Problems At School

[Jem]

When my aspie son was at junior school, we were told that we should get him to sit the entrance exam for the local Grammar school as he was considered to be a bright lad. We did, and he was accepted. We explained that he had been diagnosed with aspergers and we were told that it was not a problem. The school even invited us all in before he started to have a look around and to meet the SEN dept., The teacher in the SEN office was very friendly, and we were told that if we had any problems, to pick up the phone and call them.

That was 18 months ago and all was fine until this January when it was time to go back after Christmas, and he was even more reluctant than normal to get out of bed in the mornings (one of his biggest problems!). Remembering the words of the SEN teacher, and a little worried that he may get told off for being late, I rang them to explain that we were having a few problems, and that we were doing our best, and that is why he had been 5 or 10 mins late for the last couple of mornings, and that maybe they could have a word with him about the importance of time keeping. I thought it might make more of an impression coming from a teacher.

Not long after my phone call, my wife and I were asked to come in to see his head of house to discuss his behaviour, which we did and my son was placed on report for 2 weeks to "help" him improve his behaviour.

To cut a long story short, since contacting the school and "highlighting" the fact that he has aspergers, he has been placed on report for 2 weeks, has had 3 detentions, and now has a 3 hour Saturday morning detention arranged for him for some time in March, all for his "silly behaviour". He has told me that if there is any disruption in class, and the teacher does not know who the culprit is, then he gets the blame.Also, he has told me that teachers keep on asking him if he wants to be at this school. All this in the last 5 or 6 weeks, even though he was there for 18 months, and we never had any problems. We have had a couple of nasty letters from the school threatening all kinds of punishments including suspension if his behaviour does not improve.We have also been asked to come in on the 25th feb for a big meeting to discuss an IEP.

Now, I may be being a little paranoid here, but I am a reasonably intelligent person, but I am getting the distinct feeling that the school are going through the motions to get rid of him.Being a rather elitist Grammar school, with a huge local reputation and an ego to match, I dont think they want this "problem" anymore.What can we do to fight back as it really is not fair on him, and it's not his fault if his school do not understand what aspergers is, which they certainly do not! Many thanks.

[Cat]

Hi Jem

 

I remember you posting here a few weeks ago and I remember saying that the school did not appear to understand that your son was unable to fit around them and that they had to start fitting around him. Sounds like they have no intention of doing this and it also sounds as if they would like to rid themselves of your son.

 

Can I ask is this an LA school? Even if it is not then they are most certainly treating your son less favourably then his peer group and that is disability discrimination. I would suggest that you begin by asking them to bring in an autism outreach team to explain your sons condition to them. Find out if your LA have one of these teams and then contact them yourself and ask for their help and input. I would also be tempted to tell the school that you fear that your son in being discriminated against by them. I am truly amazed that your son is putting up with this especially the Saturday detention as most autistic children do not accept 'carry over' punishments well at all.

 

I would give IPSEA a ring because I see that you are also interested in maybe getting a statement for your son. They can also help you re the discrimination issue.

 

The one thing I will say it this - you can fight to keep your son at this school. It is his right. You can bring in the people to train them, although there is no law that says they have to accept this training sadly. But what you can not do is make them 'want' to have your son there. That said I would not let them wriggle of this hook easily. The way in which 'they' and not your son are behaving is shocking.

 

Cat

 

sorry for the spelling errors I am to sleepy to use the checker.

[Annea]

Ji Jem, get EVERYTHING in writing!!!!!!

 

ABSOULUTELY everything!!!! try not to speak to them on the phone, and get all meetings minuted! We had very similar problems with our daughter... whent hey realise the full extent of the problems they were down right discriminatory!

 

Your son can NOT be punished if the incidents are actually asperger behaviours! Of course he could be being naughty! Our kids can be, but it seems to me that from reading your post they have got a bee in their bonnets about him... And this can't hppen.... ask for a copy of their bullying policy! See how this fits in with their constant punishemnts....

 

Sorry if I am ranting but frsh from a dis disc tribunal that we won.... I am still furious at the care my daughter received.... I would also ask for copies of the disability discrimination policy which is a policy they have to have by law, you may be surprised at how lapse it is, our school didn't actually have one!!!!

 

Good luck with your son, you are right to defend him....

 

<again sorry if you read this as a rant>

 

Anne

[pumpkinpie]

I agree with the previous posters. Its important to do some homework before the meeting.

-check with your lea about an outreach time, their work load etc so you have this inro for the meeting.

-speak to ipsea www.ipsea.org.uk to check your legal position and get advice.

- Your lea will also have details(check website) of your local parent partnership group, they are independant of your lea and are parental advisors who help parents and schools resolve despute, they will come to meetings with you but are busy.

-I would keeep a diary note from now on of all phonecalls etc who they were from punishments etc so you have evidence of whats happening - this is very iportant!

-Have a look at the national autistic website and print off their description of asphergers and how it affects your son. yOU CAN EITHER hand it in or use it as a basis on a letter to the school.

 

After you have all the info write either a letter or note of your concerns so you can hand it into school at the meeting.

Make sure you have put something in about their responsibilities under the disability discrimination act and ask the school about their disability equlaity scheme they were supposed to have completed in dec 06.

 

If someone can come with you a friend you trust to write notes this woul be very helpful. It is your right to do this. Then write up the minutes of the meeting and send a copy to school(school should do this but in some schools they dont record things properly..Makesure you set a timescale for changes and a follow up meeting

 

Good luck

[Suze]

Sounds like the school from hell................ ..............there are more understanding schools about, my son and several friends with asd children all have placements at schools that understand them...........don,t punish them for their disability and listen to parents!

.........ok.......totally agree with other posters , also keep a diary of everything your son tells you has happened at school each day.Also what exactly is he doing at school that warrants all this punish ment??..........my son shouts out all the time, makes noises and generally gives a running commentary during lessons but he isn,t punished for this but rewarded when he remembers to put up his hand.Are they offering him any pastoral support..........initiatives..or help in classes or just treating him like an higher than average intelligent boy who they think is disobedient and needs to conform .

..........I hope your son is coping o.k. with this horrible school if my son was in such an environment he would,nt be sleeping, would be tearful, angry , refusing school and depressed.I hope you can get some where with them and get some help for your boy hugs suzex

[justamum]

My son had a similar experience, it ended up with me removing him for HIS sake and home educating him. It didn't matter what was said or shown, the school wanted him out and by the heck they were going to makes things so uncomfortable they would get him out!

 

As others have said, everything in writing. No meetings or talking without a witness, not even impromptu ones...always decline these and set a specific date. Any telephone conversation regarding the smallest hing, LOG. NEVER discuss your son at length on the phone, only to say he is ill and won't be in.

 

Golden rule is to think THEY LIE, and the do, I must have a witness.

 

Contact your MP, alert them to what is happening. Unless they are aware nothing will ever change.

 

I have contacted my MSP regarding my son and you will not believe the length the LEA will go to, to get off the hook. You son doesn't fit in the neat box, so to keep the class neat they want to get rid of the rough edges...YOUR SON.

 

Keep every letter in a file...that's every single letter. The latest with my daughters school is they did a charity event and named the charity. It turns out that they only gave half to the charity and kept the rest for the school....the letter didn't say this!

 

Oh and for my two pennies worth...teachers DO understand Aspergers, that's why they are so good at bullying them!

 

LEA lies

 

 

Also I hope you didn't agree to the Saturday morning detention as that will tell your son you are not on his side.

Edited February 14, 2008 by justamum

[Canopus]

Now, I may be being a little paranoid here, but I am a reasonably intelligent person, but I am getting the distinct feeling that the school are going through the motions to get rid of him.Being a rather elitist Grammar school, with a huge local reputation and an ego to match, I dont think they want this "problem" anymore.What can we do to fight back as it really is not fair on him, and it's not his fault if his school do not understand what aspergers is, which they certainly do not! Many thanks.

 

No, you are not being paranoid. The school probably wants to get rid of him. Grammar schools aren't always sympathetic towards kids with high intelligence combined with SEN requirements, and it goes against their ingrained ethos to provide for SEN unless the parents hit the school in the right places. The teachers probably understand AS but they will definitely lie through their teeth.

 

As previously stated, get everything in writing if possible. If you have to engage in a meeting then bring in a witness and get them to take notes.