owl

wHATS THE BEST BOOK YOU HAVE EVER READ, OR ONE THt changed yr life? For me it was The God Of Small Things by Andarati Roy. I read it and immediately opened it at the start again. I have been an avid reader all my life, but have never sone that before xx

BRILLIANT! although i'd better not tell hubby, whose workplace has been taKEN OVER BY AMERICANS, OR HE MIGHT GET THE SACK FOR DOING SOMETHING LOUD WITH CHUTNEY!!!

Hi Nan, Yes i think it's true to say that there are sometimes 'clusters' of autism in families,of varying dgrees. it is certainly true that my father and his brother had strong indications of Aspergers, ( although of course it haD never been heard of when they were younger> I have ason ( Young adult now) Who was diagnosed at 9 yrs old, and a nephew who is a.s., 18 yrs old, and a niece who is intellectually gifted but has various sensory/social difficulties. Another nephew who is 23 was diagnsed as having 'social anxiety disorder' but i would very much say he was AS too. t does help give you an insight when this happens! OWL x

love yr description of a mushroom, and couldn't agree more! xx

yes yes yes! I agree about management structure changes. also, i would put chutney in there,- pointless jars that sit at the back of the cupboard and nobody ever eats. And bootlickers. put them all in! What a great thread!

Thank you Tally for yr kind remarks. To our great relief, someone who we have helped in the past came forward and helped our son in return. He may be suspended for a wk without pay, or loose his bonus, or even just get his knuckles rapped. The union rep was good too. the relief is so enormous I think i will go and have a big glass of wine. I have a nice warm feeling inside knowing that sometimes what goes round comes round x x

thank you so much for yr kind remarks and support everyone, they made me feel less alone and were a real comfort xxx Owl

Hi Js Mum. No I don't mean police, just internal investigation. There is no way in the world i could get him to ask for help, or let anyone know about his dgnosis. He works in industry, and we had to accept that it would do more harm than good for them to know, I'm sorry but my experiences have made me very cynical! He had a union rep with him, and if lucky he will be ok, and maybe the shock will give him an emotional growth spurt? this may sound harsh, but i want the best for him. I just needed to get the upset out of my system. Thanks for your response x Modified by Mossgrove to sort the quotes out, hope you don't mind!

Hi everyone, i haven't been on for along time. I am absolutely devastetd by something which has happened with my son. He is woking, and mostly happy, but lacking in friends& social circle. I have tried to suggest he uses this forum, but so far, no luck. If onlt he would, then he would feel less alone. He works at same place as his dad, and his dad has recently been suffering with severe stress and depression, only just gone back to work. Now my son has tried to sneak out something ( in other words STEAL) to give to aguy he met in a pub to make him like him. His dad is so ashamed in front of his workmates that he doesn't know which way to turn, and i am so afraid the stress will give him a heart attack. My son is now being investigated, and i have been sick with worry thinking this one emotionally immature action will ruin his life. because if he was fired for theft....... it now looks as if he will only be suspended for aweek without pay, because this was completely out of character for him and he has always been well regarded. This is the last straw. I can't stop crying. sorry if i'm being pathetic, but i feel powerless to help him, because he's an adult, and I shouldn't even be talking about him. I can't talk to anyone about it , i feel ashamed xx

:cryin!. I have been suffering fron ear infection which keeps coming back. : fab idea, let me feel sorry for myself please now gone to my eyes, i feel like a gargoyle, a middle aged festering wreck SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAMMMMMMMMM THANK YOU SO MUCH !

Hi Warren, have just seen yr post and i must say i was very moved by what you said, as you have stated very eleoquently the exact problem my own son has, only he would never recognise it or put it into words as you have, because he denies it. The thing about 'mate' i s simply that you are used to the word only in a certain context, ie the army, but that it can be used in several contexts, as with much of our language. I wouldn't worry about it, just remember that 'mate' to civvys is just a casual term which can be used simply as a friendly greeting , even to someone you hardly know, or don't know at all, (such as a delivery man) you might say, for example, 'morning mate, lovely day isn't it?' as he delivered yr milk/groceriess or what ever. You also can use 'mate' to a very good friend, or to some one who is a stranger, for example whose arm you knock into in the pub 'sorry mate!' I would really like to help, so i hope none of what i say is patronising to you. (I would be upset if I accidently did that, mate!) As for the question of acceptable conversation topics, you're right, it is normal for young men to talk about sexual stuff when they are in groups out together, etc, but the rules about saying those kind of things in front of women, and levels of crudity are dependent upon ones own set of morals or standards of personal behaviour. An awful lot of people would agree exactly with you about crude sexual talk in front of women. And yes, it may be a little 'old fashioned' by today's standards, but standards have declined . We are, unfortunately, living in a society where it's some kind of achievement to sleep with about 30 different people.You are not alone though, lots of people are shocked by this, it's just that we don't talk about these things much.Just dont' take part if you're not comfortable. My son feels the same way as you. The hug thing is simpler. When you are friends or family, sometimes you hug, sometimes you don't! You might hug for example if you've had a particularly fun time together, or if you've shared problems together on that day. There are no hard and fast rules, which is what can make things difficult to decipher. Re your therapist, It'snot really for me to comment, but i guess that perhaps she didn't really explain it too well. I'm sure that you are a very good supportive friend, and that yr therapist was trying ( rather clumsily in my opinion) to outline specific difficulties that people with ASDs can face with personal relationships, such as emotional depth. Did she give you any examples to help clarify her comments? Anyway, I hope this has been of some help, very best wishes, OWL

Hi there, a difficult one this, for various reasons,all around trust and understanding. \\the first thing is that your friends are still there, with you as friends, in spite of what you call your ' weirdness', so my guess is that they like you the way you are. On the other hand, If you know 100% you can trust a person then the decision is obviously yrs. Would they FULLY UNDERSTAND , and would they respect yr wishes if you didn't want others who might not understand told?. Unfrotunately many people have very peculiiar and uniformed ideas about Aspergers, so them being in the know might not be helpful to you in practical terms. It is wonderful if you have someone you can trust with highly personal information, and can be a relief telling them, but i would think about whether your relationship with them can improve asa result of them having a label for who you are. If you're sure then good luck, and i hope my comments make sense to you Best wishes Owl

Hi mumble, I agree, i am a ta, and have 20 yr old dsd AS when he was 9. Teachers sometimes don't have the time or the aptitude to give to asd children, or any children with problems, come to that, but that doesn't mean that some of them wouldn't like to. \i have known one or two who wanted to support and understand, and others who couldn't give a monkeys, the same as there are brilliant teachers, and some who are clearly in the wrong profession and don't even like children! My son ( going back some yrs now) was treated horrendously at primary school, and says now that he hasn't a single happy memory. There was not one single person in the school who even knew the word autism, let alone wanted to take the knowledge on board, and when i tried to pass books/leaflets on they were either ignored or i never received any feedback and the books disappeared. Some of this is political/funding problems and some is the old problem of teachers judging parents, but we cannot blame teachers fundamentally, even though some have bad attitude, as they are put under huge pressure by paperwork, and often feel that other funding/provision should be made for these children. x OWL

My son did not 'babble' as children normally do when they are first learning to make sounds, and was slightly late to speak, but then began to speak suddenly in sentences. From here his vocabulary developed very quickly, so that it was ahead by 5 yrs, but some of his pragmatics were odd. He also had this amazing memory often talked about wth autistics, ie at four memorised whole story sections word for word from A A Milne, andat nine memorised and could cue an entire Harold Pinter sketch! He was diagnosed as Aspergers at 9 yrs old. Also invented many highly descriptive words ( Neologisms I belive they are called) for example 'Attlepetler' for a loud van with no exhaust, and 'Himple' for a little bit of something stuck to the carpet! When he was in hospital at 9 yrs old, he wrote a list of about 70 car registrations which were either family, friends, acquaintances or just parked locally when we were shopping.