LoubeeGreen Report post Posted October 16, 2008 awaitng dx for aspie or high level, for jj 7, birthday today, 3 meltdowns befor school, made cakes to take in for his classmates that was wrong, hit his 3 yr old brother, told me to shut up screamed in my face, then shouted the f word because he thought if he was in trouble anyway then why not make it worse for himself, i shouted a swear word back (which hardly ever happens) daughter upset because of all the shouting, I cried he cried...Happy ###### birthday, I even cried when dropping the little one of to pre-school, I felt so sorry for him, he just wants to be involved with him, he loves him to bits and jj does not want him anywhere near him, if he touches one of things that he is using he screams at him and now my gorgeous little 3 yr old tells me e ahtes me, another choice little phrase picked up from JJ. why did I bother I already had to buy exacty what was on his list only one or two tiny surprise gifts coz that sent him off on one last year.....I have always felt so close to him and lately it feels as though he cant get away from me enogh when he has a meltdown, then all is fine and I think god what was all the fuss about, then I could say right thats enough, writing now or whatever hes obsessed with and i am saten himself!!! I so wanted to hug him and say have a lovley day love you loads but Im finding it really hard, he treats me like something on the bottom of his shoe, but doesnt even know he is doing it hes just so stressed! does any of this sound familiar AGRHHHHHHHHHHH, (im sure that last bit does). Feel abit better now, better get off to job number 2!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 16, 2008 Hi Loubee It does sound familiar, but you really don't have to put up with behaviour like that. My son has been through some extremely stressful times but whenever he showed signs of taking it out on me or his brother and sister I would really put my foot down. No matter what he's going through or how stressed he feels, it's really important that you don't allow your son to treat you like this. Imagine this; if he thinks he can get away with treating you like this when he's 7, what is he going to be like when he's a teenager? I'm not suggesting you don't show sympathy for his stress, but you also need for him to learn that it's also not an excuse to treat others badly. Good luck! Flora Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chris54 Report post Posted October 16, 2008 Hi Loubee I know how it can be, the wrong word, or action sets them off, but I really do agree with what Flora said. Best of luck Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dogfish Report post Posted October 16, 2008 Agreeing with flora but not wanting to make you feel you are at fault, i think it is MORE important for these kids to have quite strict and consistent boundaries. I think it helps them to feel more secure in such an unpredictable and chaotic world. It is hard, expecially when the tantrums are much more explosive than that of unautistic children, and it takes a lot of hard work. Mostly because you have to be aware all of the time and have to stamp on behaviours almost before they have started. My boys early warning signs are that his humming increases in volume and tempo. I know that if i don't intervene or keep a close eye it will escalate. You can also get them to be aware of their early triggers and come to you before they feel the need to explode. But even with all the intervention and supervision, there will still be explosions, from them, and from us, as we are only human. Get yourself some relaxation time when you can. Is a tough job this parenting business. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted October 16, 2008 My boy was very similar at that age, very very emotional, wether he was crying, angry, sad or happy, it was always full on and at full volume.My son also does,nt handle his birthdays very well.........or anyone elses for that matter.Infact the best thing we have found now is to just let him open his pressies on his own, in his own time, in his bedroom......away from everyone as he hates the attention. .........I also agree with what has been said, and it is very hard but you must,nt let him disrespect you, or his siblings, best of luck suzex Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NickyB Report post Posted October 16, 2008 Hi Loubee I wonder if it may be the very fact that it's his birthday that's making him more anxious. My DS can be much the same when he's over-excited, as he doesn't seem to know how to deal with the extra stimulation, if you see what I mean. Also, things will be different from a normal day, and if he's routine-driven that could cause him to be stressed as well. I'm not sure if any of that made any sense! Hope things have calmed down a bit now <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jlp Report post Posted October 16, 2008 Birthday's are a nightmare in our house. Ds#1 is so stressed about having a 'perfect' day he explodes at the slightest thing. Everything needs to be 'right' down to the way his invites are written, who attends his party, how the sweets at school are given out. Most birthdays have a major blow out. Even ds#2 (who's being assessed with regard to ASD) blew up when his class went to sing happy birthday to him and was sent home. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
joybed Report post Posted October 16, 2008 Our son also tries to treat us like dirt and is at times horrible to his brother and sister, refusing to let them sit near him at the table because they are disgusting when they eat apparently the poor little things get so upset and say "we are not disgusting Marcus". The thing is they are good eaters for their age and have better table manners than Marcus. I used to put up with quite a lot of c**p but not any more as it is having such a big impact on Piers and lydia we now send him to his room if he starts. Tonight was a classic example, he was moaning about them eating with him (he didnt like the look of their food but they all had the same) and was trying to dictate where they sat, what they ate etc whilst moaning on and on about school. I told him off tried to encourage the other 2 that they were doing well with there meal and tried to keep Piers from sitting next to Marcus for his own safety. At the end of Ms meal he started to lick his plate I said not to and he continued so i removed his plate at which he lashed out at me and screamed at me and had a major tantrum. The other 2 were so upset so I sent him to his room and he knew i meant it because he went without fuss, he would normally argue. Leaving me to sort the mess he had left and the little ones never did finish their meal. Life is certainly entertaining at times but also very stressful. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoubeeGreen Report post Posted October 16, 2008 (edited) Right I have a plan!!! Let him do his tasks , the sums the list ect ect, but he got a watch for his bday so gonna show him the time when he start but give him a time when he has to finnish and gain agreement befor we start. Gonna do the star chart again -- that worked well while on holiday Gonna have a blackboard with the meal at tea times but 2 options (that fit well togther) and let him pick his dinner gonna have a behaiour diay and discuss rewards/ punsihments at the end of the day do you think that will help...yes corse it will POSITIVE THINKING!!! oops thinks the vino is kicking in! lol Many thanks to all for the replys wrist well and trully slapped its what I needed.... feel much more in control now!! Edited October 16, 2008 by LoubeeGreen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoubeeGreen Report post Posted October 16, 2008 Today has to be a monuemental crappy day, I watched him build up the confidence to put his jonus brothers cd on then went to sing in front of everyone, and then run to his room crying on me saying his mouth moves funny and he hayes himself OH MY GOD my heart broke in two right there at that moment, all the bad things he did just didnt matter i just wanted to envelope him in my arms but he takes no comfort from it, I said you just need to love yourself more, to which he replied y no one else does, flash back to me swearing at him this morning, guilt floods over me!! but apparently he didnt mean me when when asked.....oh why does this happen its just so unfair, I think he is clinicly depressed, 7 yrs old and depressed where is the justice .......... Anyway Right I have a plan!!! Let him do his tasks , the sums the list ect ect, but he got a watch for his bday so gonna show him the time when he start but give him a time when he has to finnish and gain agreement befor we start. Gonna do the star chart again -- that worked well while on holiday Gonna have a blackboard with the meal at tea times but 2 options (that fit well togther) and let him pick his dinner gonna have a behaiour diay and discuss rewards/ punsihments at the end of the day do you think that will help...yes corse it will POSITIVE THINKING!!! oops thinks the vino is kicking in! lol Many thanks to all for the replys to what a rubbish morning post! My wrist is well and trully slapped its what I needed.... feel much more in control now!! will be taking no nonsense as from tomorrow!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted October 16, 2008 Loubee, Day almost over, probably not the first and probably won't be the last. But you have a plan and that's a start, even if its just a start to re focus. Don't be too hard on yourself your only human and kids, ASD or not do not come with a hand book. <'> <'> <'> <'> Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pepper Report post Posted October 16, 2008 (edited) .if its any help Loubee, I think you have almost described an average day wih my NT 12 year old hormonal daughter and as for 'vino' it keeps me sane LOL <'> Edited October 16, 2008 by pepper Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikemad Report post Posted October 16, 2008 O hunny <'> my lad age 9 does the same n says no one likes him etc n that he looks odd etc...it is hearbreaking isnt it. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted October 17, 2008 Merged your two topics together Loubee. I hope tomorrow is better. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
