Excluded from School

[Sarah666]

Hi everyone

 

I havent posted here for a while- always too busy

 

Im here to ask some advice. Jake is 12 and in final year of middle school. He is on School Action Plus, and has been since year R. During the past year, the school have been calling me in to discuss aspects of Jakes behaviour that are causing them concern. These are things like fighting, running out of school, swearing, etc.

 

Last Friday, we got a call at lunch time asking us to go and pick Jake up, that he was being excluded for two and a half days because he had hit another boy. When I arrived at school and spoke with Head Teacher, I made him aware that this would not be a very appropriate punishment for Jake. This morning I went to school to pick up work for Jake, who had already told me that he wasnt going to do any school work at home, thats what school is for (His words )

 

So today, I have been trying to work at home, and occupy Jake. He has just had a complete meltdown, punched the wall and hurt his hands, and finally told me that he never ever wants to go back to school again

 

I feel that the school have ignored me for the past couple of years. The situation at school on Friday, was the second time that school have seen Jakes violent outbursts, and yet we at home have been coping with them on an almost daily basis for as long as i can remember......

 

In fact Senco and class teacher have both inferred on several occasions that Jake must be subjected to something at home that causes the outbursts..... :wallbash:

 

I have been asking school to apply for a statement for Jake since year 4. But each time I have been told that school can cope with him, and that Jake does not fit criteria for a statement.

 

Im so worried because he is due to start mainstream school in September, and I truly dont think he will cope with the stress of it all....

 

Can anyone suggest what I can do?? I feel defeated, tired, exhausted and mentally word out......

 

Thanks for listening

 

Sarah

 

[Mandapanda]

Hi Sarah

 

So sorry to hear what you are going through.

 

Other people on the forums have said that parents can request assessment yourself. Hopefully someone can provide you with necessary info to do so.

 

I can't be much help I'm afraid as my youngest son hasn't been to school since May 2008. I just hope your situation doesn't escalate. You need to try hard to get help before it does. School nurse, GP, Ed Psych - try them all asap. In my experience behaviour like this is often an expression of unhappiness, frustration, and/or confusion. Are there any stressors that you could talk to him about? In our case we were so busy dealling with ill parents and extremely difficult teenage niece that we didn't even think to talk the situation over with our sons and find out how they were feeling, hence the current situation with our youngest son.

 

Good luck <'> <'> <'>

[JsMum]

Hi, sorry your having a really difficult time, have you thought about applying for a statement of special educational needs yourself and going throw the process, in the meantime you could request further assessments to help identify other provisions, it sounds like he has some inner anger and aggression and maybe a mix of hormones going on.

 

The school are saying they are coping, what other action are they taking and what preperations have they installed when he returns to school in two days time, does he have any social skills support, anger management and other councilling to help him express without hurting others and himself.

 

In extream times when J was disruptive and aggressive we saw a private psychologist who gave us an instant short term intensive programme, her reports helped towards other provisions been installed.

 

It maybe he is been bullied at school or struggling with the work or how to manage to control his own behaviour, does he have impulsive behaviour, low attention that kind of thing, if so a large mainstream classroom will be a really difficult enviroement to learn in.

 

When J becomes disruptive and aggressive its normally a time when he is highly anxious and stressed and cant express it verbally and needs urgent help.

 

If he disengages from school at this presant time it will be a lot harder to engage him in a much more complex enviroement of a mainstream setting in the nearer future and more serious consequences will be placed opon him and others.

 

You could request a Child In Need Assessment as you are also facing extream behaviours at home and visit your local GP to request for any further assessment either with Childrens Mental Health or a youth agency service.

 

I have been were you have and its extreamly painful to have people pointing the finger at us the parents when in fact its because Families and children are not getting their needs met and they are been let down by not getting support at home and school.

 

I always recommend Contact A family as they have a range of services available from helplines to publications on provisions to outreach workers in certain areas of britain.

 

So do check out Contact A Family.

 

You could look up on our education toolkits here with all educational support as there is a fair few now.

 

Good Luck with the return to school and hope that things settle down soonxxx

 

JsMum

Edited March 9, 2009 by JsMum

[pumpkinpie]

There is no reason why you can aply for a statement yourself .

Does the school take advice from the asd advisor in your area, they dont sound clued up and I wondered what training they had had?

[lynne]

 

 

Also legally the school are responsible for him until the end of the school day so they had no right to ask you to take him home in the middle of the day.

 

They should set work for your child and give a letter of exclusion stating the reasons why he has been excluded.

 

You can use this as part of your evidence to say your child is not coping. Is your child in a special school?

 

Sometimes a change of school with teachers who have different attitudes can be beneficial to some of our child. So it could work in your sons favour.

 

Take care

[Sarah666]

Hi everyone

 

Thanks all for your replies. <'>

 

I re-read my post, and realise I havent really explained much at all lol.

 

Jake is in mainstream school, always has been. I meant to say that he is due to start high school in September, and that is really giving me cause for concern.

 

He finds situations with a lot of people very overwhelming, stressful and upsetting. I have been trying to get my point over to his middle school about this for years, but they reassure me that he copes fairly well in his class of 30. However, they do send him out of class on a fairly regular basis to work with headmaster or deputy head. Now , this is one factor that makes me think that they are really not coping with him. But hey what do I know......

 

We have watched him, day in and day out for years. On school days, he comes home incredibly anxious and stressed. He gets headaches and stomach aches regularly on school days, and yet at weekends and school hols. hardly ever

 

I have a letter dated 2007, which was sent to Jakes school by his psychiatrist at CAMHS. In this letter she wrote that Jake needs to have a statement of special needs in her opinion. She said that he will benefit far better with more support at school than he gets at the moment, and still the school say they cope.

 

Anyway, I have just phoned the Education Welfare Officer and spoken to his secretary. I have told her that I intend to apply for a Statement myself, and am just about to put into writing and send off.

 

Part of me knows that I should have done this before, but with other children to look after, and a hubby, time just flies by and somehow, I feel like I have struggled on with so little help.

 

Incidentally, in August 2008, a letter appeared from Social Services saying that they wanted to come round to see us. Someone had complained that they heard a child in distress when walking past the house, and therefore they needed to investigate. I welcomed the social worker with open arms, was blatantly honest and frank with her about the situation. She even spent time talking with my youngest son, who was nine at the time, and he also explained how difficult things can get. After a while, she said that she had to go, reassured me and hubby that we were coping brilliantly, and asked if there was anything she could do to help. I asked for some respite, and she assured me that she would look into it. I am still waiting for a reply. I have no faith in the system at all, and can easily see why many many parents totally fall apart without any support at all.

 

Jake has informed me today, that he doesnt want to go back to school tomorrow. He would rather stay at home with me and do school work..... Now why am I not surprised??

 

 

Again many thanks for all your kind words and suggestions.

 

 

 

Onward and upwards

 

love Sarah

[purplehaze]

 

 

Hi Sarah, I have had similar (and still do) things with my son who is 15 in mainstream school (goes to SEN school half a day per wk) with a statement for 20 plus hrs.

 

First the school say they are coping so don't need a statement-then why are they sending him home and excluding him. Your son may become a school refuser so needs support before this happens. You should use this for a case for an RSA-your son is not coping. First discuss your concerns with the SENCO and ask for the EP to be there or you can phone the LA to speak to the schools allocated EP. Have you got a parent partnership advisor they should be able to support you. How is your sons learning is he failing in any lessons/subjects.

 

For support at home you could phone the children's disability team they may be able to offer you support. They have offered me direct payments, leasure support worker, attended reviews etc. I haven't used any of it yet as my son suffers with high levels of anxiety and it is hard to get him to do things with others unless he is comfortable.

 

Also there should be a ASD team within your local children and young people services they will go into school and offer support/training/attend reviews etc.

 

 

Saying all of this it depends on the school, resources and training/understanding how well things can work-i'm still going through all of this with my son and have been for years.

 

If you want to ask more just PM me.

 

Good luck xxx

 

[Lisa40]

Hi, I can really relate to your problem and was going to start a separate post to see if anyone could advise me, but this seems an appropriate place to start. My daughter?s main problems started at secondary school. She is nearly 16 and has been in 5 different schools and now has not been in school since September 08. Unfortunately this is her GCSE year and it is highly unlikely R will get any qualifications. She was only diagnosed with AS last year but she had some learning difficulties and we took the reports into the secondary school for a meeting before she started. We told them that when she gets anxious she goes to the toilets and hides and that she would need support. For the two years she was there we had frequent meetings about her lack of cooperation, as she would just sit in class and freeze or refuse to do anything. I begged to have her assessed as I felt that there was a problem and we met with the ed psych attached to the school, who spent more time berating me for having sent my child to an independent school for her primary education. The ed psych decided that she was an indulged child who needed more structures at school and that there was a problem at home (I was remarried so naturally it was the family dynamic). She was frequently pulled out of class and put into isolation and in the end we pulled her out of the school.

 

During this time we were referred to CAMHS who were not much help and they said that there was not a problem with R. We felt that something was up, with the meltdowns at home, high anxiety she always showed and asked to see someone privately. We saw someone during the course of a year (strangely he was affiliated to CAMHS but another area) and he diagnosed her with AS. We were referred back to CAMHS and they have been as helpful as they can but with R not accepting that she has a problem we are limited to what they can do.

 

In the meantime we had various other schools that did not work out, we tried everything, independent, state. The independent school ask her to leave ? she was too much hard work! She made friends and fell out with them and was and still is unable to maintain friendships and there have been one or two violent episodes. We finally found a school for her, she lasted a term and has not been back since. The dx of AS has helped and the school were trying to get her home educated but I feel that as she is turning 16 and the department feels that the resources are better spent elsewhere and so they are really dragging its feet. I was promised home education 3 weeks ago and am still waiting for the tutor to call even though I have made countless calls. At the moment we are floundering.

 

I am sorry for the long post, it was meant to be a message of support but I too am struggling with what to do, especially as she has no idea what to do post 16 and we are out of suggestion. I can?t see her functioning on an everyday basis with lots of people at the moment.

 

Good luck with your problem. This board is great as I have felt so low at times and it has helped to know that there are others facing the same problems as we have.

 

[purplehaze]

 

 

Hello Lisa- I just wanted to offer some support and understanding. My sons situation was like this and he was dx and now has a statement as mentioned above. He too just wants to be left and will not acept support and suffers high anxiety and wants to escape from things by hiding or running from situations-so I understand how difficult it is particularly when they are about to go into the big wide world.

 

Have you contacted your local NAS, connections or children's disability services they may be able to help with what support you can get after school. May be a college course or confidence building etc.

Goodluckxxx

 

[Kathryn]

Good luck Sarah, and if you need help with applying for a statutory assessment, plenty of people here can point you in the right direction.

 

If you haven't already done so, see Ipsea's exclusion support sheets below for good practical advice on SEN and exclusion.

 

http://www.ipsea.org.uk/exclusion-support-sheets.htm

 

 

Lisa,

 

It's disgraceful that your daughter has been offered no home education since September. Have you considered going down the official complaint route or getting your MP involved if they're any good?

 

Obviously your daughter will drop off the school roll at the end of August so if you want the LA to do anything for her it will have to be within the next sx months, before they officially wash their hands of her (it sounds as though they have altready done that).

 

As Purplehaze suggests it may be good to look to the further education sector to help. What is your local college like? Connexions specialises in helping young people with transitions, carreers advice, etc. and they have advisors who specialise in helping young people with disabilities. This may be a good place to start - just chatting through the options with your local advisor who can perhaps set up a meeting with your daughter to discuss what she would like to do. My own daughter had very similar problems to yours and was out of school for over a year before Connexions found her a place on a college course. She's had her ups and downs, but they gave her a lot of support and she was able to ease back into mainstream education eventually. We got more help from then than we ever did from the LA.

 

K x

 

[Lisa40]

I have had our local MP involved since she has been off school. We have had home visits from school where they tried to get her back and offered her a timetable on her terms, which she refused. We have also had a home visit from connexions to discuss options after school. A woman came over from the home tutoring department to assess R but this only happened finally in December and R refused to co-operate, therefore the lady said that she could not help. After the visit from Connexions R was more receptive and said she would like to try home tutoring so the school got back in touch with the department and I received a call 3 weeks ago to say that they would give me home tutoring twice a week and that the tutor would be in touch. I am still waiting!! After one week I have left daily messages to no avail.

 

We are with NAS and CAMHS suggested that we should have social services involved as a child in need, but I am not too receptive to that idea, although our GP said that I should not mix this up with a child at risk. She said that they were there to support us and offer us assistance. The psychiatrist at CAMHS also suggested that I put in for DLA but having read up on people being refused this, I am not too sure whether we would be approved.

 

Regarding college, she is not too keen on this at the moment, but I am hopefuly that come July when her peer group are out in the world, she may look at things differently. At the moment she is secure in her little cocoon at home. She is terribly immature for her age at times and whilst she likes to think she is grown up and at times she is very mature, she will revert to a childlike state very quickly. On top of that we have all the adolescent moods so we are always treading on eggshells never knowing when she will either have a tantrum or a meltdown.

 

We do go to NAS group meetings and they help and in fact my husband and I are attending a seminar tomorrow in Birmingham on How to Manage Anger in Young People with Aspergers, which we hope will be able to give us some ideas.

 

Thank you all for your support, this forum is a real lifeline. There were times when we have felt so alone and that we are banking our heads against a brick wall, it is nice to know that there are others that understand out there.

 

Lisa

 

 

[Kathryn]

It sounds as though you have banged on all the obvious doors, Lisa - keep banging - especially regarding the home tutor. If she can get that it might add a bit of structure to her life.

 

Re DLA - don't give up on it. I never thought we'd get it as my daughter had only been dx'd 4 months before I applied and she had no medical history at all - but we did! The application form is daunting but it's worth a try, especially if you have medical professionals who can support you.

 

K x