Blaming me for things

[biff]

He often blames me if he falls over or spills something. He can be in the next room and If he has fallen over and I go to see whats the matter he says that it was my fault!

 

I say I was in the next room how can it be my fault and he becomes enraged and says I made him fall! The severity of his temper is quite bad and he screams at me! Even if its spilling a drink or doing something wrong in a game or something, he says I made him do it! How can I explain to him that some things are accidents and its nobodies fault!

 

He is only 5 so it could be because he is young but he does this quite often.

[SarahSH]

just a thought - maybe you could try saying 'you think it must be my fault, don't you' - kind of taking it a little bit, but not completely.

might work! worth a try?

Sarah

[biff]

I'll try that one thanks! It's upsetting sometimes because I don't want him to actually think I have hurt him. He gets really cross.

[JsMum]

For us its near impossible to get J to take any responisbility, and he blames others, often he tells me off that I am shouting when I am not but using a firm voice, I get blamed too, but I think its out of pure frustration, it must take its toll on a young child who cant verbalise, communicate that they are soo fed up with spilling things, bumping into things, J actually yells at the wall/door and tells it why was it in the way! if he has bumped into someone he looks at them to wait for them to apologise to him when in fact he just has scrambled throw the crowd and he has bumped into them.

 

I think its all about feelings and sizing the feeling and helping them identify the real issue, we got a book on helping J understand how much something made him angry and this has helped it would be a lovely book for your son as he is at a great age to start to understand anger management, its called My book full of feelings its an interactive workbook for children with AS/ASD.

 

Another thing to try and do with your son is try and get him to say I frases, I feel angry, I feel so sad, that can help him understand himself.

 

I would really recommend a anger management course even for you as an adult to attend and then modify it for your son, understanding anger/tantrums.

 

Good Luck with the book, but I do get the blame too, but I no longer take it personally, and I also modify the tone and volume of my voice due to Js sensory difficulties.

 

JsMum

[SarahSH]

My kids are older now (teens and twenties), and it's been my experience that taking responsibility only seems to come after I've been prepared to not exactly take it for them, but at least acknowledge that's how it seems to them at the time.

 

They may well be able to say later that they were blaming the wrong person/thing, but at the time I have found it defuses the situation if I say almost humorously, 'Must be my fault I suppose', or if it's a more furious situation, 'I bet it feels like it's all my fault, doesn't it'

 

They do seem to be able to admit things more now - I think it was the shame that they couldn't bear, and somehow me taking it a little bit (not completely) seemed to make it less terrible and something they could come round to admitting later. Much later!

Sarah

[lynyona]

In our house evrything is everybodys else s fault from dh to mine to ds s even the dog lol but never kierans fault

[bikemad]

Another one here-everything is my fault whatever goes wrong-ive seen him blame me for something that went wrong in school!!!!!!! And he is pretty nasty with it scowls n really mean voice etc.

[deeejar]

Another one here-everything is my fault whatever goes wrong-ive seen him blame me for something that went wrong in school!!!!!!! And he is pretty nasty with it scowls n really mean voice etc.

 

My 5 year old is like this aswell. We are on a waiting list at camhs at the moment, doing the waiting thing. HE has problems with a crowd and goes crazy thinking everyone is bumping into him. He gets quite physical aswell, which is a major problem. He told us he was going to phone the police the other day, because we keep 'disturbing' him!

I wonder what they would make of that!

He even accuses the baby of hurting him. He appears to be hyper senstive to touch as well, which doesn't help.

I don't know what to do about it either.

I can definately sympathise though! <'>

[KateBall]

My ds is the same - but blames me almost exclusively. No one else or him of course. I am reading Tony Attwood's book "The Complete guide to AS" at the moment. I haven't got too far but have reached the bit which explains the different types of reactions the AS child may have to their realisation of being "different". My ds fits the category where he is quite extrovert to the point of being arrogant - won't accept he needs help and is fault finding in others (as opposed to being inward and depressive etc etc.). This book is really making sense of things and if anyone hasn't read it I would recommend it if you want to know more about how your child might fit the as and why he does what he does.

[bikemad]

That book sounds good might have a nose on amazon for it-atm im reading Parenting a child with AS thats good-200 plus tips and stategies.

[oxgirl]

My lad can be very unfair as well and likes to shift blame onto others. Today he had a science test, he found out about it yesterday and takes great pride in always coming top of the class. He, according to him, forgot to revise and when I picked him up today he was angry with me and accused me in a very aggressive voice of not reminding him to revise! After receiving a stern telling off, he reluctantly agreed that it wasn't actually MY fault that he didn't do well in his test and that it was HIS responsibility to revise for HIS test. I expect next time he'll do the same again, though, and blame others for his own forgetfulness, because ultimately he feels it is others' responsibility to remind him of things and organize him and if they fail to do that for him then it is somehow their fault and not his own.

 

~ Mel ~

[bikemad]

Had a classic of this after school today he came out in a disgusting mood n really nasty n I asked what was up n he blamed some poor little girl in front of him for his mood-asked why n he said just cos!!!!!!!! Had fun n still are today!!!!!!