Am I being over-sensitive?

[Mumble]

I could do with a bit more of a rational perspective on this, because, for all my logic, I'm not feeling very rationale at the moment.

 

I finally made it to the kitchen in my student hall today (bit of a can't cook, too scared of the social contact thing going on - there's one huge kitchen shared between 90 students - my idea of hell), with lots of planning of what to cook, order to do things in, ear-plugs to cope, took a book to read so no-one would talk to me, went mid-afternoon so it wouldn't be busy ...

 

Anyway, managed to start cooking when three very loud, clearly already drunk, female students came in, plugged in a CD player, put 'music' on as loud as it would go and then had to shout at each other to be heard about the clothes they wanted to buy and about the celebrities in a magazine they had. Now I realise this clothes/music etc thing is normal female student behaviour, but it was loud to the extent that the speakers were crackling at the noise. We have to eat in the kitchen too, and despite my ear-plugs it was so loud I was feeling physically ill and was on the verge of a meltdown and screaming at them. I only coped by leaving and giving myself some distance for a while and coming back to finish my now cold food (they were still there, having moved on to use the kitchen as a social bar).

 

I've rambled a bit, but my question is, is it unreasonable for me to expect, not silence, but at least some respect for me? Either way, what do I do? I know there's no point going to the residence office, because they say they'll do things but don't. Do I just avoid the kitchen and live off dried stuff as I've been doing for the last week before making it to the kitchen - I really don't think I can face the kitchen again? Better ear plugs and noise-cancelling headphones have been written into my needs assessment and the funds granted because it's recognised that I have huge problems with sensory overload, but my disability officer has done nothing to get me this equipment (despite our meeting and my many emails). Should I have to chose between eating and my sanity, because that's what the choice to me feels like at the moment?

 

Boring, old-fart, should just learn a bit of 'give and take' Mumble

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

can u be in there at odd times when not so many will be there?

i dont think u are being unreasonable have to say, if they had to shout ect,

how bout mp3 of u own? will help to cancel their noise

u need to eat better, cos i sure that wil help u

 

someone will come alone with a better idea tho

x

[oxgirl]

I do feel for you, Mumble, it must be very hard and you're coping so well, try not to be so hard on yourself. <'> How about if you took with you to the kitchen a small, portable radio. Put it next to you, and turn it on nice and low while you are cooking. That way, no-one is likely to put their blaring music on if there is already music playing and because it is yours, you can control the volume. Or you could take a book with you to read while you're waiting to give you something to distract yourself.

Sounds like you were just really unlucky this time, but try not to give up. Keep going along, at all different times of the day, until you find a time when it is quiet and that suits you best.

Chin up. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[bid]

Just a quick thought...

 

When they are being really noisy, could you ask them to be a bit quieter because you have a problem with your hearing, rather than trying to explain about AS??

 

Just wondering if that would be easier for them to understand, and less 'intrusive' for you??

 

Good luck

 

Bid

[Mumble]

Thanks everyone. I think Oxgirl, I do need to try other times - I'd just hoped this would be a quieter time and I know now that going back is going to be harder - but then again I do need to eat properly because it does effect me if I don't.

 

Bid, your idea is very good and I was trying to think up something to say. The difficulty is that the majority of these obnoxious students are trainee medics, nurses and psychiartrists (Yes, they are obnoxious before they enter the world of causing grief to ASD individuals and their parents! ) and hence might have something to say back to me that I won't have an answer for. Of course, you would think being trainee medics and psychs, they would be more understanding, but it doesn't seem to be that way . . .

 

Anyway, I've found a cure for tonight - I'm just hoping David's better spelling and memory works for me, as the essay I'm working hard on ( ) will be a little odd otherwise.

[David Matthew Baker]

I'm NT and would probably have asked them to turn it down. As soon as music starts distorting it annoys me and to be anywhere near that volume it would be completely unsuitable for the setting you were in anyway. A communial area like that should be tolerable to all people who have to use it. Even if you were the only other person in there I'd still never personally have put music on or if I decided to it would have been as gentle background music. I'd contact the correct people in the University again but also include if they are not going to do anything to help you with your problems you will take things further and if that doesn't work consider talking to the press. I'm sure that might make them sit up and perform the jobs they are meant to be doing. People really need to learn to be more considerate of others. Hope you get things sorted soon, David. <'> <'> <'>

 

EDIT: Hope you find that alcohol works for you as it does me. I think with me it might be I'm more willing to chance things. Spelling certainly tends to go awry as I start writing something and then think it looks wrong and end up changing it to something that isn't correct. I guess that could go for the names too. Don't want to risk offense so not willing to risk incase I'm wrong. Managed to walk round the entirity of Durham the other day with 3 students and still can't remember 2 of their names. Can tell I'm going to have fun next year once I start teacher training.

Edited July 1, 2007 by David Matthew Baker

[Clare63]

OH Mumble,

What a horrible expereince for you especially after you finally decided to use the kitchen only to have a few drunken lasses come and ruin it. Hope you find some of the advice above useful, I know its hard but I think if it happens again you could ask them to turn the music down just whilst you are eating, think I would just say I have a headache !

And yes, make sure you eat properly, especially if you are going to resort in having the odd drink and an essay to write !

<'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x

[Bullet]

You're being completely reasonable. Even if I wasn't sensitive to many noises myself I would still consider it extremely rude of those other students.

[Bagpuss]

Mumble, I don't feel you were being unreasonable, there was no need for their music to be turned up so loud, considering you were also in the kitchen with them and it's not as if you could of cooked your meal, and then left to eat it in your room. I suppose if they were drunk though, they wouldn't of given you much thought. I'd keep trying to go back, and suss out the quieter times. Could you listen to some music through headphones which you find calming? I can appreciate why you feel intimidated about confronting them, or saying anything to them. Good luck...I hope you find a solution....you can't live off dried food (will feed you up at Greenwich )

 

Take care x

[Mumble]

Thanks everyone,

 

Essay didn't quite get finished, so I'm doing it now (as you can see ). I think I need to try and find quieter times (though thought that would be quiet) and I'll try the MP3 instead of earplugs. I think Bagpuss, you're right, that part of the problem was they were drunk, so probably wouldn't listen to reason. I find it so incredibly difficult to talk to people anyhow, and particularly when they were like this and unlikely to respond positively.

 

I have a meeting a week today with the person who organises mentoring and with my disability officer to sort out mentoring for me. As my disability officer will be there (who has done nothing to help), I might just accidently start listing all the problems I haven't been able to deal with . . .

 

Can tell I'm going to have fun next year once I start teacher training.

Ah, well, I can't remember names or recognise faces, so I've come up with some ways around this. Probably harder in secondary, but in primary I have the kids wear labels for the first week or so (gets through that awkward bit). Then, I use seating plans and have this laminated and stuck to my desk, board and somewhere nearer the back of the classroom so I can refer to it (plus it really helps anyone else who has to take the class). My other one (I don't know how good your memory is, but I can remember lists of names, so it really works for me), if there's a kid whose name I don't know, I ask them to remind me of their surname (there seems to be little stigma attached to forgetting surnames) and then can go through the list in my head and know their first name. After a while, although I don't recognise the actual face, I can recognise and put names to kids by other characteristics (height, hair-styles, mannerisms etc.).

[Tally]

Mumble, I'm sorry your first experience in the kitchen was a bad one.

 

Please remember that these medical students don't know you're autistic. Playing music so loud is very rude, but they didn't know how distressing it was for you.

 

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to have use of a kitchen you're not scared to enter. I think this shows how unsuitable this accommodation is for you. You need accommodation where you may have your own cooking facilities in your room. You can't live off dried food. You will become ill if you do. It strikes me that the university seem to be deliberately making your life difficult because they would not have to support you in any way if you left.

 

Good luck with your meeting next week. It would be a very good idea to list all the problems you have not been able to deal with. Telling the disability officer in front of someone else may give her cause to act.

 

T x

[David Matthew Baker]

Ah, well, I can't remember names or recognise faces, so I've come up with some ways around this. Probably harder in secondary, but in primary I have the kids wear labels for the first week or so (gets through that awkward bit). Then, I use seating plans and have this laminated and stuck to my desk, board and somewhere nearer the back of the classroom so I can refer to it (plus it really helps anyone else who has to take the class). My other one (I don't know how good your memory is, but I can remember lists of names, so it really works for me), if there's a kid whose name I don't know, I ask them to remind me of their surname (there seems to be little stigma attached to forgetting surnames) and then can go through the list in my head and know their first name. After a while, although I don't recognise the actual face, I can recognise and put names to kids by other characteristics (height, hair-styles, mannerisms etc.).

 

I might try something like that. I also wondered if I might be able to get a picture of each of the students and just have their names linked to their pictures. (Would have to get parental permission though.) Could then easily load it up in class and just play matching games till I learnt names. Did notice that if someone isn't wearing a coat etc... it can throw me a bit. I thought it was the same lad but wasn't entirely sure until the teacher confirmed it. Luckily (apart from been slightly embarassing) it didn't matter as was me delivering a thank you letter to him. He was one of my two lovely helpers last Thursday when I visited Durham. Have been trying to congratulate students when they deserve it and if it is in letter form it can easily be added to school records. They showed a lot of interest in helping to look after their disabled friend and making sure his needs were met. This level of interest in the welfare of others I decided need commending.

[Mumble]

Please remember that these medical students don't know you're autistic. Playing music so loud is very rude, but they didn't know how distressing it was for you.

 

Telling the disability officer in front of someone else may give her cause to act.

Thanks Tally - I need such perspective because I know I have issues with working out that what others know isn't what I know (does that make sense)

I'm writing a list to take on Monday. I'm finding it so difficult because academically my uni are great to me, but in terms of AS support, it's not even as if they're ignoring it - they seem to be purposely making things as hard as they can. Having such different reactions is very difficult to manage.

 

I might try something like that. I also wondered if I might be able to get a picture of each of the students and just have their names linked to their pictures. (Would have to get parental permission though.)

Well in primary school they often do class photos each year - I don't know if they do this in secondary, but if they do you could scan and chop it up to create name cards.

[mum23]

Hello Mumble,

I sooo agree with Tally.

Your dissabilities officer should have arranged for you to have suitable accomadation, I have no idea where you are studying but I thought all Uni's and such had to have accomidation suitable for people with a varyity of disabilities.

My AS brother ended up leaving uni half way through the course because he could no longer cope with the sensory overload. (He was not diagnosed at the time, I hassen to add). This was over 20 years ago and had hoped things might have changed some what.

If you have the energy please try and push for suitable accomidation as it can make your studying much more relaxed too, I am not suggesting you shut yourself away, just that you get the oppertuniy not to feel stressed all the time.

Bye for now,

Anna

[Tally]

Thanks Tally - I need such perspective because I know I have issues with working out that what others know isn't what I know (does that make sense)

Yes, that makes perfect sense. The only reason I can see it is because I am outside of the situation.

 

I'm writing a list to take on Monday. I'm finding it so difficult because academically my uni are great to me. Having such different reactions is very difficult to manage.

I think it's important to say this. If you go in with something positive to say, it will then be easier to ask for the things you need. Writing it down is a very good idea as well. Is there anyone who can come to the meeting with you, your parents, or some kind of advocate? Maybe the NAS could give you some useful advice.