Should I tell my son?

[sash]

Hi,

I was wondering what people think about whether I should tell my 6 year old he has Asperger's? I am so worried about doing the wrong thing....On the one hand just writing 'should I tell him' made me feel I should as I feel like Im keeping a secret about him, and he has low self esteem and so it may help. I have spoken in a round about way about it explaining that everyone is different and all people are really good at some things and not so good at other things and bigging up the things hes good at. I havent actually come out and said he has AS. I think maybe its because he'll probably tell everyone which is fine if that what he wants, but Im worried later in life he'll wish not everyone knew? Also I know some people would have a lot to say about it and am worried it wouldnt be a good thing I really really don't know what to do for the best and would really value any advice...

[pearl]

Hiya sash

We told JP when he was 10, hadnt planned it but it turned out fine. A huge relief to us that he wouldnt hear it in a negative way from anyone else, & the start of educating him about his fantastic brain!

 

Theres loads of books to help now (not so many when we did it) - maybe you could start by reading something with him?

[Bagpuss]

Hi Sash, we told our daughter this year...she is 9, AS. I felt it was an appropriate time, and that she was mature enough to understand. We only got dx last year though, so unsure how I would have handled it had she been much younger. She has taken it upon herself to tell a couple of friends, although how clearly they understand I'm unsure. We were so worried about how she would take it, but she was fine. We answered her questions as and when they came up, and we hope it will give her some understanding of herself, and wanted her to be fully aware before beginning secondary school in a couple of years.

 

Our youngest dd is 6 ASD, and we've not told her. She would have no understanding of ASD whatsoever, and I don't know when she will be able to understand. Hopefully we will know when the right time comes. She has muscular dystrophy too, and we've explained she has poorly muscles, because she began to question why her legs felt wobbly. She was happy with this explanation.

 

Our eldest dd has commented to me a few times over the hols, when I've obviously been finding youngest dd challenging "Oh Mum, I really feel sorry for you, it must be soooo hard to have a child with autism" Bless her, she doesn't realise the connection between herself and her sister

 

Good luck <'>

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son is 5 and has AS. I've made myself a promise that I'll be honest with him in a way that's commensurate with his age. I've told him that he 's special and that he thinks about things a bit differently than other people. He asked for examples and one of his big characteristics of his nature is aggression. I bought a fantastic book called 'Volcano in my tummy' and tried to explain that he gets very cross a lot and showed him the illustrations in the book of the boy becoming angry with an illustration of a volcano erupting. He seemed to understand. It's made thing a lot easier when attending the many appointments - I simply answer that we're going for a chat because that person wants to see how we/he's getting on. I'm of the opinion that it'll make life easier the older he gets in that I'll not be starting from scratch explaining things, but will be adding.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[wishingwell]

Hi Sash

I waited until his last term in primary school and then got some positive reading and Dvd's to help him understand.

I felt this was the right time for him to be told, we openly talked all through the summer holidays and when he starts grammar school in sept he can became involved in all the meetings regarding his education. He does not want his school friends to be told and we must respect his wishes.

[Cat]

I had two sons diagnosed within six weeks of each other. The youngest who was then 3 was diagnosed first. The eldest who was then 13 received his dx six weeks later. He not only wanted but needed to talk about his dx, and he often brought the fact that his brother also had the dx into the conversation. This meant that my youngest has been hearing all of the words associated with autism from him being 3 years old. He asked his first questions about what autism was when he was five, and we have answered every question that he has asked about either autism, himself or his brother as and when he has asked them. I think the fact that he had grown up hearing the words floating around him made it easier for him. He wants to understand himself. He is now 10.

 

When he began to question having to see doctors and therapists on a regular basis I was truthful with him about who they were as in doctors who know about autism.

 

Cat

[Cat]

I had two sons diagnosed within six weeks of each other. The youngest who was then 3 was diagnosed first. The eldest who was then 13 received his dx six weeks later. He not only wanted but needed to talk about his dx, and he often brought the fact that his brother also had the dx into the conversation. This meant that my youngest has been hearing all of the words associated with autism from him being 3 years old. He asked his first questions about what autism was when he was five, and we have answered every question that he has asked about either autism, himself or his brother as and when he has asked them. I think the fact that he had grown up hearing the words floating around him made it easier for him. He wants to understand himself. He is now 10.

 

When he began to question having to see doctors and therapists on a regular basis I was truthful with him about who they were as in doctors who know about autism.

 

Cat

[oxgirl]

I was just like you when my lad was little, I was in agonies about what and how to tell my lad. I was terrified that the information would somehow destroy him. Then one day, when he was six, a situation occured and we were arguing and he suddenly said, 'I'm not like the other children at school' and this was my chance to elaborate. I only told him a little bit at first to put his mind at rest and he didn't bat an eyelid, he just said, 'oh' and carried on with his drawing. Over the years we've fed him more and more information until he's grown to understand his dx more fully, it was a gradual process for us.

 

Good luck with your decision, I know how hard it is and how worrying, but you may find it easier than you fear. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[ASue67]

My son is 8 and was dx last month. I have not yet explained to him about his dx but I know that I need to do this so that I can deal with other issues (anger management, friends etc) so I have just ordered some books and leaflets and am trying to work out the best way to go about it!!!!

 

Good luck with everything <'>

[bid]

Lots of great advice here, especially about using appropriate books (the NAS will have a selection and would be able to advise I think).

 

I personally think it's important to tell children because I think they can imagine something very scary might be wrong with them, especially if they are in and out of hospital for appointments, etc.

 

I was open with my son from the very beginning, when he was dx'd with Dyspraxia first of all...it was then relatively straightforward to elaborate when he was dx'd with AS at 7.

 

I think if all the assessments start when they are quite little, it is good for it to just be part of life, IYSWIM. Harder if they get a dx when they are older, I think...

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid