MIL GRRR!!!!!

[carrieq]

I am sitting here fuming at MIL again. We have offered so many times for her to come and visit but she keeps making up excuses. Ds is 8 yrs and she has probably seen him 4 times, 3 of those occasions down to us going to her and the other one because she was attending a conference. She visits dh brother at least twice a year, he lives in Canada, we live in Edinburgh and she is in Kent. Having met him on so few occasions she has already dismissed all of his dx, she is a Health Psychologist, and this keeps swaying dh opinion of ds.

 

We have booked for Center Parcs in early Jan and decided to ask dh sister and his parents along as we thought it would be a good holiday where they could spend as much or as little time with us. Anyway another knock back, she doesn't really want to go as there may be too much walking. We offered to book her the flats right beside the centre. Dh asked what she was doing for Christmas and she said BIL and new baby were coming to stay with her so there would be no room. Dh said we would be happy to stay in a hotel and her reply was that would be difficult for Christmas day as there would be too many people.

 

During the course of this year I have invited her up for half term in Feb, Easter, not summer as she has her month in Canada, invited her for youngest dd birthday party as the last time she saw her dd was 6 days old, birth co-incided with conference.

 

Dh was actually quite hurt, though hasn't admitted it. I would be too if it was my mum. I am really angry with her and oldest dd thinks its BIL baby that is stopping her coming but she has never shown any interest in any of us. I can't imagine treating my son and his family, if he has one, in this way. If I couldn't visit I would re-arrange but she is making NO effort. I am encouraging dh to keep making the first move but this must be humiliating for him especially as my family are the complete opposite and step in to help whenever they are needed and go out of their way to see their grandchildren.

 

I keep thinking it is her loss, but in a way it is also my childrens' loss as they don't have a grandparent on dh side. I am very angry with her just now.

 

Sorry for rant just needed to spill it out as I can't let dh know how I am feeling as his mum can do no wrong in his eyes.

 

Carrie

Edited October 20, 2007 by carrieq

[pearl]

I think you are doing everything you possibly can, carrie.

You are right, it is her loss, but yours too.

You have to reach a point inside where you say, s*d it - keep the channels of communication open & leave it up to her.

 

We havent had an invite to my brother's house in 13 years (didnt think JP was that badly behaved last time we went). Its very sad, but you can't do all the running.

[rach04]

My mum and dad live 15 minutes away (in a car) and i haven't seen my dad since april. I used to get really annoyed cause they come and see my aunt in the same town as me every weekend but if they dont want to come and see me and my kids ###### em lol their loss not mine i have my kids every special day

 

 

Just let her get on with it carrie <'>

Edited October 20, 2007 by rach04

[Clare63]

Carrie <'> <'> <'>

Well you can't say you have not tried, you've tried more than enough I feel sorry for your DH he must feel so let down, but then again maybe she has always been like this. It certainly is her loss, mybe she'll wake up one day and smell the coffee, but that will probably be a day too late.

I would not waste any more time on her, just you carry on being a special Mum to your special family.

Take care Hun, life is too short.

Clare x x x

[brooke]

So sorry it must be very very upsetting <'> <'>

My dad lives 5mins away and we never see him he didnt even recognise who was who out of my boys the last time i went over Ive got to the point though now where im over it its his loss. Still its not the same as a mum id be gutted if it was her I dont think you can do anymore <'> <'>

[lynyona]

Families eh.I think ive seen my brothers once or twice this year.and only saw one of my brothers because him and his wife have split and he is living at my mums house.When my dad was alive i used to say to him you never come visit me(i live about 14 miles away) and his reply was i go there 5 days a week for work so why would i want to come visit and i suppose i could see his point.You just have to hold your breath and count to ten and if youve tried your best then you cant do any more, but it must hurt you just have to try and make out it doesnt bother you

 

 

 

 

lynn

[Bagpuss]

I really feel for your DH....this must be so painful for him. Your kiddies won't miss what they've never had. I'd try to let it go if I were you, as difficult as that may be. You've done more than enough to try and make your MIL welcome and included. You can't force a relationship, there has to be give and take on both sides. I wouldn't withdraw from her life completely, let her know she's welcome anytime, but I'd definately draw a line under it and move on. It's her choice, and if she wants a relationship like she has with you, then so be it. I know others have said the this, but I totally agree, it is her loss.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I would be tempted to say how upset you are in a non-confrontational way. These things are always difficult to say, but it's either get it out in the open or fester. Sometimes, people are ignorant and have no idea how their actions (or lack of) can hurt others. It may be worth expressing how you feel either verbally or in a letter. At least that way you'll know where things stand - you may well be plesantly surprised on the other hand you may need to prepare for cutting your loses.

 

I'm the kind of person that tends to say exactly what I think. I know that some people dislike me for it. Guess I just got fed up of being walked over and I've become a stronger person for it. I find that I can let go of situations much more easily if I've said my piece rather than festering. It can be risky because some people can be over-senstive and take things the wrong way, on the other hand ...

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.