HELP - exclusive interests!

[oxgirl]

My lad is obsessed with our garden pond. Through the spring and summer he spent every single spare second when he wasn't eating or sleeping bent over the pond poking and picking out snails and staring at their every wiggle. Now it's winter and he can't go out there and he is in despair!

 

He says it's ALL he wants to do and NOTHING else makes him happy. He often sobs because he misses it so much. We bought him a fish tank with fish and snails for his birthday and he sobs and says it 'isn't the same' and he thought it would make him happy but it hasn't.

 

The thing is, he just won't (or can't) listen to any advice. I keep trying to tell him that he could find another interest that he could do while he's waiting for spring to come, but he won't allow himself to enjoy anything else. He's just biding his time until he can go out there again. Everything I suggest he poo poos, saying it's boring or 'not the same'. He seems to think that if he finds an interest now then that will somehow cancel out the pond and by the time spring comes he won't be interested anymore. He can't possibly have two interests, he doesn't work like that, he can only have one at a time that he can do ALL THE TIME!! It was okay when it was Lego, he could do that day or night winter or summer, but now he has NOTHING to do and it's killing him and I feel so helpless, there's nothing I can do or say to interest him or make him happy.

 

He says I made the pond and brought that interest to him, so I should bring him another one!!

 

~ Mel ~

[llisa32]

Hi Mel - you have my sympathy <'>

 

Quite a tricky one to get round - do you think he might want to 'grow some tadpoles' ready to go into the pond in spring?

 

Just a thought as it kinda ties up doing something indoors but related to the pond

 

Anything else you can build indoors to deposit in the pond??

 

If I can think up anything better I'll let you know - sorry not many ideas <'>

[oxgirl]

Thanks lisa, but nothing I suggest, and there have been many things, comes up to scratch. It's almost like he's determined not to try or allow himself to get any pleasure out of anything at the moment.

How do you grow tadpoles at this time of year, btw??!

 

~ Mel ~

[Mumble]

How do you grow tadpoles at this time of year, btw??!

You get a mummy frog, and a daddy frog, you send them off on a cheap date (they're quite happy to find flies in their food), hope they hit it off, and hey presto, tadpoles!!!!

 

Sorry - I'm in a very very strange mood.

 

Could he go to the pond sometimes? Even if it means soggy clothes and more washing, something might be better than nothing? What about a timetable of 'home pond' time, visiting other ponds, maybe reading about ponds and preparing plans for next Spring? I haven't a clue about pondlife in winter, but could he fish some stuff out into some tub or other to take back in to look at and then bring back to the pond later?

 

What about sea monkeys - I've always killed them, but he may be more successful . . .

[Karen A]

Sorry to spoil a good idea.I have a feeling the weather has to be warm enough for mummy and daddy frog to be in the mood for romance. Right now they may well be curled up some place.....love not on the agenda....much too cold.

[Karen A]

Yes it is as I thought.They wil be hibernating under a log or stone some place.

[Nic m]

Hi Oxgirl,

 

i dont know if it any use but i think he may be listening to you so do keep trying.

I find that the more i tried to explain something the more my dd would dig her heels in.Now i try hard to explain something then leave it a wee while and have another go then i leave it up to her to come back to me to discuss it.

Could you try not speaking about it just now but start reading books about seasons and change and what animals do in the winter to hopefully plant the seed that change can be a good thing?

Sorry i know you have probably thought of it already, if all else fails my dd can be bribed with chocolate!

Good luck,

Nic

[iwillholdon]

I told my son about your son's concern about missing his pond and asked him what he thought. He thinks you should get several washing up bowls and put "pond stuff" in them so he can investigate and examine them inside the house. He says washing up bowls will be much better than a fish tank as they have a larger surface area, more like a real pond. Also he says you need green or brown bowls not pink ones!! Put the bowls next to each other to make a whole pond area (hope you have plenty of room for this!!)

 

Don't know what you think of these insights but they did amuse me. And I do agree with Mumble that some pond time outdoors could be better than none, Though I suppose all the pond life will be buried deep in the mud rather than actively swimming around.

 

Maybe spring will come early with global warming!

[Bard]

How does he feel about microscopes?

We have ones at school that you can plug into the computer to put on the screen what is on the slide.

You could link it to detailed investigations of his pond in the spring, get him to practice on live food items from the fish shop, like bloodworms and daphnae, or on triops that you can raise indoors in the winter.

Then come spring, he can dip and view.

Has he investigated the sorts of habitats he has within his pond to develop them...plan what you need to provide in order to encourage dragonflies or water scorpions, newts and the like?

You have my sympathy, B lives in the moment, so he too would be worried that if he got too involved in a new obssession, he would forget an older one. He lives his passions with such intensity that I can understand that fear.

Is he arty? Would he draw and sketch to create a pondlife notebook, using secondary sources then adding to it when he has the real thing back?

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[soraya]

My son used to love ponds and digging around in them, it would keep him amused for hours, but then he discovered fishing!! He spends every spare minute fishing, winter or summer, l thought you could try this as it is similar to pond dipping but on a larger scale!! The baliff at our local lake says that he has a group of boys from an EBD school and they love it also, it tends to relax them. Anyway its worth a try!!

[oxgirl]

Thanks for all the suggestions, guys, all very good ideas, etc.

Not to sound too negative, but I've suggested and tried all of these things and none of them are satisfactory to him. 'It's not the same' he keeps telling me. If he can't pick things out of the pond and examine them then life is not worth living, apparently. He said if he didn't have the pond he'd kill himself.

I feel so helpless here, painting fish and snails, drawing them, reading about them, researching them, etc. none are good enough substitutes and don't interest him. We've bought him a secondhand Gameboy for Xmas with some fishy games, but he'll probably only look at them half-heartedly for a few mins before discarding it as inadequate and going back to being miserable. There really is nothing I can do to help him now, it's up to him I suppose.

 

~ Mel ~

[MichelleW]

I'd invest in a couple of pairs of waterproofs, wellies and a thick wooly hat and let him out for a set amount of time each day. You could then use this time at the pond as a motivator to encorouge other activities.

 

maybe if you found a couple of hibernating frogs, that may be warm enough in a vivarium to breed - if you knew how to decide whether they were male or female!!

[Clare63]

Aw Mel,

Poor J sounds heart broken, does sound a good idea to let him get wrapped up and visit his pond for an hour or so on a daily basis, trouble is this time of year most pond life will be hibenating and would not be too happy to be disturbed and poking around and proding in the pond might just kill his beloved pond friends, I would try reminding him that his pond needs him as much as he needs the pond and that whilst in winter the pond should be left alone (apart from the removel of fallen leaves) and that he should be spending his time researching spring pond life and what exactly he needs to do when the time comes, also have you a temperature gauge in your pond if its below I think 10 degrees you should leave well alone and must not feed the fish, perhaps he could do a daily check of the temperature !!! you've probably tried all this stuff, how about getting him to keep a log of the sizes of his fish in the tank we used to measure ours and keep a record book, or maybe, if your garden is big enough get him to start planning and designing another pond for the garden perhpas interlinking them with a little bridge....I dunno I am waffling now, at the end of the day I know how subborn our kids can be and if its "their thing" no amount of persuasion can change the way they feel and we just have to sit back and wait.

<'> <'> <'>

Clare x x x

[Clare63]

Mel,

Its me again ..... yeah I know pain in the backside coming with lots of stupid ideas !!!!!

Well I just googled virtual pond life and it came up with masses of webbies and links, which you are now going to tell me you have already researched, well I am going to tell you anyway Ha !!!!

I had a look at a good site Pond Dipping Wildlife Pond at Kids Ark which explains all about ponds in winter !!!! I also found lots of ideas such as Ask a question of a pond experts !! Draw a pond life mural !!! Plan & Build a backyard pond !!!! and many many more, maybe if he is able to find out for himself that ponds are really a no go during winter apart from removing leaves and breaking any ice, he may be more excepting !!!

oooooh another idea what about birds, thats a good one for the winter, feeding them, making fat balls, spotting and logging them all from the warmth of indoors, though I tend to feel with J its more of a water thing !!!

Ignore me if I am going on !!!!

 

Clare x x x

[krystaltps]

This is a tricky one, isn't it? Loads of great ideas so far, but I know what it's like when they want a specific thing thing and only that will do .

Any possibility you could construct some sort of shelter over the pond, or at least over part of it, so he can still sit at it wrapped up warm, but dry and out of the wind? Pitch a tent right beside it, so he can lean out to the pond?

One thing that came to mind was Sea Monkeys. You can buy basic kits at around �6 and add loads of other things to it. They're little shrimp-like creatures that you hatch from eggs, watch them grow, feed them, aerate their water with a little pipette, and you can even buy portable mini-tanks so that you can take them out and about with you. They can grow to about 2cm and live about a year... so long as you dont leave them on the window-sill in summer, like R did.

 

http://www.sea-monkeys.com/

 

I know it's not the same as the pond, but it might just provide a distraction for the winter months. My boys loved them.

[oxgirl]

Thanks a lot Clare and Krystaltps, don't think that I don't appreciate the ideas, I really do. <'>

It's not that I won't let him go out to the pond, it's just that the water is too cold for him to pull things out and, like you say, winter isn't the time when there is lots going on to see. He'll simply have to wait until spring to see all the spring-type things that go on and he simply can't wait. We spent months planning for and setting up an indoor tank for him, spent loads on new furniture to accomodate it, spent weeks de-cluttering his room and rearranging things in there and working towards getting the tank. Finally, when it was his birthday, we got the fish and the snails, but it just isn't as satisfying to him as he thought it would be. He can't stick his hand in there and drag things out and stare at them and it's almost like he's more depressed now because he thought it would make him happy and it hasn't.

I don't think there is a solution, nothing else will make him happy, nothing! I think he'll just pine until spring basically.

 

~ Mel ~

[pearl]

Just a <'> for you both, mel, its so hard, I remember how excited he was with his fishy birthday. JP was the same with ants, but I had to stop him watching them swarming cos the little ******** on our road used to stamp on them to wind him up.

[Clare63]

Awwww just seems such a shame and a hard lesson he is going to have to learn I suppose, try not to beat yourself up about it though Mel, I think you've done all you can on this one.

 

<'> Clare x x x x

Edited December 9, 2007 by Clare63

[oxgirl]

I think you're right, I don't think there's anything more I can say to him or do for him on this, I can't magic up a solution. I guess that's why I feel so bad. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bard]

I think you're right, I don't think there's anything more I can say to him or do for him on this, I can't magic up a solution. I guess that's why I feel so bad. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

 

Then you are a parent, like the rest of us in the same boat!

It's hard when you can't fix things, but sometimes you just can't.

<'> <'>

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

giant snail for a pet?

some kids at my work have them and brought them in to show

not my cuppa but can see the fascination

 

 

aside form that i have no ideas sorry, apart from the hard line" it is winter it changes, lets find a new interest" and be that blunt

x

[Canopus]

On ebay are loads of National Geographic DVDs about wildlife. How about some of these to keep him occupied until the spring.

[oxgirl]

On ebay are loads of National Geographic DVDs about wildlife. How about some of these to keep him occupied until the spring.

 

Thanks, Canopus. Yes, he loves watching documentaries on wildlife, especially fishy ones. He watches them all on the animal channels. Now, if they'd only make a two hour documentary dedicated entirely to snails!

 

~ Mel ~

[Canopus]

Thanks, Canopus. Yes, he loves watching documentaries on wildlife, especially fishy ones. He watches them all on the animal channels. Now, if they'd only make a two hour documentary dedicated entirely to snails!

 

~ Mel ~

 

What sort of snails? Ground snails or aquatic snails? What about saltwater snails such as whelks or those really poisonous snails with brightly patterned shells?

[oxgirl]

What sort of snails? Ground snails or aquatic snails? What about saltwater snails such as whelks or those really poisonous snails with brightly patterned shells?

 

He loves pond snails! He has four in his tank now, got two new ones yesterday, which seem to have cheered him up no end! These two are a lot more active than the other two he had, whizzing about the place, they are!!

 

~ Mel ~

[bluefish]

hi your post made me smile my little man has an obbsession with hose pipes.( he has over a thousand conecters) we do not even have a garden! winter has been tough as he can not get it that its far too cold to get hose pipe out of window to wash car etc. we have coped by going to the jet wash as a treat! feel for you and really understand x sorrry no words of wisdom

[oxgirl]

hi your post made me smile my little man has an obbsession with hose pipes.( he has over a thousand conecters) we do not even have a garden! winter has been tough as he can not get it that its far too cold to get hose pipe out of window to wash car etc. we have coped by going to the jet wash as a treat! feel for you and really understand x sorrry no words of wisdom

 

 

Oh dear, hose pipes! I feel your pain. It was so convenient when it was Lego, it was an all-weather day and night kind of thing, but when they get something so specific into their system it's really hard to work with them, isn't it. Here's hoping they move onto something a bit easier to accomodate really soon.

 

~ Mel ~

[mossgrove]

How about a microscope? If he dashed out and got a bit if water he could then spend time examining the huge numbers of microscopic things that live in ponds?

[oxgirl]

How about a microscope? If he dashed out and got a bit if water he could then spend time examining the huge numbers of microscopic things that live in ponds?

 

 

Funny you should say that, mossgrove, we got him an underwater telescope for Xmas. It was too big to lug down to London and back, so we just showed it to him today, but he won't really be able to use it until the weather is a bit better. We don't know if it will work well, but hopefully he'll enjoy it when the time is right.

 

~ Mel ~