Urgent help needed please

[scatty]

My son recently started junior school. The infant school is just next door and he has had a really good year two there, mainly due I think to his teacher who was great with him. Anyway I think we were lulled into a false sense of security, although his behaviour at home is always very difficult, I think his teacher struggled at times to accept that there is anything wrong with him. He has a statement and get 20 hrs access to support.

 

Fast forward to this term...we have had increasing problems getting him into school, starting with him refusing to leave the house, more recently he will leave the house but not get out of the car at the school. I have been parking in the school car park and the first time asked for someone to come out to help. We then had several hours of me, TA, other staff, head teacher all trying persuade him out of the car. Eventually he came out willingly and the head suggested I stay in school with him for 10 minutes until he calmed down. I did this but when I went to leave he ran out of the school onto the car park sat down and wouldn't move. In the end I had to try to drag him back into the school, he was kickingh,punching swearing etc. I am also 6 months pregnant and struggled to get him back in as he is very big for his age, probably the size of an average 11 yr old, but I was worried about the cars coming and going. Once I got him back in the school we took him to the nuture room until we both calmed down and I then tried to leave again. He went mad and after I left, the TA left him in the room ( I presume while she got help) He then barracaded himself in and stayed ther until after lunchtime.

 

The next day he refused to get out of the car again, this time the staff left me to it as the are unable to physically help anyway. After an hour I managed to get him out of the car, he then tried to run out of the gate, luckily a workman blocked his way. Eventually again I had to try to drag him in, he was punching, kicking, biting me, swearing etc.. A TA came out to carry his bag for me, but he kicked her and she ran back in. I managed to get him in there to have him kicking and punching me and calling me every name under the sun in front of the whole school who were then going into assembly. I left in tears again, it was about 11am again.

The school have tried to make some changes, he has job sharing teachers that were being inconsistent, and 5 different TA's in and out at different times. They changed to 2 TA's one am and one pm, the teachers were to be more consistent, and they were going to review the behaviour policy for him as he was getting into trouble every 3 seconds. But then the TA that got kicked has gone off sick with stress and he is refusing to do any work in class, laying on the the floor etc etc. The head phoned me Wednesday night to say the for the next couple of weeks he would need to go in the SSC in the mornings and then be in mainstream with a single TA in the afternoon. Thursday he went into school, refused to go into the SSC, spent the morning in his normal classroom but didn't do any work. The afternoon he refused to go back in the school (I think after lunch) and spent the afternoon trying to climb on the school roof (he can do this easily as he is a great climber) and the school didnt tell me this but he also climbed over the school gate and ran up the road and climbed in the next gate.

 

The head has said that if this happens again they will be phoning me to come and collect him (which is what he wants!) He is saying he is doing the same tomorrow, he hates the school and wants to go to another school.....

I have phoned social services (several times-they say they will phone back but don't) the LEA, local ASD suppot group, UNISAFE asking for advise, but either they can't give any or suggest stuff we have already tried.

What can I do???? He is 7 years old for Gods sake and yet seems to be just running things his way, both at school and at home. This is what he wants as he has a huge control thing going on. If the school say he has to come home, he will do the same stuff everytime to get home (I have told them this) I don't want to send him to another school (another thing the school have said) as I think this will just make things worse...what if he doesn't like the next school...and its the whole change that has kicked him off in the first place.

 

I am at a loss and don't know where to turn next, he is just as out of control outside school as he is in and a lot of the time his behaviour is just dangerous (ie threatening to throw himself out of the car as we drove home because I wouldn't buy him an ice lolly).

I also have a 13 yr old also with ADHD/ASD and a 2 yr old (being assessed). Life is chaos to say the least. The older two fight physically all the time.

Sorry its so long and well done if you got to the end.

[scatty]

Whoops I didn't even say Hello!

I think maybe I should've posted this in Education???????

Off to bed now

[single autie mum]

how awful for you have you looked at special schools mines been in a unit and now at specail school and the difference is amazing all the staff understand autism they have the proper facilities quiet areas etc and the staff in these schools want to be there to help our kids, the kids dont have to fi tin with the rules of the school, lots of adjustments can be made to suit the child

not the staff i didnt want to see mine in a special school but im glad he is now its took his anxiety levels right down and if some things not right i can write in book or go up there and they, ll do there best to make things easier for him good luck in whatever you decide

[oxgirl]

Sorry to hear about your lad's difficulties, scatty. Would the school agree to him going part-time for a while until he settles in a bit, do you think, and would that be possible? Maybe he could go in for a couple of hours in the afternoon for a week and then gradually increase, you can't go on spending hours trying to drag him into school, that's an awful situation for everyone. Talk to the Head about maybe having a reduced timetable for a few weeks. If there's a particular lesson he likes, like art or something, maybe he could just come in for that lesson and then go home and the next day come in for a bit longer, come in for the moning and go home at lunchtime or something along those lines?

 

~ Mel ~

[jlp]

My ds#1 (8 with AS) had very similar behaviours to yours and has just moved to a unit. I expected that he'd hate this just as he hated his first and second schools but to my surprise he has settled in well. It's early days but the relief of not having to basically train every teacher we come across in ASD is fantastic. The staff aren't scared of him or the possibility of a meltdown and just know what they are doing.

 

I really didn't want special ASD provision and was convinced that he'd be fine in mainstream with the right support (he had full time 1-2-1 support) but it's not just the support, it's the trained staff and all the things like clear explainations of what's going to happen, visual timetables, small class (6 with a teacher and 2 TAs)

[TDR]

Hi

 

Really feel for you and what an awful experience for your son. I agree with Mel.....it has to be small steps to allow and encourage him to see and learn that the new school is safe for him. He must be so confused and scared. As a teacher in a unit for ASD adolescents, we see this kind of behaviour quite regularly from new students. As an example, we planned a 2 week step by step programme for a 14year who was behaving in a v similar way to your son........at the end of the 2 weeks, he succeeded in just entering the building without his Mum. That was success...slow, painful but success. Then we built from there.

 

The Staff need to be totally with you and have a sound understanding of what to do. Can you have an open discussion with the Head and feel you'll be listened to? A slow and gradual easing into the routines of the school could help....at your son's pace, with him being at the centre of everything. Is there any support teacher who your son feels comfortable with? If so, perhaps it could be negotiated that the one he's used to and accepts helps him through the transition. The school has to accept that such total change must be managed by them first to help your son then manage.......20hours support is a legal obligation for them to meet........I worked in mainstream for many years and it is very very hard but ways can be found if the thinking is creative and flexible.....do you have support from an ASD worker who might be able to go with you into school. I can only talk from what our approach is our unit and we do draw from lots of other agencies to support our students (sometimes because we stamp our feet n just refuse to accept a response of, "no, we can't help"from the less willing!).

 

Thinking of you and hoping you find a way....that way may end up being in a specialised unit or equivalent if the junior school do not make progress.......don't give up.

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[Cat]

The control issue is probably really bad at the moment because of the constant change. The school really does need to get their act together but in my opinion they needed to do this long before the change of school took place. There should have been meetings between his old school, yourself and the new school during the last twelve months to plan the change over. Change is the one thing that most autistic children do not do well as I am sure you know all to well and yet he is in a class which according to your post resembles Kings Cross Station. I do not know that I could cope with all of the coming and going that he is having to endure and now they have added him going into the SSC (not sure what this is) for part of the day and then mainstream for the rest. No the wonder his behaviour is off the wall. It sounds as if your son needs a solid structure in place so there is no room to maneuver and so that there is no need for him to try and take control. The infant school managed to meet his needs and if they managed to do this then this school could probably do the same. Walking away from this and leaving your son to you is not really going to solve anything.

 

Who is supporting the school here are they meant to be the experts? Is there an outreach team here or behavioural support who the school can access? Is there anyone with whom you could have a meeting and thrash all of this out? It certainly sounds as if your son requires a great deal more support than this school can give. As for sending him home then it needs to be in writing otherwise it is an illegal exclusion and you will have no evidence to support the fact that the school can not cope with your son.

 

If I were you I would be asking for a multi-disciplinary meeting to discuss how the services providers can all best help your son and your family. He sounds as if he could do with some input from CAMHS for starters. They need to sit round a table together here and get their collective acts together. You could ring the SEN team within your council and ask them how you can go about setting up such a meeting. This is something that our support group does for parents.

 

Cat

[Suze]

Think I,d request the school call a multi-agency meeting , to urgently review his statement, either with a view to getting him in a more ASD friendly environment or getting him a consitent full time TA who is trained specifically in ASD.If you can get camhs at the meeting and an ed physch , best of luck suzex

[Enid]

HI, I really feel for you as have been in your situation many many times, I am amazed the school didnt exclude him, mine always did, eventually, he has gone to a special school now and is coping reasonably well, but at home we walk on eggshells every day. Dont forget that if the school ask you to take him home you must insist that if you do it has to be as an offical exclusion, as you say this is what he wants, its so difficult, if mine thinks I am off work he wont go to schoo, I put my work clothes on every morning til he gets in the taxi!! Have no answers for you, jusy sympathy, could have written your post myself, right down to trying to jump out of the car! take care.

 

Enid

[lynne]

The school must have poor insight into ASD, two part time teachers and several TA's, now wonder your son is trying to take control of the situation.

 

Please do not be mad with your son he is saying he can not cope and this is the only way he can make a statement. If you think of it if we hated a place we would not go there.

 

I also think the school are letting you and your son down by the lack of provision they have made. This needs an emergency review and things need to change straight away. Going in part time may help for now, but unless your son has consistancy than this will not work.

 

You and the school need advice and support from the ASD team. The school need guidance but even with this it may not be the right school for your child.

 

You may need to think of a special school placement.

 

The main thing is your son is happy to go to school. You need to be asking the school about there experience of children similar to your. What are they willing to do etc?

 

The school should of asked for an emergency review. I feel the school are discriminating against your childs disability. Some schools will do this so you eventually move to another school and than there problem has gone.

 

I hope you sort out something for your son very quickly.

 

Take care

[scatty]

Thank you all so much for replies.

 

Yesterday he went into school ok, but refused to go back into school after first break ( the school guessed this would happen and were going to try to keep him in at break, but I guess he didn't want to stay in!). I was away for the day, so they called my dh to the school as my son climbed the gate into the street again.�They had an emergency meeting and the head, class teacher, SSC teacher and advisory teacher were there along with my husband. They decided again that he will be in the SSC (special support class) in the morning, mainstream with support in the afternoon. This had already been decided, but I think he is refusing to go into the SSC and they can't make him I suppose. They are putting in place visual support/timetables, home school diary etc. All of these are on his statement so he should already have them! He had missed the induction day last term as he was off sick and I had asked the infant school if they could arrange for him to go another day, have photos of the teachers/classroom etc, which they agreed to, but it never happened, I think because they though he didn't need it! The school are now thinking that this is the problem as he had no gentle transition, but I think its a bit late now IYKWIM.

 

So we will see how it goes on Monday. If it all goes wrong again, I will be asking for an emergency statement review and a multi agency meeting. You have all told me stuff that I hadn't thought of so thanks for that. I never knew about the exclusion thing.I am reluctant to send him part time as I am not sure that he would ever go full time, but I will consider it if things continue to get worse. His behaviour at home is so manic and aggressive that I don't think I could cope with it.

 

I had never even considered a Special school placement for him as he is so able, when they diagnosed him they just said that he has autistic spectrum disorder, but I would put him at the high funtioning end........having said that i know that it doesn't make things easier for him, but it does mean that we can't access support from social services etc as (in their own words) he doesn't fit the criteria as he is not severly autistic enough!

 

Thanks again everyone, you have been so helpful...why couldn't any of the numerous professionals that I phoned have told me any of this?

Any more input gratefully received

[lynne]

Any more input gratefully received

 

 

Hi Scatty,

 

I thought I would tell you about my friends son who is also high functioning.

 

Her son was not coping at junior school. He was so stressed he decided to stop speaking. He would come out of school and beat his mother up, but in school he would just be quiet and not a problem. He was moved from a normal (non supporting school) and put into an ASD unit of six children in a mainstream school. Gradually this boy was reintroduced to maths lessons with the rest of the school but received all the other lesson in the unit.

 

One and half years later this child has been transfered to a senior school which is a normal independent school. He attends this independent school with my son. They are both in a class of 12 children and both have there own LSA and both are funded by the LEA.

 

This boy is so happy now and is progressing so well. In fact he is going on a three day trip to Malvern with his class.

 

So take what you son needs to survive for this time period.

 

sending lots of hugs