's because he can't cope with the intensity of it all. I guess we'll just have to 'feel' our way... Also, he wants to change his birthday, doesn't want it in November any more. Gets very cross when we explain we can't, then wants to know WHY he was born in November. Funnily enough, he was actually due in December... Happy birthday to Jay, and hope you feel better soon Mel. Lizzie x Aw, hope your lad gets some enjoyment out of his day today. It's just a bit sad sometimes, isn't it, that they somehow manage to make what's supposed to be a happy occasion into something to get stressed and anxious about. Ah well, hope it goes well. <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted November 23, 2006 Mel, Fisrt of all, I hope you get well soon since being with a cold is a terrible feeling more so if you have to celebrate a birthday at home! M was also depressed before his 13th birthday and he didn't want to do anything. In the past he invited a couple of boys from the school but this year he has no friends and I suspect that it was the reason behind his bad mood. He had to be with his mum, no friends... , he preferred to ignore his birthday. Of course I celebrated it for him, but he didn't enjoy it as much as before. 13 is also a difficult age. They want to be treated like older kids and like toddlers, usually at the same time This year we did something entirely different, instead of staying at home, I took him to sightsee and have a meal in another town. Perhaps Jay would like to do something new for his 13th birthday? Happy birthday to Jay! and hope you have a very good day too. Curra XX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted November 23, 2006 Mel, Fisrt of all, I hope you get well soon since being with a cold is a terrible feeling more so if you have to celebrate a birthday at home! M was also depressed before his 13th birthday and he didn't want to do anything. In the past he invited a couple of boys from the school but this year he has no friends and I suspect that it was the reason behind his bad mood. He had to be with his mum, no friends... , he preferred to ignore his birthday. Of course I celebrated it for him, but he didn't enjoy it as much as before. 13 is also a difficult age. They want to be treated like older kids and like toddlers, usually at the same time This year we did something entirely different, instead of staying at home, I took him to sightsee and have a meal in another town. Perhaps Jay would like to do something new for his 13th birthday? Happy birthday to Jay! and hope you have a very good day too. Curra XX Hi Curra, thanks very much for that. <'> Yes, it is the same for Jay, he has no friends, so no-one to invite over or do anything with. He is terrified of getting older, just wants to be a little boy still. He keeps worrying about when will he be too old to play with Lego and when he is too old what on earth will he do!! He's still very young for his age really and just wants to enjoy his toys on his birthday I think, but it somehow ends up not feeling as 'special' as he expects it to. Not sure what he expects really. But he did seem cheerful this morning. I'm gonna make a nice cake now and hope that he's still cheerful when I pick him up! <'> Take care. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted November 23, 2006 el can be funny about hers too....i think she gets stressed out about presents and what she isnt going to get rather than what she is going to get...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
