stealing or not understanding

[purplehaze]

I haven't had a good day today I was at uni and a hospital appointment (dietian for my son, but he didn't have to be there) so my friend looked after my son and let him and her son (i'm sure he has ASD) walk up to the local shopping centre and while up there they saw a bag of shopping so my son picked it up and they walked off with it. Then two security guards and a lady (it was her bag) caught up with them and they were carted off for stealing. My friend had to go and pick them up.

 

when I asked my son why he had picked the bag up he said nobody was there, the bag was just left and he was hungry, I explained it to him it was stealing and he just does not understand this and keeps saying it isn't stealing.

 

I have always had this problem with him since he was little. He used to drag tree branches home, pick junk up and bring it home, if he sees an old bike he thinks it's ok to bring it home and doesnt think it may belong to someone, he even rode a bike out of school once because it wasn't locked up so he thought it was ok (just to let you know bikes are his obsession).

 

Am I raising a yob or is it a lack of understanding. I do worry that he may take things from shops next.

 

Has anyone else had problems like this.

[baddad]

Hmmm...

 

Don't know your son at all, but suspect he's 'playing the innocent' as my mum would have said. If it was just your son, maybe 'innocent' but unless the other kid has the same historical 'blind-spot' you've got a scenario that just doesn't add up.

It's a grey area about stealing, though. If the bag was left unattended he/they could have genuinely thought it was forgotten, which is serious, but not quite in the same league. To kids, "finders keepers losers weepers" can seem a lot more reasonable than it does to adults...

 

BD

[purplehaze]

When they were stopped the other boy started to run but my son just stopped to find out what was wrong and he did say sorry to the lady when they were told it was her bag. But just doesn't seem to understand it is stealing.

[JsMum]

J has stolen items from shops, he also use to take items from other peoples houses too, and took other childrens belonging without totally understanding what the effect will be on the other person, didnt understand why the other child might be upset with him, we have tried over the years to explain the value in money and how it effects other people how they may feel and what can happen if you steal and that the police can charge you, and that you can get told off by a judge, for J its more of not understanding the full consequences of his actions.

 

I have returned items imediatly and explained to J that stealing or taking things that are not yours will get you into big trouble, he is loads better but I do have to keep a close servalance on him and if I have any daught then I do a quick feel of his pockets before leaving, for J its more a not understanding the value to others and the consequences.

 

We looked at some websites that look into steeling and this helped a little.

 

JsMum

[purplehaze]

Thank you this has helped me to know it isn't just my son. I think the problem is I feel like no matter how much I explain he just doens't understand.

[JsMum]

For J he doesnt totally understand others reactions, only when he is at fault does he get the message they are mad, angry, but in anger management we worked on emotions and reactions, this tied in quite well with the stealing, getting him to understand the effects on other people has helped more.

 

socail stories are helpful in these kinds of situation.

 

JsMum

[purplehaze]

Social stories have been very useful in the past and school use them with him too.

[Enid]

My ds has stolen from the local shops, twice, first time I read the riot act but didnt make him go back to shop, think it was because we live in village and its so embarassing, but second time he got caught, as far as I know he`s not done it again, but at school he used to take home all kinds of things, like rubbers, pens, all sorts of things, I could never seem to make him understand the significence of it. Once it was an asthma inhaler!

 

Enid

[JsMum]

In Js Case he does have a much younger age for socail skills and his comprehension is around 6yrs old, in pre school this is a statement from a article about stealing

 

Pre-Schoolers

 

Stealing is a common, normal behavior in pre-school-aged children. Under the age of six, most children have difficulty understanding the concept of private property. They have difficulty understanding that they don't have rights to property that belongs to someone else. This is because children at this age are generally self-centered. They feel that they can take what they want, and often don't understand that this might be wrong. Because most pre-school aged children do not yet understand that stealing is wrong, it is usually not a good idea for parents to punish them for stealing. Instead, this is an excellent time for parents to begin teaching their children about ownership and the concept that stealing is wrong.

 

 

I think some of the above could be similair to children with social and communication difficulties/special needs.

 

I have also read about a condition where the person just steals for the impuse impact and it is a recognised disorder.

 

JsMum

Edited April 8, 2008 by JsMum

[JsMum]

Found these that may be useful/

 

http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/...m/stealing.html

 

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/beha...hoplifting.html

 

JsMum

[purplehaze]

hello Enid hope you have had a good day.

 

I think our children have a lot in common i am deffinately starting to think it is a lack of understanding.

 

thanks for the websites JSmum

[harmony]

I haven't had a good day today I was at uni and a hospital appointment (dietian for my son, but he didn't have to be there) so my friend looked after my son and let him and her son (i'm sure he has ASD) walk up to the local shopping centre and while up there they saw a bag of shopping so my son picked it up and they walked off with it. Then two security guards and a lady (it was her bag) caught up with them and they were carted off for stealing. My friend had to go and pick them up.

 

when I asked my son why he had picked the bag up he said nobody was there, the bag was just left and he was hungry, I explained it to him it was stealing and he just does not understand this and keeps saying it isn't stealing.

 

I have always had this problem with him since he was little. He used to drag tree branches home, pick junk up and bring it home, if he sees an old bike he thinks it's ok to bring it home and doesnt think it may belong to someone, he even rode a bike out of school once because it wasn't locked up so he thought it was ok (just to let you know bikes are his obsession).

 

Am I raising a yob or is it a lack of understanding. I do worry that he may take things from shops next.

 

Has anyone else had problems like this.

Hi

rest assured you are not alone. My daughter has come home from school with all sorts that don't belong to her, I have returned pens, watches, books etc. She really doesn't seem to be aware of the possible consequences of her actions. She also has trouble working out if somthing is a freebie in a shop, (leaflets, perfume samples, food samples etc) or if you have to buy it, she has walked out of shops with small items from near the till, and when I find them later, it is mortifying! I just tell her now to keep her hands in her pockets, unless she is prepared to pay for somthing.

harmony x

[Bard]

B used to 'glean' when he was younger, he's 13 now.

Up until nine or so, he'd pick up things that weren't his that he 'found'. Never out of someone's tray, bag or coat pockets but small items that were on the floor, in the playground. Odd bits of multilink and pieces of rubbers, endless school pencils in different sizes that he'd line up in order on his desk at home. Never stole from a shop, although he did take money left around the house and put it in his safe. Couldn't spend it because he didn't go out without an adult, and he wasn't devious about it. Even when he took �60 in twenties that his dad had left on the table. I just said "B go to your room and get the money you found on the table" and he did, with very little fuss.

Once he came home with a padlock, no key. He'd 'found' it on a hasp of a shed in the school grounds. We took it back the same evening and returned it to the premises officer who hadn't been able to work out what had happened and why he couldn't lock his tool shed.

 

It took training to break the habit, explanations and returning of stuff. Lots and lots of it.

He still doesn't understand why it's not acceptable, only that it isn't and that's enough for the moment.

He still has pockets full of bits, but no stolen items, and he knows that taking things that you don't own is wrong without the owners permission.

[stressedmumto2]

After my son having two of his bikes stolen recently, he seen a dismantled bike near to our shops in some hedges and was almost putting it into our car as I had nipped into the shops, I told him he needed to put it back, explained how it may have belonged to someone else and how sad they would be like he has been over the theft of his bike, but as it looked dumped he thought it was his for the taking, lol

 

He left the bike there and I told him to ask the policeman who had walked past if he was allowed the dumped bike, knowing mr officer would probably say no but at least it shifted the responsibility, he wouldn't ask the policeman and went on about it for a few days, several days later it had dissapared.

 

Given that he has had two of his own bikes stolen he does know right from wrong, but he wouldn't of been able to think it belonged to someone else as it was just left in a bush with bits missing. I think our children often miss this part, the empathy that comes with taking something of somebody else's and how they will feel. If things are left lying around they do think it's theirs to take and stealing from shops well my son has in the past stolen a few sweets he knew it was wrong and I spoke to him and the shop about it and so far he hasn't done it again, but I also think that stealing can be a kids things and that many children may try it.

 

I think children need alot of help in this area and understaning as to why they have done it and firmness to deal with it, thanks J's mum for the link, will take a look later <'>