School threats and woes

[curra]

My DS is in year 10, has a statement and attends a comprehensive with an ASD unit. He has been refusing to go to mainstream lessons for quite some time and he wants to be taught in the ASD Unit because he fears his peers. The school have agreed this year (only after I contacted the LEA) to give him some lessons in the unit and some in the mainstream groups and M agreed because there's another boy from the unit who 'd be there too. But the big problems started when I realised at the start of year 10 that they had not included his favourite subject choice in his timetable so I asked them to and they did, rather grudgingly. M had to drop another subject of his choice and the decision was really hard. Anyway, the school said he would HAVE to go to the mainstream lessons in this new subject because there were no empty rooms in the unti during that time. My son went twice (alone since the other boy is not taking this subject) and he couldn?t cope anymore. He began to have a poor attendance because he was so stressed, it was then agreed that he could have these lessons in the unit for the time being so he has been going to school again. To top it all, I was visited by the EWO regarding his attendance and one of the things she asked me, (which really surprised me) was whether I thought that there could be another school for M. Then last week when M had the lesson in this subject the TA who teaches him (not even a teacher?I know) forced him to go with her to the class where the mainstream group was to pick up work for him. This is what M told me what happened: ?She told me to stand next to the window so that they would see me and she kept on going that there was nothing wrong in them seeing me and she made a scene because I refused to be seen. She said If you can?t do this then you have a problem and this is not the school for you!. She opened the door and said to the teacher, Sorry, Miss xx I have M here and he?s being difficult. Everyone saw me?. Then he had that lesson alone in a room. Yesterday they put pressure on him again but he refused to go to mainstream. I sent a letter asking for a meeting with the head, this was on Monday this week , still no reply. I called her yesterday on the phone, she didn?t return my call. When M came home yesterday he said he had been threatened by the head of the unit that if he doesn?t go to the mainstream lessons one more time, he will have to drop his GCSE in this subject. That was enough to cause him distress and so he?s at home again saying that he won?t go to school on the days he has this subject because he?s not strong enough even if I have to go to prison.

This whole situation really feels like blackmail to me. He's also not learning much although he?s an able boy and he should do GCSEs, but how is he going to if he can?t cope, he?s not being taught appropriately and he?s not being supported? This is not right, it seems to me they want him out of the school because he?s becoming too expensive. Problem is, there is no other school with an ASD unit in my area, M is terrified of a residential and home tuition would mean more isolation for him. He is starting to socialize with other boys in the unit? It seems to me that I should fight for his right to this school, but how? At times like these I feel so powerless

I don?t know what to do next, should I complain formally, write to the LEA, ask someone for help (who? NAS?) or insist on a meeting with the school??

I need some advice pleeeeaase!!!

 

Sorry for the long post, hope it makes sense

 

 

Curra

[Nic m]

Curra,

 

I wish i could offer advice, but dont know how to , write everything down so that if you do complain you have it organised.

Hope you and your son get some support.

Nicola

[curra]

Thanks Nicm. I have written it down.

 

I wonder whether I should send a letter to the head of the unit perhaps with copy to someone, or just wait until she returns my call which she probably won't do.

 

Curra

[Eva]

Hi Curra,

 

I have no advice sorry - my son's in prep and am just starting the school saga . I reckon though you should send letters to everyone - don't hold back.

 

Your poor son, that's awful <'> . It really isn't fair is it.

 

Eva

[curra]

Thanks for your reply, Eva. In the meantime I rang the head again and we discussed it on the phone, we just stated our different points of view but nothing was agreed. She'll give me a ring next week, so I have no other choice now but to give the school time to come up with a solution. In the meantime M is missing education ! It's really not fair for our children, Why does it always have to be like this??

 

Curra

[Suze]

Hi hun <'> ..........my son attends a unit at a high school.If your son does go and do a mainstream class is he supported 1;1?...just wondered

This might not sound like good news , but I was under the impression that a unit works to provide a mainstream setting with the ASD support. A small portion of lessons can be done in the unit but the vast majority are done in a mainstream class .(sometimes these can be a smaller group but still mainstream).......So I,m not sure but maybe they can,t provide all his lessons in the unit because this isn,t how it works IYSWIM.......maybe the suggestion he move school is because he needs a more specialized environment , so he can feel less stressed.I don,t really know what the answer is , or how your sons unit works exactly, but the staff sound a little uncaring to how he feels about the situation.Hope the Head has some answers , good luck Suzex.

[curra]

Hi Suze, thanks for your reply! No he's not supported 1 to 1 in the mainstream lessons because he doesn't want to be singled out by the group. He has always rejected support in the lessons because he thinks they are going to laugh at him. I realise that not all the lessons can be provided in the unit and I wish that he coped well enough to be in big groups M doesn't even dare to go out by himself. Most of the students in the unit have lessons in the mainstream environment, but there's also another boy who is taught all his lessons in the unit so I don't know how the unit functions. It seems to depend on the individual case.

 

Curra

[oxgirl]

Hiya, Curra. <'> <'>

 

I can see that the Unit might feel in a bit of a difficult position if they are offering support in mainstream but your lad is refusing it. I know in Jay's Unit that they couldn't really provide lessons for him there for the first two years because the other students were so much less able than him, so he couldn't join in with what they were doing as it wasn't appropriate. This year there are more able children for them to mix and match, so they can do more in the Unit with them as groups. He is supported in mainstream, because he couldn't cope without, but it's difficult if your lad does need the support but doesn't feel comfortable accepting it.

 

Are there any alternative schools near you that you think could do a better job of supporting him? It's very difficult for our children, because they struggle to fit in in the mainstream but are considered too able to be accepted in the special school system, so they are very much stuck out there on their own.

 

Is there any way that your lad would accept support in the mainstream lessons if the TA was there just generally and not making it obvious that she was there specifically for him. That way, maybe she could go and help other children as well, taking the emphasis off of him and maybe he wouldn't feel so conspicuous.

 

Best of luck with it. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[curra]

Hi Mel,

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate your advice, especially since your son is of the same age as mine and he's learning at a unit too. M says that a TA in the lessons would make things worse for him because he fears being seen as different by his peers. I think that it would be a good solution and I have explained to him that he doesn't need to have any contact with the group outside those lessons, but it's no use trying to explain it to him. It's all very irrational (for lack of a better word) because he feels paranoid in big groups. He is able but when it comes to social skills, he's really disabled. Perhaps the school are right hinting at the possibility that he should be in another school, but the way it was said was very detrimental, it just made things worse for him. We live in a small town surrounded by rural areas and the only other possible school for him is for children with behaviour difficulties.

 

curra xx

[pumpkinpie]

It seems to me this situation is unacceptable and you really need a meeting to clarify matters.

Personally I would put your concerns in writing to the head of the unit - so it cant be glossed over. i woulds say about him having to drop subjects and his learning/ ability to sit his gcses. being compromised because of his disability and the way it is being handled by the school(in otherwords nicely saying my child is being diecriminated against - which is what they are trying to do).

 

I wopuld aslo detail this TA s extremely poor treatment - she needs traINING and question why it was felt necessary to do this?

 

If the EWO has been involved it would seem appropriate to send them a copy of the corres to keep themin the loop 9 or save it for later).

I would however start to think about copying corres to the education officer and the ed psych - cos I think school are dragging their heels and seeing you are pursuing this and letting others know whats happening means they cat just forget about your son - year 11 and exaoms are very close and things need resolving now!

[curra]

Pumpkinpie, I agree with you. What is most unacceptable for me is that the subject teacher threatens to exclude my son from her lessons because he refuses to go to her lessons but it's only because he can't cope with being on his own in a group. That is a difficulty related to AS and her treatment of my son smells like disability discrimination to me.

Thanks for your advice !

 

Curra xx

[Suze]

Hi Curra...........if they are already prepared to teach one child solely in the unit .......how can they refuse to do this for your son , if it seems that is what he needs.You could try asking for your boy to be put in smaller teaching groups, or to be disapplied from subjects that he finds to much, ie drama or PE.I go in and talk to the staff in the unit.If it works similar to my sons , they are the ones who have control of how his timetable works.Would your boy be better having an LSA but maybe sharing him/her with 1or2 other students?Hope you get this sorted hugs suzex

[Clare63]

Curra I am so sorry you and your son are being put through all this, it makes me so mad and angry that they can't not seem to grasp the difficulties our children expereince in these situations. My son yr 8 deos not do Pe (well for the past yr coz its too stressful and he was refusing to attend school those days) this past week they are trying to force him back, we had a mega meltdown last night, he was so distressed and so was I, I can't bear to see him that way and all because they lack true understanding of his AS. I can only say keep fighting and be firm, you are doing all you can to support your child and they surely have an obligation to do the same, especially at such an important time for him (yr10/11).

My son is always very interested in the experiences of other AS children at school on this forum and has just read this one, he said "Mum why can't we have schools for children with aspergers with specially trained teacher, then none of us would have to go through this?"..... what do you say.

Hope you get this matter resolved quickly Curra <'> <'> <'>

Clare x x x

[curra]

Hi Suze,

I also think that if they teach one why not another one, but they say that they don't have teachers for my son. He is already disapplied from other subjects such as drama and he 's the only student in the unit in year 10 at higher level so he can't join small groups. Yesterday M had a meltdown at home because he sees himself as "unattractive", "failure", "no future" and so on. The more I tried to comfort him the worse it got. He fears the teasing and bullying from peers, even if it's not happening now he was bullied in the past and he still suffers from it. The unit gives him a safe place to learn.

<'> Curra

[curra]

Hi Clare, thanks for your input and support! A big <'> to your son for his excellent insight and I hope that his school understand his problems with PE. He's so right in what he says, if teachers were better trained many children AS children would be better supported. I am a teacher and I didn't receive any training in ASD during my training. My son went through something similar in PE in years 7 and 8 before he was statemented. He was forced to do sports and in the end he just had to change into his PE uniform for nothing and sit on a bench because he's so bad at it, and his self image was going more and more down. Is your son statemented? At first the LEA tried not to include anything about PE in my son's statement, but I insisted, so now M has some gym exercises and no team sports. I'd talk to the school again in your case, it must come from the head or senco. In my experience PE teachers although they have wanted to help, cannot do very much because they cannot leave a pupil unattended. Hope the school can come up with a solution to help your son. Good luck!!

 

Curra xx

[curra]

Well, I contacted the NAS helpline and they sent me some info to back my views in the meeting with the school which will be in 2 weeks. I'll post an update and till then I wish you all good luck, don't let school/Lea ignore you!!

<'> <'>

 

Curra

[Clare63]

Curra,

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Good luck for your meeting and thank you so much for the kind support and understanding you show me.

 

Clare x x x

[Nic m]

Good news if you have info to back you up good luck, looking forward to hearing how you get on

Nicola