PLEASE HELP!..self harming

[Suze]

<'> ...hi guys,I,m posting this on for a dear friend who is having some difficulties.Her DD is 9yrs and in mainstream dx dyslexic.She has been having problems with sleep...feels the bed is moving, scared to sleep.She has some problems understanding social situations, and has more worryingly started to self harm.My friend has tried school who refuse to aknowledge any probs.Currently she is waiting to hear from camhs via the school nurse.The self harming arises out of anxiety , my question is how can she stop this escalating further, currently it is pinching and scratching.I,ve suggested using an elastic band that she can twang on her wrist when she feels the need to harm.Does anyone have any experience or advice...HELP!...........thanks in advice for your replies.

[Karen A]

Hi Suze.

Self harm in a child of 9 is an issue that should recieve a rapid assessment from Camhs.Self-harm is usually an indicator that a child or teenager has difficult feelings like anxiety that they cannot manage.This is especially the case where self-harming develops as a new difficulty in an older child or teenager .In a way it is not the self-harm that is the issue so much as the reason for the self-harm.If the child has not had any support from Camhs or contact with child development team then it would be a good idea for your friend to speak to the GP and ask the GP to do a referal to Camhs .That will make sure that the referal is picked up as urgent.It would also be worth your friend chasing the referal to make sure it is treated as a priority.

It might be worth also attempting to figure out whether there is an obvious cause of anxiety and whether anything can be done to help with the underlying cause.There are strategies such as twanging an elastic band that are suggested as alternatives to self-harm but as I have said in this situation the main thing is to obtain an assessment to find out what is causing the child to feel stressed.

Young minds is a charity that promotes the mental health of children and teenagers.They have a web site and operate a free phone advice service for parents/carers.They will arange for a professional with specialist knowledge to call back if needed.They were very helpful when I called them last year.

 

Karen.

[baddad]

Hi Suze -

 

I'm no expert, but a couple of quickies:

 

Sleeping problems/hallucinations: You may remember this used to be a real problem for Ben (and me!)?... I couldn't do anything to get rid of the images he was seeing/things he was experiencing, so I could only work with him to help him understand that they weren't real and couldn't harm him. This was just a really calm, reassurance offered whenever was needed - be it bedtime or 3 in the morning - for as long as was needed. He still has them occassionally, but unless they really rattle him he just ignores them, and if they ARE dark enough to rattle we just go through the same process we used to. It is also really helpful to discuss them in the cool/rational light of day - much easier to KNOW something imagined can't harm you then than at 3 in the morning when floorboards are creaking and it's dark outside.

 

Self harm: Usually this kind of self harm has more to do with feeling 'powerless' than it does with general anxiety and stress... The person self-harming feels 'in control' of the process they are inflicting on themselves and that (along with the physical 'relief' they feel through the physical evidence of that control - marks/pain/endorphin release etc) reassures them in the short term about the things they feel swamped by.

It's not a 'control' thing like trying to control/intimidate other people, but it is about feeling in control of themselves and their individual identity...

It really does need professional input - both to develop strategies for 'coping' and rationalising the feelings that give rise to the act and for establishing other behaviours that the act can be successfully channelled toward.

All of that is sort of 'book' learning, and relating to adolescents/adults at that, so it might be a bit off the mark in this case, but i hope at the least it can give you /your friend some areas to consider...

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited January 9, 2008 by baddad

[Tally]

I agree, the anxiety needs to be addressed via an urgent referral.

 

In the meantime, the elastic band suggestion is a really good one. Other suggestions include holding ice cubes or vigorous activity. It can also be helpful to distract while the urge passes, doing something active, relaxing, mentally stimulating, really depends on the person.

[Kathryn]

I'm not going to repeat the excellent advice already given, just wanted to offer some hope to your friend: L used to self harm quite badly over a long period of time when she was at her most depressed and stressed at school (cut her stomach and arms). When the stress factors were removed and her confidence started to build again, she stopped doing it. Medication may have played its part too. She still is prone to anxiety, but she has other more constructive ways of dealing with it now.

 

K x

[loobylou2]

Hi Suze, been there with my dd the self harming was also caused by anxiety and an elastic band helped a lot when there was no other way to distract herself. Nighttimes were helped by listening to classical music on a walkman so that it blocked out everything else, Strauss was the best for her she also gets up and has a wash and brushes her teeth if she starts to get panicky anything just to distract herself a lava lamp has also helped to calm her at night as she is engrossed in watching it we switch it off when we go to bed. hope all this helps your friend and her daughter, its so distressing watching a kid selfdestruct like that. <'>

[Suze]

<'> , thankyou all for your replies, they will help my friend alot as she has had little in the way of support so far.She will come on here and read your messages and suggestions so please keep them coming, thankyou again , suzex

[krystaltps]

Providing alternative coping strategies really worked for C, and I'm almost tempted to say that he has grown out of self-harming.

He was a few years younger when I was advised about coping strategies, so C's ones may not be entirely useful, but we tried some of these:

screaming into a pillow; punching a pillow, throwing yourself on the bed/sofa (so long as no hard objects were nearby), squeezing a stress-ball. If he was in melt-down mode and beyond all control, we just tried to keep him as safe as possible by slipping a cushion under his head while he banged it. They didn't work entirely, and I think the improvement can be put down more to the fact that he now communicates his frustrations.

It is concerning that this is a new behaviour pattern at the age of 9, and I think the previous advice about seeking help is a really good idea.

[Toni]

Hi i am suze's friend she kindly posted this for me, thank you all for you help and advice, i have recently seen the school nurse and CAMHS but have not had much joy, i am waiting to hear off the school nurse again tomorrow and i am hoping to push things forward, my dd has been dx with dyslexia, and information processing issues, but having been on to this site i feel she shows alot of the signs talked about. Because she holds herself together at school and falls apart at home the school say that they don,t feel the need to get involved as they say it is a home issue, funny that dd slept over the christmas hols but started waking through the night again 2 days before they went back to school . So like most other parents and carers on here i will continue , thank you again for your advice.

Toni

[Toni]

Hi just thought i would let you know where we are at, cahms have suggested a traffic light system where dd can tell me what sort of day she has had green being a good day, yellow getting worked up and red is where she hits herself, she has said that she has quite alot of yellow days at school, and i think that these build up until they turn into red when she gets home. she has said she has occasional red days at school and was once taken out of the classroom to calm down, i had never heard about this before neither dd or teacher had mentioned it. she has also now got a teacher that she can go to to talk about things if they start building up to try and head of red days. we are also using playdough or blue tack to try and divert attention when she feels the need to hurt herself. thanks again for all of your help and advice. Toni

[Clare63]

Hi Toni and welcome to the forum. We have had problems with self harm too and in our case tends to follow high anxiety and/or frustration.

 

I see from one of your earlier post your DD was possbily being bullied at school does this have any links to the current situation.

 

I hope you get some help real soon.

 

<'>

 

Clare x x x

[Toni]

hi clare, i think anxiety and frustration are the issue with dd, with regards to the bullying we have hopfully resolved this i have spoken to the school and dd has changed dinner times which has taken away the opportunity, she was good friends with the children she has been having problems with, but i think that the other child is maturing alot quicker than dd and dd does not understand why they keep picking on her but i do think that she was prevouisly obbsessed with this other child and it has taken alot to detatch herself, she is still worried about what the other girl says and does but it is'nt as important to her at the moment, the only downside is that dd has now transfered attention to another girl in her class so i do't know if we will be ging down the same route in a few months time or not but time will tell and i do encourage dd to have others around to play so we will have to see how it goes. thanks for your concern and comments Toni

[Clare63]

Your very welcome Toni,

 

I am glad that previous issue had been sorted out and I guess this is something you are now very aware of, as per your comments above. Friendships are such a difficult thing and I know my DS struggles with the social rules in this area.

 

CAMHS need to be kept informed of any changes, particularly such a serious one as self harm.

 

<'>

 

Clare x x x

[Karen A]

Toni. <'> I am glad that Camhs have been supportive and that DD is doing ok.Karen.

[Toni]

well things got better now they are terrible over the last 2 days dd has punched something so hard she has a bruised and swollen hand and scratched her legs and made them really sore, she has been so angry over the last week and a half but when i talk to her about it she has no idea why. she said to me this morning that she doesn't want to get angry at school, she has a teacher she can got to if she needs to but i don't think she feels she can do this, the last time she tried her class teacher told her to speak to him instead, if she could talk to him she would have named him as a teacher she felt comfortable with in the fist place. i have mentioned to the teacher she named that she is in melt down but because she bottles it up until she gets home they don't think theres a problem. the school nurse saw dd yesterday and is trying to get dd to change her opinion of yellow and red days so they don't happen very often, but they are every day at the moment, i have no idea what to do or say to dd anymore to make her feel any better.?????????????????????????? Toni

[Frangipani]

Hi Toni <'> <'>

 

Welcome. Has she had testing for food allergies- blood and pin prick testing. I read a book by Sue Dengate 'Different Kids' my ds would react to certain foods resulting in bizarre behaviour as you described. We had to read the labels to avoid certain preservatives. Music therapy was also hepful - timeout with a cd playing Mozart or Bach works wonders to relieve stress help to calm down. Play it gently as background music at home too.

 

Have a browse through the medication threads as when all recommended therapies fail this does work.

 

A referral to a Paediatriian would walk you through all the above. Its sounds urgent.

 

Fran xx <'>

[Toni]

hi frangipani, i will check out the threads you mention and look into the book, nobody has suggested this idea to my before so it's something else worth looking into, if it helps i will try anything. thanks Toni

[Karen A]

Toni <'> <'> It would be worth contacting Camhs if your DD does not have another appointment soon.Let them know that you are concerned.Karen.

[Toni]

hi karen, cahms don't think there is a problem and have said the school nurse will advise us, we are due to see her again in a fortnight but our GP has said he will refer dd to child development team so i am hoping they will help, Toni

[Karen A]

hi karen, cahms don't think there is a problem and have said the school nurse will advise us, we are due to see her again in a fortnight but our GP has said he will refer dd to child development team so i am hoping they will help, Toni

 

Toni.It would be worth chasing the referal to CDT to make sure it is picked up if Camhs are not offering any input.I hope it is helpful.Karen.

[warrenpenalver]

Id like to add a couple of points from my views as a self-harmer as a child and also more recently (but for different psychological reasons).

 

Try not to threaten punnishment for self-harming behaviour, and try not to make the child feel bad about it. Especially with children who self harm for stress/anxiety related reasons, threats or feeling bad will increase the stress and likely make them want to self-harm more which makes them then feel even worse and can become a nasty vicious circle as the "secret" and stress levels all build up.

 

Also be very aware that self-harm can be VERY addictive. The body gives out natural opiates and chemicals in response to injury so you can end up feeling good from self-harming. This can lead to self-harming just to get this feeling and over time, like many drugs, (body produced or not) this can be addictive needing increased frequency sometimes severity of self harm (equates to a higher dose) to get same effect. Obviously this is dangerous as it can quickly spiral out of control.

 

My experience of being addicted to self harm was as an adult so there will be differences in children i suspect, but the core chemical responses will be similar. One thing that i have wondered is if there is a threshold where below that level of injury the chemical response is not enough to beat the pain barrier and become addicted. Again i guess this would vary person to person.

 

 

I would agree with the previous replies that the key is reducing the stress or cause of the self-harm and in a young child this needs professional advice.

 

:robbie: :robbie: :robbie: :robbie: :robbie: