Frustrated

[Millymoo]

 

Hi

 

My son is due for his assessment next week to see if he has Aspergers/ASD. To put it bluntly, he's driving me mad and I think you are the only people who truly understand. Most friends/family say it's usual for kids to ignore you, it's normal to have tantrums, it's normal to get distressed in groups, but they just don't get that his behaviour is constant and extreme , not just that he's having an off day like their kids.

 

I know there are a lot of children that are worse than my son but I just don't know how to deal with him. My DH also has Aspergers so it's hard to get support from him sometimes (although he really tries)

 

Can anyone give me any encouragement? Is there much help out there for Children with ASD? I'm already on happy pills due to the situation and Post natal depression and just don't know how to handle him.

 

Help (please)

 

Sarah x

[frazzled]

Hi

 

I looked up your previous posts and saw that your little one is 3. My dd is 5 now and I can say that the period from 2 and a half to about three and a half was the worst for us. It got better going into the school system as there was better access to support, and behaviour did improve as some of the age-related things like tantrums got better. Also you begin to understand them better which in turn leads to better behavour.

 

That said, I probably still have a little weep sometime during each day due to the sheer hard work and frustration.

[spectrummum]

Hi

i am shell mum of 6 one with autism one with aspergers one with traits one with lbd

its hard hun,but as we do we get strong and we deal with it, WHY because no one else can.

has parents we have to go through the grieving process

The perfect child we all excpected did not arrive and untill we let go of the perfect child that was not we can not begin to understand the child that is.

we have all screamed in our hands and asked why me some may bargain with god

we have all wondered when things will get better ,we have to make it better we have to understand

before we can get into there world they must feel safe in ours.

hugs to you my friend you will find yourself

love shell

[Millymoo]

Thanks for your support. I think it's the grieving process I'm finding hard. The doctor talked about it when DH wa diagnosed and it's only now, 4 months after his dx that I'm starting to see what he meant.

 

In the case of my Son, it's even harder as I had miscarriages before having him and was told he had a high risk of Downs in pregnancy. I was so happy that he was born fit & healthy, it seems wrong now to be sad about the way he is. There was a time I thought I'd never have kids.

 

I think you're right though, I have to accept how he is and learn ways of dealing with him to make life happier for us all

 

Thanks

 

Sarah x

[llisa32]

Hi Millymoo...sorry things feel so hard and difficult at the moment. <'>

 

I know how you feel and I can say the biggest thing thats made a difference for me in terms of how much my son 'drives me mad' is to learn as much as possible about AS/ASD's. They say a little bit of knowledge is a powerful thing...in this case I think it's true.

 

I have found patience I didn't know I had, and I have learnt to enjoy some of the more crazy moments - J enjoys them, so I may as well join in his fun and enjoy him too!. It's been a really huge learning curve for me since May this year but this forum and the people on it have helped enormously.

 

You will find strength you didn't know you had, suddenly the daily up's and down's will just seem 'routine' and you will be able to take them in your stride. It's a hard old slog - but worth it in the end <'>

[Wardie]

 

Hi

 

My son is due for his assessment next week to see if he has Aspergers/ASD. To put it bluntly, he's driving me mad and I think you are the only people who truly understand. Most friends/family say it's usual for kids to ignore you, it's normal to have tantrums, it's normal to get distressed in groups, but they just don't get that his behaviour is constant and extreme , not just that he's having an off day like their kids.

 

I know there are a lot of children that are worse than my son but I just don't know how to deal with him. My DH also has Aspergers so it's hard to get support from him sometimes (although he really tries)

 

Can anyone give me any encouragement? Is there much help out there for Children with ASD? I'm already on happy pills due to the situation and Post natal depression and just don't know how to handle him.

 

Help (please)

 

Sarah x

 

Hi Sarah

First of all <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I don't know whether we just got lucky, but whilst there are odd triggers for my DS, major meltdowns are rare. We have always put it down to strict adherance to routines from almost the time he was born. My friends / family could never understand why, when we got together for weekends or holidays we would always insist on J having meals / bedtime etc at exactly the same time when other kids just went with the flow. Breaks from routine, or failure to prepare for change caused him such distress that we just fell into following his natural routines and not varying them. Same with food, clothing textures, I'm sure there's others. We would sometimes push the boundaries a little to see if he was ready to move on, but without pressure. As he's got older (10 now) things are easier, but it's been a slog. We've only got the one so maybe it was easier.

Don't know if this helps in any way at all. Good luck with the assessment.

[andreasea]

HI MILLYMOO

 

I AM ALSO ON 'HAPPY PILLS' BECAUSE OF POST NATAL DEPRESSION AND STRESS.MY DS IS ALSO 3

YES IT IS A NIGHTMARE A LOT OF THE TIME,I GET (SECRETLY)VERY CROSS WITH OTHER MOTHERS WHO SAY 'YES MINE ARE THE SAME' WHEN TALKING ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN HAVING A BAD DAY.

I FEEL LIKE SAYING 'I BET THEY AREN'T,DO YOUR CHILDREN RUN AROUND SCREAMING SAYING THE SAME WORDS OVER AND OVER FOR HOURS ON END,DESTROYING THEIR TOYS,PULLING TV'S OFF STANDS,EAT SNAILS AND WORMS, TRY TO ESCAPE OUT OF WINDOWS,TAKE POO NAPPIES OFF AND TREAD IT INTO THE CARPET AND RUN OFF AFTER ESCAPING FROM THEIR BUGGY WHEN YOU ARE QUEING IN A SHOP' TO NAME JUST A FEW LITTLE INCIDENTS IN THE DAY.THAT WOULD SHUT THEM UP!!!!!!!!!!!

 

WHEN I 1ST WAS GIVEN THE DIAGNOSIS(LAST DECEMBER) I SHUT IT OUT FOR A FEW MONTHS,IT IS ONLY IN THE PAST 4 MONTHS I HAVE STARTED FINDING STUFF OUT.I DID A LOT OF INTERNET RESEARCH BUT IT CAN DO YOUR HEAD IN BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH OUT THERE A LOT OF IT DOES NOT REALLY HELP IT JUST SCARES YOU.

I FEEL POSITIVE NOW I HAVE MY PLAN OF ACTION,I AM LEARNING MORE AND MORE ABOUT MY BOY EVERYDAY AND HOW TO HANDLE HIM.

 

THE BEST THING I DO IS JUST LAUGH,EVEN AT THE MOST HORRIFIC THINGS.THEN I DONT GET SO STRESSED.HE IS HAPPY SO,SO AM I!! AND THERE IS QUITE A LOT OF HELP OUT THERE,MY ADVISE IS SAY YES TO ALL THE HELP THAT IS OFFERED AND THEN SE HOW IT GOES,IF IT DOESN'T WORK THEN TRY SOMETHING ELSE.

FOR INSTANCE WE HAD A FAMILY THERAPIST(I THINK THAT WAS HER TITLE) WHO CAME TO THE HOUSE TO TRY AND GIVE ME ADVISE ON HOW TO HANDLE MY DS BEHAVIOUR.SHE WAS DREADFUL SO WE DECIDED NOT TO SEE HER AGAIN.BUT I NOW HAVE A PORTAGE WORKER SOON TO BE WEEKLY AND MY DS HAS A FIRST TEAM VISITOR AT HIS NURSERY,I AM ALSO GOING ION THE EARLY BIRD COURSE AND THEY HAVE BEEN FANTASTIC AND A GREAT HELP.

 

GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING YOU AREN'T ALONE XX