feel out of my depth.

[fiorelli]

Well, same old - same old with me, if you look back at my previous posts over the last couple of years, you will see a pattern that I am not happy with L's school, but despite my best efforts, I have not been able to change his school - and in fact, don't know how to even go about doing that.

 

I had cause to write a complaint letter into school (which I copied in to the Governors - who STILL haven't got back to me! - Social Services, and the head of children's services for my area). Fair do's to the headteacher, the same day he recieved the letter, he phoned me and said that he would reply, but needed a couple of days to look at the issues and write back to me. I requested a meeting to just go over a couple of the points raised in both mine and his letters.

 

During this meeting, it was rammed home again just how different L is. He is a 'complex child', he has 'moderate learning difficulties', 'he is very unco-ordinated', 'he doesn't play with children', 'he doesn't belong in a besd school', 'he is very immature', 'he behaves really well in school', 'what he lacks in ability, he makes up for in effort', 'we'll support you in getting a mld placement'.

 

I am sick and tired of everyone telling me how different he is, and what he can't do. Why can't they tell me how I can help him?

 

He is 10. He will be 11 in September. There was an 'incident' last week whereby a girl called him behind a tree, asked him to kiss her - so he did - and she then said 'now I'm your girlfriend'. He then shouted 'what's a condom' on the bus home from an activity, and upon questioning he thought it was a type of kiss.

 

Bless!, you might think - I certainly did - until I started thinking, well, what else would he do if he was asked/told to? Evidently school have thought the same, because L is under constant supervision. GAH!!!

 

So then I was also told that L 'is very niave'

 

Right, so now I have to find a high school that is not a besd school, that is an MLD school, that deals with ASD kids, that understand he is niave and can look out for him, that can help work on his co-ordination, and that hopefully have a boarding provision that he can have 24 hour support, cos without this, how the hell is he supposed to learn to live in a 'NT' society?

[isme]

HAve the school told you what their next plans are? Are they or have they carried out an assessment?

Honestly Im not sure what your next move would be, but I would be calling and calling the LEA, explaining everything that you have here and see who says what, keep a diary of all meetings/phone calls/letters etc so that you can prove anything that you need to...

 

Good luck!

[fiorelli]

HAve the school told you what their next plans are? Are they or have they carried out an assessment?

Honestly Im not sure what your next move would be, but I would be calling and calling the LEA, explaining everything that you have here and see who says what, keep a diary of all meetings/phone calls/letters etc so that you can prove anything that you need to...

 

Good luck!

 

Isme, he is in a besd special school at the minute. He has a statement. We are trying to look at secondary schools for Sept. 2010 but everyone we think of gets knocked off the list for some reason or another.

[mossgrove]

Sorry to sound ignorant, but what is BESD, is that the same as EBD?

 

Simon

[fiorelli]

yes it is simon, only with 'social' thrown in - the reason he got lumbered with this school in the first place (oh, and you're not being ignorant!).

 

I also wanted to say that the stuff I wrote in OP. I KNOW that anyway, but I sort of 'forget' in general day-to-day-ness. So whenever I go to a meeting about L and it all gets thrown at me again, it gets harder to deal with. Especially because for the best part of 3 years, the school were of the opinion that he was 'fine' and a 'model pupil', and was 'getting on well', and 'improving'.

 

IYKWIM

[bid]

Have you looked at the independent residential AS specific schools?

 

Try googling Priory Group and Cambian Group as a start.

 

Good luck.

 

Bid

Edited March 23, 2009 by bid

[smiley]

Hello sweetie,

 

(sorry i haven't been in touch recently, I've been very poorly )

 

I agree with Bid.. have you had a look at Unsted Park? Dove House? xxxxx

[Kazzen161]

Did the Head put these comments in writing?

 

When is your son's next Annual Review?

 

Why wait til Sept 2010 to move him?

 

The school knew he had asd when he went there - so why are they now saying they cannot cope with his asd traits?

 

I really liked Dove House when I looked round it a few years ago.

[fiorelli]

Thank you all for replying yesterday.

 

I'll try an remember all the points people have raised and answer them as best as I can.

 

I think the first being about 'what has the headteacher put in writing'. Well, he has put in writing that he apologises for not being suficiently alert to L's pain threshold problems, he feels L has improvd in his behaviour in school sufficiently enough that his BESD needs in statement are 'well on the way to being overcome', and has suggested that an MLD school be the right place because of his 'record of good behaviour, overall vunerability and trusting, socially imature nature' and because of this they feel he is a 'vunerable child'

 

schools.

 

I must admit that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

 

When we were first told about MLD schools, I searched for a school to meet his needs, first via our county's website, then out of county (as far as I was happy to 'let' him go).

 

The big thing for us is the 24 hour curriculum.

 

When L is home, he follows me around everywhere - literally - I even snapped at him the other week "do you want to come in the bathroom while I have a bath L?" He went and sat in his bedroom with his door open so he could see when I'd finished in the bathroom. If I was to go out without him, he sits in the window, watching and waiting until I get back.

 

He has no idea about play or occupying his own time. He has no idea how to run himself a bath, or a sink of water to have a wash.

 

He has not got the ability to even make himself his breakfast in the morning.

 

It was mother's day on Sunday, yet because I was the one getting the cards and presents, he became very 'needy' in increasing stages.

 

I have 3 other children and a husband who all need me as well. I can't be with him constantly.

 

We have had a couple of SS referrals because he and we can't cope with him at home for extended periods.

 

My 2 middle children become more withdrawn and distressed as the week draws on and they know L is due home. Monday at 8.30 is a sigh of relief from them.

 

But how do I put all that and more in a way that says he needs the 24 hour curriculum? Whether that be via a boarding placement or out of school support?

 

Dove house. I have looked at their prospectus and we are very keen to have a look around. Unfortunately, the head is busy this side of easter, so we can't go and look around. We will, however, be going as soon as the new term starts. But even though on the surface this school looks good, it is a high school. And doesn't have a residential provision.

 

My husband and I have both said that we are prepared to now fight for the right placement for him. But what is that? Even the private school we originally looked at and had them agree they could meet his needs now longer looks suitable.

 

I feel like I am putting obstacles in the way, and yes, at the moment, it does feel very much like 'better the devil you know'. But every time I have contact with school that feeling is getting further and further away.

 

Private schools are our next option, but I am holding out no hope. Not because I don't believe there is a placement out there for him, but because I don't think our LEA will agree to fund it. And I am not sure that I can provide a good enough stance for any tribunal to take it seriously.

 

 

Incidently, does anyone know if being in residential placement for the last 2 years - despite it not being on statement - do anything to help or hinder a tribunal?

[fiorelli]

oh, next annual review is set at May 7th. (date may have to be changed though so my husband can come)

 

I am going to have to look up the 'procedures' for annual review. Not once have they done it right, and I am determined that they are going to this time.

 

 

Oh, and there is a new headteacher now to when L first started. Hence the difference in opinion.

Edited March 24, 2009 by fiorelli

[Flibs]

I sent you a p.m.

[bid]

I think the thing is, until you go and look at different schools you won't 'know' which sort/one is right for your son. I really would encourage you to visit some AS specific residential schools because I think you will be very excited by the provision.

 

Am I right that your LA is currently funding a residential placement...is this an LA school?

 

It would seem to me that if they are, then the LA have set the precedent that he needs a residential placement, so that should strengthen your position if you did want to go for an independent AS specific school.

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid

Edited March 24, 2009 by bid

[fiorelli]

I think the thing is, until you go and look at different schools you won't 'know' which sort/one is right for your son. I really would encourage you to visit some AS specific residential schools because I think you will be very excited by the provision.

 

Am I right that your LA is currently funding a residential placement...is this an LA school?

 

It would seem to me that if they are, then the LA have set the precedent that he needs a residential placement, so that should strengthen your position if you did want to go for an independent AS specific school.

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid

 

You are right. and I do need to go and look at some. I am going to spend the day searching and phoning around some schools.

 

L is currently at an LA school as a boarder. I am assuming that the LA are paying for this, as we aren't. I tried to get it written into his statement last year, but was told that as it was a 'voluntary' placement, it didn't need to be.

 

My thinking is that he wouldn't be there if he didn't need to be. The keyworker and head of Care have both said they would like to work with L for a long time to come, and said that if I chose to send him to a specific school that has residential, they would back us (unfortunately, said school is a BESD school, and won't even let you look at it until you have told the LA that you want to note your intention to send your child to this school). My thinking is that they would be pushing to get him out of there if he didn't need to be there, as LA would be up in arms about funding.

 

I am hoping that it will help us when it comes to tribunal, but was wondering if anyone knew either way.

 

I've actually just decided to try a couple of education helplines to see if they can help clarify anything.

 

fi xx

[fiorelli]

well, I have done a couple of things today.

 

I have spoken to ipsea (after spending most of the morning ringing up and getting an engaged tone! And then when I finally managed to get through, they were having a problem with their phone so I ended up getting cut off!)

 

Lady I spoke to was very nice. Managed to listen to my ramblings and take notes AND give me advice too! Basically, she said I need to try and get a water tight case for a school for Sept. 2010. She is going to speak to their head of legal/law about the resi situation and LA's refusal to put onto statement. Whilst at it, she also gave me advice on what to do with regards to L's annual review in May, and what to do if there are any problems.

 

As a result of this, I have e-mailed headteacher to ask for a full educational psychologist assessment of L, especially as his last one was in 2005, so as we have a clearer picture of L's needs so as I have an idea of what I'm doing in the annual review.

 

 

1 question for you - does anyone have a template letter for asking for copies of child's records from school? IPSEA recommended doing this so as I can go through it for my report for the AR.

[fiorelli]

well, I have done a couple of things today.

 

I have spoken to ipsea (after spending most of the morning ringing up and getting an engaged tone! And then when I finally managed to get through, they were having a problem with their phone so I ended up getting cut off!)

 

Lady I spoke to was very nice. Managed to listen to my ramblings and take notes AND give me advice too! Basically, she said I need to try and get a water tight case for a school for Sept. 2010. She is going to speak to their head of legal/law about the resi situation and LA's refusal to put onto statement. Whilst at it, she also gave me advice on what to do with regards to L's annual review in May, and what to do if there are any problems.

 

She got back to me with the advice from the legal bloke, that if am I ok with it, to keep things as they are, not try to get any amendments to the statement as it stands, get another years boarding placement, and then we'll be in a stronger position when it comes to secondary provision.

 

I really don't know how much more of this I can take. But I suppose as long as L is relatively happy with where he is (and as far as I can tell, he seems to be, the fairly rigid structure seems to be doing him good, even if his grades aren't improving) then that is all that matters for the time being.

 

I'll try and remember not to come on here and moan again about his school (that is until we're at the year 6/7 transition this time next year) I'm going to use the time to really research different schools both near and far (well, as far as I'm happy for him to go that is...)

[Kazzen161]

Do go and visit the schools asap. The Yr 6 review should be this October/November, so you need to know which school you want by then. If you want a residential independent school, it would be better to get the Review earlier than that if possible.