Had a morning from hell

[hedders]

Ive manage to get my 6 yr old dd into a basic routine, but having problems with the younder dd whos 3.

She cant seem to adapt to the routine and it causing problems, firstly i cant seem to get her breakfast right she has communication diffculties which doesnt help, what ever i tried wasnt right.

Then i couldnt get her to dress as she wanted to stay in her pjs, i forced her twice which took a long time only made her temper worse each time she took all the clothes off, i left it till i had to take ddd to school again forced clothes on her and then struggled to restrain her in the car seat which took 10min. We manage to get to the school on time luckily but she made herself sick all over her clothes as she was sooo distressed.

This then made my older dd distressed and had to calm her down. Younger dd was very clingy at school had to carry her and she kept repeating barbie meaning she wants to watch barbie at home. It was her nursery day today and she slept most of the way i didnt mention where we were going as i new she would start again.

Anyway walked into nursery and totally changed character her bubbly self leaving me very confused and stressed.

[caren]

<'> <'> Sounds like my house , kurtis toast has to be just right or he won't eat it which can run into ages as we can end up making quiet a few to get it right , sorry no advice though just wanted to send some hugs

[Suze]

Have you tried a visual chart for your youngest showing the "what happens in the morning " routine?..........she may find it difficult to grasp my son would have at that age , but it might be worth a try.Does it help if she chooses her clothes herself, maybe do it the evening before?

[reuby2]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Just had a week from hell, know how you feel

[dooday24]

sending u loads of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[hedders]

Took her to her room at teatime and said trousers or dress, she said dress but choose a top so i pulled out some trousers no she shouted dress and got one herself.

I said in quite a confusing way "tomorrow put on " when wake up" no again she shouted and put the dress on over her pjs.

 

Will keep trying got some symbols do i show it all in one go or just before were during each stage.

I think some of her behaviour issues is because she doesnt want to get in the car and go to take sister to school.

When i collect dd from school my younger dd behaviour is much the same as mornings. Feeling really worn out and lack of motivation, her behaviour is becoming more exstreme in the way that she doesnt want any help shes so independent its scary when health and safety issues are involved.

All im being reminded of is daily routines with both dd not that easy living in a hamster cage thats how i feel!

They cant cope with the outside environment and its important i have a life too even if it means going to the shop for bread or milk. Sorry to go on

[Frangipani]

I remember my NT daughter being a little nightmare come dress time.

 

Every mum likes to see their little girl in a dress and do their hair, not my daughter, she wanted to be one of the boys. everytime it would take me 10 mins to keep her still so I could do her hair with clips etc and then pretty dresss and shoes, without fail, everytime, she would disappear into her bedroom, pull out the hair clips, put on a cap, and shorts and t shirt, then she would come out and look at me, with an evil eye, then charge to the car as if, get it right mum.

 

Certainly had to contain myself not to laugh as I would be in big trouble, if I did.

 

Then the day came when she had preschool photos, I went out and bought a special dress and clips and new shoes, again, refusal, and there she was in the photo sitting with all the boys and wearing shorts tee shirt and cap, I love showing her that photo from time to time. Of course her best friend was a boy

 

My dreams of a pretty little girl were shattered if she had a say.

 

[peppa]

hi this is my first post, so please excuse if i fail to get it right! just felt like i had to reply when i read your post as i felt like it was describing my day! My dd is 3 and has suspected aspergers, we are currently waiting for a referal date. We have the same problems with the morning routine, including the breakfast problem, it doesnt seem to matter what breakfast we give her in what crockery, or if she chooses for herself, no matter what its wrong. we also have similar problems with dressing and visual cards were also suggested to us. Quite often these problems can lead to a total meltdown and were left wondering how to deal with things and protect her from injuring herself as she thrashes and headbuts any hard surface in sight, including my face! Were not sure how to deal with these situations as of yet as everything we have tried to diffuse the meltdowns has been unsuccessful, any suggestions would be gratefully recieved! Feeling really helpless at the moment, cant wait to get things moving and get some support, i end each day exhausted at the moment. Hope you find some strategies which help if so pass them on, and best of luck, x

 

Ive manage to get my 6 yr old dd into a basic routine, but having problems with the younder dd whos 3.

She cant seem to adapt to the routine and it causing problems, firstly i cant seem to get her breakfast right she has communication diffculties which doesnt help, what ever i tried wasnt right.

Then i couldnt get her to dress as she wanted to stay in her pjs, i forced her twice which took a long time only made her temper worse each time she took all the clothes off, i left it till i had to take ddd to school again forced clothes on her and then struggled to restrain her in the car seat which took 10min. We manage to get to the school on time luckily but she made herself sick all over her clothes as she was sooo distressed.

This then made my older dd distressed and had to calm her down. Younger dd was very clingy at school had to carry her and she kept repeating barbie meaning she wants to watch barbie at home. It was her nursery day today and she slept most of the way i didnt mention where we were going as i new she would start again.

Anyway walked into nursery and totally changed character her bubbly self leaving me very confused and stressed.

[shortie]

When i first started using visual aids,SALT recommended photos instead of symbols so i was like David Bailey for weeks,taking pics of all sorts of things,food,dvd's,cloths toys etc,then i laminated them,also laminated an A4 sheet of card with a velcro strip across and velcroed the pics and this way had my own version of pecs!!DD is now more verbal but also uses pecs symbols as well,i found it really helped.I was also told not to use long sentences when talking to her and to break things down to 2-3 words which really helped too,she uses pecs sceduel at pre school and at home and it stops alot of tantrums!!

[peppa]

DD.uses visual cards for toileting within nursery school as she had trouble sequencing actions when toileting alone, these have proved very useful and this problem is now almost eliminated. Her portage team are producing visual aids for her morning routine, and have also suggested photos of familiar objects. I,ll certainly try this in other areas. First visit from portage was tuesday and they will now be visiting dd each wk at home and at school, does anyone out there have experience of portage team and what they can offer?

 

 

When i first started using visual aids,SALT recommended photos instead of symbols so i was like David Bailey for weeks,taking pics of all sorts of things,food,dvd's,cloths toys etc,then i laminated them,also laminated an A4 sheet of card with a velcro strip across and velcroed the pics and this way had my own version of pecs!!DD is now more verbal but also uses pecs symbols as well,i found it really helped.I was also told not to use long sentences when talking to her and to break things down to 2-3 words which really helped too,she uses pecs sceduel at pre school and at home and it stops alot of tantrums!!

[shortie]

Peppa,When DD use to have major meltdowns i used to try all sorts of things to calm her down none of which worked,her speech therapist recommended totally ignoring her and it works,we still do this now.As long as theres nothing she can hurt herself on or hurt anyone who's in her way,i just let her scream and thrash about and she calms down in half the time,and i'm a less stressful mum as well!!

[peppa]

Shortie. Thanks for your suggestion i"ll certainly give it a go. Had a difficult day yesterday whilst out in town, which spiralled on leaving school nursery, not sure what the trigger was but hopefully the more informed i become i'll begin to learn, dd can also be quite aggressive and hit, bite, nip and headbutt, unsure if i should ignore this behaviour also or discipline in the same way as a non AS child?

 

Peppa,When DD use to have major meltdowns i used to try all sorts of things to calm her down none of which worked,her speech therapist recommended totally ignoring her and it works,we still do this now.As long as theres nothing she can hurt herself on or hurt anyone who's in her way,i just let her scream and thrash about and she calms down in half the time,and i'm a less stressful mum as well!!

[shortie]

Shortie. Thanks for your suggestion i"ll certainly give it a go. Had a difficult day yesterday whilst out in town, which spiralled on leaving school nursery, not sure what the trigger was but hopefully the more informed i become i'll begin to learn, dd can also be quite aggressive and hit, bite, nip and headbutt, unsure if i should ignore this behaviour also or discipline in the same way as a non AS child?

 

When DD is having one of her "moments" if she not being aggressive i leave her to it,if she kicking,biting etc she gets told off just the same as my older NT daughters were otherwise as far as i'm cocerned she won't learn right from wrong!!The worst thing she used to do was self harm,she would smack herself in the face,really hard or across her head and i would end up in tears but she hasn't done this for about 6 mths now!She's not as bad as she was this time last yr but i think its because she's starting to understand a little better,she'll be 4yrs a week on monday!!

[peppa]

When dd is being aggressive i tell her off as i agree she needs to learn right from wrong, i'm just concerned as to how much she understands and what the best approach could be, as i dont feel im getting anywhere on this at present. She also self harms and harms others. The worst thing she currently does is to arch her back and let her head fall and hit the floor she does this repeatedly, its not so bad indoors but when outdoors on a concrete surface im beside myself with worry that one day i might not catch her in time! She's very slight but is growing and im afraid i wont always be able to brace her weight. Her behaviour has peaked at present, she is 3 and a half so i guess her understanding is still developing. Happy birthday for monday!!! do you have anything planned? Dd always cries at parties when 'happy birthday' is sung i think its sensory overload, still learning what triggers are! Glad things are improving for you.

 

 

 

When DD is having one of her "moments" if she not being aggressive i leave her to it,if she kicking,biting etc she gets told off just the same as my older NT daughters were otherwise as far as i'm cocerned she won't learn right from wrong!!The worst thing she used to do was self harm,she would smack herself in the face,really hard or across her head and i would end up in tears but she hasn't done this for about 6 mths now!She's not as bad as she was this time last yr but i think its because she's starting to understand a little better,she'll be 4yrs a week on monday!!

[shortie]

When dd is being aggressive i tell her off as i agree she needs to learn right from wrong, i'm just concerned as to how much she understands and what the best approach could be, as i dont feel im getting anywhere on this at present. She also self harms and harms others. The worst thing she currently does is to arch her back and let her head fall and hit the floor she does this repeatedly, its not so bad indoors but when outdoors on a concrete surface im beside myself with worry that one day i might not catch her in time! She's very slight but is growing and im afraid i wont always be able to brace her weight. Her behaviour has peaked at present, she is 3 and a half so i guess her understanding is still developing. Happy birthday for monday!!! do you have anything planned? Dd always cries at parties when 'happy birthday' is sung i think its sensory overload, still learning what triggers are! Glad things are improving for you.

 

Peppa,its like i'm reading about my own DD!!She also does the arching back thing!!I know DD doesn't really understand properly yet either but i tell her off because i think they can tell from the tone of your voice that its naughty etc!Found with her that at moment the NO word upsets her in any situation,even if i'm not actually telling her off..eg.say we're walking somewhere and she turns the wrong way,if i say"no,not that way" all hell breaks loose.DD can't handle parties and social things either so just having 1 little boy who's a yr older round for tea,she went to speech,language therapy with him and we kept in touch when they went to differant places in sept,he's also autistic but she can tolerate him and he's besotted with her!!Birthday cake for 2!!

[hedders]

Seems like my mornings from hell are also evenings from hell lately. Just cant get her into bed, months ago i held her door from outside for 3 minutes and she distroyed her room, didnt do that again, i was lucky for a couple of weeks that i could settle her in my bed, now that wont work. Past week she has been up till 10-11 pm. Ive done the winding down time tea, bath, story but as soon as i finish the story she says no bed even tried the routine with story in her bed but same again soon as i finish story she out and down the stairs, Even if i use symbols Her tanturms can be really bad and distroys everything in sight

I keep being reminded structures and routines, that alright if you got a child that might tolorate it or enjoys this, mine seems to rebell against it all.

I have noticed that if i set a very rigid routine over a period of time she can adapt to it but the slightest change going out one evening or people visit then its like going back to square one again.

And then at night time she wandering around in our room and usually find her at the bottom of our bed on a morning.

Has anyone experinced 2 children on the Autisitc Specturm that dont adapt to the same rigid routine.?

[peppa]

Dd also doesn;t like the no word! She also hates been called a clever girl and will scream and shout im not until i manage to distract her or we have to deal with meltdown! ive pre-warned school and grandparents etc on that one, as its something that is said before you've even thought, hope you enjoy your tea party, its nice that you have someone who you can share experiences with, as i find some of my friends with non AS children dont quite get where im coming from on some situations! Really think a public awareness of ASD,s needs improving!

 

Just managed to avert a meltdown when getting her ready for school after lunch, she objected to her uniform,( wanted a different jumper) then didnt want boots had to be trainers, then i'd chose the wrong scarf! Managed to solve these problems without complete meltdown, then when went to get her in carseat meltdown occured big time! She took a chunk out of her dads face as he tried to strap her in and kicked and screamed alll the way there. Had to wait a while for her to calm down before going into school, then she walked in as though nothing had happened! Sooo frustrating, ah well enjoy your party x

 

 

 

 

Peppa,its like i'm reading about my own DD!!She also does the arching back thing!!I know DD doesn't really understand properly yet either but i tell her off because i think they can tell from the tone of your voice that its naughty etc!Found with her that at moment the NO word upsets her in any situation,even if i'm not actually telling her off..eg.say we're walking somewhere and she turns the wrong way,if i say"no,not that way" all hell breaks loose.DD can't handle parties and social things either so just having 1 little boy who's a yr older round for tea,she went to speech,language therapy with him and we kept in touch when they went to differant places in sept,he's also autistic but she can tolerate him and he's besotted with her!!Birthday cake for 2!!

[peppa]

Dd was always wonderful at going to bed as we had a very strict routine, but recently she has begun to challenge this and likes to jump out of bed when story has finished and demand another or wants an extra handbag in bed with her,(she takes three everywhere with her!) or wants to go to the toilet again! Think it may have been triggered by her dad wanting to be more involved in the bed time routine, as she has become more difficult during the day he has wanted to help out more at bed time believing its helping me with her, as this is different to what she is used to, as i have always put her to bed alone i think she's struggling to adjust, don't want to rob her dad of the experience so where just trying to follow the same routine until she adjusts.

 

I have found if i tell Dd what i will be doing now before i go to bed, she seems to settle easier as i think she needs a clear picture of where i will be due to the difficulty in imagining what happens when she goes to bed, she then usually repeats this to me when she wakes the next morning.

 

 

 

 

 

Seems like my mornings from hell are also evenings from hell lately. Just cant get her into bed, months ago i held her door from outside for 3 minutes and she distroyed her room, didnt do that again, i was lucky for a couple of weeks that i could settle her in my bed, now that wont work. Past week she has been up till 10-11 pm. Ive done the winding down time tea, bath, story but as soon as i finish the story she says no bed even tried the routine with story in her bed but same again soon as i finish story she out and down the stairs, Even if i use symbols Her tanturms can be really bad and distroys everything in sight

I keep being reminded structures and routines, that alright if you got a child that might tolorate it or enjoys this, mine seems to rebell against it all.

I have noticed that if i set a very rigid routine over a period of time she can adapt to it but the slightest change going out one evening or people visit then its like going back to square one again.

And then at night time she wandering around in our room and usually find her at the bottom of our bed on a morning.

Has anyone experinced 2 children on the Autisitc Specturm that dont adapt to the same rigid routine.?

[kirstie]

<'> Peppa,

I really feel for you, i understand where you're coming from. My son is 7 now but his behaviours peaked at 3.5- 4 years old and it was hellish. I must say it does get easier with time and the right support so hang in there.

I remember Lewis would have an absoloute rageing meltdown if i didn't put his cup of juice in a particular place for him so he could take a moment to look at it and then take it himself, also if i didn't give him one shoe to hold while i put on the other which was a nightmare when trying to get us all out the door to take my eldest son to school. But i was told to use a timeout chair and put him on it when his behaviour was inappropriate and completely ignore him if he screamed and just to calmly put him back in it if he got off it, making no conversation or eye contact with him. Also i was told ignore the cheek and nasty comments and praise the good behaviour, or at least try and take the negatives out of anything i said to him, no mean feat but it was definatley worth it!

Also Lewis seemed to like his visual timetables and pictures for a while but there came a time at Nursery that he refused to look at them never mind add/take pictures away and it would result in major upset so it had to be abandoned. I think the strategies were implemented too late in the day at Nursery for them to be fully effective for him but once he started at the Language unit it was clear from the very start what was expected of him and there was no getting out of it for him, he has thrived on that and has very few behavioural issues if any now.

I'm sure you will understand the triggers in time, they are not always very obvious to us but you'll get there,

Take care,

Kirstie.

[peppa]

Thanks kirstie, just saw my g.p tonight dd also has involuntary breath holding fits, they began at 18 mnths with the first one, she had another 10 over the next year then they stopped, shes now started having them again! and has had 12 in total. I was advised by h.v to see g.p again and let him know and readdress my concerns.

What a waste of time that was!!

He just said oh dear and dismissed it, then when i told him my concerns about the social issues he just said oh well shes only 3 and will probably improve, then when i mentioned about meltdowns, he asked if i and her dad had tantrums when we were little, which we didnt, then said he thinks she's just having tantrums and needs to grow out of it. Im totally disolusioned now!

The first time she had a fit began after a meltdown which i didnt realise was one at the time, she was admitted to hospital and was unconcious for 3 hours, she then went on to have lumber puncture, M.R.I. and E.C.G. so the poor kids been through the mill.

However despite all this the referal has gone through as urgent and he said we should be seen in the next four weeks. I just hope we are listened to properly this time.

Ive been advised to take as much evidence as possible, even video footage of her mid meltdown! But i guess it can only help so i may give that a go.

 

Glad to hear your sons behaviour improved, its the hardest part to deal with i find, nobody seems to understand unless theyv'e been there!

I'll persist with the timeout though, and try more visual aids and hopefully have a result.

Thanks loads, take care x

 

 

 

 

 

<'> Peppa,

I really feel for you, i understand where you're coming from. My son is 7 now but his behaviours peaked at 3.5- 4 years old and it was hellish. I must say it does get easier with time and the right support so hang in there.

I remember Lewis would have an absoloute rageing meltdown if i didn't put his cup of juice in a particular place for him so he could take a moment to look at it and then take it himself, also if i didn't give him one shoe to hold while i put on the other which was a nightmare when trying to get us all out the door to take my eldest son to school. But i was told to use a timeout chair and put him on it when his behaviour was inappropriate and completely ignore him if he screamed and just to calmly put him back in it if he got off it, making no conversation or eye contact with him. Also i was told ignore the cheek and nasty comments and praise the good behaviour, or at least try and take the negatives out of anything i said to him, no mean feat but it was definatley worth it!

Also Lewis seemed to like his visual timetables and pictures for a while but there came a time at Nursery that he refused to look at them never mind add/take pictures away and it would result in major upset so it had to be abandoned. I think the strategies were implemented too late in the day at Nursery for them to be fully effective for him but once he started at the Language unit it was clear from the very start what was expected of him and there was no getting out of it for him, he has thrived on that and has very few behavioural issues if any now.

I'm sure you will understand the triggers in time, they are not always very obvious to us but you'll get there,

Take care,

Kirstie.