Whats happened ?

[Daisydot]

Our son is nearly 10 and diagnosed with ASD by a Paediatrician. He has never seen an Ed Psych.

 

He started a new mainstream school last September and settled in really well. His teacher was really understanding and so were most of the staff (a breath of fresh air from the last school who were really awful to him and us as parents).

 

Since Christmas its all gone wrong. He has been done for using "inappropriate" language to girls, has completed blown all his assessment tests, refused to do work, and just got into so much trouble, mostly in the playground. He just seems to have regressed since Christmas. He has seemed generally happy at school and has certainly been much more happy about going to school each morning.

 

He has very good language skills and came in the top six in his class for reading comprehension recently. However, I really think he doesnt understand that he has offended people and caused upset with his inappropriate language. He is now on a week's lunchtime exclusion and is coming home every lunchtime. The stupid thing is I am releived because I know he cant get in any trouble if he is at home with me.

 

Some younger girls in the playground were calling him and some friends "gay" and said it looked like the game they were playing was "shagging". My son told them to leave them alone several times. After the girls had kicked he told them he would ###### them if they didnt go away. The girls then reported him and his friends and so he got in trouble. Now, I am not justifying him saying these words and he obviously has to learn that its inappropriate. However, none of the other kids have been given a lunchtime exclusion and it seems he is the only one in big trouble. I just feel he is a victim of his own difficulties and the other children should have been pulled up for goading and provoking him.

 

Does this time of year affect people with ASD ? Its just that when he has got into big trouble at school a couple of years ago and last year (for using inappropriate language again) it was a similar time of year.

 

I have asked for our son to see an Ed Pysch many times but have been told their hours are limited and he is not a priority. I assumed when our son was diagnosed with ASD he would automatically be seen by an Ed Pysch who would actually assess his needs in school. We know he has dyslexic and scotopic issues.

 

Having just spend eight grand taking the LEA to SENSIT about my other son (AND WE WON - hooray !), I am somewhat broke and not really able to aford a private Ed Psych at the moment.

 

Any ideas, anyone got a clue what I am on about ?

 

Thanks,

Daisydot

[Clare63]

It certainly does not seem fair that just your child has been punished when he was so clearly egged on by the girls in the playground. I am afraid I don't have any advice for you at the moment, but would be very interested to find out what other think about "the time of year affecting people with ASD" for the past 3 years my son has gone down dramatically from December to March and then gradually improves again I wondered whether it was linked to S.A.D. ?

[Daisydot]

Thanks for the reply.

 

We wondered whether the S.A.D. syndrome might have something to do with his behaviour getting worse between Jan and March. My other son also has ASD and his behaviour does not seem to be affected by the time of year. Would be really interested to hear other peoples views and advice.

 

PS: I apologise for using bad language (moderators !) in my previous post. The annoying thing is that we dont use that sort of language at home and he certainly doesnt get it from his brother.

 

Daisydot

[KateBall]

My son often gets into trouble in the playground. Often the other children will set him up and then complain about him. Or he just simply can't cope with the games or not playing his games. I used to complain that he was effectively being punished for his disability because he couldn't cope socially. They used to make him stand up against a wall - really humiliating. His school seem to have accepted this and when he starts getting into difficulties they keep him in - not as a punishment but to take him out of the stressful situation he finds himself in. They give him toys to play with and one playmate. That then makes him calmer in the classroom. I just wonder if your son is having trouble at the moment in the playground which is not being dealt with properly (its no use just punishing him or telling him off) and therefore this has a knock on effect in the classroom etc. I think it might be worth trying to get the school to set up some sort of respite for him away from the playground for a while and see if things calm down. Of course it could be linked to the time of year as well. Depends on what is happening in school. My son gets agitated especially towards the end of terms when routine seems to go to pot.

[Daisydot]

I have spoken to the Learning Mentor today. They are going to give him a named dinner lady who he can go to the minute he feels things are going wrong in the playground at lunchtimes. They are also giving him a pass he can show to any other dinner lady and he can go inside and find the learning mentor whenever he needs some help or support.

 

I did go in and have a bit of a "polite but firm mummy" go at the school this morning and the above was the result. I also asked that the little girls involved be made to understand very clearly that they have wound up my son and that they have in fact caused him to react in the way he did.

 

I agree with you that other children sometimes wind up my son on purpose. I have thought that before, but its very difficult to prove when you are not actually there yourself to witness what has happened. The other children seem so much more able to put their side of the story across.

 

School playgrounds do seem to be a huge problem for some children with ASD. Any other ideas or advice from others would be much appreciated.

 

Daisydot

[oxgirl]

Does this time of year affect people with ASD ? Its just that when he has got into big trouble at school a couple of years ago and last year (for using inappropriate language again) it was a similar time of year.

 

Daisydot, it's interesting that you say that. We noticed, when our lad was younger, that he would always go through a rough patch around the beginning of Spring and he would often stop eating around this time as well. Once, when he was four, he didn't eat for two weeks at this time. We spoke to a consultant specialist and he said to us that there is a theory that there is something in the air at this time, something that is responsible for changes in the atmosphere and temperature during the transition from Winter to Springtime, which ASD children could be over-sensitive to during this time period. We thought it very interesting at the time. As he's gotten older he's started to develop hayfever as well, which is starting around this time, as atmospheric changes and pollens in the air cause sensitivities to become noticeable. Interesting.

 

Hope things improve soon. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Daisydot]

Thanks for your reply Mel. That is very interesting. My son does seem to have been eating less well the last couple of months. He's gone off things he usually eats with no problem. Perhaps there is something in it.

 

My son has been coming home for lunch each day this week and, I have to report, he has had three very good days at school and has come home very content each evening. I think this may be the way we have to go to have a quiet life !

 

Thanks for your info.

 

Daisydot

[oxgirl]

No probs, Daisydot, hope he continues to have good days. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[av16]

Interesting to read that other children are having a bad time at the mo. Our DS is back in trouble at school again after being fine for months- it was this time last year he was at his worst too.

I hope your boy oninues to do well.

 

Best wishes

AV

[JsMum]

Could the cards be more spersific, like emotional faces like we have here with smilies, that could help your son get his mood across.

 

does your school do playground mentors, these are oldest children looking out for children who have difficulties in socialising and rules, and support them and play with them so giving them positive role models.

 

Activities in the playground that look at team building, rules and enjoying breaks.

 

J attends a spersific group that looks at social interaction, games, rules this has been very theraputic for him and enabled him to participate in games and other children with support.

 

A quiet area in the school as a desagnated area for your son to calm down in.

 

National Autistic Society do specific booklets called Playtimes and Lunch breaks for children on the Autistic Spectrum, it gives clear discription of the issues that children with ASD find difficult.

 

They are free and brillaint information, request these and they will send them to you.

 

it gives ideas for the school as well.

 

Js behaviour was declining at playtimes and dinnertimes because of a number of issues not just socially but sensory as well and we worked together to sort it out.

 

Keeping a daily log book about dinner times may also be a good idea as well.

 

JsMum

[Karen A]

I have spoken to the Learning Mentor today. They are going to give him a named dinner lady who he can go to the minute he feels things are going wrong in the playground at lunchtimes. They are also giving him a pass he can show to any other dinner lady and he can go inside and find the learning mentor whenever he needs some help or support.

 

I did go in and have a bit of a "polite but firm mummy" go at the school this morning and the above was the result. I also asked that the little girls involved be made to understand very clearly that they have wound up my son and that they have in fact caused him to react in the way he did.

 

I agree with you that other children sometimes wind up my son on purpose. I have thought that before, but its very difficult to prove when you are not actually there yourself to witness what has happened. The other children seem so much more able to put their side of the story across.

 

School playgrounds do seem to be a huge problem for some children with ASD. Any other ideas or advice from others would be much appreciated.

 

Daisydot

 

 

 

 

 

Hi I don't have any advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone.We have ongoing problems that result from Ben being wound up and then retaliating-which gets him in trouble.The latest idea is that he needs anger management.If I spent the time he does being agravated by children who enjoy the response I would need anger management too. Karen.

[pumpkinpie]

Daisydot about the ed psych.

Did you know there is nothing to stop you ringing up the ed psy and telling them you understand that you are allowed 1 hors ed psych time a year as a council tax payer. You have concerns and would like to exercise this right. You dont have to be stroppy and you can tell school what you are doing .

This right to time is not bandied about because the ed psych service are scared that if parents know they will be inundated with demand.

So if you want do it, it applies to all leas as well