Clumsiness and self-image

[bid]

Just wondering if anyone else with AS feels like this...

 

I would never get an additional dx of dyspraxia, but I do have the clumsiness associated with AS. I constantly bump into things, trip over things, walk into door frames, etc. I have very poor spatial awareness

 

All my life I have laughed it off. At work it's a standing joke with my colleagues that I constantly knock into the little table we have in the middle of the room, etc...I know they laugh in a nice way because we are a very close team and I know they genuinely care about me as a friend.

 

But inside I hate myself I hate being clumsy and sort of not fitting inside my body, if anyone has any idea what I mean. I have always felt like this huge (I'm too tall too ), galumphing idiot. I really do feel like some kind of freak when I am out, and increasingly I'm finding excuses not to socialise

 

I was an odd, clumsy child, and even now I still remember all the negative things people said about my appearance then and the coments I've had even as an adult I can't seem to forget/ignore those comments and focus on any nice things people may have said about me.

 

Well, apologies for the self-pity...but anyone else feel even a wee bit like this? It's not just a psychological thing, it's an actual physical thing because when I wear my green specs I lose that unconnected feeling with my body, and people watching me say I stop wobbling around, etc. But if I wore my green specs all the time I would feel even more odd

 

Bid

Edited February 17, 2009 by bid

[ScienceGeek]

I am incredibly clumsy, give me a wide open room with a table in the middle and I will still find a way to walk into that table. The majority of the time it is just a little frustration, but sometimes it does get to me. Wife was laughing last night because I can't co-ordinate my arms and legs when I was doing the step exercise on wii fit I'm always covered in bruises and have lots of accidents all the time.

[Tally]

I know what you mean but I don't have any answers. People laugh at me at work because of the way I walk - it's worst at work because the floors are those annoying speckled tiles that you get in supermarkets and they cause me a lot of problems. When the floor is wet it's like an ice rink, though no one else seems to have a problem with it. I'm just glad we don't have any stairs as I still tend to climb them on all fours. Some new shops in town have lifts just big enough for one person, they are meant for people with wheelchairs or prams. I used to struggle with the stairs but recently I've started using the disabled lifts, but if it means making someone queue behind me, I often get dirty looks. I make them wait unless they have a screaming baby, then there is an actual reason why they need to go first.

[NobbyNobbs]

It's not just a psychological thing, it's an actual physical thing because when I wear my green specs I lose that unconnected feeling with my body, and people watching me say I stop wobbling around, etc. But if I wore my green specs all the time I would feel even more odd

perhaps thats something to work on. i'm getting a fetching blue lensed pair soon, and i don't think i'd be comfortable wearing them all the time... but then i think back to when i first got regular glasses (at 13) and i remember what a complete idiot i felt then, and how sure i was that everyone would stare and comment on them. but apart from some very immature boys, noone really said anything and i got used to it all. if the colour really helps, then perhaps have a go wearing them where you're most comfortable, and progress from there. i doubt anyone will make any worse comment than 'why do you have green lenses?' (not that all that logic helps with the way you feel, but sometimes you have to jump in and ignore what you're feeling for a while to get the benefit for the rest of your life)

 

interesting that you say the uncoordinated is linked with the AS. i'm very clumsy, but i have muscular problems in my lower-body so have always attributed it to that. i fall down stairs, literally walk into walls, fall over on an open flat surface and do all sorts of things that my family find hilarious, but actually hurt quite a lot! it will be interesting to see if the blue lenses help me.

[Mad cat lady]

I know what you mean

 

I can trip on Air!

 

I always just thought it was me, I wear glasses and have done since I was little and until now never thought they might make a difference.

 

btw I have a cracking bruise on my thigh at the moment, but I have no idea how I did it. I walk into so many things I don't even notice half the time.

[Mumble]

Yes, I understand I do have a comorbid dx of dyspraxia but I don't think the dx is the issue more how you feel about the issues. I don't think some people realise how hurtful little comments can be and even good humoured laughter can grate sometimes afterwards. Long after the people have said things, the comments still go round in my head.

 

I was excluded from PE/sport at school at the age of nine because I was so useless and the teachers used to stay I was dangerous. Their comments and their laughter and the other children joining in the laughter I can still vividly recall in my head as if it were now. My last PE report I had at that age said "Mumble is beginning to learn the basics of throwing and catching". They didn't give me a chance to get further than the basics.

 

Poor spacial awareness does get to me because things others find easy can freak me out - crossing a busy road, walking around others coming towards me in the street.

 

My blue glasses do help and I'm so angry at being made to feel bad about wearing them - the comments from other students were difficult, but being told by the disability adviser in my uni I shouldn't wear them because it might be difficult for other people to interact with me as I looked different and it was harder for them to make eye contact was really really tough and I stopped wearing them then. Those issues are the issues I live with every single day of my life.

 

Sorry, not much help, but yes, I understand. <'>

[bid]

Thanks guys <'>

 

On the one hand its comforting to know I'm not completely alone in feeling like this, on the other hand sad that others of you feel down too

 

I normally manage to suppress most of these feelings, but yesterday I met up with a dear friend from when I was at school, who I hadn't seen for about 10 years, and it seems to have churned up all these feelings more to the surface.

 

Ho hum...

 

Thank you for listening to me <'>

 

Bidx

Edited February 17, 2009 by bid

[warrenpenalver]

my balance has never been good. When i was a kid they tried to get me to walk that beam thing in the gym. Total disaster!! Its the same when in the forces on assault courses as you have to balance on a wall. Luckily thats a lot wider but i often fell off.

 

My hand eye coordination has always been poor. I use plastic pint glass for my soft drink at home as im always knocking it over.

 

Bid i do similar things with low tables or chair arms etc, clipping lamposts etc.

 

One thing i find really hard is ladders and looking upwards. Im not afraid of hieght but i struggle to keep my balance even just leaning my head back looking upwards a bit.

[ScienceGeek]

I use plastic pint glass for my soft drink at home as im always knocking it over.

 

Yeah I need to do that. When I was at the conference in Blackpool I knocked my drink all over Chris! Well his arm at least anyway.