Judgement of others issues

[JsMum]

Now J is mostly with me during the day he goes with me to do things like shopping, but we are hitting problems with other people when they say to him No school today then, or whats wrong with you, he clearly isnt ill physically, so they wonder what could be keeping him away from school.

 

when people get more info that he isnt going to school they say well he should, if he was mine I would drag him there, Believe me I have in the past dragged him there, but they dont understand that as they get bigger and stronger then it gets impossible to do this, they ask if he cant just have more support in the classroom but I say the problem is the classroom, the actual enviroment, the expectations of him because he comes across as a large ten year old, but developmentally he is only 6-7yrs old, in some areas even younger, they say well he cant have a classroom on his own, I totally agree but in a mainstream of 30 a class J struggles such much sensory difficulties, so what about a special school then they ask, I say he is too able, there for severe special needs, that is why funding has gone into Mainstream, but the consequences are that there is kids with Statements but a empty desk because they cant cope as its more than just learning at school.

 

So what can i say to people so they dont judge and give comments that are not really as simple as that.

At home me and J have talked at length why he doesnt like school, I understand but we dont want to go into all that detail with people I only usual say Hello and a quick chat.

 

If a child looks able and well then to others they should be in school no matter what, not understanding the complexities of Js difficulties and repacussions.

 

JsMum

[pearl]

I know this is really difficult to avoid, but its none of their business. You don't have to give ANY reasons to them. You only have to tell people who NEED to know, & I can't think of many who would fit that description.

Develop a sweet smile & ignore them. If they persist, tell them to mind their own beeswax.

Good luck <'>

[frazzled]

I have the same issue. When any comment is made I just say I am homeschooling because the school system has let my daughter down badly. The response to that (if any) is usually 'well done good for you' and they back off. I agree though that you should never consider you have to justify why your child is out of school - that is strictly your business.

[oxgirl]

I agree with Pearl. I used to get this all the time when I was home edding. The woman on the check-out at Tesco would say, 'what, no school today'? The thing is, she wasn't really that interested, it was just something to say. I used to just smile sweetly and say, 'nope' and carry on with my packing, I really didn't want to get into a discussion with strangers about Jay, especially with him standing there. One day I did make the mistake of telling the woman that I home educated and she looked totally shocked and said that I'd go to jail. After that I just smiled sweetly and didn't go into it, it's none of their business.

 

~ Mel ~

[JsMum]

I know this is really difficult to avoid, but its none of their business. You don't have to give ANY reasons to them. You only have to tell people who NEED to know, & I can't think of many who would fit that description.

Develop a sweet smile & ignore them. If they persist, tell them to mind their own beeswax.

Good luck <'>

 

The only reason I say a little bit more is because they tell J off and say I can go to Jail, everyone has to go to school, so I try and explain a bit more because actually suggesting to J I will go into Jail just adds to the problems and makes J so much more nervous and anxious, making it impossible for possible attendances, I was thinking of suggesting he is off sick with Mental health issues but that alone has a massive stigma too and J would be very upset if he heard I was suggesting he was mental.

 

I think I will have to use the same smile and look when I have to cope with stares and reactions when J is having tantrums that suit a three year old.

 

JsMuM

[pearl]

thats the spirit. Like mel says, if they say, no school today? Just say no! Dont be drawn in.

[oxgirl]

I know Jay used to get annoyed and embarrassed if people, even good-heartedly, questioned him. He's still part-time and we were in the building society a while ago after he'd finished early and the woman turned right to him and said, 'and why aren't you at school young man, you don't look ill to me'. She was only being friendly and trying to be funny, but he hated it. I just shrugged it off and said he's not in today and encouraged her to get on with her work!

 

It might be an idea to have a chat to J and agree with him what you say to people when you're out. Tell him that you and he know the truth but some people haven't got their facts straight and might be mistaken about certain things. If people say things when you're out that aren't correct, you could agree together that you'll just smile and say the minimum in a friendly way, that way you won't feel put on the spot by people. It's not that it's a secret, it's just that it's none of their beeswax.

 

The only reason I say a little bit more is because they tell J off and say I can go to Jail, everyone has to go to school, so I try and explain a bit more because actually suggesting to J I will go into Jail just adds to the problems and makes J so much more nervous and anxious

 

In this circumstance, I'd just say cheerily, 'no, I don't think so' and move on. People don't know the facts, they only know what they hear on the news about certain cases where children have played truant and parents have ended up in trouble, they know nothing about your situation and neither do they deserve to be filled in.

 

~ Mel ~

[Canopus]

The same problems happened to me when I was HE. People used to query why whenever I was out and about. The real reason was because I had been expelled for school so I had to find believable explanations to cover it up. HE practically didn't exist back in 1989/90 so people probably had a reason to be suspicious, but I find it difficult to understand why similar levels of curiousity exist in this day and age.

[Cat]

If people ask us - which is rare these days as most of the places we go we are known - I simply say we home educate and it is perfectly legal

 

My son joined an exercise class a few weeks ago (recommended by his physio) and last week some of the other children started asking my son which school he went to. When he said that he was being home educated they did not believe him and said that you have to go to school that is the law! My son replied 'I am autistic and the teachers did not know how to teach me' The children were very understanding. My son is learning. The only time I ever modify my answer re home education and it being legal is when other children ask. I found it easier to say that my son is not in school because the school did not know how to teach him. I do this because we almost had a mutiny locally when the kids round here found out that my son was no longer going to school. I figured the parents would not be best please if I told their kids that home ed was legal.

 

Cat