wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall.

[sesley]

we get home a daily report sheet of what he gets up to and for instance today ,what i am getting in the report is the usual he wants to do what he wants and gets aggreshive if he is challenged things like do a drawing ,but refused screaming and shouting. maths lesson wouldn't listen to instructions became used up his allocated use of runner and got banging a chair on the floor calmed down then another about the rubber again ,he wants more rubs ,so got taken to teachers office to calm down. its obvious a battle of wills between him and teachers , i think this is 2 to 5 year old behaviour ,he is nearly 9 and i he will grow out of it. somedays we have a good coopertative time at school and he is a and other he is a and so un predictable.I every morning with the pep talks to be its the aggreshion that is the worry ,because i would hate him to hurt anyone, at least he kept the chair banging on the floor and didn't hit anyone with it !

[NickyB]

Hi, sesley

 

I have the same issues with my DS around aggression and he too has good days and bad.

I am also in a position to be a sort of 'fly on the wall' as I work in the school kitchen. This can be a 'double edged sword' though because sometimes he's lovely , and comes up to me for cuddles, and other times he comes in to the dinner hall shouting and screaming, and has also been known to hit out at other children. As you can imagine, this can be very embarrassing!! He also has a habit of shouting out when the head teacher is talking to the children

 

I regularly hear him crying about one thing or another, but I've learned that I must try to ignore it, as I am trying to do my job, and I must let the teachers do theirs. Most days, though, it's just really interesting to see how they deal with him (they are brilliant most of the time), and I do get lots of cuddles from him

 

It also means that they can't hide what's been happening, because they don't know what I might have heard or seen !!

[something_different]

I am certain most parents would love that.

[Diane]

If school could understand that there is a huge difference between his actual age and his emotional understanding this might help diffuse the situation. It is no good expecting a child to respond age approriately if there emtional understanding is that of a five year old.

 

I have had this with my DS and have been teaching him about feelings and how to recognise them in his body. It is slow hard work but it does make a difference you do not notice it at first but then they react differently in some way instead of kicking off and having a tantrum. It is the smallest of smallest steps but it does work. I think my son may have the emotional understanding of a six or seven year old now ( he is 14) but a year ago it was 4 years and we had all the tantrums etc etc., this was when he was 12/13 years old so it was difficult for us to handle. Once we understood where he was with his understand and changed the language we used when talking to him about cause and consequence things began to change. We no longer have tantrums or aggression and if we do it is because things have gone really badly wrong.

 

School will have difficulty with this as they treat all children the same. You need to find out what his understanding is. Is it just happy and sad or happy, sad and angry and work from there but do it with the teachers so they learn how to speak to him as well. It is a difficult balancing act as they do not need to be treated as a five year old just use the language that is age appropriate.

 

Hope this helps.

[sesley]

thanks ,just got back from a parent evening ,what a difference a different teacher can make, this one knows full well what he's like but at least seemed a bit more understanding and patient, last year his teacher had the attitude of he is too much get him away as soon as possible(.she didn't say it but you can almost here her thinking it) so it does depend on the teachers too, so tonight i did not feel i was hit with a wet fish afterwards,which is good they do seem to recognise he is very bright and can speak well,its jsut getting him to do it whne they say however he likes to be a centre of attention ,so when there is a request for volunteers,he hope to get picked and when he does he does the job perfectly ,waiting turns is coming, and learning that he can't always win or be first is a long battle as usual we are on a waiting list to see a pyscologist about his anger,hopefully they can help with that when we get to see one.

[joybed]

I almost do, Lydia tells me what Piers gets up to, the beauty of twins. Today she told me he and one of the other boys got into trouble for throwing tissues at each other. I can see Piers hating being in the same class as his twin before much longer but great for me.

[puffin]

I live in another country where parents have the right of access to school classes and can sit in if they wish.

[jo jones]

definately because apparently in school the teacher tells me she dont know he is there??? as he is sooooooooooooo quiet??????????????omg he must be storing all the nice temper tantrums for us then????? in the previous 2 years i was told he was the class chatterbox and wouldnt shut up????,,,but they dont agree that he has sensory problems either?? even though it is stated in his o/t report duhhhhhhhhhhh so thick they are,,,,,,,,,,