V. stressed at meeting.

[oxgirl]

I wanted to just have a chat with the teacher today about Jay and the level of fear he is feeling while at school and the negative effect it's having on him, i.e. wet the bed, can't sleep, OCD behaviours, breaking down and saying he can't cope, not eating, jumpy all the time, etc.

 

When I turned up I was very flustered because I'd got caught by a speed camera I wanted to postpone until after half-term, but teacher said so and so had come in especially and they marched me into room and three of them bundled in and sat and stared at me, talk about intimidated!! Oh well, can't complain I suppose, at least they were taking me seriuosly, but I was shaking with tension and my voice was all shaky, probably looked like I was cracking up or something.

 

Anyway, told them that Jay doesn't feel safe as he is so frightened of this lad and he can't concentrate in his lessons because he's so worried all the time and fearful of what he'll do next, etc. They didn't seem to feel he was expressing his fear at school as much as at home, can't decide if they were trying to play it down, but they did make some concerned noises and said they'd be a bit more 'pro-active'. I said Jay didn't feel they were acting quickly enough, if this lad did something people would rush over but by then it was too late, he'd already done it and Jay would be quivering with fear for the rest of the day.

 

They said we'd talk again after half-term but they would work on talking to Jay each morning about his fear levels and try and get him to reduce his fear.

 

I don't know, I feel a bit mixed. I can see that there's not much else they can do I suppose, but I'm still unhappy that they seem to be making it Jay's problem.

 

Need a stiff cup of tea, heart is still pounding.

 

~ Mel ~

[Flora]

mel <'>

 

Poor Jay. Why is it that he always has to make the concessions? I'm not saying that they are wrong in saying they will support him with his fears and anxieties, but they should also be focussing on preventing the other boy from going for him in the first place!!!

 

Hope you have a relaxing half term <'>

 

flora X

[Bagpuss]

Mel <'> <'> <'>

[Clare63]

Mel,

I really don't know what the answer is, its so very frustration that school staff do not seem to take our concerns very seriously and always come back with the fact that the child does not show the same fear/anxiety or what ever to the same extent as that we expereince at home. How awful for you to be bundled in and be put in a 3 against 1 situation. I have been look at Parents in Partnership (as suggested by camhs) who apparently will support you by attending such meetings with you, don't know if you have explored this avenue or not.

In the meantime take care and enjoy half term.

<'> <'> <'>

Clare x x x

[oxgirl]

Thanks Flora, Baggy and Clare,

 

I really wasn't expecting such a formal meeting, I was expecting just to voice my concerns with the teacher, so it really threw me!

 

Jay says sometimes he's shaking with fear at school, so I really don't know how they can say they don't notice it. They did say that, when this lad is there, Jay runs over to them and tries to hide behind their backs, so maybe there's a clue for them! Even so, they did try to play down his fear somewhat, but I'll try again after half-term.

 

Meanwhile, he's very depressed tonight, saying again how no-one likes him and how horrid his life is and how he'll never have any friends, etc. Good start to half-term.

 

Hope you all have a good week. Thanks for being there for me. <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[stressedmumto2]

Oh no what a nightmare meeting for you and the driving ticket!!. I know exactly what you mean when you turn up and their are so many professionals there that you weren't expecting. I think they have actually listened to you and think it may be worth writing to them thanking them for their understanding at the meeting and that you are glad that such steps to help your son are going to be taken, if you feel at this point there is anything else you would like them doing then add that in the letter.

 

I feel sorry for your lad that he feels this way and that even if the school are going to help him they are not putting enough in place to prevent your son from feeling threatened by this other child, hopefully if you think of anything that can help, they may agree with you.

 

I think it's going to be a case of you staying on top of them and making sure they deliver and I really hope that things improve for your son and you.

 

Take Care <'>

[curra]

Mel <'> <'> <'>

 

If Jay is depressed and anxious, perhaps it would help if you take him to the GP. That would also give you more evidence that his fears are real. My son's school is acting in a very similar way, denying that he has anxiety at school and making me feel like I'm the one who's exaggerating. I have a meeting next week at the school, and I'll be just like you.

 

Hope you have a good half term. Take care

 

Curra

[oxgirl]

Thanks, stressedmumto2, yes, I can't complain, at least they were willing to give up their time to listen and a teacher had come in especially as well. I think they knew what it was going to be about because I'd spoken to the TA about it last week and then that night the teacher phoned me at 6.00 to invite me in to discuss it. When I told them how distressed he'd been at home and that he wasn't sleeping, they did say it was worrying, so hopefully they'll take it seriously and really make an effort to keep this kid away from him, I hope so, it's certainly about time!

 

Sorry you're in the same position, Curra. Good luck with your meeting. <'> Don't do what I did and rush to get there madly and end up getting a speeding fine and points on your licence!! I'm so angry with myself. Haven't mentioned it to DH yet either!!

 

Hope you all have a good relaxing week off. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Canopus]

I really wasn't expecting such a formal meeting, I was expecting just to voice my concerns with the teacher, so it really threw me!

 

This is worrying. I reckon the school planned this in advance.

[oxgirl]

This is worrying. I reckon the school planned this in advance.

 

 

Yes, it's obvious, now that I look back at it, that they knew what I was going to bring up and they must have met beforehand to get their stories straight, so to speak and to agree a game plan. They certainly didn't show any surprise at the subject matter or the concerns I was raising, so they came out in force and it did make me feel very uncomfortable. At least they were taking it seriously though, I guess. I'll meet again with them after half-term and this time I'll be more prepared and take my hub with me, I hope.

 

~ Mel ~