Help wanted please - son is getting worse

[connieruff]

Hi,

Hope someone can help me. My son is 7 and is getting worse, he has Aspergers and has just started class 2.

He has started to swear, be disruptive, take his trousers off, delibrately ruin things, like throw cereal on the floor, wee on his hands and on the loo seat and generally make my life unbearable.

He used to sleep well, but now he has started to stay awake until 10pm. he laughs when I tell him off or he hits himself. He used to write beautifully but now he just scribbles. His new teacher knows of his condition but she keeps saying 'he's been particularly bad today or 'we had to take him out of the classroom today' well what can I do about it? What do the teachers expect us to do?

I cant take him into Tescos any more because he throws items into my trolley and runs about so I have to keep chasing around the store to find him. He has started to sit in the road if he doesnt get his own way.

Do Aspergers children get worse around this age? What is he going to be like when he gets to be a teenager?

He seems to have lost his fear, or should I say respect ,of teachers and authority.

Any thoughts or advice please??!

Thanks,

 

 

[Sooze2]

My son did get worse as the school work got harder and he couldn't cope with having to sit and concentrate during lessons and work independantly.

 

Does your son have help at school? Perhaps you need to speek to them about what they do when he becomes disruptive in class. At the beginning of year 3 me and the teacher went through strategies that they could use to make things easier for him and them like using his name before talking to him and making sure he had responded (usually by a grunt!), making sure he was given a 5 minute warning before changing task (he has huge problems with this) and talking in a very authoritive voice as he responds best to that rather than being too "nice" which his teacher found hard at first but found worked very well.

 

I know that the TA takes my son out of class and calms him down, in year 2 she also had certain signs to tell him when to listen and stop ripping his clothes up etc - she would say his name and get him to look at her (no mean feat!) and then clasp her hands together and make him do the same if he was fiddling and distracting when he should be listening for example. He was quite agitated in year 2 and 3 and would have a lot of tantrums and generaly distract others if things were not going his way like one day when they had to tidy up the Gears when he was still enjoying using them - he had a massive meltdown over that and had to be taken out of class because he wasn't given a 5 minute warning. She also found that telling him he was rocking on his chair helped rather than telling him to stop rocking and then telling him off if he didn't stop, she realised he wasn't aware he was doing it even though he was driving the class mad!

 

I try and go shopping on my own, even if it means going late at night because I hate taking any of my children but he is very hard to take.

 

I always send him to his room if he missbehaves, its the only thing that works for me, he does object very loudly and it can take a long time for him to settle down, its been a long haul but now that he has just turned 9 he is settling down a bit.

 

I was going to send lots of hugs but the icon isn't working so ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

 

[KezT]

We moved schools at year 2, so E had a fairly rough couple of months while he settled in - hiding under tables, screaming, throwing stuff around

 

But the school were great- he has his own LSA (a diferent one each year so far tho) who stays with him. They gave him the time & space to hide under a table when it all got too much (his previous school weren't so understanding) and he settled down fairly quickly - by the end of that school year he was sitting in the class all day, and participating in the majority of the lesons to some extent - he even sat his SATS!

 

It sounds like your son is finding the whole experience overwhelming. he needs somewhere to go "hide". Where/what that is will depend on him. E went under the table outside the classroom, but your son might prefer running outside, or playing with his yo=yo, or listening to dolphin song or whatever is his sancturary. Make sure you speak to the school - have an actual meeting booked in with the SENCO, his teacher and the head - don't try to grab a few seconds at the end of the day!

 

Ask your local NAS if they do Early Bird plus sessions - its a course for parents & schools to attend together and is really useful in understanding ASD's and ensuring the same management techniques are being used accros the board.

 

Also, talk to son at home when he is calm. explain about the importance of school, find out what specific things are bothering him (you'll probabloy have to go through a list). sometimes it can be the smallest thing, easily changed. i know of a child who screamed & headbanged for a whole year, and it was only after he moved into a new classroom and settled they discovered that he had been sat next to a dripping tap and the sound had driven him nuts!!!!

[Enid]

my son also got worse at that age, but was undiagnosed at the time, the problems you are describing sound pretty severe to me, my son has done the sitting in the road etc but I thinK your son is young for this sort of behaviour, I would definately get him to CAHMS and ask for an assessment.. Enid

[venus]

Hi, My son is 7 and started year 3 in september and he has definately got worse since then. He taps his plastic figures everywhere,constantly picks on his little brother, he gets really hyperactive and jumps on the sofa , climbs on the tables and jumps off agin. We also cannot take him shopping at the moment, he goes all silly and hyper in the shops or he gets really tired and I have to carry him, we went out at the weekend and it was awful.Also cannot get him to bed before 9.30-10.00pm, if we do try to get him to bed he goes all hyper again and then it takes ages to get him to settle down. Thinking of you as I know how draining it is <'>

[joybed]

My son was OK at this age but only because he had a teacher he really liked and his LSa,s had been the same throughout school. Our problem arose in year 5 when he changed class and had a different teacher, he had the same teacher 2 years running as the teacher moved year groups, Mr k was also the SENCO so very understanding and he and M got on well. It took me a long while to realise it was the change in teacher as he still had the same LSA,s and was still in the same class group but this was a major issue for him. This was also shortly after the time my twins had arrived so put most of the problems down to that. He settled down again in year 6 as Mr K again moved year groups so he was in his class again, i think this was done deliberatley and now the twins are at the same school I often get asked by this teacher how M is doing. There are some fantastic teachers out there it is unfortunately down to luck.

I don,t take mine shopping either too much hassle I either get DH to do it or do it online (i am supposed to be doing that now but got sidetracked).

[sandyn]

Hi, It is so difficult to really get down to the reason why your son has started to behave like this.

 

What sort of extra help does your son have at school? The problems you are experiencing at home could be due to the fact that he is finding school really difficult at the moment. A new teacher or a new classroom? Year 2 work is a huge jump from year. Its all geared towards the ?&**!! SATS. I would say one thing that schools should be completely aware of is ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE.

 

My son is 9, but was dx when he was in year 2. His teacher was inexperienced in autism (hey aren't we all to start of with!), but she received lots of information from my sons pead. Even she admitted that she had got it all wrong. She never praised him and told him off loads (her words not mine!!)

 

She set up a diary for him. When he came in to the class, it was sitting on his desk. It told R exactly what was happening in the class that day. All throughout the day R "earned" stars for good behaviour, hard work, being kind etc. Each star equated to 2 mins "golden time". At the end of the week , if he had earned 30 minutes worth of golden time, he could chose an activity (with a friend of his choice - always someone different every week) to do for the time that he had earned. It worked really well as R loved construction toys and playing on the computer. Maybe your son's teacher could try this?

 

 

 

[peaches]

My son did get worse as the school work got harder and he couldn't cope with having to sit and concentrate during lessons and work independantly.

 

Does your son have help at school? Perhaps you need to speek to them about what they do when he becomes disruptive in class. At the beginning of year 3 me and the teacher went through strategies that they could use to make things easier for him and them like using his name before talking to him and making sure he had responded (usually by a grunt!), making sure he was given a 5 minute warning before changing task (he has huge problems with this) and talking in a very authoritive voice as he responds best to that rather than being too "nice" which his teacher found hard at first but found worked very well.

 

I know that the TA takes my son out of class and calms him down, in year 2 she also had certain signs to tell him when to listen and stop ripping his clothes up etc - she would say his name and get him to look at her (no mean feat!) and then clasp her hands together and make him do the same if he was fiddling and distracting when he should be listening for example. He was quite agitated in year 2 and 3 and would have a lot of tantrums and generaly distract others if things were not going his way like one day when they had to tidy up the Gears when he was still enjoying using them - he had a massive meltdown over that and had to be taken out of class because he wasn't given a 5 minute warning. She also found that telling him he was rocking on his chair helped rather than telling him to stop rocking and then telling him off if he didn't stop, she realised he wasn't aware he was doing it even though he was driving the class mad!

 

I try and go shopping on my own, even if it means going late at night because I hate taking any of my children but he is very hard to take.

 

I always send him to his room if he missbehaves, its the only thing that works for me, he does object very loudly and it can take a long time for him to settle down, its been a long haul but now that he has just turned 9 he is settling down a bit.

 

I was going to send lots of hugs but the icon isn't working so ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

This post has really helped me because since going into Y1 R has been very difficult and I thought it was just change of teacher etc. But she is always saying that she has difficulty getting him to sit down and do anything and he keeps throwing himself around/going under the table etc. I realise now its because in year 1 they do more sitting down and writing than in Reception. He obviously doesnt have the same opportunities to let off steam, plus its more structured.

 

We are having a really bad week this week too, but Im starting to make more sense of his behaviour.

 

Thanks!