Telling a friend of AS

[kokoshi]

Hello, I'm new and not from the UK (I'm writing from the US), but I have Asperger syndrome and an issue.

 

I am 25 and am studying at a graduate level, however what few friends I have have been made at my grad school. Now to the main topic; I have gotten little or no advice on how to tell my friends I have Aspergers. I would love to tell atleast one of them so that they would understand that what I have and have them know that there is a logical explanation for my wierdness to them. Would telling my second friend bring any negative consequences? Is telling them a wise choice? Or is easier in the long run to 'stay in the closet?'

Edited April 23, 2008 by kokoshi

[owl]

Hello, I'm new and not from the UK, but I have Asperger syndrome and an issue.

 

I have gotten little or no advice on how to tell my friends I have Aspergers. I would love to tell them so that they would understand that what I have and have them know that there is a logical explanation for my wierdness to them. Would telling my second friend bring any negative consequences? Is telling them a wise choice? Or is easier in the long run to 'stay in the closet?'

 

Hi there, a difficult one this, for various reasons,all around trust and understanding. \\the first thing is that your friends are still there, with you as friends, in spite of what you call your ' weirdness', so my guess is that they like you the way you are. On the other hand, If you know 100% you can trust a person then the decision is obviously yrs. Would they FULLY UNDERSTAND , and would they

respect yr wishes if you didn't want others who might not understand told?. Unfrotunately many people have very peculiiar and uniformed ideas about Aspergers, so them being in the know might not be helpful to you in practical terms. It is wonderful if you have someone you can trust with highly personal information, and can be a relief telling them, but i would think about whether your relationship with them can improve asa result of them having a label for who you are. If you're sure then good luck,

and i hope my comments make sense to you Best wishes Owl

[kokoshi]

Thanks for the advice. The reason I am burdened to do so is because I feel and notice that my friendship with her is chilling quickly because of my shyness with her which I feel she is taking as being callous to her, something completely contrary to how I feel about my friend. I've told another friend about Asperger but only because she confided me a personal secret of her and it made me feel comfortable enough to tell her of my disorder.

[purplehaze]

What a difficult question. My son (14) has a very good friend and understands his behaviour or at least accepts it and is aware of his ASD, however recently a girl (cousin of friend) my son was hanging around with really liked him and they tried to be boyfriend and girlfriend and my son just couldn't deal with it so ended it and she has been very mean calling him a spaz and a emotionless autism boy who can't feel any pain etc. So I think you deffinately find out who are your friends.

[taran0]

I'm in much the same situation as yourself

 

I tend to tell people but find that they don't really realise, or understand it, and tend to dismiss it.

because unless you have lived through, or read about it in depth you won't actually know what it is about. even a friend of mine who is a doctor kind of dismissed it and said nahhhh your fine! you are.

 

I tend to tell people and then email them a set of web links to give them the information to understand.

most of the time i just email them, tell them and then give them the links

 

if soemone is a close friend it will make sense to them as they have been aroudn you enough to see some of you in the descriptions on the websites.

 

Taran

Edited April 24, 2008 by taran0

[Kinda]

I agree this is a difficult question and for me its whether you believe the trust you place in your friend will be reciprocated and in that they do not pass this information on unless you want them to.

 

I think as well by placing your trust in them you are also allowing AS to become a topic of discussion with your friend which means that the chances are you will be able to discuss with them and share your frustrations.

 

I know its easy to say that if telling your friend affects your relationship then of course the friendship has not been a friendship but then your AS may then be in the public domain. As I said I see it as a difficult call.

[Shnoing]

Apart from my wife (who found out first, of course), I've told none of my friends about being an Aspie. Even though we were very near that topic when we discussed my son's autism dx. I think when you know each other long enough you know each other as individuals and don't need a label. Of course, if you want to start a 'deeper' relationship, you should provide an explanation for your 'weird' behavior.