2 meetings today over R

[JenRose]

well we had the meeting with the head and SENCO at nursery over dd,s black eye and the fact that she keeps coming home telling us so and so did whatever to her.

They said all children complain about knocks and pushing etc and said that they are a busy nursery and cannot keep tabs on "small incidents" so i said this isnt a small incident, our daughter is coming home upset and telling us that such a child hit,kicked or pushed her, and you are telling me that this is normal?

they said dd does tell them of someone upsets her and i said not true and gave them 2 examples of children biting her and throwing sand in her eyes, dh said why are accident books not being filled in and reports given to us to sign, they said they cannot possibly do a report for every minor thing that goes on and that the fact that they gave us an accident form to sign a month out of date was unfortunate but they,ve had a lot of supply staff in recently.

so i said are you telling us that you are not coping with dd,s needs and they said no.

she said that perhaps dd is coming home and telling us these things cos THATS WHAT SHE THINKS WE WANT TO HEAR

 

so i lost it and said no no i disagree strongly i think she doesnt feel secure enough for some reason or another to tell a member of staff that a child has hurt her.

so dh said we are going to keep a diary of what she tells us and write in with our concerns and if nothing is resolved then we will take the matter further.

 

PArt 2 early years hv has been round and suggested an EGG TIMER to help with dd,s tantrums,meldowns and not to give her TOO MUCH ATTENTION.

 

i was very good i kept my cool and just smiled and nodded.

 

i think i shall have a big glass of Rose wine and watch Dallas !!!!!

[Suze]

Just a thought....and I hope you won,t be offended. , my son has always had a very black and white approach to socialising with children in groups.This has been evident from a very young age to present day .(he,s now nearly 11).My son will regard most contact as deliberate, so an accidental knock would be to him a deliberate push or shove.If someone did,nt hold the door for him in the corridoor he interperets this as an attack.I feel for you and your situation at the moment, I just wondered wether perhaps because our kids very often have difficulties understanding situations wether some of the incidents at nursery could be accidental and your daughter is,nt able to percieve them as this.Would staff let you maybe stay with her sometimes to see how she copes around groups, you might be able to pick up on wether some kids are indeed being cruel to her .Obviously though you,d think that staff would already be watching things carefully .Best of luck, just wanted to share my boys experience,suzex

[brooke]

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[JenRose]

suze, yes i do agree with you to a certain extent that R over generalises incidents she cries if anyone brushes past her and says that they have hit her. but the 2 in question were a black eye and a bit finger with marks and they were treating that as not a big deal.

[llisa32]

Hi Jenrose,

 

It was always my understanding whilst my son was at nursery that they 'had' to record any 'incident' accidental or otherwise that left marks on the childs body. So your dd'd black eye and bite marks should definately have been recorded.

 

Even if the nursery nurses had no idea how she came to be injured - they have to record that the injuries were obtained at nursery.

 

My son frequently ran himself into a wall or a door, causing many bruises and bumps - just through being clumsy. But the nursery recorded all of them and I signed the accident sheet to acknowledge where they occured. It's accepted that kids are sometimes clumsy. I half wonder if the nursery is purposely not recording all incidents because they just cannot cope with the amount of children they have? - if you think thats the case, have a word with offsted on the quiet, or see if you can get hold of a copy of the last report. If they are not 'noticing' when kids are getting hurt they are not doing a good enough job.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Have to say that irrespective of whether a young child comes comes and reports every little detail (that's no bad thing), there's no mistaking a black eye! I thing that it goes without saying that young children don't necessarily see things as we do and we parents allow for that, hence the reason why it's important to question things that a child says which may or may not happened. I'm disgusted at the response you've received. I think because your child has been consistent in what's she's saying, you should be taking this very seriously as you have done. Problem is, nursery don't seem to be. A black eye is no trivial incident and I don't believe that your daughter wouldn't have howled the place down - someone should have noticed!!! You were right to trust your instincts and not let them treat you like an overbearing neurotic mother. You know your child better than anyone. Time will tell, but ....

 

... Hate to say this, but I'd seriously be considering moving nurseries. I realise that's a lot easier said than done and is a major upheaval, but if it's an option you may see amazing results. We were in that situation. My son is now 5. When he was 3 he started in a nursery pre-diagnosis. Straight away I flagged up that I knew there was something wrong. We discussed behaviours, traits, etc and I gave staff the chance. I'd stand watching through the window and noticed that Robert was basically left to do his own thing if he had difficulty joining in. I feel strongly he should have at least been encouraged to join in - not just left. It took him 6 weeks to get into the routine of wearing plimsolls without screaming the place down. Every attempt I made to discuss things fell on deaf ears in fact I was told that "there's too much talk about this". I was fuming. This attitude, coupled by the fact there was generally an unpleasant atmosphere (suspect staff may not have got on - could cut the atmosphere with a knife!), I found another nursery after 5 months. Difference was night and day. Within 3 days the manager had an EP in to see him. When Robert had even the biggest meltdowns (throwing things, sobbing uncontrollably, screaming, lashing out, etc), staff found it in their hearts to give him a cuddle and did their best to calm him down. I'll be forever grateful. Guess point I'm trying to make is that maybe if staff can give your daughter the care and attention she needs and deserves (they sound incompetent!), then maybe she'd benefit massively by moving. I know I felt much happier knowing Robert was well looked after when at nursery.

 

Easier said than done and hopefully isn't necessary. Guess it's a case of waiting and seeing what happens. Sounds like you did your daughter proud today. Staff will hopefully be much more observant.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline.