Negotiating Skills Training Course

[bid]

I spent today at work doing a Negotiating Skills Training course. I did tell the course instructor that I had AS beforehand.

 

Anyway, now I just feel so rubbish. I had thought that the course would help me work out how to talk to people in difficult situations, but instead I feel even more that I can't work out stuff like this

 

There are so many different negotiating 'styles', and so many different reactions that you can meet, and even if I can almost see these intellectually, I am no nearer understanding it or being able to do it/spot other people doing it in real life

 

I genuinely don't understand why you can't just ask people to do things in a polite way, especially as they are being paid to do these things. I have never refused to do anything at work, even if I did think it was 'unfair' or whatever, because I am paid to do it.

 

The whole horrible day just highlighted my differences and that I just don't see things in the same way as the majority of people I work with, and usually work is the one place where I don't feel different.

 

I cried all the way home, and at the moment I just hate being me

 

Sorry, moan over.

 

Bid

[Bagpuss]

Bid <'>

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

well dont!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

you have got pretty far without them skills!!!

you got a good job great kids and family

so stop nows please

dear dear bid

xxxxxx <'>

[bid]

Sorry, I know I'm being self-indulgent

 

Bid

[pearl]

Aw bid <'>

 

I genuinely don't understand why you can't just ask people to do things in a polite way, especially as they are being paid to do these things.

 

A perfectly reasonable expectation IMO.

 

Too many "delicate flowers" around who go off with stress when expected to do what they are paid to do. Believe me, I've worked with them.

[smiley]

Bid <'> <'> <'>

 

M xx

[Tally]

Bid <'>

 

You can learn how to talk to people in difficult situations. The problem is that this course was not aimed at AS people. It probably started way ahead of where you currently are, and assumed the ability to work out what's going on intuitively. Are there books about it which might help? I understand body language a bit better from a book, but I'm not sure it will ever come unconsciously.

 

Personally, I think that asking politely will go a long way toward getting things done. If you can do this then you are already ahead of some NT people.

[bid]

Thank you, Tally, that's a really good point <'>

 

That's made me feel a bit better.

 

Bid

 

Thank you everyone else, too

Edited October 16, 2007 by bid

[bid]

Do you think I should tell my line manager that I had problems with this training?

 

The trouble is, they can't arrange AS-specific training just for me, and also I don't want them to think that I am any kind of 'problem'

 

Bid

[Tally]

It might be a good idea to give it a few days before thinking about telling your line manager. You might find you understand it a bit better once you are able to think it through. If that doesn't happen though, it's difficult to know what your line manager could actually do, other than bear it in mind and try not to put you into situations where you might need complex negotiating skills, but they are difficult to predict anyway. Reading a book might be your only option, and you might learn more through reading than attending a course, and you can go back over bits in your own time as well.

 

You've coped in your job all this time without the skills from the course, so you are clearly able to do the job. Do you often find yourself in difficult situations with people that you cannot handle? If not, you probably don't need to say anything.

[Kathryn]

Hi Bid

 

<'>

 

As a parent of 4 your negotiating skills were probably already pretty well honed. And as far as your job is concerned - would you have been promoted to Team Leader (and Ofsted approved! ) if your people skills were completely rubbish?! Unless you are frequently in direct conflict with people, and you don't appear to be, you must be doing something right?

 

Given that people do react in so many different ways I doubt whether any course can really teach them - I wonder what your colleagues got out of the training?

 

K x

[kellyanne]

hi bid,

 

I'm sorry you feel so crappy about your training, but i do have to say this, if ever you've said anything to me regarding what needs to be done i haven't been offended or taken it the wrong way i would tell you if i had!!!

 

As i've said to you befor i'm more worried about me upsetting you than i am of you upsetting me!!! and if senior nurse had any quarms about any aspect of the job that she may or may not think you'd be able to do then you possibly wouldn't be where you are now.

 

hope this is ok

 

sending you a big <'> <'> <'>

 

see you thursday

 

lots of

 

x x x

 

p.s just remember how you dealt with those 2 horrible lads. pretty good i think!! x x x

Edited October 17, 2007 by kellyanne

[bid]

Thanks

 

Not sure 'negotiating' really described my torch-waving rant at those lads!

 

See you tomorrow

 

Bid

[baddad]

I wonder whether it was the training situation more than genuine 'not being able'... that sort of thing where someone's asking you to role play or asking direct questions rather than casual ones, IYKWIM... Ben can forget his name under those sort of circumstances, let alone what his response is supposed to be...

Put him in the 'real life' situation, though and nine times out of ten he'll come up trumps

 

L&P

 

BD

[Mumble]

that sort of thing where someone's asking you to role play or asking direct questions rather than casual ones, IYKWIM... Ben can forget his name under those sort of circumstances, let alone what his response is supposed to be...

Yeuch role-play I though it was only me who couldn't even do the "what's your name" thing I've never understood role-play and I doubt I ever will - it's not the same situation so a) skills learnt that way mean diddelysquat in the 'real' situation and b)things known about the 'real' situation can't be applied to the role-play cause it's not the same.

[bid]

I wonder whether it was the training situation more than genuine 'not being able'... that sort of thing where someone's asking you to role play or asking direct questions rather than casual ones, IYKWIM... Ben can forget his name under those sort of circumstances, let alone what his response is supposed to be...

Put him in the 'real life' situation, though and nine times out of ten he'll come up trumps

 

L&P

 

BD

 

It was really more all what I think are mind games...this (I think) bizarre idea that in negotiation there shouldn't be winners and losers, but a win-win solution?? And I quote (roughly) 'Win-win isn't your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher way'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And then there are all these negotiating styles that you are supposed to be able to identify while it's all going on, and then respond in a different way to each! Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

 

Why does it always have to be a win-win solution...how can it logically be this??

 

Why can't you just ask people politely to do what you would like/they are supposed to do as part of their job??

 

Anyway, parps to them, I shall just carry on asking poilitely!

 

Bid

[baddad]

'Win-win isn't your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher way'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Thank you for that... my dinner was sitting rather heavily on my stomach, but that problem's now been solved

 

My negotiating skills would have dipped out at around that point too, so I think the problem was the overpriced motivational speaker/training officer rather than nergotiation skills per se!

[Frangipani]

<'> <'> Edited October 19, 2007 by Frangipani

[Karen A]

Bid I think there are enough people in this world who have negotiating skills and use them frequently.

There is plenty of room for indiividuals who say things as they are in a clear direct polite way. <'> <'> Karen.

[bid]

Bid I think there are enough people in this world who have negotiating skills and use them frequently.

There is plenty of room for indiividuals who say things as they are in a clear direct polite way. <'> <'> Karen.

 

Thank you, Karen

 

Bid