advice please

[mrs fussy]

OMG my 8 yr old told me tonight that TA at school slapped his hand,he said he then slapped her hand back. I said to him she probablu didnt do it to hurt you he said she pulled my hand out and slapped it with the other hard, he saod so i pulled hers out and did it back , he said she then said why did you slap my hand and he said he said well you tell me why you slapped mine first, she then said she hadnt done anything and then walked off and ignored him, this wa sin his classroom with his new teacher for next year, the TA is his new teachers mother. What the hell shall i do, he said he is scared about going to school incase she does anything worse, my son never refuses to go to school, please desperate for advice, dont want to go in accusing but cant just ignore this Mrs F x

[llisa32]

Hiya....if it was me in this position I would calmly speak to the teacher in the morning and say something like:

 

'B' said the weirdest thing last night...he said that x had slapped his hand and then he slapped her back!'...Act as if you don't think it could be true..but make sure you give the impression that if it is true it's certainly not on.

 

It's a bit hard to convey the expression I mean in writing but hopefully you get the gist. Look incredulous like it's the most bizarre thing your son has ever said cos you can't believe that sort of thing would occur. Say to the teacher that if thats not what happened, what did happen? cos it's unlike your son to not want to go to school.

 

There may be a chance he has misunderstood what did happen..but then still got upset etc..

 

Definately needs checking out...sorry I can't think of anything else..but you do need to find out what exactly happend.

[David Matthew Baker]

It is a child protection issue so technically has to be reported to the head. If anyone told me that type of information I would let the head know otherwise I'm not covered myself. At least that way the situation can also be monitored. That said I wouldn't like to do it as don't know what the reaction would be. Hopefully the head is someone who will take such comments seriously and investigate them fully. If true however that is a very serious action on her part. Also if your son hit back in some schools that would account to an exclusion. It is probably better you raise the issue before they do. I hope you can get this sorted. <'> <'> <'> Also if she has done that to your son what else may she have done to others. I'd probably send it in writing as that way the school has to act. Keep a copy though incase you have to take things further. Good luck. David.

Edited July 5, 2007 by David Matthew Baker

[mrs fussy]

It is a child protection issue so technically has to be reported to the head. If anyone told me that type of information I would let the head know otherwise I'm not covered myself. At least that way the situation can also be monitored. That said I wouldn't like to do it as don't know what the reaction would be. Hopefully the head is someone who will take such comments seriously and investigate them fully. If true however that is a very serious action on her part. Also if your son hit back in some schools that would account to an exclusion. It is probably better you raise the issue before they do. I hope you can get this sorted. <'> <'> <'> Also if she has done that to your son what else may she have done to others. I'd probably send it in writing as that way the school has to act. Keep a copy though incase you have to take things further. Good luck. David.

Thanks for your reply, we are not really on very good terms with the head so dont really trust her to even take this seriously, and yes your probably right she would probably exclude him as she excluded him before 16 days, i have spoken to teachers at other schools and for what he did they have said he wouldnt have been excluded at all for at their school, they have failed him in all areas, and feel they are now pulling ranks to save their own #####., so dont feel they would even be bothered if i did tell them can i go higher who would i need to speak within the LEA what would their job title be as their are loads of other issues that i need to check and this is just the last straw really. Mrs F x

[SarahSH]

Thanks for your reply, we are not really on very good terms with the head so dont really trust her to even take this seriously, and yes your probably right she would probably exclude him as she excluded him before 16 days, i have spoken to teachers at other schools and for what he did they have said he wouldnt have been excluded at all for at their school, they have failed him in all areas, and feel they are now pulling ranks to save their own #####., so dont feel they would even be bothered if i did tell them can i go higher who would i need to speak within the LEA what would their job title be as their are loads of other issues that i need to check and this is just the last straw really. Mrs F x

 

Hi mrs fussy think you're right to take it seriously. What school employs the teacher's mum as a TA! nepotism or what? Is she trained in any way? sounds like that's the issue to me. Even if you set aside her serious lapse of self control in smacking your son's hand, what guarantee have you got that she will behave appropriately in the future? if she's his TA or the TA inhis class, and that was just his preliminary visit, it's not good news for next year. The school have a duty to make sure the staff they employ are aware of how to respond appropriately to behaviour they want to discourage. I would want to ask about ASD training if I were in your position.

Sarah

[David Matthew Baker]

Do you know anyone on the board of governors. That would be the other way to approach the issue. They should be able to exert all the pressure need to get changes to happen.

[mrs fussy]

Hi, board of governors didnt really help with regards his exclusion, and his teacher for next year (the TA daughter) is a teacher governor too.This TA has worked with my son this year and she is meant to have ASD training (my son is not diagnosed) and has a son of her own who has aspergers!!! but she has told me in the past that she used to lose her patience with him (all of this in front of my son) i think she thinks perhaps the heavy handed approach worked with her son and he is fine , wel she is not going to do it with mine we do not believe in smacking in any way but feel we are quite strict parents we dont let him get away with things) but im not going to have him assualted i mean cheek thats what they excluded him for hitting out so what kind of message are we sending to him, the problem i have is my husband thinks we should just let all this tick along and not do anything about it. My other fear is that she would have recorded this incident in his behaviour sheets but failed to mention what she did, i have asked him if he could have misinterpreted it (hes a bright lad) and he said she did it hard and had a cross face. OH it just never ends another ruined weekend. Oh by the way my husband rang the head today as we didnt send him to school and told her he had been upset by the 1 to 1 support and is finding it difficult(he doest want the 1 to 1) to concentrate having her with him, she said she will ask if they can ease off a little but she said she still had to be there, we ave a meeting at school on friday how do you think i should approach this subject. Mrs F x

[wishingwell]

Personally I believe the child is telling the truth!

 

Now you must decide how you will handle this. Obviously your son has been introduced to his new teacher for next year and the TA has decided to show him who is going to be in control next year and that they are not going to except him misbehaving in their class!!!!!!!!!!

 

I would write to the HT. Explaining what has happened and that you are very concerned. That your son is showing signs at home that you have never witnessed before following this incident at school. Example clingy to his parents and begging not to go to school, cannot eat, cannot sleep, cannot get him settled, he has suddenly became terrified of his TA, could something so serious have taken place in their school?

Let them know you are also sending a copy to the educational physiologist for further investigation and do! After a phone call from ed physiologist their attitudes throughout the whole school will change. ( I have done this.) In your letter to the ed. physiologist tell them your son confidence its at the lowest ebb, he is nervous to the extent he expects something bad to happen to him every day at school and that their attitude to him is making his peers aware that it is easy to bully him into trouble just to watch him being punished, also his studies are being effected. Also use this letter to express everything that has happened in school over the past year to him. Phone the LEA for the ed physiologist address. Remember to kee it on paper because people can retract things which they say on the phone.

 

Put nothing in his home / school dairy and don't discuss this with his TA let this be treated as a serious incident and only talk with the Head Teacher. Remember how they have treated you and your son in the past. This will not go against your son it will strengthen your case.

 

God your going through the mill but things will get better, there is light at the end of the tunnel!

 

Thinking about you. <'> <'> <'>

[wishingwell]

Sorry on your meeting for Friday,

I would send the letter instead and keep him at home tomorrow due to him being so traumatized. And get your letter of to ed. psychologist. Monday morning bring him in or send his dad with him do not discuss very much about it except to HT and merely just listen and say very little, it is already in the letter. Let this go through the proper channels. Don't let them intimidate your family. They will be held accountable. You are not the first mum to go through this.

 

All the Best.

 

wishingwell

[mrs fussy]

Hi thx for your reply, this is just what i think we should do too but my husband thinks we should just send him to school on Monday, our meeting is with them next firday, i am really concerned for him as he was already reluctant to tell me what had happenned because he had done it back he thought he was telling me about something he had done wrong poor mite, how is this allowed to happen to people its just unbelievable, i have had parent partnership attend meetings with me but feel they have also bullied me into things too, and th woman from pp has been ringing the ed psych too i think putting the poison down for us so i am unsure about what help she will be giving us, i feel like just taking him out permanently but my son will miss his freinds, and this i feel is really important i feel everyone one is against us they are all sticking together because they know they have all messed up, the ed psych was asking us when she came to do a visist about if we had looked around another local school because we recently said to his present school that we were going to move him she was also digging about what we thought his SEN was without directly asking us, the purpose of her visist was supposedly to gain information for a CAMHS meeting she had rearding my son. S he has since telephoned to say that he has been put as priorty, which i cant really understand because pead said when she did her referral that he wouldnt be priorty so am worried about what has been said to CAMHS, when we go they will surely be asking us for information themselves wont they? and will we be able to read the information they already hold on him so that we can check what has been said about him. Gosh i am just so worried, something else too, he has had loads of abscence recently and i cant understand why the school have not contacted EWO i would like them too so that i acn explain why he is reluctant to attend.H esaid to me today that he wouldnt really mind working with someone 1 to 1 if they would let him concentrate and didnt slap his hand, this is breaking my heart. Mrs F x

[David Matthew Baker]

I think this is fairly extreme but the setup in the school doesn't sound like it offers you much choice. As you don't have faith in the head or governors the only real option would be the L.E.A. I believe in this sort of case they are fully entitled to visit a school without any warning. I also believe they would be worried about a conflict of interest in the situation you have described with the teacher and her mum as learning support. It is too well setup for covering any abuse of power in that class. I would have thought they would at least pressurise the school to move around their support. Try and include as much information as possible so that they understand why you needed to take it direct to them rather than routing it through the school. If they are not willing to do anything about the situation ask them if they can recommend any alternative provision in the area that your son could access. I.E. another school that could cater for his needs. I would be very worried if that situation continued. Even with two members of staff it is a worry the school will close up and back the member of staff. With a personal relationship in the picture it is a totally biast situation. Please don't let this situation rest. I don't have a child but would be worried if I thought any of the students I work with were getting treated like this by any members of staff at my school.

[wishingwell]

Mrs Fussy I hope you can make sense of this?

Third party interference can be more of a hindrance than a help. I have chosen to go this journey alone over the last 5 years working only with the school and no outside interference. Some very unhelpful input and reports were sent to the LEA by certain people within the LEA. Whom at the beginning I believed had my sons best interests at heart. I was very wrong! After a very rocky start with the school I found through talking on a 1 to 1 with the HT that she knew things were happening to save money. She was also receiving phone calls telling her to deal with the problem internally and that no further funding was being made available to support my son.

I began my own campaign to get him the help I knew he needed to reach his full academic ability. (With support from the very person I had reported to the ed physiologist HT). Only this year we where introduced to another LEA worker whom is preparing him for his transition to his new school, visiting at home and in school. 'What a wonderful young man' where her words of describing him, how did we achieve so much, what help had we received! what! what! what! question after question. within one month the HT phoned me to say big waves were being made about the provision allocated to my son and phone calls to the school had began again they where very abrupt about provisions and under no circumstances was any more funding going to be provided by them. Needless to say the door is now firmly bolted again. I have spoken to the new school and they to have started to feel hounded by phone calls from this body. I have clearly let them know that I will be working directly with them on every aspect of his education and that any decisions must be pasted by me and them only. They are delighted with this. Which leaves me in serious doubt as to what is really happening within the education system. Which is why I think you need to get the school your son is at on your side. Yes they too will make mistakes but if you can build a repore of trust with the HT you will find she is not the one out to cause you problems. Keep her sweet by asking her advice and by expressing how important you feel your sons education is and that you feel the school has really contributed to his learning keep her sweet and the child will reap the reward. Please kept all correspondence with the school and LEA in writing. My best line is 'I know that had you known this was happening you would have got it sort without me having to write. I will leave it in your capable hands to sort out please rely in writing.' In the beginning my other half wanted to pull the heads off all of them. Yes I did bring him to the LEA meetings. God did we make waves too! Only my own family know how much having my son has changed my personality and my attitude to-wards people in Authority. I have no regrets and we're very proud of him and so is his school.

 

It does get easier as time go on, remember that you are the voice of your child!

Be Strong <'> <'> <'>

[JsMum]

I personally dont think this TA should be in your sons school, even an nt child might of reacted in this way, it is unexceptable and what if he had done it first to her, by the sounds of it, she may of done it back.

 

I dont like any adult using physical punishment, and if she had of left a red mark she could be charged with child abuse and rightly so and what kind of message does it give the children who saw this, it may of even psychologically effected some of the most vulnerable children in that class.

 

I personally could not, and would not trust someone who is going to hold my sons hand out and smack it, we are in year 2007 not 1907.

 

I would as you all who know me here, write a letter of complaint and report the incedent to the police because if she thinks she get away with a smack then it may lead to further mistreatment.

 

JsMum

[mrs fussy]

Yes i agree im just worried that they will think im some kind of neurotic mother as this his how the school have portrayed me, im worried about what she may have already done to my son as she has been working with him since april and was actually with him on the day he was excluded we have no one on our side at all i just want him out even if it means home ed as i fear for him, this TA has worked at the school along time so they would believe her over me i know it and the head too they are all just pulling ranks the best i think i can hope for is to be able to get him into a new school somewhere they will value him for his many talents, and as you say a NT child would probably have reacted this way too, can i say my son has no diagnosis so is in fact NT, i am now unsure if anything they have ever told me about his behaviiur is true as lots of the things they have said he jas not done at home ever they have portrayed him as some sort of volatile child which he is not in fact hes a very sensetive boy, although i will admit he does have a temper but we rarely see it and the consequences are certainly no worse than any other child i have seen, i kinda feel i have just believed them and worried my self sick thinking hes really bad, and all along hes been telling me that no one ever believes him, how can this happen? Also from what i can gather my son doesnt think anyone else saw it of course she wouldnt do it to be seen would she , he said he doesnt even know what he had meant to have done wrong, just being there i think why do they all hate him hes such a loving sensitve intelligent boy, i know what it is he also has an opinion and i dont think they like this Thanks everyone for your support Mrs F x I am very scared at hte moment, and feel bullied and down trodden.

[Karen A]

Hi.I think it is totaly inappropriate for a daughter to be working as a TA in the class where her mother is the teacher.It is impossible for them to have an impartial proffesional relationship.I am surprised that the HT feels it is ok.Sorry you are having such an awful time.

The other thing I thought-having read your last post -is that if you are really not sure whether the school are right in suggesting AS then you need to be clear with Camhs about your views.The school may have their own reasons for wanting to push for an AS diagnosis.I know you have been reading lots here.If you have a very different view of your child to school from what you see in contexts outside school then please tell Camhs.Others here may have different views.I do not believe it would help your child to end up with an AS Dx if in fact the problem is that a school was looking for an excuse to justify a lack of understanding of your child.

I know others may disagree but that is ok.Karen.

[mrs fussy]

Yes thi is what i think it is inappropriate, (it is the other way round though TA is the mother Teacher is the daughter), and the head well what can i say as useful as a chocolate teapot and a liar too, this is not just my view its the view of MOST parents, no one has any respect for her 5 children left the school at easter, 2 out of my sons class and it was because they were dissatisfied no other reason although school imply its because of my son, but every parent i have spoken to have only words of support for us and cant understand why we are being treated like this including those who have taken thier children out of school, they have made a point of coming to me to reassure me of their reasons, its like a ###### witch hunt but i just dont know why, i mean my son is performing academically and 3 yrs above his peers so what is their problem, they have i think purposefully socially excluded him, not sending out letters about school discos and after school clubs and sports day its like they want to isolate him, asking me to have him home at lunch, having him in part time on the days that their are lessons that would benefit him like PHSE and circle time, what are they playing at. Mrs F x

[Karen A]

Yes thi is what i think it is inappropriate, (it is the other way round though TA is the mother Teacher is the daughter), and the head well what can i say as useful as a chocolate teapot and a liar too, this is not just my view its the view of MOST parents, no one has any respect for her 5 children left the school at easter, 2 out of my sons class and it was because they were dissatisfied no other reason although school imply its because of my son, but every parent i have spoken to have only words of support for us and cant understand why we are being treated like this including those who have taken thier children out of school, they have made a point of coming to me to reassure me of their reasons, its like a ###### witch hunt but i just dont know why, i mean my son is performing academically and 3 yrs above his peers so what is their problem, they have i think purposefully socially excluded him, not sending out letters about school discos and after school clubs and sports day its like they want to isolate him, asking me to have him home at lunch, having him in part time on the days that their are lessons that would benefit him like PHSE and circle time, what are they playing at. Mrs F x

 

 

Sorry I got it the wrong way round.That is even worse. I cannot see how a teacher can take overall responsibility for and have authority in a class if mum is the TA.Some people just do not like others who rock the boat...be they children or adults. Karen.

[wishingwell]

Thinking off you!

 

Good Luck on Friday. <'> <'> <'>

[chicken]

hi, i need some information on child assessment through the nhs for a 12yr old in the London area or maybe outside London.

if any1 knows were there might be an assessor or any information on the subject please fell free to reply

 

many thanx,

 

chicken