Aggression and violent behaviour

[car2]

Hi all, daniel is almost 6 and is becoming extremely violent and aggressive to the point that I fear for my three year olds safety. Daniel and olivia fight like cat and dog which in my view is normal as brother and sister, however the other day Daniel tried to stab Olivia with a fork three times for no reason. When Daniel gets into a rage or has a paddy, (normally over the tiniest things) it's like a bomb explosion. He is like a tornado- trying to destruct anything in his path. He will throw things, hit, punch, bite, headbutt, pull hair and if he had a knife in his hand during these times I know he would use it.

I just don't know how to cope with this behaviour- he just can't stop himself. Im so worried for when he gets older and stronger and what he might be capable of.

I know many of you must experience this behaviour-how do you cope?

love to you all.

caroline

[curra]

Hi Caroline,

 

I'm sorry that Daniel is being so aggressive and I know how difficult it can be when they get in a rage. When M was that age it was very hard for me to cope, but I managed somehow because he's an only child and distracting him from what was causing the anger worked most of the time, but I don't know how I could have handled the situation with siblings. I think that you definitely need help to be able to manage the situation, it's also not good for Daniel to get into such a rage and he needs to learn that violence is not good and not accepted. As my son got older, his anger also increased and it became more evident that he's not fully aware of the consequences/feelings of others when he lashes out. It has been a constant "struggle" for me to teach him that such actions are wrong, and he feels genuinely sorry after an anger outburst, but he still can't control himself completely. It takes longer for AS children to learn to control their anger. Talk to your GP about it because there could be a number of reasons why a child gets so angry, also physical discomfort or sensory issues that he cannot explain well and just gets frustrated. I can think of one example that enfuriates my son and that he only recently was able to talk about: lack of ventilation in the car. I usually feel cold so I don't notice it but he used to have lots of meltdowns in the car when he was younger. Now he just says, "I won't get in a car unless the windows are open" (even in winter).

 

Good luck! and in the meantime I hope you can get help from someone because your AS child needs constant support and you also have Olivia to look after.

 

CurraXX

[brooke]

Hi

Im so sorry your going through this my son is very similar. if he gets really bad i have to take him somewhere quiet till he calms down which doesnt take long! I just try to avoid anything that i think will trigger him off or try and difuse the situation by distration. Sorry i dont have any good advice but i think things do improve when their understanding gets better.

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Brooke

[JsMum]

Hi J has been going throw a period of high levels of aggression lately and its so difficult, he had invited a friend and J begun to get very excited he was playing then all of sudden for no reason started to hurt his friend I gave a clear verbal statement like

 

" get off his hand now "

 

when J didnt listen I gave a warning I would remove his hand from his friend.

 

J ignored and then I had to remove him away from his friend, J became instantly violent kicking and punching me so I had no alternative but to restrain him.

 

I had to Restrain J for more than 15 mins but eventually he calmed down and I left him alone and kept the distance between his friends, 15 mins later he was very calm and you wouldnt of guessed anything accurred.

 

I have a number of things at home to support him and we have looked at feeling and emotions as well as anger responces, J has a punch bag, and other euiptment to help him release the tensions and let go of the frustrations healthy way.

 

Its a on going problem with us and at times I really do have concerns over my safety his safety and others so I am very vigalant, if you are aware of your son's violence its going to be important not to leave him unattended with your daughter and that things likely to be used as a weapon be minimised.

 

I have recieved support from a number of services including NAS but there is also BILD who have more information on learning skills to help children who are displaying challenging behaviour.

 

Another was Contact a Family who sent me a booklet explaining challenging behaviour.

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/behaviour.html

 

also challenging behaviour foundation

 

http://www.thecbf.org.uk

 

If the triggers are very difficult to gage, write down all incedents and keep a dairy of the behaviour and how it turned out, keep it for around two weeks.

 

I find it very difficult to manage J's aggression as well.

 

JsMum

[lynyona]

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Its very difficult when our children are like this kieran is nearly 21 and we still have this with him and as yet i havent found anything that really helps at 6ft 2 and fairly strong when he is angry it is hard to try and restrain him. Mind you i have just printed the information from the contact a family site suggested to see if there is any ideas i can adapt which may help with kieran. Hope you find something that works for you.

 

 

 

 

 

lynn

[krystaltps]

C is like this, it's often unpredictable and my twins are very often bruised. During a "bad time", R is often afraid to go to sleep in case C "gets him while he's asleep".

I find that distraction techniques don't work as he goes from being perfectly placid to storming around in full-blown rage in a matter of seconds. Depending on the situation, I either remove the twins from the area or remove C. If he can be by himself, he calms down really quickly.

Unfortunately, sometimes I have no option other than to restrain (for the safety of all). Over the years, and through necessity, I have perfected a restraining technique that is fast, effective and safe. If you'd like some info on this PM me, I'd be glad to help.