Sons meltdowns.

[citrine]

Hi,

 

I joined a while back, and havnt really posted because mostly lurking, and also not really felt the need to post until now.

My son has never been diagnosed with anything, my doc thinks he could be on the spectrum, as does CAHMs but the paed thinks he is just fine..

 

He has moments where he can be quite challenging, but we manage him and we have calm times that can last quite a while then he will go of on one for a while then calm again.. we can handle that..

 

He copes well with school and like the regiment of it, and if we keep things simple and regimented at home then he rolls along nicely

 

The problem is recently we have been having real problems with him mainly on a Friday night, when he goes into total meltdown.. to the point that last night i ended up upset and in tears.. (i,ve never got to this poinst before)

 

He,s gets more and more wound up and bounces of his bedroom walls chucking things about, to the point i,m ready to move his hamster out..I dont get angry (i dont do angry) i stay calm and try to reason, but reasons gone out of the window.. he gets more and more aggressive that i worry that he is going to hurt someone..

 

To the point that dh had to try and restrain him last night when my son went for him and hit him.. now i,m worried for many reasons.. what do i do? i have not idea.. we,ve got close to this before but never crossed this line..

 

He has his SATS in about 6 weeks and i think this is one reason for this behavior.. he i being constantly tested.. i dont agree with SATS and have told him it dosnt matter what he does in them.. He is also going to High School in September, and he has decided that he wants to go to a school that none of his freinds are going to..

 

He is calm and happy again this morning sat watching his beleoved spongebob.. and now i,m on countdown to next Friday..

[baddad]

Any ideas why Fridays?

Anything specific happen on or around Fridays (at home or school) that could be a 'trigger'? Maybe a different teacher or TA? A particular lesson or teacher or pupil he clashes with? Say they went swimming on Fridays - you have a number of factors that could bother him:

The lesson,

Different staff,

Different kids (if two same yr groups combined)

Changing rooms

Missed lesson they do the other 4 days at that time

etc etc etc...

 

the same could apply to (i.e.) PE or sports, art, language class, music class - any 'class' that is different from the norm...

 

at home it could be changes to routines - maybe they leave school early, or you/your husband gets home earlier/later - pretty much anything...

Not necessarilly anything to do with AS or 'change' per se (though that could be a factor), but just something that he's reluctant or unable to verbalise that makes him additionally anxious...

 

I'm certainly not suggesting that there's anything wrong with 'calm', but intervention does seem an absolute necessity, especially as the behaviours are escalating, and the intervention needs to leave no doubt that you mean business. Why try reasoning with someone who'se being unreasonable - it's a waste of your time and his? Don't reason: Tell him. As the adults it's your place to do so and entirely reasonable to do so. Telling him calmly is infinitely preferable to telling him in anger, but the important thing is telling him.

 

Hope that helps

 

L&P

 

BD

 

oh - Ps: congrats on your first post, and a belated 'welcome to the forum'

Edited March 28, 2009 by baddad

[mac4]

Hi there

 

Really agree with the other reply, behaviour is often for a reason, it's almost like a valve or cry for help, it always serves a purpose, I try to keep words to a minimum. In the past we have found that the behaviour can be linked to things which are not necessary linked to future events but past events too. Calming him down is vital, when he is throwing a meltdown he's not hearing or seeing you he's on his own emotional ride.

 

TRY PRESSING HIS SHOULDERS DOWN

PILING CUSHIONS ON TOP OF HIM

COVERING HIM WITH A BLANKET

GET HIM TO BOUNCE ON A GYM BALL

POP BUBBLE WRAP/ STAMP ON BUBBLE WRAP

USE A PUNCH BAG OR PILLOW

SCREAM WITH HIM ( YOU'LL BOTH END UP LAUGHING!)

RIP PAPER

COVER HIS HEAD WITH HAT TO BLOCK OUT SENSORY THINGS

CHEW ON CLOTH, WINE GUMS.

 

ALWAYS USE THE SAME PHASES E.G YOUR RED BEAST IS TOO BIG WE NEED TO CALM HIM DOWN.

 

This type of language is also non blaming!! I really think this is really important.

 

 

My advice would be when you have the time spend it talking about how your body feels when you are mad, how you feel at the beginning, middle and end of anger. Tell him it's ok to be mad but there are things even when mad which he can't do also it's not good to store it up, his bag of worries or anger will only get bigger. Talk about having a word or sign to let you know he is beginning to feel out of control, this takes time to achieve remember. It is really important everyday to set aside some time to discuss the day, ask, how did that feel, use visual imagery, tell him how you would feel if this happened to you. Remember AS is a communication disorder often drawing the emotion is easier than verbalising it.

 

My daughter has threatened sister with a knife, she has hit our dog with fire shovel, kicked holes in bedroom wall and pulled locks off doors!! So we have lots of experience with rage. REALLY RECOMMEND a book called The Big Red Beast by Jessica Kingsley, read this to your son, set up a calming down corner, praise him for using it and don't reprimand him for not. Just keep plugging away. My daughter now uses a keyring with visual emotions on it and can ask for space before the rage, took 6 years and she can't do this all the time but compared to before this is a MASSIVE achievement.

 

Still damages the house but doesn't hit people so often.

 

Good Luck

 

If all else fails use the techniques on yourself!!!

 

WE have all sat and cried, thinking what am I going to do, but you will keep going, you will be ok!!

 

Promise.

[bikemad]

My lad cant seem to cope with Fridays either for some reason....we think it is cos the routine of going to school is broken if that makes sense.....each day is up for school and that evening bed for school next day but Fri means no school n a break to the norm n he finds it really hard.

[Dawn22]

Hi,i have the same kinds of behaviour from my son sometimes.Very stressful,since diagnosis we haven't had an episode..not saying it is a magic cure to get a diagnosis,but since the word asperger crept in to our life,my partner and i have been a lot more aware of the why's and what fors of his condition.Am sure we will have meltdowns from him again,but i shall certainly use some of the advice on here,as prior meltdowns have just been 'ridden out' as it were.I shall also look out for that book,is it suitable for a 9 yr old..does anyone know any football related asperger books?

 

Thanks,Dawn.

[Tally]

As well as trying to identify the triggers for the Friday night meltdowns, maybe it could help if he had the opportunity to expend some energy earlier in the evening. It sounds like he becomes extremely active and aggressive, so it might help him get it out of his system in a more productive way before it gets out of control.

[Kazzen161]

I would also recommend "The Red Beast" book. I have used it with 5 - 9 year olds.

 

We have made a list of things that wake the Beast up and of things we can do to make him go back to sleep. This opens up a discussion on what can we do about the triggers? What woudl be a better way to react? What are the signs that our Beast is waking up? The aim is to get the child to recognise when he needs to go and do something calming, but to start with the parent/TA needs to prompt them to go and choose something from their list/box.

 

I would recommend "Aspergers Syndrome and Difficult Moments: practical solutions for tantrums, rage and meltdowns" by B Smith Myles and J Southwick (also from jkp) for parents. It explains the rage cycle and how to break it.

[Kazzen161]

If it is every Friday night - why not make a Friday night routine?

 

eg: come in, take off school clothes, put on comfy clothes, have a snack, read a book/listen to music/make a lego model/watch a DVD - what ever they find relaxing.