Hello to the forum community

[billabong]

Hello everyone

 

I'm new to this forum - only discovered it yesterday - but am really struck by what a supportive 'community' it seems to be. So I'm being brave and joining up .

 

I've been married for almost 9 years and my DH (got the lingo) has not been dx AS. However, he matches the 10 key 'features' that Baron-Cohen lists and he recognises himself. I think I would have gone mad if, 5 years or so ago, a friend who has two AS children, had not passed me her copy of a book about AS and long-term relationships as she recognised my DH in it. It all made such sense and life is, generally, now somewhat easier. DH is adamant that it's everyone else who is weird and I try to see it as AS and NT being 'differently wired'.

 

I've joined this forum partly out of desperation - yes, at times it IS really difficult (like now, to be honest) and the sense of isolation is almost constant - but also because two-way support on this forum is brilliant. I'm immensely grateful to have a friend in a similar situation and have realised that support is vital and sweet balm.

 

Things I'd particularly like to find out about: DH is not prepared to have dx as he states that there is stigma attached to it which could scupper his chances if he needed to get another job. What's the general experience? Do Relate have any AS-informed counsellors in the north-east? Also, I live in the north-east and was really interested to see that there might be a northern reunion; is this open to AS partners or is it more for mums?

 

Bye for now,

 

Billabong

[Cat]

Hi Billabong

 

Welcome to the forum - it is a great place for support and information. I have two sons with ASD. The eldest, who is 21 tomorrow, has a diagnosis of AS which he did not receive until he was 13. It was a relief for him and gave him many answers about himself. It would probably answer many questions for your hubby and there is now two places in the North East (come from the NE myself) who are offering a diagnostic service for adults. One is in Teeside and can the diagnosis can be sought via the NHS the other is in Sunderland via ESPA which is a private org so you have to pay for the dx. I would imagine if a dx is paid for that it belongs to the person who paid for it along with that information. I suppose what I am trying to say is that un-like the NHS it would not be recorded on any notes. I should be saying here and now that getting a dx would make no difference to your hubby's job prospects but it might Probably get shot down in flames now from some of the adults with AS here for saying this). However I have adult friends with AS who do believe that their diagnosis works againt them in job interviews.

 

The thing is that you and your hubby can probably get a very good idea of how he works and what makes him tick from reading the lots of brilliant material which is available now. People like Tony Attwood and Olga Bogdashina have written some brilliant must have (in my opinion) books. Also in my opinion the key to understanding is awareness and if you are aware the condition then that helps to promote understanding. Without a dx your hubby will never be able to ask for understanding the work place for a condition that has no name.

 

I am aware that Relate now offer an AS counsellors but I am afraid I do not know if they have any in the North East. Why not ring them and ask. I have a friend who has only just qualified as a counsellor and having a son with AS this is what she wants to do herself - it is something that is very much needed.

 

Cat

[Mumble]

Hi and welcome

 

I'm a suv'ner so wouldn't know anything about the cold frozen permafrost North ...

 

I should be saying here and now that getting a dx would make no difference to your hubby's job prospects but it might Probably get shot down in flames now from some of the adults with AS here for saying this). However I have adult friends with AS who do believe that their diagnosis works againt them in job interviews.

Afraid I have to agree I don't know about interviews yet, but I've been stopped at the pre-interview stage - told I can't do what I'm highly qualified for simply because I'm autistic (despite the fact that if I didn't have the label, I would be highly sought after with my qualifications/experience )

[billabong]

Hi there

 

Thank you both for your feedback. Hm, think we'll manage without dx. As you say, there are some excellent books around; understanding seems to be more valuable than having the official 'stamp'. It's unfair that there's so little understanding in the workplace and in general, and that there's still stigma attached to such things. Makes me all the more determined to get better informed. Well done your friend, I really encourage her to specialise in her counselling. I've had depression and anxiety on and off - mostly off - over the years and for the first time recently have had to undergo cross-examination because of it before being OK'd for a job - and no, I don't believe it's ever impaired my ability to do a job, although the associated insomnia might have (no more than mums being kept awake by little 'uns or not so little 'uns!).

 

Bye,

 

Billabong

 

PS it might be cold and frozen oop north, but you lot get more snow than we do.

[pearl]

Hi Billabong & welcome

[Bagpuss]

Hi Billabong....what a fab username

[loobylou2]

Hi Billabong, welcome to the forum. There are a few of us hardy North-easterners on here!

[Karen A]

Hi Billabong Welcome to the Forum. Karen.

[anniebean]

Hello! It's great to have u here!

Autistic spectum runs in DH's side of the family. His father is definetly AS without a doubt (not Diagnosed tho).

DH has AS traits! & years into our marriage we nearly split up cos DH just couldn't seem to understand the emotional side of a relationship! He still struggles when i try to talk to him about how im feeling and he struggles with sensory overload. He is definetly dyspraxic! He loves being social but feels awkward at gatherings at times! And by the way he has given my permission to say al this stuff about him! Well after we nearly split we read lots of books and i became more aware and understanding of his AS and he gradually began to accept himself for who he was. We are much happier now!

We have been married 14 years! He tries so hard with the boys cos he understands their difficulties but he does struggle with being a father.

Anyway! Just want u to know that i understand how hard it can be <'>

[anniebean]

Hi Billabong!

DH has AS

His father has it too!

6 years into our marriage we nearly split cos it was so hard but we talked it over and read books on adult AS!

It wasn't until both my sons got diagnosed with ASD and SID that DH started facing that he had difficulties.

We have now been married for 14 years. I still struggle with our relationship and it can be really hard at times but somehow i manage to hang on!

It's nice to find someone who also struggles with these issues!

DH wont go for a diagnosis! He says its not going to make his AS go away!

Hopeu r doing okay today honey!

Im here if you need to rant or chat as im not working at the moment so i come on the forum quite alot throughout the day! *hugs*

[anniebean]

sorry billabong! My computer was playing up and it told me that my first reply did not go through lastnight! arghh! stupid computer! Now you have three replies from me lol!