Advice needed -how to deal with my sons depression

[poppy]

Can anyone sugest to me what i can do to to help my 13 year old son who has aspergers.

He is depressed, he doesnt want to go to school says he would rather kill himself.

He doesnt see the point in it all cos we're all going to die anyway. School is aware of this.

Waiting for appointment for childrens clinic, applied to social services for assements for us both but every thing seems to take so long.

I dont think he trusts us anymore because we make him go to school.

The books dont tell you what to do when they reach this stage.

[sandyn]

Hi Poppy, You like Stitch aswell!!!

 

I don't have a teenage son yet and to be quite honest with you - I am absolutely dreading it. BUT I do have some advice and I hope you don't mind me sharing my opinions with you.

 

If your son is so deeply depressed and unhappy, I wouldn't wait to see the childrens clinic. Go to your GP IMMEDIATELY and DEMAND some treatment for your son. Your son is the priority NOT NHS queues or waiting list. They have an ethical obligation to make sure your son is not only treated for his problems, but also to ensure that he (and you) are safe.

 

Don't wait til Monday - call in the morning and get an emergency doctor. Please let me know how he (and you) get on.

Edited March 14, 2008 by sandyn

[Kathryn]

We got to this stage too poppy. My daughter at age 15 was so depressed she was at risk and I did not feel I could continue to send her daily into the situation that was causing it. You can ask your GP to signed your son off medically and he will then be eligible for home tuition from the LEA. This might relieve the immediate stress factors. You can then continue to fight for the medical and educational support he needs in the longer term.

 

Just to encourage you and give you hope, I have to add that my daughter came through that tough time; she never went back to school but is coping well with college now.

 

K x

Edited March 15, 2008 by Kathryn

[JsMum]

Youngminds may offer further suggestions and give you further advice, Kathryns advice is the same as I would give, the other services is Camhs and express that he has threatened to harm himself.

 

I wouldnt send him at this present time and try and get him a quick assessment, visit the GP and go from there, if you have any immediate worry about your sons safety take him straight to the A and E and request he is seen by a psychaitrist, I dont want to worry you but children committing suicide has quadupuled this year, I am suspecting its because of special needs and education and the lack of support.

 

Ensure that you visit his gp to get his depression added in his medical records.

 

JsMum

[Karen A]

Hi poppy. <'> Young minds have a telephone support and advice service for parents of children experiencing mental health difficulties.The advisors will arrange for a professional to call you back if the you need specialist advice.I found them very helpful when I called last year.Karen.

[Karen A]

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/parents/more-...rmation-service

This is the young minds link.Karen.

[poppy]

Thanks for your replies.

We have taken him to our Gp which is how we are on Cliinc waiting list,Dr is going to write again and they have advised me to write as well-it may hurry things up-being on the waiting list in the NHS usually means they cant give you an appointment within 3 months and we cant wait that long.

Social services i spoke to earlier in the week said i should speak to duty officer if it happened again as they ight be able to gat an earlier visit.But my husband doesnt want me to as he is worried they might take him into care.they dont do that now do they?

At the moment he is a happy bunny sitting infront of the wii browsing the games. He asked if he had to go to school on monday and i said yes .then he said even if we have a repeat of the othe day? Dont know if he being crafty or threatening me?

Anyway making the most of peace.

 

And yes Sandyn we all love stitch in our house-he is my sons alter ego cute and fluffy but can turn into a monster!!

We have soft toys ,t-shirts ,socks etc with him on.The toy that goes to bed with him is almost squashed flat.

[Kinda]

Hi

 

I agree with the others and in particular Sandyn's advice, my own son and that of a friend both had the same problem. My own son refused the medication in the end but he sought help through a counseler which we paid for privately. My friend's son used the medication and he also came through OK.

 

In my son's case and I guess my friend's son it was connected to low self esteem and so it maybe the same in your own child's case. If you can find something that he does well at then it raises his own belief in himself and this of course reflects in his self esteem. The medication helps stabilise the situation but is not the long term fix but finding and interest or something that he achieves at maybe the long term solution.

 

In my sons case it was self esteem through academic achievement whereas my friend's son it was through living independantly from the family.

 

From my post and others there is light at the end of the tunnel and you need to keep this in mind as you possibly feel over awed at this stage. Drugs etc are only dealing with the effect and not the cause but will give relief to allow his mind to get repair and stabilise while you try and find and deal with the underlying problem.

 

We were also advised that depression in teenagers is not uncommon.

Edited March 15, 2008 by Kinda

[Suze]

I agree with everyones posts........but just wanted to ask......are school aware of how your son is feeling?..............have they attempted to adapt the school environment for him??.............have you asked anyone at school about a reduced timetable??(just sending him in for the lessons he likes...maybe doing just half days).........best wishes suzex

[Clare63]

Hi Poppy,

I can totally empthaise with you my DS will be 13 at the end of this month and feels very much the same as your young man. Our GP referred us back to CAMHS and I just could not wait the usual months and months for an appointment, so rung them myself (actually the GP suggested this as might speed up the process) and had an assessment done over the phone we got an appointment a few days later. Without trying to worry you but in hoping you take your son seriously, my son had a breakdown in Oct last year and has since been signed off school, things have improved greatly, he is no longer depressed and does not talk about sucide, it feels like we have our son back, things are much better as a family, we too were at breaking point, but this respite from school has given us all the opportunity to repair and I am now in more control to fight for the correct provision for my son.

I hope you can get the school onside as quickly as possible and get your child seen by a proffessional to help him.

<'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x x

[poppy]

Thanks Clare-hope for the future thats what we need..must admit am really thinking of going to Gp in the morn and getting him put off ,then we'll have till after easter hols.

School does know ,it was senco said get gp to refer to clinic.

At emergancy statement meeting we dropped 2 subjects for him so he can have extra help with english maths and science as he completely failed mocks sats.Senco and english teacher both admit quality of work like 9 or 10 years old.

Have told senco want another meeting to dicuss my boys state of mind rather than academic(i thought we were going to in 1st meeting) and partly without him there-its so wrong to go through it all with them there.

To top everything off eldest daughter -a year 5 teacher-has rung to say she's been put offf for a week with stress !!

Unfortuately mum cant be put off sick.

[Clare63]

Poppy ~ sounds like you could do with a few of these <'> <'> <'>

 

I think you are so right in saying that your child's mental health needs to be looked at before getting too hung up with his academic performance.

 

Thinking of you and yours and hoping you as a family find support and understanding.

 

Clare x x x