Support being almost removed

[Rushed]

Hi There..

 

Sorry but i just need somewhere to vent and people were great at giving advice last time.. Basically when my school Broke up i was feeling positive, i was at last settling back into school getting used to seeing all my friends. I was told after the holidays work would start on my ''coping skills'' which would help me now and in the future. I was also told i would be working with somone to try and get my confidence back.

 

So i went back to school and things have just fallen apart again! I feel like everything i thought i had solved was back to square one, i have been feeling stressed since i went back, but then i met with my support worker, who i had been working with and my support teacher, i was told the support could not be put in place at the moment, and to make maters worse my support teacher who helps me so much when i have a problem and when i'm feeling down, will be working with a new pupil from now on and i will only be working with her a few hours a week, which means she will no longer be avalible when i have a problem, so i'm on own my own in school, they thought i was at the stage where i could ''cope on my own most of the time''

 

But then my support worker took me aside and said that she is soo sorry, but ''i hold the key to my future'' and she said that she knows i'm not getting the support i should be getting, i just could of cried at that moment, but i just said goodbye to her and left (who knows when i'll see her again)

 

The Problem with me is, no one seems to care how i am, as long as i look ok (which i always do) they just assume i am ok and no one asks if i'm ok anymore.

 

I'm just not really sure where to go from here

Edited January 10, 2007 by Rushed

[pumpkinpie]

People on this forum are here to try and help.

How old are you, prehaps you could tell us if you are at school or college?

[pingu]

Hi Rushed.

 

What an awful position to be in. As Pumkinpie asked, how old are you? Have you got anyone else you could discuss the concerns with ? i really dont have any constructive advice, but i just wanted to let you know that we are all here to help you through. (although im not doing a very good job) mainly because im feeling pretty much the same at the moment. But i am thinking about you all the same.

 

take care

 

shaz

[Rushed]

People on this forum are here to try and help.

How old are you, prehaps you could tell us if you are at school or college?

 

Hi

 

I'm 16 and still at school.

[loulou]

Hi Rushed,

 

Do you live with your parent/s? Could you speak to them about this?

 

I wonder how the school have come to the decision that you "can cope on your own most of the time", without discussing it with you? If you feel that you still need the support, they should be able to arrange a meeting to discuss it.

 

Hope you are feeling better soon,

 

Loulou xx

[Mother in Need]

And is the help you've been getting written down/backed by a statement? Because if it is, they simply cannot just withdraw that help!

[Kathryn]

Hi Rushed,

 

I'm sorry to hear you aren't getting the support you were promised.

 

Have you told your mum what you've told us here? She may be able to put some pressure on the school to keep the support in place. It's good that they want to increase your coping skills, but this should be done gradually and with your participation, I think.

 

K x

[badonkadonk]

Hiya Rushed,

 

Sorry to hear things aren't going well at the mo'

 

I think it might be wise in this instance to focus on what your support worker said...you hold the key to your future. Basically it really sucks that at 16 you gotta fight for what you need but, unfortunately, nobody is going to fight these battles for you and will only fight with you if you tell them about the problems you're having.

 

I often make the mistake of assuming that everyone must know how I'm feeling because they can tell when they look at me and because they know all about my situation. The trouble is that most of the time these things aren't in the forefront of other people's thoughts. It's nothing bad, it's just that they have their own lives and their own thoughts and worries stuck in their mind too like you do and so sometimes it's easy to forget/not pay enough attention/assume everything must be alright because you're not having a major breakdown or obviously appear to be struggling.

 

What you need to do is write down how you're feeling if you can, or record it onto a dictaphone if you find it easier to speak what you feel rather than put it into words. If you find it easier to just speak at the time then I would still make notes of all the key points that you need to get across to people so that you don't leave anything out. Then I'd tell your parents exactly what's happening and try to explain to them how this is actually a big deal for you (because it is) and how you would like them to help you (making an appointment with the headteacher, supporting and understanding your needs so that they too can back up what you're saying in the meeting). You do need to tell your parents that these are the things they need to do in order to help you because I know it often seems like parents should know it all, but essentially they are still human too and so they might be unsure of how to help. It's a lot of pressure I imagine being a parent because your kids unquestionably think you're ace and perfect and most parents will fall short of their children's expectations at some point because the expectations are unrealistic, if that makes sense. Sometimes it can be that parents are unsure of what to do in some situations and so they too can get "bury your head and hope it goes away" syndrome because they don't want to let you down by admitting that they don't have all the answers.

 

When you do see the headmaster you need to really try to get across what you're feeling and how this situation is not working for you. If needs be take some information on Aspergers in with you and ask him to read briefly before you begin. I know you shouldn't have to do this kind of thing but unfortunately the world isn't perfect and sometimes if you want the best results you have to manipulate the situation to get them. By getting him to read about Aspergers during the meeting, the problems you might face at school should hopefully be in the forefront of his mind when you try to tell him how withdrawing the support is affecting you. Tell him the kind of support you need and try to think of ways in which you can get this support without reverting back to the same routine that you had because in all honesty it's unlikely that this will happen.

 

Could you manage with seeing the support worker for less time each week? It might be that by compromising you could still get some support. I know this isn't as good as what you had before but it's still better than nothing and this is what you have to aim for! Would seeing the support worker during one lunch break a week or during tutorial time be of any benefit? It could be that, rather than a day to day thing, you might be better seeing your support worker in one extended session once a week. You could use this time to do your planning for the week, to get organised for the week ahead and to run through any homework issues you might be facing. I'm not saying these are options you have to pick, I don't know what would work best for you so have a think about what you really need from your support worker and think about how many hours it might take to achieve this a week and how this might be viable.

 

The thing that students aren't told is how support workers in fact 'work'. It's not as simple as I need the support so I should get a support worker. The amount of support workers a school has and the time they have to divide amongst pupils essentially boils down to one factor.....money. As evil as that is. Employing support workers costs money and schools really have to fight for all the money they get anyway so getting headmasters to part with cash for a kid who on the surface doesn't appear to be having major problems is going to be a hard task. That's the bummer about Aspergers is that alot of the problems we have can be invisible and not easily understood by ourselves let alone others This is why you have to fight twice as hard to make people see that you do need this help. If you think about it from your school's point of view for a second, as rubbish as that is to do so, if you are seemingly able to cope then they are going to take your support worker away and give it to another student who they think will benefit more from their help. And also the thing is, is that there probably is a lot of other kids at the school who do need more help than you on a one to one basis because their problems are specifically learning based. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying they deserve more help than you, but the help you probably need could probably be better given to you outside of the classrom in an intensive one 2 one session.

 

I hope this helps and feel free to post anytime you have something you want to talk/ask about, regardless of how small or big, that's what we are here for to help each other. I will especially try every which way I can to help, even if you don't want it, because I had a traumatic school experience so everything I can do to stop that from happening to one more person I'll do it!!!

 

Think positively and believe in your own abilities....you can make them understand and listen, you just gotta get the ball rolling.

 

Emily

xxx

 

PS you could make it part of your compromise that because you agree to less hours a week/longer sessions each time that if at any point during the day that you feel you are unable to cope you are allowed to go and have a quick chat with your support worker. As long as you're not doing this every day, which hopefully you won't need to be, then it might be something they agree too (as long as your support worker agrees, which they should as well).

[Rushed]

Hiya Rushed,

 

Sorry to hear things aren't going well at the mo'

 

I think it might be wise in this instance to focus on what your support worker said...you hold the key to your future. Basically it really sucks that at 16 you gotta fight for what you need but, unfortunately, nobody is going to fight these battles for you and will only fight with you if you tell them about the problems you're having.

 

I often make the mistake of assuming that everyone must know how I'm feeling because they can tell when they look at me and because they know all about my situation. The trouble is that most of the time these things aren't in the forefront of other people's thoughts. It's nothing bad, it's just that they have their own lives and their own thoughts and worries stuck in their mind too like you do and so sometimes it's easy to forget/not pay enough attention/assume everything must be alright because you're not having a major breakdown or obviously appear to be struggling.

 

What you need to do is write down how you're feeling if you can, or record it onto a dictaphone if you find it easier to speak what you feel rather than put it into words. If you find it easier to just speak at the time then I would still make notes of all the key points that you need to get across to people so that you don't leave anything out. Then I'd tell your parents exactly what's happening and try to explain to them how this is actually a big deal for you (because it is) and how you would like them to help you (making an appointment with the headteacher, supporting and understanding your needs so that they too can back up what you're saying in the meeting). You do need to tell your parents that these are the things they need to do in order to help you because I know it often seems like parents should know it all, but essentially they are still human too and so they might be unsure of how to help. It's a lot of pressure I imagine being a parent because your kids unquestionably think you're ace and perfect and most parents will fall short of their children's expectations at some point because the expectations are unrealistic, if that makes sense. Sometimes it can be that parents are unsure of what to do in some situations and so they too can get "bury your head and hope it goes away" syndrome because they don't want to let you down by admitting that they don't have all the answers.

 

When you do see the headmaster you need to really try to get across what you're feeling and how this situation is not working for you. If needs be take some information on Aspergers in with you and ask him to read briefly before you begin. I know you shouldn't have to do this kind of thing but unfortunately the world isn't perfect and sometimes if you want the best results you have to manipulate the situation to get them. By getting him to read about Aspergers during the meeting, the problems you might face at school should hopefully be in the forefront of his mind when you try to tell him how withdrawing the support is affecting you. Tell him the kind of support you need and try to think of ways in which you can get this support without reverting back to the same routine that you had because in all honesty it's unlikely that this will happen.

 

Could you manage with seeing the support worker for less time each week? It might be that by compromising you could still get some support. I know this isn't as good as what you had before but it's still better than nothing and this is what you have to aim for! Would seeing the support worker during one lunch break a week or during tutorial time be of any benefit? It could be that, rather than a day to day thing, you might be better seeing your support worker in one extended session once a week. You could use this time to do your planning for the week, to get organised for the week ahead and to run through any homework issues you might be facing. I'm not saying these are options you have to pick, I don't know what would work best for you so have a think about what you really need from your support worker and think about how many hours it might take to achieve this a week and how this might be viable.

 

The thing that students aren't told is how support workers in fact 'work'. It's not as simple as I need the support so I should get a support worker. The amount of support workers a school has and the time they have to divide amongst pupils essentially boils down to one factor.....money. As evil as that is. Employing support workers costs money and schools really have to fight for all the money they get anyway so getting headmasters to part with cash for a kid who on the surface doesn't appear to be having major problems is going to be a hard task. That's the bummer about Aspergers is that alot of the problems we have can be invisible and not easily understood by ourselves let alone others This is why you have to fight twice as hard to make people see that you do need this help. If you think about it from your school's point of view for a second, as rubbish as that is to do so, if you are seemingly able to cope then they are going to take your support worker away and give it to another student who they think will benefit more from their help. And also the thing is, is that there probably is a lot of other kids at the school who do need more help than you on a one to one basis because their problems are specifically learning based. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying they deserve more help than you, but the help you probably need could probably be better given to you outside of the classrom in an intensive one 2 one session.

 

I hope this helps and feel free to post anytime you have something you want to talk/ask about, regardless of how small or big, that's what we are here for to help each other. I will especially try every which way I can to help, even if you don't want it, because I had a traumatic school experience so everything I can do to stop that from happening to one more person I'll do it!!!

 

Think positively and believe in your own abilities....you can make them understand and listen, you just gotta get the ball rolling.

 

Emily

xxx

 

PS you could make it part of your compromise that because you agree to less hours a week/longer sessions each time that if at any point during the day that you feel you are unable to cope you are allowed to go and have a quick chat with your support worker. As long as you're not doing this every day, which hopefully you won't need to be, then it might be something they agree too (as long as your support worker agrees, which they should as well).

 

Hi Emily,

Thanks for your amazing post, your great at giving advice, i have written down a few things you have said

 

When i first went back to school, i was made such a fuss off, i was never left alone. They were expecting me to take small steps and only start off with a small timetable, but because i had made such progress much sooner than expected, within a few weeks was back in school all the time and had re joined most of my old classes. The support bit by bit was taken away, but i would always have someone their who could help if a problem arose and to help me during my ''catching up'' hours.

 

I too make the mistake of thinking everyone else can see when i'm worried/Stressed so i never complain if i am struggling with something, nothing was ever made offical and i think it was agreed, i would only get the support until i was back on my own to feet, and it was expected i would go back to my old self, i had never had any support in school until my 2nd year of high school.

 

Their was a meeting about this yesterday after i explained it too my mum, but nothing really came out of it just that they were ''short staffed'' and they ''at the moment other need help more than me'' so at the moment it does look like i'm fighting school solo, but there was some good news i will now be seeing my support woker every week and work we start on trying to rebuild my confidence, so *fingers Crossed* this will be the start of something good for 2007

 

I will try and keep you updated

Thanks again everyone

[pumpkinpie]

Dont think you are alone. there is always someone here who will help.

Are you telling your mum how you feel i am sure she would be sad to think you are feeling you have to cope alone - Mums are there to help - try and talk to her

[badonkadonk]

Hiya Rushed,

 

That's positive news at least, you got the ball rolling so that's wicked. I'm glad you talked to your mum

 

It is the difficult thing with providing support for students at school is getting the balance right between those who need academic support and those who need pastoral support (help with confidence, organisation, physically moving about at school etc etc). The majority of the time at school is spent in lessons obviously so the support is going to be given to those who need academic help with reading, writing, concentrating and what not. Because you're also supposed to be learning in lessons the time that you need to get organised and feel confident can't be given then because it would be taking away from your education (even though I know there are probably lessons that you could miss and not miss out ). So when do you get your help? It's a pain beause free times are break times and lunch times and this is when the support workers are having a break from supporting like they're supposed to so asking them to help during this time would depend entirely on their willingness to go the extra mile, without extra pay, while everyone else is sat in the staff room munching on biscuits and chugging back coffee.

 

What schools really need is two seperate kinds of support workers, but there's only one lot of money and never enough of that to go round so at present it's a really sucky system. I think someone posted an article on here the other day where the journalist stated that there is something like 1.3 million kids in the UK who are SEN or need a statement whereas only 3% actually get all the help they need.

 

So try to make sure that you use the time you get with your SW to the best of your advantage and in the meantime you can do things to make your life easier for you. You can create a routine for yourself at home, with your mum if you want, so you know exactly what you're doing in a morning and exactly what you do as soon as you get home from school and just before you go to bed. The evening is your free time of course and can spent however you choose, but if you structure these 3 key parts of your day then you should be able to reduce some stress and anxiety. It's little things like putting your clothes ready the night before and packing your bag. Because we so easily get anxious about things, putting in a little extra effort to make things run smoother is definately worth it. I know it's boring but if it works then ho hum. One of the keys to managing the negative aspects of your AS is to make all these small adjustments to your life so you can spend more time feeling happier, which is what you're aiming for.

 

The other thing you could look into is support groups outside of school for teenagers/young adults with AS. Another thing you could try is something called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which is something that might help with confidence building and reducing apprehension etc. I think you would have to speak to your GP and get a referral to someone who does CBT but it's something you might want to talk to your mum about and have a look into. Personally I found it no good because I hated being around a stranger so much that I resisted all attempts to get me to try new things. Instead I have found that researching CBT on the net and finding out what things they do and sort of doing it to myself has worked for me. Teaching myself how to stay calm and how to think positively I can honestly say has made a difference, but everyone is different and at 16 you might need a bigger kick up the backside to do these things and extra guidance on how to achieve the goals. (No offence intended! You should need the help, you're 16, it makes sense)

 

So carry on reading and finding out more about AS, have a look at CBT and AS/ASD centres/organisation/support groups and what not. Have a look at your daily routine and see if there are things that you could change that would make your life easier (i.e. if you're late for school all the time, what are you doing that makes you late? Can you change anything). Make sure you try to prepare a little bit for your meetings with your SW so that you can get the most out of it and keep going and thinking positively!

 

And remember, if you don't get everything you need from your sessions with your SW, post what worries etc you have left on here and someone else might be able to help.

 

Well done again for chatting with your mum, I know it only seems a little thing but for us Aspies to open up and get things out in a way that makes sense (and doesn't end up with us getting frustated and shouting or stomping off back upstairs!) is a big achievement.

 

Emily

xxx