feeling guilty, low self esteem.

[Suze]

Hope you don,t mind me posting I,m un dx, but have plenty of "things" going on if you know what I mean.

 

....................anyhow feel so down today, I get so bothered by friends/people .........upsetting them, saying the right thing etc.A friend believes my youngest ds is responsible for losing a small figure(part of a set for his birthday last week so its very special) that her son had at school.My boy was the last one with it.They all take various stuff to school to play with , things get lost or broken sometimes.Anyhow I,m on a huge guilt trip. her boy was crying last night over the lost figure, its very special as it fits into a vehicle .............she spoke to me today about it and phoned me up tonight about it aswell.Wants me to ask my boy again if he can remember where it is .........shes offering a small reward now for its return,and putting up a poster at school.

......I,m so stressed about this I get really intimidated and I know I aint gonna sleep tonight because of this.I,ve always got to do the right thing and please people and this is stressing me .

 

.........................how do people always say the right thing s to have a dig or make you feel small.................she said she told her son not to take his figure to school as "some kids like to put stuff in their pockets and take it home".................

 

 

...........I wish I could be more assertive and not let things bother me , shrug it off as one of those things, but it stews inside me..........I,ll be nervous going into the playground tomorrow..........wish I could be tougher.

[Kinda]

Hi Suze

 

Its difficult because if I say in the overall life equation this is only a small matter but since you are a sensitive and caring person this probably won't help. You seem to be assuming your son had something to do with its loss but that doesn't seem certain from what you say. This is not an uncommon problem with children taking things to school they shouldn't and how its normally dealt with is that the child who took it is at fault because he/she shouldn't have and its a high risk of something happening to it.

 

It seems to me you have done what you can and therefore you should not feel any more responsibility, in a few months time it won't even be an issue. While the incident is unfortunate that's all it is an unfortunate accident and you have done everything you can to help them recover the figure that should not have been taken to school. The fault lies with the other child taking the figure so try not to beat yourself up about it.

[zaman]

She sounds like she is totally over reacting to me, try not to let it get to you. But of course the times when things get to us are the times when we are feeling vulnerable anyway.

 

If she does approach you again, try and think of a way to stop her pursuing this line of questioning with you - something like - 'no, I've looked after the last time you asked me, we certainly don't have it'. I would also question this policy of allowing toys into school, as such things are bound to happen.

[Suze]

Thanks guys .......so gla d its nearly the weekend

[Bagpuss]

Sorry Suze, just read this, big hugs <'>

[darky]

Oh I understand you totally on this one. I always feel guilty even if I have not done anything. The fact this woman is totally over reacting over something minor has not helped you I am sure. Rather than offer a reward, why doesn't she just replace it if it means that much to her and her son!! I can't abide people like that. Once I had a woman come round the house with a 5yr old girl. This girl carried with her a raggy doll. She had put it down somewhere, and when it was time to leave, the little girl went crazy for this toy. I had to tear apart the house. We found it in the end, and she left leaving me to clear up the mess. I could not help saying to her, why the HELL did you a) bring it, and let her wander off with it!! For gawd sake, why do some parents allow their children loose with things that devistate them when they go missing? Its crazy!!

[bid]

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