baddad Report post Posted July 24, 2008 Wow! Wot a glorious day! We threw our new fold up bikes in the back of the car, started off at the local country park and followed the cycle paths for MILES... Chugging round the lake full of swans and geese, down winding country lanes past grazing sheep, through the woods to the park on the other side of the town... At one point ben stopped - at precisely the point i stopped when i took his bike out for a check over on tuesday while he was at school - and said 'wow - look at that view!' How proud am I to have a ten year old who can appreciate stuff like that (it's the same 'good eye' he has for taking photos and stuff)... In the other park, we climbed to the top of the castle hill and raced back down again - twice! - then went for a ride along the river tow path.. looking for a cycle shop to buy him some decals for his bike we found a scenic route to the industrial esate, and discovered a lock on the river I never even knew existed! Only lived around here all my life - so that was a bit of a turn up for the books! After about four hours we retraced our steps, and only a few minutes from the car I noticed a little turn off from the cycle path, where kids had set up a BMX 'stunt' area with a steep drop and a couple of jumps... I said I wasn't sure if the fold-ups were up to it, but I'd give it a go. I got down etc no problem, but then Ben wanted a go... and then he got nervous... and then he got upset... and then he got really upset, and i'm trying to ay just forget it - you can try next time, and he's screaming 'No i want to do it now' and i'm saying 'well just do it' but he can't quite pluck up the courage and....... This is so frustrating - for him and me. It took two years to coax row, argue him on to the fairground rides at Butlins which he desperately wanted to go on and wouldn't shut up about... it took me two yars to get him riding his bike which he desperately wanted to do and wouldn't shut up about... flumes and slides at the swimming pool... go carts and quad bikes...Bumper cars... He'll get there, i know he will, and the more of these fears he overcomes the quicker he deals with the next one, but in the meantime it's a no win situation. He's either gonna be angry and upset with me because he can't quite decide to 'go for it', or angry and upset with for saying it doesn't matter (because to him it so, soooo does), or angry and upset with me because I'm angry and upset for him (which is almost indistinguishable from with him!)... So, perhaps 20 minutes/half an hour out of a perfect day so I shouldn't be complaining, but, God I wish I wish I wish it could be a bit more straightforward sometimes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted July 24, 2008 BUT, you can be sure that the memories Ben takes with him of the day will be all the other good stuff I think sometimes as parents we can get too tied up with the things that maybe don't go according to plan, while our kids are busy storing up the 'golden moments' Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted July 24, 2008 (edited) baddad, crumbs all that cycling.... I feel rather ashamed at the lazy day I've had That thing you describe, the wanting to do it, but the nerves about doing it preventing him from doing it, is exactly what my youngest does! At the IOW we went to the same theme park three days running because my Ben wanted to go on a ride, he was desperate to and we hung around it for hours at a time, 3 flippin' days in a row. We were just about to get into the car to leave on the third after another unsuccesful attempt, when he gritted his teeth and insisted we walked the mile back to the ride; so we went back to the ride and he did go on it. Three days of constant grumbling frustration and tantrums because he hadn't gone on it; and you go with it because you soooo want them to overcome their fears so that they can enjoy themselves.... but it's blimmin' exhausting. I so understand your frustration, and his Wish I knew the answer! Flo' Edited July 24, 2008 by Flora Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted July 24, 2008 What a nice dad you are baddad!! Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted July 24, 2008 <'> he will do it. JP was v similar. Mr p has an abiding memory of him on PGL week (I wasnt there) being coaxed to abseil down a cliff, he was soooooo scared but eventually did it, shouting HELP! POLICE! MURDER! the whole way down He then saw the funny side, & re-enacted it off the school stage when they did their "what we did at PGL" assembly. And you had a great day, as you said. Isnt it good when they appreciate stuff? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted July 24, 2008 ... And there was I slaving away while you were out enjoying the sun... Hope Ben's good memory of the day will override the bad one. He's got the whole holidays to try again if he really wants to do it. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted July 24, 2008 <'> he will do it. Oh blimey, I know that - which makes it worse in a way cos... 2005 After three/four days at Butlins Ben 'cracked' the 'Sombrero... was then broken hearted 'cos he only had three days left to go on it 'If only I'd got straight on on Saturday'... 2006 After three/four days 'cracked' the water chutes at the pool at Butlins... was broken hearted 'cos only three days left... on the FINAL day he went on the flying umbrellas - all hell broke lose 'cos he had to wait a whole year to try again (and then he wasted a whole day plucking up courage again, 'cos he hadn't been on it enough to know 'for sure' IYKWIM - and we only went for a three day mini-break last year!) As well as the three days at Butlins last year , we did four on the IOW... Ben was absolutely gutted because he couldn't quite pluck up the nerve for the ski lifts at alum bay... had three/four attempts.. draggin me up and down the stairs, waiting for the seat and then jumping aside at the last minute... If we'd been able to go back later in the week he would have, but we couldn't ... A few more sunny days (especially if i can get him there with a mate his own age) he'll have cracked it... but getting there is hard on both of us! That said - first plane flight in june AND the London eye a week or so ago... for a boy who swore he'd never do either that aint bad going... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted July 24, 2008 That's pretty good going! We haven't even cracked the swimming and riding a bike yet. O was doing OK on the bike then had a fall about a year ago and hasn't been on it since. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted July 24, 2008 That's pretty good going! We haven't even cracked the swimming and riding a bike yet. O was doing OK on the bike then had a fall about a year ago and hasn't been on it since. K x Ahhhh... that's a hard one. You have to learn how to ride a bike AND how to fall off of one at the same time. Ben would tell O 'riding a bike is more fun than falling off of a bike is not fun, and once you learn you don't fall off much anyway'... I have a really great bike memory... I had been trying to teach ben for AGES... he would be broken hearted when he saw other kids on their bikes, but equally broken hearted when he tried and couldn't quite pluck up the nerve to keep going... We'd put the 'Spider lazers' (stabilisers) on, but that would 'make it worse', we'd take 'em off again, but that 'made it worse'... would put them back on...... Anyway, a day or so before we cracked it we were in the park, and every time I would get ben up to speed I'd take my hand away and his feet would come off the pedals and onto the ground I was going mental! Ben was bawling and shouting and going mental too (he was only five)... Then a young bloke, trying to impress his girlfirend, said 'do you want me to show you, mate... I taught my nephew how to ride his.' feel free, i said, and left him to it. i sat down next to his girlfirend and said , shall i tell him now my son's autistic, or shall we wait for a bit?' 'let's wait a bit,' she said..... After about ten minutes you could see he wanted to throw Ben and the bike into the River... He was sweating like a pig, huffing and puffing... Oh - a tip I heard somewhere... take both pedals off, lower the saddle and just let them 'run' along at first, while sitting on it (if you think about it, it's really similar to the ride on's they used as toddlers - just 2 rather than four wheels) once they're confident with the two wheels, stick the pedals back on! I saw a littlun riding a wooden bike with no pedals in just this fashion a week or so ago, so if somebody's marketing them it's gotta work! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nic m Report post Posted July 24, 2008 Baddad, hi, i havn't been on for a while but i wanted to say, that sounds like a really good day and the good thing about the bike is that he will always be able to ride it........and you already know he will do it, when he does you will both be really proud. take care Nicola Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted July 24, 2008 He can actually ride - got it in a weekend going down a gentle grassy slope and was really chuffed with himself. He just can't steer too well. The fall happened when he was getting really good and steered straight into a ditch he was trying to avoid. Trouble is, his mates are now riding to school along main roads and are really confident and that makes him embarrassed and frustrated and reluctant to even try. I suppose we should have taught him when he was younger. Cue bad parent guilt syndrome. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted July 25, 2008 Hi Baddad & Ben, Oh its in his blood Baddad, he sounds like a fighter and a perfectionist and he wants it just perfect and he will. He has all the holidays to get it down to perfection. A technique I learned was visualisation, you have to visualise yourself doing it and eventually it will happen. Golfers and skiiers use that technique its a skill worth learning. It helps you ace it. But it would be great if he had a mate there that could edge him on, learn with him, perhaps you should taka a picnic and sit back and enjoy. Perhaps take some elbow, knee pads and helmet just incase he comes off. Go Ben you can do it. Oh I would love to see the photos he takes of the journey you had today it sounds gorgeous. I would love to see a piccie of that 'view' he liked, I bet its good. Onya Ben good luck, imagine how you will be once you get confident. All things new test our confidence. Love Fran xx <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NickyB Report post Posted July 25, 2008 Wow! Wot a glorious day! We threw our new fold up bikes in the back of the car, started off at the local country park and followed the cycle paths for MILES... Chugging round the lake full of swans and geese, down winding country lanes past grazing sheep, through the woods to the park on the other side of the town... At one point ben stopped - at precisely the point i stopped when i took his bike out for a check over on tuesday while he was at school - and said 'wow - look at that view!' How proud am I to have a ten year old who can appreciate stuff like that (it's the same 'good eye' he has for taking photos and stuff)... In the other park, we climbed to the top of the castle hill and raced back down again - twice! - then went for a ride along the river tow path.. looking for a cycle shop to buy him some decals for his bike we found a scenic route to the industrial esate, and discovered a lock on the river I never even knew existed! Only lived around here all my life - so that was a bit of a turn up for the books! Baddad, I feel soooooo lazy. I spent all of yesterday mooching around at home as I was feeling so exhausted after getting DS through his last few days at school. I have the opposite problem with little DS as he's got no sense of danger and will literally throw himself into anything. We must go out and explore the countryside this summer, but I think we'd better avoid that BMX track Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted July 25, 2008 Yup, same problem Stabilisers on, stabilisers off, queuing for hours - only to change his mind at the last second (no matter what i say, beg, plead). We had a go at those ski slope doughnut things the other day. He ran (with me following...... ) up and down that flipping slope for an hour - finally getting the courage to have a go in the last five minutes. He hated it! He gets cross coz he can't - i get cross coz he can't make up his mind - he gets cross with me for being cross with him - and around we go! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
