Think I am losing the plot

[joybed]

Hi this is yet another moaning post that i have thought a lot about before about posting as I hate to appear like I am not coping, but the truth is I am not. I am strugggling to hold things together to be honest and feel like I am juggling lots of plates that are threatening to fall in a dramatic way. I won,t go into everything as that would take too long but some of you know from my other posts that i have a 12 year old with ASD struggling in a school that don,t really understand him to the point where the only release is self harm and tantrums. My youngest boy is awaiting assessment for ?? PDA ?? ADHD and so also has lots of tantrums and is very aggressive. My girl is piggy in the middle, becomes very upset by her big brothers tantrums and little brother regularly is very aggressive towards her. I am trying to meet the needs of 3 very different children and also my DH who prefers to bury his head in the sand. I don,t get enough sleep and feel ill all the time. I am awaiting surgery and don,t know how i will cope with the kids after this.

On top of all this I have work, I work as a midwife on delivery suite and work shifts. Part of me thinks work is a break from the day to day pressure of home and i can cope on a fairly quiet day but when it is busy I really struggle. I am terrified I will make a mistake and do something wrong but equally as terrified as going off sick and people thinking i can,t cope.The other part of me thinks if i took some time off and did things for me (which i do very little at the moment) and got the chaos of the messy house sorted i would feel better and cope better long term but not sure this is the answer as the problems will still be there when i go back to work. I know i shouldn,t care what people think and that I have much more on my plate than anyone else but i hate to think people are criticising me. I am on nights today and dreading it, I normally love my job but not at them moment. Any advice on coping with all this. Sorry to moan I am normally a very positive person honestly.

[Pippin]

Firstly, stuff what they think at work. I worked on a few delivery suites and, not only is it very stressful, they are populated by people who really dont care about anyone but themselves. It was the worst working envoironment I have ever known. Put your foot down and think of yourself and your family. You may be able to get your GP to sign you off with the condition your are waiting for surgery for....they couldnt argue with that!!!

I ended up leaving midwifery due to the high stress levels....and that was before I had kids (NOW I know what stress is!!) and its not worth making yourself ill over!

 

Take some time and get yourself well.

 

Sue

[kinky j]

Hi Joybed,

 

Not sure what advice to give but wanted to send you some <'> <'> <'> <'> . It's horrible to feel overwhelmed by it all and it's a situation that can spiral quite quickly downwards before you even notice. Are you entitled to SSP from your workplace? It might be worth asking talking to your GP and seeing if he can sign you off for a couple of weeks to see if it relieves some of the stress (this can go either way in as much as you take off the pressures of work you also lose out on the escape from the daily slog, so to speak)

 

you're doing the right thing by addressing the issue before it becomes out of control, so don't appologise for 'moaning posts' This is a support forum, it's why we're all here <'>

 

I struggled for ages with a similar cycle, and still sometimes do, due to my depression. One of the techniques I was taught to help feeling bogged down was to write a list of all the things that were a problem, this helps to see that they are seperate issues as opposed to one big one. from there it's easier to see what you can do to relieve some and which ones are out of your control for now. Any you can't change, try to put from your mind- there's no point stressing over them it won't change aanything and just does more harm to you! Any you can change, set achievable steps towards it and act upon it, sometimes just knowing that you know what needs to be done and are working towards it helps.

 

take care of yourself <'>

 

KJ

[madme]

Hi, I have been in this position and ended up walking away from a very good job which had taken me years to get to. I took some time out. I think I did actually have a breakdown but it was never actually dx. My Gp was relieved that I had seen sense and stopped for a while. Financially it has been awful but I am glad that I did it as otherwise I would now be locked up or probably not be here. I now only do temp work but enjoy it. I work the hours that I want and cope much better. I can take time out when I want to. I may go back to a permanent job but not for a while. I have to say that it has been an ego boost as I had lost all my confidence but I am now much more aware of my own skills when I see how useless some colleagues are. The first step is to admit that you need a break. You are also important and so you must make time for yourself. I understand that CBt can be helpful for this and possibly CBT hypnotherapy. Good luck.

Edited November 18, 2008 by madme

[pearl]

<'> for you. Just come out of 6 months of feeling very similar with fewer stresses than you. I too considered going off sick but things improved before I went under. If you need to, do it. As you said, its no long term solution but might give you the breather that you need.

[NickyB]

sending you lots of these, joybed <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I can certainly identify with this:

 

I am strugggling to hold things together to be honest and feel like I am juggling lots of plates that are threatening to fall in a dramatic way.

 

It may be a good idea to have a chat with your GP - also, is there any respite care available in your area? The GP may be able to help with that.

 

Take care <'>

 

 

 

 

 

[peaches]

The most difficult thing I did was give up work (I used to be a primary school teacher). We lost our home, our marriage broke down for a while, but we both agree that in the long run it has been worth it.

 

We now rent a nice house and feel no worse off, but the pressure is less because Im not working.

 

Money wise, it was difficult at first. But then lots of things happened and now we are really not any worse off.

 

Have you thought about reducing your hours?

 

Look into how tax credits could help if you did.

[Kathryn]

Hi Joybed,

 

You don't have to put your coping face on here - don't worry. <'> So many people here are plate jugglers and will understand how you feel.

 

When home life was difficult for me I felt as you did about work - it was an escape. But it creates its own pressure in turn, doesn't it. I hope you find a way to grab the time and space you desperately need - I don't have any answers, sorry.

 

K x

 

 

[chris54]

Step back and take a look at your life.

 

Do you want to work, do you need to work.

 

Could you employ a cleaner and/or a nanny to do some of the work.

 

When it became clear that my wife was not going to be able to care for our son unaided or as it turned out get a job because of disability. We decided that I would do what ever work I could fit in (I'm self employed) and just live within what we had coming in.

It dose mean that we don't do some of the things that others take for granted and do a lot of make do and mend but we have a relatively relaxed life and are happy.

 

 

 

 

[joybed]

Thankyou all for your support and advice it really does mean a lot. i spoke to my GP and she agreed I was under too much pressure to continue working, she agreed with me that i really can,t afford to make a mistake at work as potentially lives could be at risk and I would never forgive myself if I made a mistake. Work were understanding when i rang them even though that left them short staffed for nights and just told me to look after myself. It is a relief as I have so many appointment for all the kids at the moment that work would be difficult to fit in anyway. MY GP gave me 2 weeks and in that time i plan to maybe join a gym (something I previously enjoyed very much) so I can do something for me and also shift some of the weight i put on with the twins (no laughing matter either). If i still need time after that she said to go back to her. I have a very sympathetic GP who has similar problems with one of her children although they chose not to have him diagnosed.

This morning i took Marcus to GPs with yet another ear infection and he has a dental appointment this evening in which he is having a treatment to a tooth that hasnt grown properly and then having a cap fitted next week so psyching myself up for that (I doubt very much he will let them do it, the dentist is going to have to be a very patient man).

We couldn,t afford for me to give up work unfortunately and i mentioned to DH about reducing my hours and he said we couldn,t afford to do that either (large mortgage, credit card etc). We will have to think again though as I am going to go under and that will obviously affect everyone. Considering changing my job to daytime hours so at least i will get regular sleep but don,t know to what have lots of serious thinking to do. DH is trying to persuade me to do health visitor training and whilst this would be great the course is hard and at the moment I don,t think I have the time. I considered school nursing but huge drop in salarie. Lots of decisions to be made. Will keep you informed. Thanks again.

Edited November 19, 2008 by joybed

[NickyB]

I'm so glad you've got a supportive GP and work are being understanding - that makes such a huge difference

 

I think someone mentioned it earlier, but you could have a chat with the tax credit people - I've always found them very helpful. You may find that if you reduce your hours, you may get more help from them.

 

Good luck with it all and take care <'> <'> <'>

[pearl]

Glad you got some time off. Don't go filling it up with stuff - sit with a coffee & let your mind come up with some solutions. <'>