Motivation problems

[ScienceGeek]

I'm finding it really hard to be motivated to do anything. I'll sit on the sofa and use the internet when the wife goes to work and will pretty much be in the same position when she gets back home in the evening. Days just fly by without me even realising it. I'm supposed to be revising for the summer resits but I can't face it right now. I just feel like I can't move. I've had so much socialising and sensory problems along with stress and it is taking toll on me, luckily I have an appointment with the mental health person on the 16th just need to hold myself together until then. I was just wondering if anyone on here understood where I was coming from on this.

[Kathryn]

ScienceGeek,

 

I hope you get the help you need for whatever is at the root of the problem.

 

In the meantime you could always try some cooking or a little light housework to pass the time. I'm sure "the wife" would appreciate it when she comes home after a day at work.

 

K x

Edited June 8, 2008 by Kathryn

[bid]

the wife goes to work

 

I've got to ask, SG, because I've noticed you do it a lot, but does your wife like you calling her 'the wife' rather than 'my wife'??

 

I have to say I would 'the husband' if he said it about me!!

 

Bid

Edited June 8, 2008 by bid

[ScienceGeek]

I've got to ask, SG, because I've noticed you do it a lot, but does your wife like you calling her 'the wife' rather than 'my wife'??

 

I have to say I would 'the husband' if he said it about me!!

 

Bid

 

Probably not I don't mean to.

[Kinda]

Hi SG

 

I had a period where I was ill and didn't do any work around the house at the time. I was feeling pretty low and had trouble motivating myself and while I guess I was physically fit enough to help out I didn't feel motivated to do any.

 

So while you feel this way then perhaps its permissable but you need to try and consider the feelings of Mrs SG and perhaps discuss with her how you feel and perhaps come to some sort of compromise as to what she would like help with.

 

Kinda

[warrenpenalver]

I've got to ask, SG, because I've noticed you do it a lot, but does your wife like you calling her 'the wife' rather than 'my wife'??

I dont think J does it to cause offence.

 

I would probably intially say "the wife" as well because my understanding of english is that to say "my" implies possession and i dont believe that having a long term partner implies possession. I believe that couples make the individual choice to live together/get married.

 

if that makes sense............

 

for example i have a girlfriend but she is not my girlfriend because i do not own her. I tend to use the term "my partner" as that in the way i read the english language, implies things are mutual.

 

 

 

 

dunno, maybe im reading far too much into the english language!! I do that a lot Things like i hate "litter bins" as surely rubbish is only Litter when discarded on the ground and once in the bin it ceases to be litter and is merely rubbish. Another one is the coin changing machines in supermarkets near me, they say on side "turns coins into cash"......erm..... coins ARE a form of cash??!!

[Tally]

I think it's quite common for men to refer to their wives as "the wife." Wives tend not to like it, and husbands tend not to say it in front of their wives. I've heard a lot of men say it, and it does not appear to indicate a lack of respect or a poor relationship. A lot of women on the forum refer to their partners as "the OH" or the sarcastic "DH," and I can't see how that is any less dismissive. As long as you don't say it in front of your wife, I don't see a problem with it.

 

But in answer to your original question, yes I do understand what you're talking about. I tend to spend most of my evening sitting here using the internet, when there are many other things I need to do (like tidy up before my mum gets here on Wednesday). There does seem to be a link between autism and "interia," but it can also be connected to depression, and maybe it's a combination of the two.

 

I find it can help if I don't turn on the computer until I have done a certain thing. That way I know that I can sit in front of it for as long as I have left.

 

The other thing that might help is preparing a routine. If there are certain things you need to do today, set a time to do them. Set an alarm to remind you if you need to. Your revision is obviously one of them, and maybe you need your wife's help to get a list of things to do around the house or whatever.

 

You do need to be reasonable because you're not doing so well at the moment, but even an hour a day of revision would be a lot better than none, and might also give you a sense of achievement.

 

I also find that getting out helps, even if it is only for a short period. I always try to go to the shops on my day off, even if I don't need anything. Daylight is good for you and the exercise can help you feel more awake.

[Kathryn]

I would probably intially say "the wife" as well because my understanding of english is that to say "my" implies possession and i dont believe that having a long term partner implies possession. I believe that couples make the individual choice to live together/get married.

 

if that makes sense............

 

for example i have a girlfriend but she is not my girlfriend because i do not own her. I tend to use the term "my partner" as that in the way i read the english language, implies things are mutual.

 

That's an interesting take on it. I'm not sure I agree with you that "my" always indicates possession, sometimes it just implies a connection of some kind. " My cold has got worse" doesn't imply that I own the cold, similarly there is no suggestion of ownership when I talk about "my boss", "my country", "my father".

 

Although I'm sure SG doesn't mean it this way, I do find the phrase "the wife" slightly condescending, implying that the person is an object rather than an individual.

 

K x

[bid]

or the sarcastic "DH,"

 

Eh??

 

Why is this sarcastic?

 

Is DS, DD, etc, sarcastic too?

 

I've certainly never used it in a sarcastic way!

 

Bid

[ScienceGeek]

Eh??

 

Why is this sarcastic?

 

Is DS, DD, etc, sarcastic too?

 

I've certainly never used it in a sarcastic way!

 

Bid

 

I'm not sure, but at this point I'm confused anyway. I meant no harm by referring to my wife as "the wife", I like Warren thought that using "my wife" would imply possession which is not the way I wanted to go. Seems I managed to upset people anyway. I would never set out to intentionally upset her or anyone else for that fact. Can we please get back on to the point of the post now?

[deeejar]

I'm not sure, but at this point I'm confused anyway. I meant no harm by referring to my wife as "the wife", I like Warren thought that using "my wife" would imply possession which is not the way I wanted to go. Seems I managed to upset people anyway. I would never set out to intentionally upset her or anyone else for that fact. Can we please get back on to the point of the post now?

 

I feel like this, alot, when things are getting too much for me aswell. I find it helpful to make a mental plan of what I need to do, in a way that flows so that the order reflects the way things are arranged around the house. So for e.g. I will do so many jobs in the kitchen, with a now, next, later schedule, and the room next to it in a similar manner,etc. I would then give myself a reward not connected with my distraction/obsession, possibly chocolate, and afterwards continue.

This way I accomplish more in a day. On a particularly bad day, I just do things that make me feel happy, until I start to feel better. If I have a deadline, it helps to think of the day of the deadline and to have a definate plain of rewarding myself in some big way when I get to that day.

Sorry if that wasn't helpful.

By the way, I can't even call my husband by his name most of the time, I have to go up to him and tap him on the arm, how wierd is that!

Edited June 10, 2008 by deeejar