Another new one!!

[judellie]

Hello everyone,

 

I stumbled across this site from a link elsewhere, I think it was the moneysavingexpert site.

 

I'm Jude, married with 3 boys, M - 10, J - 8 and S - 3. It is the eldest M that has the 'issues'.

Always had doubts since an early age, subtle behaviours, but there. He saw paed psych in year R after behaviour at home peaked and I asked his teacher if he was ok at school. She said that she had concerns and would refer to paed psych. After a couple of meetings with her she came to conclusion that 'he was on the upper boundaries of normal, but not abnormal'. ie, yes he has AS traits but not enough to dx.

School was good and he had IEP and SALT to help with emotion awareness and feeling, facial expressions etc.

 

He then went to Junior school and IEP was dropped and he seemed to settle quite well, at school anyway. Behaviour at home a different matter. I always said he was like a pressure cooker waiting to blow. The pressure built up during the day and he released it when he came home. Too much to describe in detail at the moment.

 

Anyway things got really bad last summer, trying to jump out of bedroom window, self harming on one occasion, very violent, food he would eat got less and less (always been really fussy, if it didn't pass the sniff test it wouldn't get anywhere near his mouth.) Oct last year he started refusing to go to school, saying it was boring( always hated school), the work was too difficult, etc.

My theory is that he's very bright, in top groups for everything, and that so far he's been able to cope with pressures on him. Now the work is getting more difficult he actually has to put some effort into it and he can't/won't cope with it.

 

Saw GP Oct half term, without him, because of the disruption and violence at home and referred to paed psych again. (Same woman we saw in year R) Seen twice so far and filled in loads of forms. So far she says he's borderline ADHD - behaviour at school ok, very passive, but different matter at home. And waiting to hear when she'll do full ASD diagnostic stuff. Must ring next week as haven't heard from her for a couple of months. Last time we saw her she also advised that I look up PDA - demand avoidance (also comes under the ASD umbrella), and at home again this does describe him very well.

 

In the meantime we continue to deal with his paddys and abusive language when things don't go as he had planned them. At least he is quieter in the evenings at the moment - a new skatepark has opened in the village (one of his 2 obsessions, the other being music, specifically drums!!). We've found that if he spends 6 hours at the skatepark he's actually tired and calmer in the evenings, usually the worst time. I'm just hoping the weather stays good for the rest of the holidays!!

 

Sorry to ramble, but he's very difficult to cope with at the moment, but I love him to bits. however my husband is coming nto the end of his tether with him I think, but he won't talk about it. He's just fed up with not being able to do anything as a family. My middle son is a particular target of his violence, and almost had a broken nose last week!

 

Anyway, thanks for reading, no doubt I'll be posting about specific issues. Just feel a bit guilty being on the forum with no actual dx, although from the posts I've read so far they are nearly all relavent to us

 

Bye for now

 

Jude xx

 

PS. Dreading Sept when he starts secondary school

Edited April 17, 2008 by judellie

[purplehaze]

Hello Jude, welcome to the site.

 

i completely understand how you feel about the behaviour, my 14 yr old ASD son is difficult at home and school.

 

Firstly, have you got any support from your local parent partnership group, they will go into school meetings with you and advice on what strategies/support your son needs. Have you been refered to CAHMS or just the paed psych. You need support from a multi-agency team to get a diagnoses for ASD or any other conditions. Your son is displaying anxiety behaviour (self harming etc) because things are becoming more difficult and he can not cope and also can not explain how he is feeling thus the behaviour (it's his way of eploring his emotions and telling you how he feels). There's a book called the explosive child which can be helpful.

 

Keep posting so we can support you and don't feel guilty X

[baddad]

Hey Jude, don't take it bad............

 

Sorry - couldn't resist. I bet you hate that/get it all the time

 

Anyways, welcome to the forum...

I'm sure you'll find lots of people in similar boats's and loads of advice and support

 

10 and transition - Ouch... My son's same age, and while he really enjoys/likes school many of the other things you mention are 'escalating'... frightening that it's happening at such a young age, but it does seem like some of those 'pooberty hormones are starting to kick in. Perhaps your son is a similar 'early starter'? (actually, I'm wondering if it's 'early starter' or more 'prolonged adolescence'? I suspect, he may well finish a bit later than most two; his hormones delivered in a sort of 'slow release capsule'?)

 

whooooops - waffling!

 

welcome aboard

[Suze]

Hi, welcome to the forum <'> ..................don,t know about you but all this dx as" borderline everything" does,nt seem to be doing anyone any favours .............its not really helping your son or you with his difficulties etc.Maybe the pead physch is reluctant to label your son but in the long run it does,nt help anyone and you can,t access the full services that could help you.Secondary school is a whole different ball game too a dx would help staff support him appropriately, best wishes suzex

[Karen A]

Hi Jude.Welcome to the Forum.

I have Ben age 9.He has DCD [Dyspraxia] with Social Communication Difficulties.[some AS features but professionals are not able to agree on a clear Dx].Ben is also very bright and sounds very similar to M.

 

Just feel a bit guilty being on the forum with no actual dx, although from the posts I've read so far they are nearly all relavent to us

I don't think you need to feel guilty about being here with no clear dx.....you will gather from my comments above....they let me moderate here and Ben has not got one either. Karen.

[judellie]

Hi everyone,

 

Thank you so much for your replies and support, it's good to know I'm not the only one having a hard time with our dear children.

 

Purplehaze - He was refered to the paed psychiatrist, but I think she is part of the Child and Family Guidance team, I don't know if that's the same as CAHMS or not.

 

Karen - I'd never considered Dyspraxia before, mainly because I thought it was general clumsiness and gross motor problems. M's gross motor skills are very good. His obsession for the last 2 years has been skateboarding, bmx and rollerblading, and he's very good at them, no problems with balance or co-ordination at all. He was also a very good goalkeeper and cricketer, until recently. Unfortunately he's given them both up now, he had problems coping with team mates! He's also into music as well and is very good at drums and has taught himself electric guitar since christmas and can play along to various rock songs.

I've just looked up DCD and a lot of the rest applies to him, he has real trouble using a knife and fork, his handwriting is awful, he's very sensitive to food textures and tastes and smells in general, and all the emotional and behavioural stuff fits as well.

 

Suze - you're right, borderline dx does us no favours at all in getting him any help, especially next year at school when he goes up to secondary. If the school had reported behaviour like he has at home it would have been a definate ADHD, but he is very different at school to home. From reading through some of the posts this seems to be quite common.

 

Thank you for the warm welcome

 

Jude xx

[Bagpuss]

Hi Jude and welcome to the forum

[jb1964]

Hi Jude,

 

Welcome to the forum. Your post rung so many bells for me. Our daughter was diagnosed asd at 12yrs - went through the diagnosis process when she hit first year of comp. We'd always had problems continually at home or out, with eating, sleeping, noises & smells, frustrations, anger etc. She's very bright and 'coped' to some point at school and erupted at home until around 10 years it suddenly became even more difficult to get her to school, co-operate etc - her self harming and obsessions became worse.

 

Thing is the last year of primary they do gear the kids up to realise they'll be attending comp soon that things will change, that they will be having more homework, it will be a 'big' school - they will be expected to look after themselves more etc etc. I don't know about your son but my daughter takes things in and thinks things over and over and the unknown is the worst thing for her. She gets upset and anxious without knowing the real cause of what's upsetting her - it took us more than 2 years to realise it was the changeover to comp that made her hit the wire and she ended up being out of school for more than a year.

 

Also, we found the older she got the more aware she became that she was different to others - plus you have the beginning of 'growing up' so to speak.

 

Obviously as you say your son is going to be assessed for asd etc - but if they do diagnose these things can be big issues for most.

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited April 17, 2008 by jb1964

[mossgrove]

Hi Jude and welcome!

 

We have four children age 4, 6, 8 and 10. The ledest two have a diagnosis.

 

Doing things as a family can be difficult at times. We find two things help;

 

LOTS of preparation. Inclusing showing pictures, web sites etc. and explanations of what we are going to. Spontaneity isn't always possible.

 

Repeating activities until we get the hang of doing it as a family. It meanss ome of our days out have a 'Groundhog Day' feel to them but it's better than never going out as a family. We have certain regular activities e.g. Chester Zoo, Ellesmere Port Boat Museum, Going for a Pizza. Buying season tickets for places makes sense as you may be going there a lot!

 

 

Simon

Edited April 17, 2008 by mossgrove

[Clare63]

Hello Jude and welcome,

 

Hope you find as much help and support as I have on this forum, its a God send.

 

Please, please do get as much support as you can for your child as they approach entering secondary education those impending years seem to be one of the most difficult times.

 

Clare