What should i do now?

[Tleisha]

Hi. I'm new, and i really need some help. Before i go into the boring life story part, i first want to say that i do not have an autism diagnosis, which, as I'm sure you've heard many times, is part of the problem.

 

OK, here comes my story, which i decided to place here because i am a 21 year old adult so it seemed appropriate.

 

I come from a family of three children, one of whom has ADHD and is "Borderline autistic" whatever that means. I grew up suffering from various mental health issues, none of which i have been given a definite answer for. I will attempt to describe my problems here.

 

I was diagnosed with suffering from depression as a child, after my parents dragged me to the doctors on many occasions, because my behavior was.. kinda weird. I didn't have friends, didn't act like i was supposed to, among other things, although i am having a little trouble trying to gather my thoughts at the minute so i can explain things properly. A few times my mum caught me making odd noises or knocking my head from side to side, but the doctors said that i couldn't possibly be autistic cause i can talk like a normal person, or some such. Things got worse, as i got older i started self harming, i still didn't have any friends, i didn't go to school because i couldn't stand the atmosphere, and found it hard to fit in. The other kids bullied me a lot because of this. Every visit to the doctors ended with me going home with yet more anti depressants. This continued to the point were my doctor stopped examining me, and simply changed my pills or increased the dosage accordingly. Sometimes he didn't even want to see me and just did it over the phone. I never had counseling or saw any actual mental health specialists, eventually i gave up. I stopped going to school because teachers and students made it impossible for me to learn.

 

Now i am faced with the prospect of trying to put my life back together.

 

My cousin got diagnosed with aspergers as a teen. As a result my family are much more aware of it, and it has been suggested to me by family, and the counselor i started seeing, that i might have it.

My partner did a lot of research after that, and apparently they are all in consensus.

The trouble, is that i don't know what to do now. I start college in September, and i am afraid it will wind up just like school, and i don't want to mess it up again.

I've been told to go see my GP (the same one i grew up with) but I'm afraid ill either end up being told that i am depressed, or ill be told "its all in your head." which was another thing he used to say to me an awful lot.

My parents haven't been especially supportive, because while my mum is willing to accept that there may well be something wrong with me, she thinks that it wouldn't do any good to seek out help. She admitted to me that she blames herself for her kids being "The way they are." My dad just says "You just need to learn how to interact with people."

I don't even think I've got half of the stuff i wanted to say down, I'm not sure how to articulate it correctly.

What should i do?

[Tally]

Hi Tleisha, and welcome to the forum.

 

I was diagnosed with AS last year, aged 25. I was already in treatment for depression when I read about Asperger's, and started to wonder if I had it. Unfortnately, my counsellor was not supportive and I ended up having to go private. If your counsellor has suggested it to you, it will put you in a much better position in terms of seeking diagnosis.

 

Autism was suggested to my parents several times when I was a child, but they rejected the possibility. The thing is though, there was very little understanding for atypical cases, and Asperger's was not even heard of at all. It's quite possible I would not have got a diagnosis anyway.

 

It might help if your counsellor could contact your GP with a list of reasons why s/he thinks you have AS.

 

Many diagnosticians insist on speaking to a parent, as they need to confirm that your symptoms have been lifelong. Hopefully your mum would agree to this if she understands how important a diagnosis is to you.

 

The National Autistic Society may be able to advise you about what to say to your GP as well. They also have a telephone and email helpline if you need to ask any questions.

 

A diagnosis could help you get appropriate help for your depression and support in college.

It could also help you find a better route to learn how to interact with people. There is a lot of "general" advice about social skills, but people with AS learn things differently, so it may not be helpful to you. Sometimes we need much more detailed guidance, perhaps even a few actual phrases we can say when we meet people. A diagnosis could help you access the right kind of social skills training.

 

There is nothing stopping you and your family trying out some strategies intended for people with AS, even if you don't have a formal diagnosis yet.

[pookie170]

Hey Tleisha,

 

Tally's advice is excellent, and I think it sounds like you're inclined towards doing for diagnosis. I think that would be a really good idea, as even if you're not diagnosed as being on the spectrum, you may well be able to access help for the areas you're struggling with. You're never too old to try a new approach to things, and what's the worst that could happen? Nothing. The best result would be that you get support, help and life might get a bit easier for you.

 

When you go to college, whether with a diagnosis or not, I urge you not to just try and cope with things if it becomes very stressful for you. Let your lecturers know if you're feeling stressed, as there may well be student support services you could access, and your lecturers should take your difficulties into consideration.

 

I also think Tally's idea of researching possible coping strategies is an excellent one- there are several fab books out there, though I must admit, the ones I've looked at are geared toward children, but I think Tony Attwood's book would be helpful.....

 

Any suggestions on research material, folks?

 

I hope you find a bit of support here, Tleisha, this is a good bunch of people, and it sounds like your partner's supportive too- you can never have too many people on your side!

 

Take care,

 

Esther x

[Tally]

Oh yes, I would also recommend tony Attwood's Complete Guide To Asperger Syndrome

Another good book is Asperger Syndrome and Long Term Relationships by Ashley Stanford. As well as the obvious, it also talks about how AS can present in undiagnosed adults, who have developed coping mechanisms.

[ScienceGeek]

I'm reading the Tony Attwood book at the moment and feel like I'm reading about myself.

[tjw]

hi im also reading the same book tony attwood its a fab book

theresa