How can you........

[minerva]

tell a father to say something worthwhile or say nothing at all??

 

Cameron rarely see's his dad, once every 2 years if he's lucky.

 

The only reason they are still in touch is because we stayed in touch with his parents & they get him to call. He only ever calls him when he is at their house never at home.

 

Anyway, Cameron spoke to him about being given the go ahead by the LEA. He asked Cameron what kind of school it is & when told it was "for children with what i've got" His father shouted at him "FFS you havent got anything! Put ur grandad on the phone"

 

According to Cameron they then had a conversation in front of him about how he is fine etc etc etc

 

I really need to tell them all to go take a long jump erm I mean to go careful what they say in front of or to Cameron but have no idea of the best way to go about it.

 

Obviously they are finding it hard (impossible!) to accept that he isn't "normal" but are they that thick not to realise that pressuring him about it isn't going to help anything???

 

grrrrrrr

Edited January 25, 2007 by minerva

[Paula]

Id personally cut contact with the father not that there appears to be much contact anyway and unless you realy realy find the support of the grandparents on his dads side fantastic then id say sod of to them also.

[JJ's mum]

I agree entirely, if he cant accept his son for who he is then he doesnt really want to know him. My son is the best but my estranged husband and his family keep saying annoying things like he probably doesnt have aspergers, they think its just something that ticks all the boxes but that suddenly gets better when he reaches 18. Little do they know it is what makes JJ who he is. I wouldnt change him for the world.

 

I dont want him to suffer, but it isnt JJ who needs to change its the attitudes of the people around him. JJ is perfect just different.

 

Your son needs support, doesnt sound like his dad could care less so concentrate on the people in his life who really care about him.

If the grandparents are on their sons side ie think it is acceptable that he only sees son every 2 years then Id get rid of them too, but only you know what to do.

 

If I were you id talk to the grandparents, sounds to me like he is under the thumb. Personally id give him an ultimatum, either he keeps in regular contact with son or he gets on his bike. Cant make your son feel too great that his dad is so half hearted.

 

It doesnt sound like he is just having a problem accepting your son, but accepting he has a son at all.

[minerva]

its a lil more compliacted than all that.

 

The grandparents have Cameron almost every weekend and have done since he was born. His dad being an ass is not something they approve of but they gave up trying to change that a long time ago and just focus on being grandparents.

 

At the same time their loyalties will always lie with their son and not me so talking to them about things isn't all that easy.

 

It would be impossible to stop Cameron going to see them and pretty unreasonable too, regardless of their naivity they are always there for him.

 

Also I cant expect them to not let their own son talk to his own son even if it is only once in a blue moon.

 

I really just need a way of telling him to shut up without upsetting them. Cameron wouldnt be too impressed if after 13 years I suddenly decide he isn't allowed to go there anymore.

[bid]

If you follow this link and click on 'Family Matters' (in the blue list on the left) you will find an article written for grandparents which might be helpful.

 

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

 

Bid

Edited January 25, 2007 by bid

[minerva]

Thanks Bid

 

I found that site this morning when searching for advice & it seems helpful for grandparents that are interested in reading into whats what, not sure how much help it will be for someone who cant even be bothered to make a phone call a few days a year

 

 

I guess i'll just have to not say anything as usual *sigh*

[bid]

I wondered if it might help your son's grandparents, rather than his dad? If they had a better understanding that might make things a little bit better.

 

Bid

[JJ's mum]

Sounds like a tough position you are in. Im in a similar position with my in laws. They fuss over all their boys far too much and never accept that they can ever be wrong. Im not sure if its because 2 of their boys have aspergers and maybe they feel an overwhelming urge to protect them.

 

They do however phone my kids, and they do the same, make sure that they speak to their dad. He never bothers phoning himself so I told them id prefer it if the time they have with them was just grandparent time and they appreciated that it is better to have quality time. That way he makes his own arrangements to speak to them. I didnt like the fact that it was obvious to the kids that nanny had asked daddy to speak to them.

 

Its a tough one and I feel for ya, good luck whatever you decide to do <'>

[minerva]

Thanks Bid, Its not so much the grandparents I have the problem with, its his dad

 

The last time I tried to tell nanny something there was a huge explosion so I wouldnt dare do it again lol

 

I rest easy in the knowledge that if (WHEN!) Cameron starts school I wont need the respite they give he wont go there very much which will mean that what any of them say will impact him a lot less....etc etc etc

 

 

Thanks JJs mum, its good to know my family isn't the only crazy one lol

 

sometimes I feel like I belong on eastenders but I think nobody would beleive the storylines LOL

[reuby2]

Hi Minerva,

Is it possible that the grandparents also aren't looking forward to him going as they will miss him?

It seems like Cameron has good grandparents who care.It is a shame about his Dad I hope everything works out okay for you both ,and once Dad has adjusted , he will probably see the benefits.(not that you need his approval!!)

I think you are right by saying that when he goes to his new school the problem (with dads comments etc) will probably solve itself. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>