Boarding school

[KateBall]

We have a state run boarding school within 15 miles of us and I am seriously thinking about the possible benefits to my ds (probable aspergers) of him going when he gets to year 7 (he's in year 5 now). I've briefly discussed it with his present teacher and she thinks it might be good for him (and us!). He would come home at weekends. I just wondered if anyone has their child at a boarding school other than a special school and their opinion on its effect. I'm thinking the set routine would be good, socialising with and copying good peer behaviour. Also not coming home every day to a non rigid routine.

[mossgrove]

I understand your thinking, but you should make sure that the school understands his needs and find out if the have any experience of dealig with children with Aspergers. Boaring schools are notorious for bullying, and children with Aspergers are especially vulnerabe to being bullied.

 

I have never heard of residential mainstream state run boarding schools offerig places to children who are physicall able to commute. Is this normal practice in your area?

 

 

Simon

[KateBall]

I understand your thinking, but you should make sure that the school understands his needs and find out if the have any experience of dealig with children with Aspergers. Boaring schools are notorious for bullying, and children with Aspergers are especially vulnerabe to being bullied.

 

I have never heard of residential mainstream state run boarding schools offerig places to children who are physicall able to commute. Is this normal practice in your area?

 

 

Simon

 

It just happens to be a really good local state run boarding school which takes day pupils from the nearby are and boarders any further away. It also happens to be a C of E school and I liked the atmosphere there. The fact that we live quite close is not an issue at all. My dd went there as a 6th former. I was impressed at the time with how they dealt with a boy with special needs my dd thought he was probably an undiagnosed asperger child. I agree I need to make sure about the way they might handle my ds and I too am particularly concerned that I might not know what is going on if he gets bullied wheras at least now I can deal with things daily - although I will see him each weekend and hopefully find out then if he is happy. I would have to place alot of trust in the housemaster/mistress. But I just wondered whether anyone else had experience of their asperger child at a boarding school. I've always had a feeling he might benefit because of the routine through the day and evening. Also he would be mixing with children rather than being isolated here at home (we are in the country).

[Kazzen161]

From visiting many residential schools (specialist), I know that there is a lot of variation in how they are set up. You know your son best, so go and look round.

 

eg: some schools had the boys in dormitories or sharing rooms (not sure if that is allowed now). My son would not have coped with a dormitory set up, was OK sharing with one other boy (but care was taken to put him with a boy he liked), but was much better in his own room. He uses his room to chill out, and likes all his own things around him. He could put up posters and have a TV, PS2, etc. One school would only allow the children to go to their room to sleep, and they were sent there as a punishment when they were naughty. I had spent ages training my son to go to his room to calm down, so this would not work. Some schools offer a range of activities that they can go on or not - in some schools they have to go on the activities. What are the facilities for washing/toilet? Some have en-suite, some are shared by quite a few children. My son was used to listening to a story tape when he went to sleep - he coudl not do this in a dormitory.

 

If you go and look round, you will know if it would be right for your child.

 

Can they change from day to boarding in later years?

[Stella63]

Hi Kateball,

 

I have been working at a state boarding school for 8 yrs as an LSA and the environment on the whole is fantastic for AS pupils. Both my kids go there (as day pupils) but we have several AS pupils who are either weekly or full boarders and once they are familiar with the routines and the structure, they really blossom. I have to say the AS kids tend not to be bullied because they have such open personalities and although they may not bond in the same way as NT kids they are liked and respected.

 

I agree that it is of paramount importance to have a good relationship with the house parents and the SENCO who should all communicate with you on a regular basis.

 

It may be worthwhile now to do a parent tour (however they operate their procedures), talking to the SENCO and the possible house parents and giving as much information about your child as possible to see whether they feel it is the right environment for him.

 

Feel free to pm me if you want any more info.

 

Stella x

[KateBall]

Thanks for your replies - exactly the perspectives I was hoping to have. Kazzen - my ds also thinks of his room as his haven. I gather at this school 4 boys share a room. But I haven't seen it or how much space they have so will take great care to look. You raised some good points. Stella - that is so helpful. And your offer to pm you - I will make some arrangements to see this school and make take you up on that nearer the time.

[Mumble]

Would you be close enough for him to try it as a day pupil first? I worked at a mainstream (but private) boarding school which also took day pupils. I had an AS boy in my class as a day pupil (days were long, pupils came in between 8:00 - 8:30, teaching until 5pm, then tea and activities till 6:30 for the youngest pupils, plus Saturday school). This long day and the fact that many pupils are there 24 hours a day, made it a more relaxed atmosphere but also much more structured (if that makes sense). Day pupils went home to relax, sleep and not much else (homework was very limited because of the long day). The routine seemed to work well for this pupil (and for me as a teacher! ). Boarding was there as an option if needed. Could the school try day/flexi-boarding? I think the sharing a room might be the biggest issue.

 

My mum looked at a state boarding school for me when my first state secondary couldn't cope with me/I couldn't cope with them. I think it depends very much on the school but I remember thinking it would be great although I remember being really worried about various rules etc. In the end I didn't go because of the boarding fees (education was state, but boarding and activities had to be paid for) but I can see some positives to it - I do think my life would have been very different if I had gone.

[KateBall]

Would you be close enough for him to try it as a day pupil first? I worked at a mainstream (but private) boarding school which also took day pupils. I had an AS boy in my class as a day pupil (days were long, pupils came in between 8:00 - 8:30, teaching until 5pm, then tea and activities till 6:30 for the youngest pupils, plus Saturday school). This long day and the fact that many pupils are there 24 hours a day, made it a more relaxed atmosphere but also much more structured (if that makes sense). Day pupils went home to relax, sleep and not much else (homework was very limited because of the long day). The routine seemed to work well for this pupil (and for me as a teacher! ). Boarding was there as an option if needed. Could the school try day/flexi-boarding? I think the sharing a room might be the biggest issue.

 

My mum looked at a state boarding school for me when my first state secondary couldn't cope with me/I couldn't cope with them. I think it depends very much on the school but I remember thinking it would be great although I remember being really worried about various rules etc. In the end I didn't go because of the boarding fees (education was state, but boarding and activities had to be paid for) but I can see some positives to it - I do think my life would have been very different if I had gone.

 

Thanks Mumble just seen your reply. Unfortunately they only take day pupils if they live within a mile of the school and there is other criteria - none of which we fit. However I now have a meeting with them in June and will ask anyway. Its exactly the fact that there is a more relaxed atmosphere and more structured day that is leading me to consider the boarding idea. I can see ds doing school work because the others do it at the end of the school day. I think they share rooms in 4's so not too big. Also he seems very lonely at home at times with no friends and maybe he wouldn't be at such a place. He would also not have to be stressed out by the journey home from school - as he is now and would be if he went to the local secondary.

 

Does anyone know about the DLA and what happens to that when they board. Is it still payable to him - and can I use it to help with the boarding fees (as it does represent "care" after all). I rang the DLA but got a very confused answer about it - I don't think the lady really knew the answer. I might try again.

[Kazzen161]

If your child attends a residential school, where the LA pay all the fees (including the boarding ones) then you only get the DLA care part for any day or part-day that he is at home. You continue to get the mobility part for all days. So if he went to school Monday morning and came home Friday night, you would get 4/7ths of the weekly care rate. Also after each summer holiday, you get the first 28 days paid once he has gone back to school.

 

I am not sure what happens if *you* are paying the fees.

 

It states

"We cannot pay you disability Living Allowance for help with personal care for any day that you are in residential accommodation ..... because you have been in residential care accommodation for more than 28 days altogether and we cannot pay DLA for help with personal care after 28 days in accommodation that is owned or paid for by the local council or certain government depts"

[KateBall]

If your child attends a residential school, where the LA pay all the fees (including the boarding ones) then you only get the DLA care part for any day or part-day that he is at home. You continue to get the mobility part for all days. So if he went to school Monday morning and came home Friday night, you would get 4/7ths of the weekly care rate. Also after each summer holiday, you get the first 28 days paid once he has gone back to school.

 

I am not sure what happens if *you* are paying the fees.

 

It states

"We cannot pay you disability Living Allowance for help with personal care for any day that you are in residential accommodation ..... because you have been in residential care accommodation for more than 28 days altogether and we cannot pay DLA for help with personal care after 28 days in accommodation that is owned or paid for by the local council or certain government depts"

 

Thanks Kazzen - that makes sense of what the DLA woman was trying to say. Only thing he wouldn't be in accomodation that is owned or paid for by the local council etc because I would be paying that element of it. All I am not paying for is the education fees. Clearly I need to try and get clarification on this aspect.

[Canopus]

We have a state run boarding school within 15 miles of us and I am seriously thinking about the possible benefits to my ds (probable aspergers) of him going when he gets to year 7 (he's in year 5 now). I've briefly discussed it with his present teacher and she thinks it might be good for him (and us!). He would come home at weekends. I just wondered if anyone has their child at a boarding school other than a special school and their opinion on its effect. I'm thinking the set routine would be good, socialising with and copying good peer behaviour. Also not coming home every day to a non rigid routine.

 

I find this cause for concern. The main reason I was sent to residential school was for forced integration with other teenagers in order to learn social skills and participate in team activities. It did not succeed and the behaviour of some of the kids and the staff were appalling and were certainly not good role models to follow. Surviving socially at many residential schools usually means fitting in with peers no matter what even if it results in generally undesirable behaviour and attitudes.

 

I understand your thinking, but you should make sure that the school understands his needs and find out if the have any experience of dealig with children with Aspergers. Boaring schools are notorious for bullying, and children with Aspergers are especially vulnerabe to being bullied.

 

I have first hand experience of this so it needs to be looked at very carefully.

 

I can see ds doing school work because the others do it at the end of the school day. I think they share rooms in 4's so not too big. Also he seems very lonely at home at times with no friends and maybe he wouldn't be at such a place. He would also not have to be stressed out by the journey home from school - as he is now and would be if he went to the local secondary.

 

Prep sessions at my residential school were not very happy or pleasant experiences.

 

I can see your point about the loneliness and lack of friends resulting from where you live. This is different to the situation I experienced. Take into account whether the kids at the school are the right sort of people who will make good friends.

[Kazzen161]

If it is a state run boarding school - don't the LA own the whole school (including the accommodation)?

 

It talks a lot about who pays for the accommodation, so you may be OK.