cant decide, HELP!!

[benkatie]

I have a dilemma!

 

To start my 4yr old son, Ben, was diagnosed with ASD in November .

 

He has a speech development disorder and social/emotional communication difficulties.

 

THE PROBLEM

 

Ben currently attends Main stream nursery 4 days a week, and a special needs school for 1 day. The next step would be primary 1 after the Summer holidays all was fine until The Transition Meeting.

I walked into a room with 13 other people all professionals(none of whom have an ASD child). They all talked for over 2hrs about the stuff that they have read from books etc...and the outcome of the meeting was Ben needed an Advantage year at nursery because of his communication difficulties and age(5 in nov).

This was fine but none of them seemed to listen to me. Ben's language has come on leaps and bounds he is even attempting to do jollyphonics. He counts to 30 knows his ABC can read certain words and is writing. Doing all the stuff they do in P1 and not nursery. Also he gets on so well with his peers,they have all come to accept him and help him in class and consider him a friend!

 

Now i don't know what to do,listen to them or move him up with the children whom he knows to P1 for the mental stimulation.

I feel like anyone help?

[llisa32]

Hiya <'>

 

I think if I were in your position I would argue for him to move up with his peers. From what you've said he certainly seems capable of meeting the academic targets of the next year, and imo he would be better placed learning more social skills alongside his peers.

 

No doubt there will be tricky moments along the way...but I don't see any real reason to hold him back a year - better I think if his communication skills can be honed in on with his peers, they are are still young and all no doubt learning to different degrees anyway.

 

If you're in doubt that the school are wrong I think you need to go with your instinct...if...after more thought you decide school might be right, then thats the right decision for you and your son.

 

Good luck with what you decide - stick to your guns if instinct tells you it would be better for him to move up <'>

[Enid]

I would also let him move up with his peer group and go with your gut instinct, if he seems to be struggling in primary one or later years you could probably make a decision to hold him back a year at a later date, but at this point, especially with a november birthday, so he will be one of the oldest in the year, I`d let him go. Enid

[baddad]

Hi benkatie...

 

If they weren't listening to you i would make that the priority - get them to look at what he has achieved/can do rather than his dx...

Having said that, I don't think that the input of thirteen professionals should be discounted purely on the basis that :

 

(none of whom have an ASD child)

 

Having an autistic child does not make a person an expert in autism or education. Not having an autistic child does not mean that years of specialist training were wasted. I'm not saying they're right and your wrong - I couldn't possibly know - but I do think it's worthwhile to examine why you think their wrong (outside of the factor quoted above) and also to consider the reasons they offered for their decision... Thinking about it in terms of his birth month, if he's one of the oldest in his class but finds himself struggling to keep up it could have a big impact on his self-esteem and confidence(?) Having said that, my son's an August birthday, and it's taken me years to convince him that 'keeping up' with his classmates - some of whom are only weeks away from being a full year older than him - is good enough, and that he doesn't have to be in the top groups to be doing well...

 

[benkatie]

Hi, Thanx everyone for your comments so far.

 

I wasn't implying that the professionals didn't know what they were talking about because none of them have an ASD child. I was simply stating that the professionals comments were textbook and theory based and they do not look at it from the practical side, which one of them may have done if they had ever found themselves in a similar situation with a child of there own.

Every child is an indvidual and decisions made about there future should be based on this fact, not a general guideline from a book!!!

 

Of course i took there views on board, this being the reason i am having such a touch time making the decision which choice is best for my son. Do i give him another year at Nursery to consolidate and embed skills for communication and social development (these are things which the professionals cannot guarantee he wil ever have) or do i move him with the group in which he is comfortable and let him work a away at the P1 curriculum?

[oxgirl]

Hi benkatie,

 

Obviously I don't know your son, so I can only say what I would have done in your position. My lad was in nursery when investigations began and he got a dx of AS at five, when he began Reception class. He is a November birthday as well and was always one of the eldest in his group. Looking back, if we had been offered an additional year in nursery we would def. have taken it, I think, based solely on the fact that he was so much younger emotionally than the kids he was with and as soon as he started Reception the pressure proved too much and he went completely to pieces. As in your case, the children he was with at nursery totally accepted him and that was always the case as he moved up through the school, but he never formed friendships with them, although they were protective of him and caring towards him. I think he would really have benefitted from an additional year in nursery, but we didn't know that at the time and weren't offered it.

Sometimes it's impossible to know, though, what is the best thing to do, I guess we just have to go with our gut instinct. I personally didn't know that staying on another year was an option, but if I had I would have taken it. There's plenty of time to 'catch up' later if that is an issue, but certainly emotionally my lad would probably have gotten on better around children younger than him.

 

~ Mel ~

[benkatie]

Hey oxgirl,

 

Thanx for your point of view there.

 

Keeping him back concerns me for a few reasons. Ben is still at the stage where he copies by example so i'm not sure what influence younger children will have on him in behaviour and maturity terms. If he stays back he will be the oldest in his group by 5 months, also Ben tends to dominate over children that are smaller than himself and can be pushy because he doesn't know bounderies. In his current group there are children older and younger than him, so a good mix.

 

As for how he will deal with the transition emotionaly i'm not sure! but what advantage is an extra year of free play at nursery going to give him? is he all of a sudden within the next year going to develop the social communication and emotional skills that are holding him back? To what extent do ASD children develop these sklls?

[BusyLizzie100]

Hi Benkatie,

 

This is just my opinion, and obviously I don't know your child. Am I right in thinking you child is currently in nursery and will be moving up to Reception? My understanding is that Reception is still part of the Foundation Stage, along with the Nursery year, and Keystage I starts in Year 1. It WILL be different if he's moving to a new setting, but Reception is hopefully not a huge step up from Nursery.

 

DS2 is a November baby, too, and I had very similar concerns, although it was me that was considering delaying him starting Reception until January rather than starting him in the September. (There was never talk about delaying him a whole year, though). Nursery would have been happy to let him stay another term, but in the end we thought that he might actually benefit more from the 'extra' time in Reception, especially as there would only be 15 in the class to begin with, until the January intake joined, and delaying his move might prove detrimental.

 

His Statement came into being as he started REception, and whether it was that he was finally getting extra support, or he really took to the more structured environment, or both, I can't say, but he began to come on in leaps and bounds. Now, I appreciate this is my son, so the situation may be different for you.

 

Another little story I have concerns a friend's child. He is an August baby and began Reception in the January intake - he was very, very young. He went all the way through Reception and, towards the end, with a lot of discussion, it was decided that he should stay back a year and do Reception again.

 

I'm not trying to persuade you one way or another, but this may give you food for thought.

 

Lizzie xxx

[llisa32]

Hiya - thought I'd add to my post from yesterday as I missed out a relevant point - I completely forgot that one of the reasons J has been much happier with his swap of form class since J has been that he is now in a class with children all younger than him - although still in the same year.

 

There are quite a lot of kiddies in J's year at the very early end of the school calender - with some of them effectively being nearly a year younger than J (He's an October b.day)

 

Because they are younger and on a learning curve slightly behind the others who are older he is feeling like he 'fits' better into the class - his difficulties with some topics are not so obvious in amongst this set of peers and he feels less like the odd one out.

 

So...they may well have a very valid point.

 

Apologies I didn't say this in my post yesterday - got a brain full at mo

[oxgirl]

Thanx for your point of view there.

 

No probs.

 

Keeping him back concerns me for a few reasons. Ben is still at the stage where he copies by example so i'm not sure what influence younger children will have on him in behaviour and maturity terms. If he stays back he will be the oldest in his group by 5 months, also Ben tends to dominate over children that are smaller than himself and can be pushy because he doesn't know bounderies. In his current group there are children older and younger than him, so a good mix.

 

I see what you're saying, yes. My lad was the total opposite in that he was extremely quiet and timid and introverted at that time and very tiny and vulnerable for his age so, together with his very young emotional age, could easily have passed for a three year old at five and would have fitted in more easily with much younger children.

 

As for how he will deal with the transition emotionaly i'm not sure! but what advantage is an extra year of free play at nursery going to give him? is he all of a sudden within the next year going to develop the social communication and emotional skills that are holding him back? To what extent do ASD children develop these sklls?

 

He won't all of a sudden develop them, but it could be a good grounding for starting to develop them early on, I guess, depending on how you look at it. You know your lad best and you'll know if he's ready to settle down to some 'real' work and structure or whether he'd be better with a more relaxed and play-oriented setting for a bit longer. Certainly for my lad, he wasn't ready to leave the nursery environment and could have done with more 'play' time. They all vary so much with their social development anyway, I know of lots of ASD kids who have friends and want friends, it hasn't happened yet for my lad, but I still live in hope. I wish he'd had more help with it early on really.

 

Good luck with your decision, it's not easy, is it.

 

~ Mel ~