Upset over Social worker

[Cariad]

I've been having 3 care workers taking out my son 3 times a week to help me cope as the DS is VERY hard work, we get no sleep and I became very depressed. The other month the Social worker asked to "review"my care plan and asked if she could take a session away from me, I didn't want to rock the boat and said ok, even though it wasn't as it's a blessing getting time with the girls and peace for a few hours to recharge my batteries, without being kicked, screamed at etc..

 

Now I have a child Pysch involved with the DS for his behaviour as it's very bad and he never sleeps, she knows I feel desperate and low, she even gave me a number of someone to see as I've tried before at the GP's and she was awful and it put me off for life. I am on St Johns wort and I booked to see this person �60 for an hour, I can't afford it but the DH thinks it might do me good.

 

I phoned the social worker today as she is helping me out with the DS for a new specialised bed as the DS breaks things and smears, I told her I got someone to plaster the walls and I started to paint his room with my mum. she then said "thats excellent", then asked if she could come and see me and talk about my care plan. I knew what she meant and she said she didn't want to talk to me over the phone about it, and it was to reduce it again.

 

I felt myself well up and started to cry, she said that i'm doing so well, which I can't actually see that I am, nothing has changed and i'm now going to see someone as I feel so ######. I can't believe she is going to take another one away, i phoned the DH and couldn't talk without starting to cry. It's the only break I get with some normality, I feel like crying now just thinking about not having the extra help. Also how do I tell the DS that one of his careworkers (he is very close to both of them) is being taken away. He will take it out on me and will be so upset and won't understand.

 

I'm so , why would they do this when I'm trying to cope, it's the only reason I am about coping.

[Clare63]

Awww Cariad, I am so sorry to hear this, no wonder you are so upset. What reason do they give for taking the respite away? are you able to challenge the decision? it certainly does not seem fair or rational ?????

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[JsMum]

Defo write a letter of complaint to the department of social services, can you foresee what may happen if the respite is taken away?

 

I only find writing letters of complaint gets you the support you deserve.

 

Its been a really draining day for me today too, cant say anymore than that it makes me very angry when SS do this.

 

put it all in writing and even look at contacting your Local MP and sharing this situation.

 

Good luck

 

JsMum

[Cariad]

Thanks Both, I am very friendly with the social worker and we do get on, but i don't know if it's cuts in the budget or what, but I feel so panicy thinking about it being taken off me. It's the only way I can cope and get a break and the DS loves it too, she is coming down next week and the DH will be here with me too and i'll tell her that I think i wouldn't be able to cope with it being taken away.

 

The thing is this half term she is getting spice twice a week and he is going out with a helper too, I was so pleased as in half term i find it very draining and everything is quite tense. Then the bombshell, i'm so gutted and i won't be able to cope.

[Clare63]

Can only suggest that you try to explain how important is both to you and your son, if you need the help, and it sounds so clearly that do, then you should get the help.

 

Hope the meeting works out OK for you all.

 

<'>

 

Clare x x x

[soraya]

You have to let ss know how hard life is, you must paint the blackest picture, if they think you are coping they will take away your help. Contact your MP they can work wonders. Also get your GP to write to SS. When she comes next week have a good cry in front of her, l bet it works!! Sending lots of <'> <'>

[Cariad]

You have to let ss know how hard life is, you must paint the blackest picture, if they think you are coping they will take away your help. Contact your MP they can work wonders. Also get your GP to write to SS. When she comes next week have a good cry in front of her, l bet it works!! Sending lots of <'> <'>

 

 

Thanks soraya, I don't think I'll be able to stop crying when she comes, I'm worried sick about losing it. Thanks ever so much for your replies again.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

At the risk of being blunt and upsetting you, you really need to be upfront and say exactly what you think - don't agree to things that you aren't okay with eg agreeing to SW taking a session away. She obviously sees how difficult things are for you, but if you're agreeing to things she may be of the mistaken belief that you're okay with things happening when you're not.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline.

[Cariad]

Hi

 

At the risk of being blunt and upsetting you, you really need to be upfront and say exactly what you think - don't agree to things that you aren't okay with eg agreeing to SW taking a session away. She obviously sees how difficult things are for you, but if you're agreeing to things she may be of the mistaken belief that you're okay with things happening when you're not.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline.

 

Thanks cmuir, SS have done so much for us in the past and they word it in such a way "You are doing so well" etc when things haven't changed that you feel guilty. I am going to say I won't be able to cope without the extra session when she comes for a home visit next week.

[lorryw]

Hi Cariad,

You sound so like me a year ago!!

I thought of my social worker as a "friend" and accepted everything she said because I didnt want to upset someone who was so helpful. It wasnt until someone pointed out that it was her job and that after she clocked off and went home every evening we were still left to fight another day. I smiled sweetly as she praised how"wonderful" I was and wanted to scream "this isnt good enough, get it sorted!!!"

It took a push too far and yet another cancellation of my sons service before I finally took action. I made a formal stage 1 complaint (have a look on your councils website) it wasnt about her but simply the lack of services and help. Please dont feel intimidated or disloyal. I wish I had been more forceful at an earlier date. The difference in the the way we are now treated is unbelievable and we wasted almost 3 years pussyfooting around.

Good luck

[CarolJ]

Hi Cariad,

 

I thought of my social worker as a "friend" and accepted everything she said because I didnt want to upset someone who was so helpful....... It wasnt until someone pointed out that it was her job and that after she clocked off and went home every evening we were still left to fight another day. I smiled sweetly as she praised how"wonderful" I was and wanted to scream "this isnt good enough, get it sorted!!!"

It took a push too far and yet another cancellation of my sons service before I finally took action. I made a formal stage 1 complaint (have a look on your councils website) it wasnt about her but simply the lack of services and help. Please dont feel intimidated or disloyal. I wish I had been more forceful at an earlier date. The difference in the the way we are now treated is unbelievable and we wasted almost 3 years pussyfooting around.

Good luck

 

Are you me? I too gave up on the nicely softly put others feelings before my families needs and I dont think twice now about asking for what I need. I found a great way to get my point across was in writing. When its in writing social services cant ignore it they have to action it or explain why they cant action it. The words "pen is mightier than the sword" is very true when dealing with the SS

 

I love it when they try to browbeat me by saying I am asking for too much and try to make me feel guilty for taking away from others. Great ploy you need help and they are asking you to consider other peoples plights?

 

If you dont fight for your family nooone else will do. It actually empowers you and you gain respect. I am not running for Xfactor i dont seek to be popular I seek to get my kids the services they badly need. Dont get sidetracked and stick to your guns.

[stressedmumto2]

<'> Cariad you need to challenge this, write a leter or send an e-mail explain you feel better at the moment but you are far from coping, that your son having this amount of support enables you to have time with your dughters/unwind etc and that is what is helping you to manage and that taking it away will mean you start to go back again.

 

I'm no expert but I think for them to reduce it they would need to have evidence that you are coping so much better, yes you are decorating his room but you are probably doping that because it's making you feldown and you know it will make you happier once done.

 

It's funny my sessions were reduced recently too, but I am going to challenge it because what my social worker had written on the care plan was that they were going to think about placing my son elsewhere if I couldn't cope, which ultimatly with that threat over my head they are hoping I will not complain and ask for more respite.

 

You need to either tell your social worker and plead with her not to reduce them or write to the head of social services dept that you are under.

 

I hope you get this sorted I can't believe what they are like sometimes

[Karen A]

Thanks cmuir, SS have done so much for us in the past and they word it in such a way "You are doing so well" etc when things haven't changed that you feel guilty. I am going to say I won't be able to cope without the extra session when she comes for a home visit next week.

 

I may sound a bit blunt.....but some professionals are very skilled in using praise to manipulate people.Cariad you need to be very firm and don't allow the social worker to manipulate.Karen.