Jay talking of suicide again tonight.

[oxgirl]

Jay has been very upset two nights now since starting back at school. He is so lonely at the unit where he is now, has no-one to talk to or interract with and during the gaps in his timetable he's just left to sit on his own and do a puzzle or something. Tonight he was talking of suicide again and was in despair. School seem to think he is okay, as long as he is quietly sitting there doing a puzzle then they think he is happy but he is not. How can I get them to understand how lonely and unhappy he feels inside?? He said he can't express it to them and that he doesn't trust them with his feelings so he's sitting there bottling it all up until he comes home and then he's crying for hours. Next day he goes in and, again, as they don't know him, they think that if he's not kicking off and making a big fuss then he's 'okay'. What can I do?? I told his TA the other day that he'd been breaking his heart the previous evening and she said he'd been 'fine' at school, I feel like they don't believe me and if THEY say he's okay then he IS okay despite what I might believe, they just seem to dismiss what I tell them.

 

~ Mel ~

[pearl]

Mel <'> this is so hard for both of you.

Dont know what to suggest, except maybe CAMHS?

[Kathryn]

Mel,

 

<'>

 

Jay is clearly not ok and such comments can't be ignored. I know you've had problems before with getting the school to listen to your concerns. What would you like the school to do to help him feel less lonely? If you can come up with some concrete suggestions maybe they'll be more receptive? (sorry, you may have done so already).

 

K x

[Flora]

Mel <'>

 

Reading this was horribly familiar

 

Mel, perhaps you need to get a bit firmer with the staff in the unit. They need to understand that just because Jay isn't giving them any problems it doesn't mean that he is 'fine'. I had this for years with Bill (as you know so won't go into all that now).

 

I think you also need to take Jay to see the GP to see what is available to him from a medical point of view (at least for a referral to CAMHS so you can discuss the options).

 

You must be absolutey frazzled and full of angst.

 

Flora <'>

[Canopus]

Do not underestimate the power of depression!

 

Something is seriously wrong.

[Cat]

Something is seriously wrong.

 

100% agree with this statement. Does he really have to go to this unit?

 

Cat

[oxgirl]

Thanks for the responses, guys, I'm so sorry for him at the moment. The trouble is that last year he actually made a friend in the unit where he was, the first time he's had a friend, EVER! And, of course, now he's moved across to another site he's separated from him because he's two years older and he's in a unit with just two other children who are both non-verbal. It's the contrast that he's finding so hard, he says as soon as he actually makes a friend he loses him and he's practically in mourning for him. It's almost worse that he actually tasted this experience of friendship because now he has to get used to being alone again and it's that much harder and more acute for him.

 

I really don't know what the unit can or will do, they can't magic friends out of the air for him, but I don't think they appreciate just how heartbroken he really is and I don't feel they take me seriously. I don't know the staff yet and don't feel I can trust them yet. There is nowhere else for him to go, so it's this unit or nothing. I don't want him to get used to being alone again, but I just don't know what to do. I can't bear the thought of him stuck in that place on his own and he says the staff don't even talk to him, they just chat amongst themselves and leave him stting there alone, I'm a wreck.

 

~ Mel ~

[sadie]

Sending you lots o these <'> <'> >< for you and your son.

 

Sadie

[NickyB]

Sending you lots o these <'> <'> >< for you and your son.

 

Sadie

 

Me, too, Mel <'> <'> <'>

 

Nicky x

[Flora]

Mel,

 

You probably really don't want to move Jay again, and that I would understand particularly considering the stage he's reached in his education. However, I'm still thinking that school you have to drive past on the way to his school (the one I told you about earlier this year) is a viable option for Jay.

 

It's a shame thought that there aren't more kids in the unit that he can relate to. Makes you wonder why that is though? Is it because the unit on the other site is so small?

 

Flora <'>

[oxgirl]

Mel,

 

You probably really don't want to move Jay again, and that I would understand particularly considering the stage he's reached in his education. However, I'm still thinking that school you have to drive past on the way to his school (the one I told you about earlier this year) is a viable option for Jay.

 

It's a shame thought that there aren't more kids in the unit that he can relate to. Makes you wonder why that is though? Is it because the unit on the other site is so small?

 

Flora <'>

 

I don't think he'd cope with that, Flora, I really don't. Plus, if I'm honest, I haven't the energy to go through the fight of getting him a place and he's just started his GCSE courses and it's all too much.

 

What happened was, when he started at the other unit there were only more severely effected children there, he was the very first and only more able student. The policy seems to have changed and they only take on more able kids now who can make use of the mainstream facilities, but because he was the first and the oldest, he's now moved over the other side and is with two of the remaining original students that he was with before. No disrespect meant to those children at all, but he can't talk to them or mix with them and he'll have to wait another two years before the other more able kids come up to join him where he is, by which time he might have left anyway. It was just bad luck really that he was the first. Plus, it is tiny over there too, it's awful.

 

~ Mel ~

[Flora]

Hiya mel

 

I totally understand that. It's hard enough moving kids around, but to move him when he's already started his GCSE's would be worse, I know I wouldn't want to do it. I also don't blame you one little not wanting to take on our LEA

 

I think you're right in deciding to keep him there, and you'd be best using your energies to galvanise the staff/outreach etc at the unit to come up with something.

 

Actually, I've just had a 'light bulb' moment and will pm you.

 

Flo' X

[Suze]

Hi Oxgirl <'> , just a thought...........this might be a bad idea as I don,t know how his school works ...But it could work for him if the school are willing

 

 

..............my son attends an ASD resource at high school.......some kids in this are more able,... and some kids are also more eager to be accepted and want to be included more in the mainstream stuff.Because of this staff at the resource work with staff in the excel room(this like the provision for other statemented kids , with needs such as dyslexia, adhd , hearing probs, visual probs etc etc.).........the excel room is also open at break /dinner for children who don,t have a statement but special needs, and for those kids who want to be somewhere quiet.The room is always staffed.

 

..........I was just wondering if J,s school had something similar, if staff are willing they could help him access this and meet some other kids.Also if it was possible could he access some mainstream classes via this?...........

 

................Just a thought , .........best wishes suzex

[Clare63]

Hi Mel,

 

Sorry I not been around for ages and I am so sorry to hear how things have been for J of late. Like Flora this all sounds very familiar, I really wish I had the answers for you but can only suggest that you call an urgent meeting with the school so that you can express your concerns and offer some potential solutions, additional if J is under CAMHS or perhaps a specialist that you could ask them to contact/write to the school making it clear how J masks his feeling at school and how his anxiety and upset bottle over at home.

 

Don't leave it too long....as you know my lad had a breakdown last October and has been out of school ever since.

 

Thinking of you,

 

Clare x x x x