Accidental or non accidental urination, toilet accidents, trouble wiping etc

[peaches]

My DGS hasnt had an assessment nor diagnosis, and is just starting his appointments at CAMHS, but many people including the clinical psychologist have mentioned Asperger's or ASD and his mum has Asperger's so there is a good chance that he has too.

 

We have a few difficulties around the toilet! We thought they were caused by a tight foreskin, this was operated on and isnt tight now, but some problems still remain. DGS is nearly 6. He prefers a potty chair, doesnt like the toilet. He will stand up and wee in the toilet if there is no potty, but will not do bowel movements in the toilet. When he does pee in the toilet, his aim is bad and there is usually more on the floor. He doesnt like the water splash when sitting on the loo and despite a very secure infant seat (the flip down type that is part of adult seat) he wont use the toilet. His little sister aged 2 3/4 uses the toilet and wipes herself. He can do neither. I am trying to teach wiping by back chaining i.e. I do most of it and he finishes the job with the final wipe atm. I have tried hiding the potty, but he got upset today about doing a poo so I got it out again.

 

Tonight took the biscuit though. DH was putting him to bed and reading to him. He started to wee on DH's arm, DH leapt up and saw DGS with jama bottoms down and willy out. He has never done this before and I ve had a hard time persuading DH it was something he couldnt help. Sometimes he has weed himself whilst being on the computer but we thought he just got overinvolved in the game and didnt want to get up. He hasnt done this for a while though.

 

Obviously we will discuss all this with clin psych at next appointment. Has anyone else had problems with this sort of thing and if they have could they solve it?

 

 

[Suze]

Hi peaches, you did,nt say how old your grand son is, but I,ve found both my boys, 13 AS, and 6 NT very messy with the toilet.My youngest misses alot and still bed wets sometimes.I still have to wipe his bum if its messy .I tried a ping pong ball down the loo to aim for and this has helped.My daughter was great and potty trained etc no prob.So I don,t know if its a boy thing .Also developmentally etc he will be a few years behind his peer group.So I guess I,m saying that everything your doing sounds great and justr to keep up the positive encouragement , he,ll get there just might take, bribery, star charts and more time .best wishes suzex

[julie1]

my son was around 7/8 before he could clean homself after using the toilet. And then he did germs at school and that just pushed our family over the edge. He no longer wanted to clean himself as he was afraid of getting germs on his hands, it didnt seem to matter how many times he washed them. So just when i thought i had cracked it, we had to start over again.

[chris54]

It is well known that girls are in general term earlier at toilet training than boys.

 

We had a few problems with our son, now 8, who still does not like using public toilets, puts of going till the last minuet and some time does not make it in time.

 

"Water splash" Try putting some paper down pan first to stop the splash.

 

"Bad aim" That is just a boy thing, there are plenty of grown men who cant aim that well.(Don't suppose you have ever been in a men's public toilet )

 

"Wiping" You just got to keep working on that one. Our son, some times forgets, other times uses whole role.

 

The thing tonight, not had that one, had pooing in the bath and using it to redecorate the bathroom. You will probably be told it is to do with exploring boundaries or something like that. But at the time its a job to keep your hands off them.

 

Sounds to my that you are doing all the right things it just takes time and there will be times when thing seem to be going backwards but you will no doubt get there in the end.

 

One thing that a lot of people have a problem with is demonstrating to their child the use of the toilet,IE using the toilet when their child is in the room.If you do this from when the child is a baby then they are less likely to have any hang ups about it.

Not something you can do if not the parent.And to late for your situation.

 

 

 

[bikemad]

my son was around 7/8 before he could clean homself after using the toilet. And then he did germs at school and that just pushed our family over the edge. He no longer wanted to clean himself as he was afraid of getting germs on his hands, it didnt seem to matter how many times he washed them. So just when i thought i had cracked it, we had to start over again.

 

Yup thats my son to a t..he is 9 n will not under any circumstances wipe his bumb...he has even made himself ill cos he needed a poo at school n would not go cos of germs if he did his own bumb.

[peaches]

BTW he is nearly 6.

 

I nearly got the potty out again today. I couldnt believe how much pee was on the floor and splashed all over the seat, lid and cistern.

 

I know all boys are fairly messy as I have a son of my own who is now 26 and remember doing a lot of wiping up. But this really is all over the place. Not small puddles around the back and sides of the loo, but big big puddles. I dont think any gets down the pan. I will try the ball thing, and the paper for the splash.

 

I think he needs help putting the seat up tbh, it might confuse him because we have one of those integrated child and adult seats, so if its not clipped together there are 3 bits. By the time he has figured out he has to lift something he has peed all over the place. I think the problem is, I have my own health problems and going up to the toilet with him each time just isnt an option, especially with a toddler too. We will keep on keeping on. I know some people have a special urinal attachment for boys, but as his sister uses the loo its just one more thing for them to put in place or move out of the way before they use the loo. Not much fun if youre desperate.

[Tally]

I wonder if you might be entitled to some kind of grant toward having a downstairs toilet installed???

[NobbyNobbs]

another problem might be he's not getting there soon enough. perhaps have a clock set up to tell him when to go and try to the toilet? we had to do this with our non-toilet trained 8 year old girl. might be easier for him to concentrate on what he needs to do if he's not hopping desperate first she used to have to go every hour, then every two, then three... gradually it worked (she also peed everywhere before)

 

otherwise fisher price or someone like do a portable urinal thing that might be a stop-gap while hes getting better control over his aim. i think i might have seen it when in america but i'm sure someone will ship it over here.

 

** i just looked it up and it flushes water so i doesn't smell and mounts on the wall... how great is that?! ***

Edited October 26, 2008 by NobbyNobbs

[dooday24]

we have this problem with reece hes 8 urine is everywhere and wen u got to the loo if u dont remember u end up with wet socks and wet bum just not nice it looks like he just goes inside the bathroom and aims and fires as its everywhere and not in the loo at all and its making the bathroom smelly

 

sorry no words of wisdom but u r def not alone on this one

 

goodluck

 

love donnaxxxx

[NobbyNobbs]

we had to rip up the carpet in the downstairs loo because it got so disgusting when we had a 6 year old boy staying with us. now we have lino tiles and one of those funny toilet mat thingies which goes in the wash once a week to keep the smell awat

[peaches]

another problem might be he's not getting there soon enough. perhaps have a clock set up to tell him when to go and try to the toilet? we had to do this with our non-toilet trained 8 year old girl. might be easier for him to concentrate on what he needs to do if he's not hopping desperate first she used to have to go every hour, then every two, then three... gradually it worked (she also peed everywhere before)

 

otherwise fisher price or someone like do a portable urinal thing that might be a stop-gap while hes getting better control over his aim. i think i might have seen it when in america but i'm sure someone will ship it over here.

 

** i just looked it up and it flushes water so i doesn't smell and mounts on the wall... how great is that?! ***

 

Ive heard of the "Wee Man" before but not the Fisher Price. Will look it up.

 

I think you are right about the desperate thing, but he wont go if he doesnt feel the need to go. He gets very stroppy if you ask him to go and he doesnt want to go.

 

We had a carpet in here when we first moved in, it lasted about a week ...

 

[peaches]

Have found this: http://www.britishbabyshower.co.uk/toddlers.html scroll down to Peter Potty Urinal. But I think it would be a stop gap and maybe better to persuade proper use of the toilet. I also saw something that you put on the pan that acted as a splash deflector and protected the back of the toilet with a sort of screen, but if our little girl came up to the toilet she would have to remove this, so not ideal.

 

Showed it to DH and he said today he watched him do a wee and he was perfect, no problems. So why are we paddling? Well DH said that he holds his shirt up with one hand and it may be whilst he is messing about with that he isnt looking at where his wee is going. I also suspect that DH put the seat up for him, and sometimes he charges in, desperate and cant get the seat up in time. I suppose half term is a good time to monitor this.

[madmumof5]

I wonder if you might be entitled to some kind of grant toward having a downstairs toilet installed???

 

 

HI sorry to hijack the thread but do you know how to go about getting one.I have only got a downstairs bathroom and toilet and my 10 year old has toilet problems (poo not wee tho) the council have modernised simliar houses and put upstairs loos in but havent done ours and its a nightmare ,I just dont know where to start

[Tally]

I think this thread may explain one way you might be able to get help with your bathroom or maybe an upstairs loo: http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...t=0&start=0

[madmumof5]

I think this thread may explain one way you might be able to get help with your bathroom or maybe an upstairs loo: http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...t=0&start=0

 

 

Thankyou

[NobbyNobbs]

Have found this: http://www.britishbabyshower.co.uk/toddlers.html scroll down to Peter Potty Urinal. But I think it would be a stop gap and maybe better to persuade proper use of the toilet.

 

i think thats the one i saw must've confused it with a fisher price potty

 

I also suspect that DH put the seat up for him, and sometimes he charges in, desperate and cant get the seat up in time. I suppose half term is a good time to monitor this.

we wound up leaving the seat permanently up because of this. in the end it was easier for us to remember to put it up after use than to mop the floor and seat when he didn't! might be tricky with a little girl too, but she might be able to get the hang of it easier than relying on your grandson.

 

as for refusal to try to wee when told we had that too. in the end we bribed, for every one that got in the toilet instead of in her underwear or on the seat and floor she got a very small (2p i think) reward. this way she had a reason to want to do as she was told, she seemed to feel no discomfort at being wet so didn't care otherwise. this worked so well at one point she was going to the toilet every half an hour but soon got bored with it so it wasn't a problem. as a rule we dont like to bribe the kids in our house but sometimes its the only way and for short-term it works great. to finish it off we gave a bigger reward and said that was for being so great at it, and she didn't need the baby training anymore.