gowler30 Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Hi There! I am in desperate need of some advice I have 5 children, boy 18, girl 16, boy 15 diagnosed with aspergers, girl 13 and girl 9. The 3rd youngest was diagnosed with apergers a few years ago. He has had a statement for special needs from when he started school for behaviour problems and received 1:1 at school. I got the diagnosis mainly because I needed help at home. I was in total shock when after 2 years of visits to the psychologist (camhs) to get the diagnosis, I was basically told "this is what he's got and this is how he will act, but you seem to be managing better than most, off you go." I was sure they would offer some kind of help, not sure what but perhaps behaviour therapy, anger management, something! I have managed, JUST! until recently. Over the last 6 months his behaviour has become increasingly worse, it feels like the nice bits are getting fewer and further between. He has become alot more agrressive and confrontational towards everyone, they have had to increase his 1:1 at school to full time so that someone is always available to take him out the way. He has shoved and pushed me and hurls abuse about 2cm away from your face. it seems that his attitude is now I'm nearly 16 i can do what i want, when i want and I'm as big as you, so you can't stop me. He reacts to anything thats not exactly what he wants to do, he uses any oppurtunity to do stuff he knows he shouldn't. (i mean even the couple of minutes it takes in the bathroom, he'll be doing something) Most of the aggression was aimed at me so for the last few weeks i've been making him go to school when my husband leaves for work beacause i was getting abuse the minute his dad went out the door. I just couldn't deal with it every morning and had the younger ones to get ready aswell. This worked for a couple of weeks but now he has started behaving the same towards my husband . We just don't know what to do. He leaves school in June, we are finding it impossible to get him into a specialist college, because although he has full time 1:1 he is in a mainstream school. They are talking about him going to the normal college, but how can they even imagine this will be ok. How can he need full time support 1 day then none the next, We are at breaking point , he is becomming increasing unmanagable and we can't see any way forward. The only reason we are coping at the moment is because of the break we get whilst he is at school. I don't know how i am going to manage in June, and if his behaviour carries on as it is I don't think i'll last even that long. Help!!!! Please Has anyone got any ideas??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reuby2 Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Hi Gowler, Sorry to hear you are having a rough time, my son is 8 so i haven't any experience yet of teenage situations but sending you lots of <'> <'> <'> and someone will be on here soon who can give you some advice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted January 4, 2007 oh no it sounds like you are having a total nightmare!!! am not sure what to advise tbh cos the only thing that stopped my daughter being violent was meds, and they really have helped but she is willing to take them. i would panic if she refused to take them.... have you tried getting onto the NAS? they have aphoneline that might be worth a try? sending you big hugs <'> <'> <'> it was bad enough with el at aged ten never mind a big teenager... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Hi welcome to the forum.Sorry you are are having such a difficult time.I have a son who is 9 so am not at your stage yet.However I know others here have experienced similar behaviour with their teenagers and I am sure they will have some ideas.The only thing I wondered about was whether you could ask Camhs to review the situation in view of the change in your son's behaviour.Regards Karen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gowler30 Report post Posted January 4, 2007 The only thing I wondered about was whether you could ask Camhs to review the situation in view of the change in your son's behaviour.Regards Karen That was one of the 1st things i considered. Unfortunately when i contacted camhs I was told that although i could ask the doctor to be referred again, it would be very unlikely he would be taken back on as he allready has a diagnosis and the traetment of ASD is not their responsibility I have also seen the doctor and explained the situation. He told me that the practice manager would have a look into it and get back to me. That was 2 months ago!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mother in Need Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Hi Gowler, I know exactly what you are going through, I have more or less the same situation with my AS son. The only difference is that because he is on meds, he is a bit more controlled and his rages don't last that long. And I am not so lucky as to have a partner to help out, but then, I only have 3 kids, not 5. And my son is regularly seen by a psychiatrist and clinical psychologist, which is what you need. OK. I would think your priority is to get him on to those medicines. My son is on respiridone and it is the only reason we're all still reasonably ...what's the word...alive...coping..well, only just.... I have the feeling you know what I mean. I am assuming that your son is doing his final GCSE year. This will create an enormous amount of stress for him, and one he cannot cope with, increasing his behavioural problems enormously. Somehow, maybe you can reduce this stress somewhat, this obviously depends on how cooperative school is, on how detailed and useful his statement is, and on how much energy you have left to FIGHT, because that is what you'll have to do to get the situation changed, both at school and to get him on medication. First step is to go to the GP and explain the situation, preferably while crying your heart out (it seems stupid, but this seems to make a big difference). Give your GP a letter as well, detailing as much as poss, preferably with a detailed diary of his behaviour included; this will ensure that ALL will go on file (it is amazing how very little they actually write down after one's visit...) and that you get to cover all that you want to; this letter of yours will then most likely be copied and forwarded to the CAHMS specialist, so the clearer and more comprehensive, the better. If there are other people who know your son and have seen his behaviour, get them to write a letter as well; the more the better! As for school, as I said, this'll depend on their cooperation (but then, they must be desperate as well), and on what his statement says. After a nearly 2 year fight, my son's college is now quite helpful. I hope this helps a little, feel free to PM me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynyona Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Hi Gowler I so know where you are coming from my son is 21 in May.He left school when he was 17 and he is now at home 24/7 as we tried college but he couldnt cope with it.He to gets so angry at the slightest little thing that doesnt suit.He argues with anyone that answeres him and an argument could go on for weeks if i didnt tell the others just to leave it to get the argument finished.I am really thinking about medication but getting the Dr to prescribe anything is another matter ,as he doesnt have a specialist and is to old for CAMHS now.But there s logic in my thinking if i went back to the DR who actually listened to me and got the ball rolling leading to a diagnosis i may have some luck.But i keep putting it off as i dont really want him medicated but i have read a lot of positives about it and if it made him a bit calmer life would be so easier in the long run lynn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gowler30 Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Thankyou all so very much for the advice. I've phoned the doctors and made an appointment, I think writing a letter will be a good idea as you always seem to forget bits when your talking to the doctor, and think oh god i wish I'd told him that. Fingers crossed, that might get him seen by someone and possibly medication. It helps hearing that I'm not the only one going through it. Just had to deal with a big paddy from him this afternoon. I think the school will be supportive, because they are complaining of exactly the same problems, although you never can be 100% sure with the schools. They do seem to chop and change their opinions to suit. Anyway, thanks for the advice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Hi again I am sorry that it does not sound as though Camhs will be helpful.I am also a bit puzzled as to why Camhs do not feel they have a role beyond Dx as they have helped others on the forum in similar situations.The other people who may be worth contacting are the Autism outreach team-the school may know how to contact them.Have you had any support from any other services in the past ? Karen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gowler30 Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Hi When we were in contact with Camhs they didn't that he would respond to anything they had to offer. we were told that there were no medications available. They did say that they might set up a behavior classes and would contact us, but instead we recieved a letter saying they did not need to see him anymore. The emotional and behavioral outreach worker did go to the school to visit him, but because he was rude and abusive decided it wasn't working. We also had the autism outreach worker come to the school to give advice to the teachers and to speak with him. This was only once every few months and for some reason this stopped happening, not sure why. I know the school have tried to get her to come back out several times and she hasn't attended the last couple of reviews. Not sure what went wrong there. I could really do with him seeing someone!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 5, 2007 Hi Gowler, Having been in a similar situation to you a couple of years ago: teenager very stressed by school and aggressive, and facing a Camhs who just shrugged their shoulders and offered nothing useful, I sympathise. Eventually we were helped by the adolescent outreach team from Camhs - as luck would have it there was one psychiatrist there with experience of working with ASD and teenagers in difficulty. Through a combination of medication, talking things through with my daughter who was not always cooperative, and supporting us as parents through some very difficult times, she helped us get through it. We were lucky - unfortunately the expertise and resources within different Camhs services seems to vary widely. Medication could help you get through a difficult patch, and respiridone in particular can have dramatic results for some people, obviously there are pros and cons you'd have to discuss with someone experienced. Re specialist colleges, don't give up on this idea just yet, and keep an open mind about mainstream colleges too. My own daughter is at her local FE college with very good support and she feels happy and secure. Your Connexions advisor should be advising you on all the FE options, but like Camhs - expertise varies! K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted January 6, 2007 gowler i know exactly how you feel,my son is 13 with aspergers,its unbearable here,i feel he bullies me and the whole house is centred round his moods,if hes in a mood whole house suffers,i havent found cahms helpful at all,we have had 5 wks of one hour anger management which was no use,he is terrible at his special school,we are in process of trying to get him into residential school which im hoping will give him a better future,meds no help to my son but ive heard positives about them so they might work for your son. you are not alone,keep strong and let us know how you get on love hev <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gowler30 Report post Posted February 9, 2007 Hi I went back to the GP and explained how bad the situation was, and got a referral to an out of area pediatrician. (this was because camhs had refused again). We had the appointment last week and he has suggested respiridon. He has told us to think about it and to come back in 3 months. I came away from the appointment with a little bit of hope. I didn't think the situation could get much worse, but over the last week its been horrendous. I don't think I can manage another 3 months of this. Its not only when he doesn't want to do something or when he does, (which seemed to be the reason in the past) Its almost as if he is looking for any excuse to kick off at every opportunity he can. His behaviour has changed so much recently I'm not sure if this is all down to the Asperger's of something else. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted February 9, 2007 Hi Gowler, Give the paed/paed's secretary a call and ask if they can give you a cancellation. Explain that things have hit rock bottom and you are not coping. We've been through similar, so I understand how you feel <'> . We were told when our son was about 8 (?) that he showed signs of Oppositional Defient Disorder (info) as well as Aspergers and ADHD. Over the years he has had anger management, cognitive therapy and counselling which seems to have helped him. He's 17 now, he still shows some signs, but since leaving school and the stress that went with it, things have hugely improved. Annie <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gowler30 Report post Posted February 9, 2007 Have just phoned asking for an ealier appointment. I was told that wouldn't be possible. They then also informed me that the 3 month appointment should have already been sent to me and that they would have to sort that out. So i'm not even sure if I'm going to get an appointment when then said i would. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted February 10, 2007 oh gowler,its awful when its like this isent it,ring the people again on monday insisting you need the appointment sooner,ive found that you have to keep on and on with these people,its so frustrating we are crying out for help and theres no one to help us,take one day at a time,keep posting,sounds silly but this forum gets me through the days,knowing im not alone,neither are you <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
